Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.
Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth.
This verse has been one of the most constant and continuous breath prayers of the past decade of my life. A breath prayer is a little short prayer that's packed full of meaning. It's the kind of prayer that can be prayed anywhere, at any time of day, and in any given moment.
"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth." Sometimes it's something that I pray silently and internally; sometimes I pray it out loud. Sometimes I'll repeat it over and over again because the truth is, if it's gotten to the point where I am praying, "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips," it means I'm about to say something, Lord, that you and I both know is not going to be holy.
"Hold my tongue, Lord, and hold me back. Hold me back."
"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth."
You see, I'm painfully aware that I have a mouth problem. Actually, I have both a mouth problem and a face problem. Some of y'all know that the face problem can be worse than the mouth problem itself. The face problem might be a bigger problem for me because if I'm having a conversation, if I'm in a meeting of any kind, and somebody says something that seems even the slightest bit off or ridiculous to me, my face will tell you before my words ever even reach my lips.
My husband tells me that my face is a teleprompter and that he can read what I'm thinking just by the look on my face. Praying, "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth," is one thing, but praying, "Fix my face, Jesus," that's a breath prayer I need to add to the rotation. Because how many of you know 80 to 90 percent of all communication is non-verbal, right? Body language, eye contact, tone of voice—say Amen, parents of teenagers! Amen, amen! And facial expressions—Lord knows I'm in trouble.
"Fix my face," I pray.
Psalm 141 is my preparation for any kind of conversation that I know is going to be a challenging one, a crucial conversation—one where opinions vary, the stakes are high, and emotions run strong. Sometimes I'm given the luxury of knowing in advance that the interaction is going to require intentionality and restraint, and I pray in preparation for that conversation in order to lay the groundwork and ready my heart.
Sometimes a conversation turns crucial suddenly and without warning, and that's where this breath prayer can really come in clutch: "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth."
I promise it happened this morning. "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips." In other words, I'm saying, "I'm in it now, Jesus. Be my protection. Guard my heart, guard my mind, and be my filter. Help me to be mindful of my words. Help me to carefully filter what I say through your love and through your grace. Give me your words, give me your patience, give me your wisdom. I can't do this without you. Guard my mouth."
"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth." I pray it all the time because Jesus told us in Matthew 12:36 that we will have to give an account on Judgment Day for every idle word we speak, and that's a scary thought.
The idea of being held accountable for every idle word we've ever spoken—the Greek word that gives us that word "idle" is the word "argos." It means careless, thoughtless, or even injurious or harmful. These are damaging words, and I've spoken plenty of careless, thoughtless words over my lifetime.
In fact, and I share this with her permission, my daughter keeps a written record of only the best of the best ridiculous things that I have ever said. It is true; she actually has a folder designated for each member of our family, like a permanent record of sorts, where she writes down whatever we have said that she finds particularly entertaining.
I asked her to share that folder with me last week, and here's what she said: "I will, Mom, but it's going to take a really long time because you have so many quotes."
Quotes like, "I wonder what the difference is between wine and a pickle." I have no idea what prompted that question, but clearly, I was lost in thought about the fermentation process. She found that memorable.
And I told you she only records the best of the best silly things that I say, things like, "Listen, I don't want a lamp to scream at me when I walk into my office." Now, I do know the lamp I was talking about. I know exactly why I said that, and I stand by it. I don't want any lamp screaming at me when I walk into my office.
And one of my personal favorites: "No ecosystem talk at the Christmas table." That one wasn't me. I told you she has a file on everyone in our family; you can guess who that one was.
The point is, I say ridiculous things all the time, all the time, and my girl remembers them. My words have had an impact on her one way or another, for better or often for worse. And if she remembers my silly, thoughtless words, how much more does she remember my cutting, hurtful, careless words?
I shudder to think about the lasting impact that my idle words have had on the ones I love the most. Harvard professor and linguist Dwight Bollinger said, "Language is like a loaded gun. It can be fired intentionally, but it can wound or kill just as surely when fired accidentally."
I shudder to think about the lasting impact that my careless, hurtful, and foolish words may have had on anyone, even on accident. Intentionally or unintentionally, our words have a powerful impact on the world around us. With our words, we can impart life or we can spread death. Proverbs tells us that death and life are in the power of the tongue, and that's why we're calling this series "Speak Life."
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and we have a high calling, a responsibility to spread life and abundance to the world around us, to bring God's kingdom to bear on this Earth, to bless and not curse, to speak life.
So turn with me in your Bibles to the Book of James, chapter 3. That's page 1020 if you're using the house Bible this morning.
And as is our custom, while you're flipping through the pages, while you're getting your Bibles out, while you're thumbing over to the Grace Church app, this is my opportunity to thank you for being here and to personally welcome you. So thank you to those of you who made it to church this morning. It is good to see all of you.
And thank you, of course, to those of you who are watching online. I know who a few of you are. Good morning and welcome. Thanks for being here. Or maybe you're watching later this week, and it's the evening. Good evening, thanks for being here.
This morning, we're talking about good old-fashioned dialogue—something that's become sort of a dying art form in our digital age. All month long, we're exploring the Book of James and the Book of Proverbs to help us find wisdom in how to use our words skillfully as we navigate crucial conversations and spread life to the world around us.
But before we go any further, it's time to pray. I'm going to pray for us: "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth and keep watch over the door of my lips. Give us ears to hear what your Spirit will say to us through your scripture this morning. I pray, Lord, that you would do what only you can do by the power of your Holy Spirit, that we wouldn't leave this place the same way as when we came into this place, Lord, but that you would put something in our heart that would challenge us, convict us, remind us of who we are in you and our responsibility to emulate you and to speak life to those around us. Have your way in the rest of the service, I pray in your name. Amen."
"Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." That's actually a quote that was quoted in this book. This is our book club book, "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes Are High." As Amy mentioned last week, we have a book club that we're doing all month long. We actually sold out of books in the bookstore last week, but at least as of this morning, I think there were 20 more copies. So go ahead, pick up a copy at the—I keep saying bookstore, but I think it's the café. You know what I mean. Or you could go on Amazon; it's about twelve dollars.
But at the end of the month, on August 30th at seven o'clock, we'll be hosting a book discussion in the café, and I can't wait to hear what you guys think of this book. I thought that it was super helpful. It gives practical step-by-step advice on how to successfully navigate tense, difficult conversations, and we all face them.
You can see that I've got my copy all marked up. I read it in about two days; it was so good because I kept having these little epiphanies—moments where I realized why certain crucial conversations that I've had recently went well. I had one recently that lasted a couple of hours, and it ended in tears and hugs and mutual love and respect. The book shed light on what it was that I did in that particular meeting that helped us both to achieve a peaceful and desirable outcome.
As I was reading the book, I was suddenly understanding, "Huh, that's what I did. I did that." And that went a long way in allowing this conversation to end really well. I'm proud—I'm so proud when I get this right. That one I got right.
But the book also pointed out where I've gone horribly wrong in other conversations recently—conversations that ended disastrously. I see myself in some of the scenarios that the book describes. That's exactly what happened. I lost my composure and I lost my cool. I spoke out of unbridled emotion, and everything went downhill from there.
Unbridled emotion sounds a lot like an unbridled tongue, right? That's what Amy was talking to us about last week at the beginning of James chapter 3, when James is comparing the tongue—a very small thing—with great power to say the rudder on a ship or a bit in a horse's bridle.
And unbridled tongue—speaking with unbridled emotion. I kept having these moments where I would read something in the book that would hearken back to a biblical truth, and suddenly I was going back and forth between the book club book and the Bible, and the book club book and the Bible.
I love it when biblical truth shows up in secular literature. This is not a book about religion; it primarily deals with business communications. And yet I found that there was so much crossover between what I was reading here and what we see laid out for us in the scriptures.
I'll give you an example. The book describes something called the Fool's Choice. That's when we think we have to choose between telling the truth—telling it like it is—and forfeiting a relationship because we just had to tell the truth, or not telling the truth—just ignoring the problem altogether in order to preserve the relationship. We don't want to lose that relationship.
The book suggests that this is a false trade-off. Skilled communicators know that telling the truth and preserving a relationship is not an either/or decision; it's a both/and. Skilled communicators resist the false trade-off and look for ways to do both. They look for ways to be both 100 percent honest and 100 percent respectful at the same time.
That sound familiar? 100 percent honest and 100 percent respectful. 100 percent honest is speaking the truth; 100 percent respectful is speaking the truth in love. Ephesians 4:15 says, "Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church."
Skilled communicators look for ways to be 100 percent honest and 100 percent respectful at the same time. Skilled communicators, like followers of Christ, will seek to speak the truth in love. James was a skilled communicator. He spoke the truth in love, even when that truth was a firm punch-in-the-gut kind of truth.
James issues some hard truth in his letter, but he does so with love always at the forefront. Pay attention to how many times he says, "Dear brothers and sisters." He loves the people he's writing to. Love for God and love for God's people is central to his message.
He didn't write this letter to tear people down; he wrote it with a desire to see God's people live in such a way that would spread life to each other and to the unbelieving world around them. His desire was to see God's people live with integrity, that they would live like Jesus lived—full of wisdom and humility and mercy.
So let's keep that in mind as we read together James chapter 3, starting with verse 8.
"No one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right. Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can't draw fresh water from a salty spring."
What James is talking about here is duplicity, or what most of us would call being two-faced. Two-faced duplicity means contradictory doubleness of thought, speech, or action. Duplicity is behaving in a way that is inconsistent. One minute you're one way; the next minute you're the opposite. One minute you're singing praises to God, but the next minute you're trashing your co-worker or your neighbor, or you're tearing down your family member.
He's saying being two-faced, being duplicitous, isn't right. That's not how we should be. We should be consistently, constantly spreading life like that fresh spring of water. We can't be killing people with our words one moment and then acting all holy with our blessings the next.
A life-giving spring of fresh water doesn't intermittently turn into undrinkable salt water, and fig trees don't produce figs one minute and then olives the next. They are what they are through and through all of the time. They are constant and consistent—consistently life-giving.
And that's exactly the point that James is making. This is how we should be—not just some of the time, but all of the time. This is how we should exist through and through, with integrity and consistency as a natural part of who we are in Christ Jesus.
We shouldn't be blessing someone one minute and cursing someone the next. We should live always as people of integrity.
And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right. It just isn't right.
"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth, and keep watch over the door of my lips."
Now, I want to show you a picture of what this looked like in my mind as I was studying all these things and putting this message together. Normally, I would just throw a picture on the screen, but I wanted to do things differently for you this morning. I wanted you to see it exactly as I saw it in my mind as I was preparing.
And in order to do that, I need to invite two friends to the stage. So would you help me welcome Scott and Lisa Santee to the stage? If you don't already, y'all are going to love them. Scott and Lisa are two of our missionaries here at Grace Church. They've attended Grace for almost 30 years—almost 30 years! Give it up for Scott and Lisa's faithfulness!
It took a lot to do the math this morning. Oh my goodness! They both serve on the leadership team of a ministry called Filter of Hope, and they give clean water and the hope of Jesus to families who are thirsty for both.
Scott and Lisa each lead trips to Cuba throughout the year. Some of you might have gone on a trip to Cuba. Somebody in the room? Anybody in the room? Yeah, I hear a woo! I see some claps! That's right!
So I'm going to let them tell you more about what it is that they do, and hopefully, as they're sharing, it'll all start to come together for us. Okay, take it away!
Well, imagine with me if you had to choose for maybe you or, let's say, your child: do you give them water when they're thirsty that you know is going to make them sick, or do you just let them go thirsty? For 2 billion people in the world, that is their choice.
Do they drink water that's contaminated with feces—poop? It makes them sick every day. Adults around the world are sick; they can't go to work from the bacteria and the parasites that are in their water. A thousand children under the age of five die every single day from diarrhea diseases—that's more than one every minute of every single day.
But it's not just a physical problem; it's not just a problem with clean water. We have a spiritual problem. Four billion people in the world don't know Jesus and are dead spiritually. But it doesn't have to be this way.
At Filter of Hope, we believe that no one should have to drink contaminated water, and everyone deserves an opportunity to know Jesus. So we work alongside the local church in 74 countries to deliver clean water and the gospel to people who are thirsty for both.
So we take this little water filter. It opens the door to their homes. It can take poopy river water and make it cleaner than U.S. drinking water standards. It filters out all the bacteria, all the parasites. It can filter about 250 gallons of water every single day, made to last 10 years.
And, yeah, Scott's drinking it. We're going to make Marin drink it soon. It's not just dirt in here; it's not just dirt!
But as they see how this number one need in their life—their number one physical need—is met, it opens the door to their hearts. We're able to talk to them about how, you know, really for all of us, our hearts are just like this dirty water. All of us have things in our lives that we've done that we regret, that we're ashamed of—things the Bible calls sin—and it makes our hearts dirty.
And I can't clean my own heart any more than I could clean this water myself. I could never pick the dirt out, let alone the germs. So I've got a problem; we've all got a problem. But God knew that, and that's why he sent Jesus.
Just like this filter takes the dirt and the bacteria on itself and makes the water clean, Jesus takes my sin and my shame upon himself, and that's what makes my heart clean.
And I literally say to people all over the world, "Would you want Jesus to be the filter for your heart?" And their hearts are so opened by the water and by the simplicity of the gospel that we see many, many people come to Christ.
And you know, this isn't a choice or a decision like that. I mean, it's a choice we all make every day—not just if you're making a decision to follow Christ for the first time, but if you've been following Jesus for years. We have a choice: do we allow Jesus to be a filter for our lives? Do we want to stay connected to the filter, stay connected to Jesus?
Now, one time I was cleaning the filter, like Scott just did, and I dropped the hose, and poopy water went all over it. Actually, it was at a church—all over the stage! That happens when we disconnect ourselves from Jesus. Poopy water goes everywhere and affects the people around us.
But we can stay connected to the Lord. We can stay connected to Jesus and allow him to filter our hearts, filter our lives, filter our actions. Amen!
Give it up for your missionaries, Scott and Lisa! Y'all are making me thirsty! My husband said to me, "They're just going to put like garden dirt in there." I'm like, "No, that's straight manure!" I believe in what the filter does. I'm going to drink that water.
Our words have a powerful impact on the world around us. With our words, we can impart life or we can spread death. James writes in chapter 3, verse 13:
"If you are wise and understand God's ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you are bitterly jealous and if there is selfish ambition in your heart, don't cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God's kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.
But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It's also peace-loving, gentle at all times, willing to yield to others, full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness."
What can transform a tongue full of deadly poison into a spring of fresh water that gives life to others? What can take us from being jealous individuals full of selfish ambition to peaceful, merciful, gentle, life-giving followers of Christ?
I am glad that Scott and Lisa didn't just throw some random dirt in there. I'm glad that it was manure because manure is the appropriate choice.
Ephesians 4:29 says, "Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."
That word for "foul" in the Greek is "sapros." It means rotten or putrid—just like this putrid water. True followers of Jesus are not to allow foul and abusive, putrid, nasty words to bubble up from within them and pour out of their mouths.
True followers of Jesus are called to be good and helpful and encouraging, according to Ephesians, in everything we say. And I know that that's a tall order. It's a tall order for me, believe me. It's intimidating. It's just as intimidating as Jesus saying in Matthew that we'll give an account for every idle word we've spoken.
If I'm supposed to let every word I say be good and helpful and encouraging, then, Lord, I need help. I need a filter because I told you I have a mouth problem, which is really more of a heart problem. Jesus said that our words flow out from what is already in our hearts.
I need a filter. If James was right when he said that the tongue is full of deadly poison, then folks, we all need a filter.
Turn with me a few pages back to Galatians chapter 5. That's page 974 in the house Bible. Galatians 5. We're going to start at verse 16. This is where I believe we unlock the secret to approaching every crucial conversation that we face.
Galatians 5:16: "So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature desires. What your sinful nature craves—the sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires."
Jesus has given his Holy Spirit to each one of us who call ourselves his followers. He's given us his Holy Spirit, and the Spirit gives us good desires that help us to filter out the bad ones. If our sinful heart is overflowing with deadly poison, then the desires the Spirit gives us filter out that poison.
Galatians 5:22: "But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things."
Imagine if the next time you find yourself faced with a crucial conversation, you were able to filter your words and your reactions through all of the good things that the Holy Spirit has been growing in you, starting with love.
Can I approach a difficult conversation, a difficult interaction with love for the person on the other side, even if that person is really hard to love? Can I do that? Can I see them as a person created in the image of Christ, and can I love them with the love of Christ—with my helper, the Holy Spirit?
I can! On my own, I cannot, but with my helper, the Holy Spirit, I can.
How would it impact the flow of the conversation if you were to approach that conversation coming into it with joy—filtered through joy? I had to think about that one long and hard. I went on a walk to think about that one because I'm not saying that we should be happy when we face tough conversations. Tense situations do not make me happy.
But I don't need to dread them if I'm intentionally tapping into what the Holy Spirit has been developing in me—that fruit of joy. If I'm filtering my words and my attitude through joy, it would sound like this:
James 1:2 says, "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow! Let it grow! For when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect, complete, and needing nothing."
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he'll give it to you.
I've got some troubles in my life, but I'm going to push them through the filter of joy. Time for me to get some exercise for a little endurance training. I'm not going to avoid hard conversations because they make me uncomfortable. Help me, Jesus!
I'm going to recognize them as a chance for me to grow because I want to be developed. So I'll joyfully embrace crucial conversations as an opportunity for my endurance to grow. This is strength conditioning for the spirit. Count it all joy!
What if we filtered everything we say through the virtues that the Holy Spirit has been painstakingly cultivating in each one of us—through kindness and gentleness?
James said the wisdom from above is pure, peace-loving, and gentle at all times. What kind of conversations would we have if we filtered our words and our thoughts through that kind of wisdom?
And if each of us was able to start with our own heart and filter our motivations through patience and peace, would that just change everything?
What if we carried our faith with us into the tough conversations that we face? If we used our faith as a filter, it would sound like this:
"God, I know that you are with me, and you are working in me to give me the ability to do what pleases you. Your word promises me that in Philippians 2:13, that you're working in me, giving me both the desire and the power to do what pleases you. On my own, I don't have the power, but with you, I know that I can do all things—even have this conversation, even hold my tongue, even speak the truth in love.
I can't do it on my own, but with you, I can do all things. I know that you are with me and empowering me right now to do what is right. I'm going to let the Holy Spirit right now guide me, filter my thoughts, filter my attitude, filter my words, my approach, my reactions through your love, your joy, your peace, your patience, your gentleness, your goodness, your kindness—through faith and self-control.
Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth, and keep watch over the door of my lips."
It doesn't matter if we're the ones initiating the crucial conversation or if we're the ones being confronted. The power of the Holy Spirit at work within us, as evidenced by the fruit that he is producing in our lives, gives us the ability to take on any conversation in any situation.
Empowered by the Spirit, we can step into any conversation with a quiet confidence that God is in control of our whole beings—even and especially our tongues. Our words—got to keep that Holy Spirit filter attached, connected at all times.
Speak life.
I'm going to close with prayer, but I'm going to do it a little differently this week because, as I've confessed, I have a mouth problem. Preparing this message has convicted my own heart in so many ways. I found myself at one point earlier this week apologizing to a family member because, as I prepared this message, I realized I'm much more intentional about choosing my words well when I'm outside of my comfort zone—when I'm at work or when I'm out in public.
I can be more mindful of the words that I use, but oftentimes I'll come home, and my filter will come off with my shoes, and I'll leave it at the door. I can become lazy with my words, and when I'm lazy with my words, I can do a lot of damage.
Someone told me this morning, for them, the problem doesn't start when they get home; the problem starts on their commute home from work. That's when the language comes out. Guys, this stuff is real. We all face it.
And so over a decade ago, I took that breath prayer of mine and I just put a melody over it because, for me, putting scripture to music helps me to memorize it—not just like memorize it as a piece of Bible trivia or like, you know, another badge, "I know another scripture."
Putting scripture to music helps me to internalize it. It helps me to bury that truth deep into my heart until it literally becomes part of who I am, and then it's always there for me to draw from.
And so today, I want to close us in prayer by singing the words of Psalm 141 over you. This is just Psalm 141 in the good old New King James, but I'm going to sing it over all of you as my closing prayer to this message.
And as I do, will you just meditate on the words of the scripture as I pray over us?
on Nov 05, 2023
