Man, I'll tell you, it's good to see all of you. I'm Darren Laws. I was here in January. It's great to be back. I love your pastors. They're amazing people.
But the main thing that you need to know is that I am a proud grandparent, and these are my four granddaughters. Huh? Are they cute or what? I'm telling you. Now, what's amazing is their ages, follow me, 5, 4, 3, 1. And I'm praying that my son and daughter-in-law never figure out why this keeps happening, you know?
And here's a picture of my wife with a few of them. There she is. That's Tracy. Isn't she beautiful?
Listen, here's the thing. Have you ever wondered, like, you meet a pastor, then you meet his wife, and the wife is beautiful, and you go, how did that happen? If the pastor is a praying man, he'll have a beautiful wife. I met Pastor Andy's wife, Hannah. He's clearly a praying man, right?
So, yeah. Did I tell you, Tracy and I, next month, 39 years? I don't know why you're clapping. I didn't tell you they were good years. No, they were, and they are. And I've been pastoring for 44 years. I love it. I love Jesus. I love the church. I love being here with you guys. It's really an honor.
We started Brave Church in the San Francisco Bay Area 11 years ago. God miraculously gave us 12 acres on a hill overlooking 680. And then we added another campus. Another big miracle happened, 50 acres on top of a mountain overlooking the whole Tri-Valley area. And we have four private schools. And then God added, last year, Brave San Francisco. We have a campus, all debt-free, all the buildings, all the properties. It's just amazing what God's doing.
And three years ago, my son, Samuel, Samuel Laws, who's been here, succeeded me as the lead pastor. So, now I get to work alongside of him. And so, it's a real honor to get to do that.
Yeah. Amen. You guys keep clapping. I'll keep talking. And then I coach and consult pastors. I have a ministry called Wisdom House, and we have a refuge in Lake Tahoe for pastors. And the last two years, we've trained and ministered to 65 pastors. You know, pastors need a refuge, a place to go to, you know. And so, it's great to do that.
And my point in sharing that is I love your pastors. I love Pastor Jim and Tara. We go way back. I mean, all the way back to Bakersfield. I used to have to go there every summer to speak. And then I had to go to Vegas every summer to speak. You know, it's just hell. You know, those places are so freaking hot and just... It's just miserable.
And clearly, God now loves Pastor Jim and Tara. They're here with you. And they love the Conejo Valley. And they just have such a passion for this region. And how could they not? It's beautiful compared to the desert of where they were. And they love you guys. And it's just amazing the work of the Lord.
I mean, you know, in January, you were a few doors down. I don't know what's going to happen by the end of the year. But it's just amazing. We love them. They're great people. They're a great family.
Yesterday, Josiah... I feel like I'm giving the news or something. Josiah and Bella, Bella, I met her. They got married yesterday. Yeah. So, they had the wedding and none of us were invited.
Yeah. So, a couple of weeks ago, Pastor Jim started this new series on kings and kingdoms and examining the triumphs and the deep defeats of various kings. And Pastor Jim talked about one of the greatest kings of all time, the goat, King David.
And I want to pick up on his lead. I want to talk about King David. I want to talk about a story that's not commonly talked about that really broke King David's heart at the end of his life.
And the title of this message is "How Honor Unlocks Your Potential." How Honor Unlocks Your Potential. This is a season of honor, right? We're honoring all of our graduates. Anybody graduate or know somebody that graduated? Right?
Anybody? Nobody graduated? Is this a slow group or what? You know? But we love to honor people, you know, birthdays, anniversaries. We honor teachers and mentors. We honor memorials. You know, honor is really a big theme that influences every part of our lives.
But for some, though, honor sounds like this kind of outdated idea, like, you know, practiced in the days of kings. However, honor is a little-known secret that can unlock the potential of your life. And we're going to talk about this in a way that you've probably not heard before.
It's been heard up, if you will, and kind of hidden right in plain view. There's a lot of misunderstanding around honor. There's hurt. There's sometimes even fear. Some of you are naturally honoring. You're respectful of others. You were raised by honor. Others have been hurt. And still others are wondering, like, what is it? What is honor really?
And this idea of honoring a parent, ah, that can be painful, depending on your experience, or honoring a boss or someone in authority. And it can bring back, you know, positive feelings and emotions or some very painful ones.
And so I don't know what it's like to be you. You don't know what it's like to be me. But what if we're all the same, just in different ways? What if we all share in common that every single one of us really longs for a life filled with purpose, significance, and meaning?
That we share that all in common, and that there are many ways that you can maximize your life. But one of the keys to unlocking the most important things in your life, believe it or not, is honor. Honor is actually a secret key to breakthrough in different areas of your life.
So the definition of honor is this: Honor is to value, to perceive the worth of someone, and to respect their person and position. I love Old Testament stories. And years ago in ancient Israel, there was a young boy named David. He stood and fought against a giant named Goliath.
The young boy had faith when all the other adults in the land lacked courage. He had faith. He trusted in God when no one else would. King Saul, the scripture says, stood head and shoulders above everybody in the land. He was a tall guy. But he was anointed by God to be their king.
But when it came time, as the anointed one of God, to lead and to defeat Goliath, he was cowardly. He wasn't the leader that he needed to be, and he failed in his position. David was a shepherd boy that's taken out of the pasture, and he's brought into the palace to serve under King Saul.
And it was this tumultuous relationship because of Saul's insecurities. You ever met an insecure leader, worked with one, been under one, were parented by one? Saul had all these insecurities, and he had a lack of faith, and he had bouts of depression.
And so David was a warrior and a leader of men. But first and foremost, he was a worshiper. And so King Saul would bring David into his chamber and have him play and lead worship for him to try to quiet the inner demons within King Saul.
But it oftentimes ended in the inner demons getting the upper hand, and King Saul would try to kill David 17 times. So this is one of the most dysfunctional relationships in Bible history. The king loved David, and the king hated David.
And instead of being David's mentor and father figure, he was abusive, and he threatened David. But David honored his king. He honored the position. He didn't agree, obviously, with all that he was doing, of course not, but he honored the position.
He saw that this is the king that God had chosen over Israel, and so he honored and respected the position. One day when David was 15 years of age, the prophet Samuel came to their home, and he actually anointed David, and he anointed David to become king.
Imagine how exciting that day was for his family, how exciting it was for him. And then imagine you're anointed to be king, but this other guy is the king. You know you're supposed to be the king. You know that one day you will become the king, but you're not the king.
And he had to wait for 22 years before he became king. For 22 years, he was tested. He served under an ungodly authority, an insecure leader, a manic leader that would regularly lash out at him. Maybe you've had a crazy parent, right? Crazy boss, crazy spouse.
Oh, very good. Nobody moved. Okay, that's going to get me. David passed every temptation to undermine and to minimize King Saul's power. He was tested. He served under an ungodly authority. King Saul was a bad king. He was a bad father figure.
However, David always honored Saul's position. Well, several years later, one night after David had become king, he made a huge mistake. And we all know the mistake. The mighty warrior, the man of faith, he fell. He committed adultery with Bathsheba.
And then he orchestrates the killing of her husband, Uriah, in battle. And David was broken after this, repented. In fact, we have his psalm of repentance. Psalm 51 is after this had occurred. And it goes like this: "...have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love, according to your great compassion, blot out my transgressions, wash away all of my iniquity, cleanse me from my sin, create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
It was a huge mistake. And God responded to David with mercy and with grace, as God does. And we get a glimpse of how God felt about David in Acts 13. God says this, God says, "...I have found David, a son of Jesse, a man after my own heart. He will do everything I want him to do."
He was an obedient man. And then it goes on and it says, "...now when David had served God's purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep." David served the purposes of God. He was an obedient man. And then it goes on and it says, "...in his own generation, David was an honoring man."
David's exploits were so many. He was loved. He was respected by the, they called them the mighty men, the elite warriors, his bodyguard. But tragically, when David sinned, when he committed adultery, there was a young boy standing nearby who witnessed the effects firsthand of this mistake.
His son's name was Absalom. He was seven years old. At the time, he was old enough to understand what had happened, to hear the mockery from the other children of his father's actions. We all know what it is to have a parent sometimes do things that are just embarrassing to us, that affect us in very profound ways.
And he grew up under the shadow of his dad's failure. And instead of offering grace and forgiveness and honor to his dad, Absalom came to him and said, "...I have found David, a son of Jesse, a man after my own heart."
He chose to allow resentment and bitterness to grow unchecked in his heart. "I'm going to become king one day. I'll be just like my dad. My dad waited 22 years. I'm going to become king one day."
And I believe that the root cause of Absalom's betrayal is that he dishonored his father's position in life. And I believe that this was the root cause, the pain of what he saw, what he experienced.
And so what did he do? He tried to minimize his father's leadership at the city gates. He tried to have his father killed so he could take over his throne. Pride had overcome Absalom. He literally thought in his mind he was better than his dad because of his dad's mistakes.
He ignored all the good things that his dad had done. This is tragic on so many levels, but what I want you to see is his lack of honor towards his father led to his own life purpose not being realized.
I want you to understand the direct connection in your life with God. In your own life, wherever you fail or are unwilling to give honor or forgiveness or grace or mercy, it locks up something. David honored the position that King Saul had, even though Saul was undeserving, while Absalom chose to dishonor his dad's position in his life.
Dishonor disables. Honor enables. Dishonor disables. Honor enables.
So I want to share with you three things that I want you to do. One is to honor your father. Three ways that giving honor benefits your life.
Number one is this: Honor can unlock or lock down your potential. It can release thousands of blessings into your life, or it can become an invisible lid that you're not dealing with that's hindering everything about your future. This is really big stuff.
God resists the proud. He gives grace to the humble. Absalom, "I can't believe my dad did that. I would never do that." And then what does Absalom become at the end of his life? One might say far worse.
To understand how honor unlocks your potential in life, we have to understand God's authority structure. In your notes, your Atmosphere Church app, I list all of this for you with the verses and scriptures, but I'm just going to highlight this. This is really important.
God, first of all, delegates all authority to the Lord Jesus Christ, according to scripture. And then God delegates authority into four primary areas of our life. And here's the areas: Family, our home. God delegates authority to the home, to parents. God delegates occupational authority to our employer, according to scripture. God delegates authority to civil, our government, and spiritual, our church leadership.
Those four areas are key areas. They're positions of authority. They're positions of authority. They're positions of influence. And they're given by God to bring order. They're given by God to actually bless us that we could benefit, that we would be protected.
And we all know what it's like, whether it's a parent or a boss or government or even church life, where there's an abuse of power and misuse of that authority. But that's not God's heart. That was not his intention.
Has anybody heard of the spirit of the Antichrist? It's not talked a lot about, but the spirit of the Antichrist is a spirit in the land right now, working right now, that's against Christ. Against Christ, who has been given all authority, who delegates authority into these four areas.
And so, the Antichrist spirit is against any godly established authority. So, what does the Antichrist spirit go after? The family, the family order, God's intention, and the spirit of the Antichrist.
And so, the spirit of the Antichrist is alive, working in our culture and in our society to undermine parents, disrespect, and dishonor employers, government, and church leadership.
So, wherever honor is lacking, you'll always find chaos. Chaos in the home. You can see it. Kids and the parents and the way they're... it's just chaos. It's like a reality TV show gone bad, right? You see chaos.
Wherever there's dishonor at work, you have a bad work environment, a bad culture. Dishonor in our government, we see that every day. Dishonor in churches, dishonor in our nation.
Dishonor disables, honor enables. Do you see dishonor is disabling families, disabling their government, disabling places of work, churches, and nations? Do you see it? It's so there. Did you ever think about it? It's dishonor.
It's just dishonor. And if you're not careful, you play into the dishonoring. You feed the dishonoring if you're not aware of the spirit. It's more than you're just angry. It's a spirit in our land.
Now, I shared with you the story of King David and his son because David uniquely represents all four areas of authority in one person. David was a king. He was the boss. He ran the kingdom business. David led the government. He oversaw all the laws of the kingdom as a king.
David was the spiritual leader of God's kingdom. David was a parent. He was a father. And God says, if you honor me, if you honor your parents, you honor your boss, you honor justice, you will find favor in life.
Now, it's surprising to me how many people do not get it that the one that you honor or dishonor is oftentimes the one that can open or close doors for you.
In fact, God says in Revelation, he says honoring those in authority will lead to opening doors for you. In Revelation 3, it says, this is what the one who is holy and true, who holds the key of David says. When he opens a door, no one can close it. When God opens a door for you, nobody can close it.
And when he closes it, no one can open it. God is the highest authority in the universe and in our lives. Absalom's unwillingness to give honor closed the door on his own potential.
So you think you're getting even by holding grudges and revenge and all those different feelings and attitudes about whoever you have it about. But what it does is it locks down your own potential.
Every person that you honor in life has their own power. They have capacity, resources, wisdom, and relationships that can either unlock doors for you or close doors for you.
But before we get into that, I want to say one thing. I want to say one thing. I want to say one thing. Before we think like the world, the world, oh, all I need to do is just falsely flatter my boss and that'll get me places or falsely flatter the pastor or somebody in leadership or whatever.
And that'll somehow gain me favor if I just falsely flatter people. Remember, Jesus taught us a completely different way. Jesus taught us to serve others regardless of their position or station in life, to love others, to serve those who cannot do anything for you.
In fact, you're never closer to Jesus than when you do something for someone that cannot repay you and cannot do for themselves what you do for them. You'll never be closer to Jesus than that moment.
That's what Jesus did when he washed the feet of the disciples. They could never repay him for what he was about to do, teaching us that every person that we come in contact with is worthy of honor and respect regardless of their position or station in life.
In fact, if you're a leader, how you lead others will directly impact your own potential. For your potential to be unlocked, it's important whether you're the leader or the one serving under a leader, your character development, your humility with those that you serve is so important to your future.
Favor comes to those that are honoring. When children are born, parents have all the authority, right? Parents have more ability. Parents have the power. They have the physical strength. They have the experience.
When you go to school, your teachers have more ability. Your teachers have more knowledge than you. That's why they're the teacher. When you get your first job, your boss, the team leader, they know more than you. That's the way it is in life.
And so we learn humility in each phase. Our growth and development of learning patience, not taking things into our own hands within those 22 years, like David didn't. Allowing character to be formed in the way that we're reacting to those that are in authority, the way we're honoring or dishonoring others.
One day I was walking out of the gym and I bumped into a friend of mine and he coaches this traveling basketball team. And he says, "Hey man, are you staying in your lane?" I thought, what's that supposed to mean? I can outlift you, little punk.
And then it occurred to me, what a great question. There's actually a lot of wisdom in that question. Like, are you going to be a leader? Are you going to be a leader? Are you staying in your lane? Are you staying in your lane?
It requires a lot of humility, actually. You know, if you don't stay in your lane at the gym, you could get yourself hurt and it creates a setback. You overdo it. If you try to overextend at work to get more favor, you could start to underperform.
Staying in your lane requires humility. It's humility in action. It's honoring God's call. It's allowing Him to unlock your power. It's allowing Him to unlock your potential, rather than you force it.
You're coming into alignment and agreement with God. You're believing in faith that God is the one who promotes, that promotion comes from God. So we have to learn to stay in our lane at every stage of our life.
And the scriptures teach us that promotion comes from the Lord. So how I serve under a Saul or how I serve under a David or whoever I'm serving under, I recognize that I'm serving that position, but it's God that's going to do it.
It's God that's going to give me my favor. It's going to come from the Lord. But my test is my heart, staying in my own lane, staying humble, slow to judge others. The lane you're in right now, it's for a reason. God has you there for a reason. It's His purpose.
Point number two, what you fail to honor, you eventually lose. What you fail to honor, you eventually lose. What did Absalom lose? What did David lose, though God gave him mercy and grace?
By Absalom failing to honor his father's kingdom, well, he not only lost his future position and inheritance, he lost everything. He lost his life. Whenever you fail to honor, you lose benefit from even those closest to you in your own family.
But we can lose other things that are important as well. Your teammates, your people at work that are around you. You know what? A lot of times we go to work and we're waiting for someone else to notice us or honor us or affirm us for our hard work.
But those that are around you, you have this great capacity. You see, you know God. You're a child of God. You're a child of God. As a child of God, when I go to work, I can affirm others. I don't have to wait to be affirmed. I can honor others.
And when you do it, it gives oxygen to their life. You know how it is. Somebody honors you. Somebody gives you a word of encouragement. Somebody notices something. You can just feel it. You can feel it and you can't help. You just start to breathe better. It's oxygen.
You can do that for others. Death and life are in the power of the tongue and you can give oxygen at work. You can change the mood, the atmosphere. And so God encourages us to intentionally honor one another.
They're called the one another's of scripture. There's a whole bunch of them. About 17 of them. Love one another. Be devoted to one another. Honor one another above yourselves. Build up one another. Accept one another. Care for one another. Serve one another. Bear one another's burdens. Forgive one another. Be patient with one another.
Whatever relationship we fail to honor, we eventually lose. Friendships drift apart. We fail to honor time. Invest in that relationship. Relationships are lost. Marriage is lost. Marriage is lost. Marriage is lost. Marriage grow cold.
Much of who you'll become in life is determined by those that are closest to you and how you relate to those closest to you. One of my favorite actors is Robert Downey Jr. I just love that guy. And his life story is so complex. I mean, just, you know, the Hollywood, a bad boy on the brink, a saga of addiction and redemption and the story of a true superhero.
I mean, it's got it all. In 1999, Downey was dressed in orange jail clothes and shower sandals and he's pleading in front of a California judge, "Please don't send me to prison. Please just send me back to drug rehab."
It was a spectacular fall of this Oscar nominee, but everyone saw it coming because he had already bluffed through six different drug rehabs that he had failed and he had breached probation three times. So he's sentenced to three years in prison and released early.
What's remarkable is there were so many different pivotal moments in his life. The incredible life of Robert Downey Jr. I hope to get to hang out with him while I'm down here. I'm just playing. I'm just teasing. I don't think that's going to happen.
A.K.A. Tony Stark, A.K.A. Iron Man, A.K.A. prison number P-50522. What are we going to do? What a remarkable ascent. Robert was five years old when he starred in his first film. He was six years old when he was sipping white wine and smoking marijuana with his father.
At age eight, he was a drug addict. It was the only time in his childhood that he could remember the expression of love from his dad because he said about his dad, he said, "Well, my dad and I would do drugs together." It was like his way of expressing his love and the only way he could do it.
The way he knew how. In 2003, his fiancée said, gave him an ultimatum. "I'm not going to marry you until you get sober." Marvel had all these A-lister actors that they could have found for Iron Man. They even considered Tom Cruise at one point for Iron Man.
But they chose Robert Downey Jr. It was a huge risk because on the set of that first movie, while they're making that movie every single day, they tested him for drugs and alcohol. Huge risk.
But you know what? He made a decision. He made a decision of multiple layers of honor. He honored his fiancée to pursue marriage and he became sober. He honored his gift of teaching and or his gift of acting and he realized his potential that we're still seeing unfold.
One of the most famous actors of all time. But he also honored his body. He gained 25 pounds of muscle. His workouts, his commitment. His commitment to health are well documented. He honored the potential of his life and became Iron Man.
His story could be so different right now. So different. But he made decisions of honor all along the way. You unlock your potential by honoring all that God has given you. And that starts with loving yourself.
It all comes right back to here. Am I going to love myself? Holding on to unforgiveness and forgiveness. Resentment and bitterness. You're not loving yourself. Doing that to yourself. Revenge is mine, says God. Give it back to God. That's not your thing.
Loving yourself begins with honoring your body. Healthy nutrition and exercise. Whatever you fail to honor, you eventually lose. The scripture says that it's appointed unto man once to die. Meaning we all have an appointment with death.
I don't know when your appointment with death is. I don't know when my appointment with death is. But I do not want to show you that. I don't want to show you that. I don't want to show up early for it. Right? So I have to do my part in honoring my body.
The scriptures teach us to honor the Sabbath day. Why is that? It's to love yourself. To set aside one full day a week of rest. It's a timeless principle of Christianity. It speaks to not only a day of rest, but that we're to live a daily day of rest in Christ Jesus.
We're to live a rested life. We're to learn how to build a rhythm of rest into your life. We're to live a day of rest in Christ Jesus. We're to live a week. Why? It unlocks your potential. Sometimes getting some sleep is the most spiritual thing that you can do.
When you're lying on the couch and you're trying to take an afternoon nap and somebody says, "Hey, can you get up and help around the house?" Just say, "No, I'm being spiritual."
When you're lying out by the pool and resting, you know, and somebody says, "Hey, can you do this for me?" Say, "No, I'm being spiritual." You know, when you're lying down, somebody says, "Hey, can you go to the store?" No, I'm being spiritual.
And you may get in trouble for that. But we honor the Sabbath day by resting our souls. And what happens when you honor your body and you rest? Your creativity goes way up. Your mental health gets better. You're hitting the reset button. You rest and you reset. You reboot, you upgrade, and there's an overall better sense of well-being.
God designed us that way. But when you fail to honor your body and your soul and your emotions, you eventually lose. Honor the relationships in your life.
Number three, honor your parents and receive a promise. Ephesians 6 says, "Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise." Of the 10 commandments, it's the first one, the fourth one that includes a promise.
And here's the promise: So that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on the earth. A huge part of unlocking your potential in life is found in one of the most sensitive relationships in your life, the honoring of your parents.
And God says, you know what? This is such a big deal for you that I'm going to promise you two things. If you honor your parents, things will go well with you. You'll have my favor and you'll enjoy a longer life.
Now, doesn't that make you want to just find your mom or dad and give them a big hug? Huh? Doesn't it? Okay. Yeah. Longer life can mean a lot of things. I know a lot of very honorable people that passed too soon, right?
Shorter number of years, but they packed many lifetimes of goodness in their life. When it comes to honoring your father and your mother, let me be quick to say this. There are many parents that are not worthy of honor. They were abusive. They were manipulative. They were harsh. They were neglectful.
And God's not saying we're to ignore our pain and, you know, pretend that everything is great. God, honor the position of parenthood. They brought you into the world. Honor in whatever way that you can that creates healthy boundaries between you and them.
Love and respect, healthy boundaries. And so how we honor and accept one another depends on the stage of our life. Accepting your parents does not mean agreeing with everything that they do.
Here's what I believe biblically acceptance is. Acceptance is this: Acceptance means releasing them from the need to perform or qualify for your love and respect. It's giving them the same acceptance that you actually long for. Who doesn't want that?
To be released from the need to perform or qualify just for love and respect. To just to have value because you exist. No one wants to be stuck in this never-ending cycle of trying to prove yourself either as a parent or as a child.
None of us want to be stuck in some kind of penalty. There's a penalty box where either the parent or the child just keeps bringing up all the past failures. And the only way out of the penalty box for any one of us is to forgive and to heal so that you can enjoy the next season of your life.
Because a failure to heal or forgive means you just keep carrying it on. It's like a backpack full of bricks. You're still able to function in life, but it's not your maximum potential. It's heavy. It's a burden that you carry.
One of the marks of maturity out of childhood and young adulthood, one of the marks of maturity is we forgive them for what they did not do. We forgive them for what they did wrong, and we choose to focus in on what they did right.
Think about what happens to your parents as they age. Nobody talks about this. Your parents, when they age, at a certain point, they're basically told that their skills and wisdom are no longer needed at work.
That their skills, and wisdom, and whatever gifts, and talents they have, you're a little old now. And you're kind of pushed aside, gently or abruptly, in some way. Their friends, the ones that knew them when they were in their 20s, and they had these great exploits together, and the friends that would affirm them, and you were so good at this, and you were so good at this, now those friends begin to pass away.
And because they are older, they're made fun of. Racism is, and ageism is real. And so the younger generation makes fun of the older generation. Wow, did you catch that? He thought this, or he missed that, or he didn't hear this, or she didn't hear that, or they spaced out over here.
I got news for you, younger adults. You do that all the time. We just don't point it out because we're older and more mature. Why would we, right?
Also, your parents, as they age, their friendship circle starts to shrink. It becomes more lonely. Their grown children have families of their own, and they're busy.
And as parents age, what they need, they need to feel like that they've made some kind of positive contribution in your life. They need your affirmation, not your abandonment.
At some point, no matter what age you are, if you're in your 50s or 60s, at what point do you let it go? I mean, at what age are you planning on letting it go?
Think about it. When you were a child, hopefully, and a lot of you weren't raised in this environment, and that's why there's so much pain. But as a child, ideally, I think we all agree that a child should receive lots of praise and affirmation from their parents.
That's ideal. That you got lots of encouragement from a favorite auntie or uncle, or you were affirmed by your teachers, and you remember that first teacher that really affirmed you, or a coach that affirmed you, or maybe an employer that really noticed you and promoted you, and you felt affirmed.
I think we all agree that a child should receive lots of affirmation. Well, as you age, your circle of affirmation grows smaller and smaller.
And just as words of affirmation are important in the development of a child, a baby who's growing, whose life is unstable and insecure, and you affirm them, and it brings stability to them, as people age, they begin to feel more and more unstable.
It's a fact of life, physically, emotionally, all kinds of things that begin to happen in the aging process. And what do they need? They need words of affirmation because every single thing in their life is slowly evaporating, no matter who they are.
No matter how hard they work at longevity, they can do all the right things. Two things are certain, death and taxes, especially in California.
Share the details of your life with your parents, no matter what age. They love to hear about it. The Scripture says in 1 Timothy chapter 5, verse 4, says they should put their religion into practice.
They should put their religion into practice by caring for their own family, and so repaying their parents and grandparents for this is pleasing to God.
It's interesting to me that while Jesus Christ is dying on the cross, being literally tortured to death, taking on all the sins of the world, in the middle of all of that, the seven last things that he says, he looks down to John, the beloved disciple, and says, "Take care of my mother."
Jesus was a mama's boy. Take care of my mother. In the middle of being tortured to death, take care of my mother.
For some, I know this whole idea of honoring parents is painful. And for some of you, you hurt deeply. And I want you to know that the Bible is really clear on this. There is a severe judgment awaiting anyone who hurts or misjudges a child.
It'd be better than a millstone is tied around your neck and you're dumped into the lake. Mafia death style. That's pretty intense. They don't get away with it. Nobody gets away with mistreating a child.
God's not asking you to deny your pain. God's not asking you to repress it. He's not asking you to start making dysfunctional excuses for your parents' alcoholism, their anger, their abuse, their affairs, or their abandonment.
God does not want you to fake it. He wants you to face it so that you can heal. And you heal through forgiveness. That's the path. It's the only way to get past the pain is forgiveness.
And forgiveness requires humility. And the truth of it is, a lot of us are carrying around unfinished business. And it's affecting our potential in life.
You can't carry around that kind of emotional pain and it not affect your body, your soul, your mental health, and so on. And you may be wondering, oh, come on. How can I deal with this? Just the thought of it can bring tears to your eyes.
It takes a really courageous decision to make peace with parents while they're living. First of all, you have to be courageous enough to do what they haven't done that you wish they would do.
And for some of you, it may be that you need to sit down with mom and dad or just mom or just dad and that conversation goes something like, "I want to be free to honor the good in your life. And I can't until we talk about the pain that I still feel. I just really want to get this behind us. I want to get this behind me. And I want to honor you and forge a new relationship with you."
You want to find that one thing that you can go, "Thank you." And that one thing may be only that they're your parent. I don't know. Maybe there's three things.
You know what? The chances are that your parent would like to have this kind of conversation too. And maybe they don't know how to have it or how it would go.
If you can't talk to your parents, if they've already passed away or they won't listen, or there's some kind of chemical dependency going on or mental health issue, I just want to encourage you in a few moments, our prayer team will be available.
And I want you to create a moment in your life where you release this once and for all. Love yourself enough not to just walk out of here. Love yourself in this moment and say, "Man, I want to end this. I want to release this."
Talk to a Christian friend. Talk to a counselor. Seek out the kind of relief and closure that you need. If you grew up without a parent, you were abandoned or orphaned, guess what? You actually get special attention from God.
The Bible says that God says, "I am a father to the fatherless." And maybe you haven't always seen that, but you're here right now, and he's telling you right now, "I am a father to the fatherless."
And when you get that revelation that he's your father, your relationship and prayer life changes. You begin to relate to him. You let down your guard, and you begin to relate to him as a loving, perfect, heavenly father that loves you, that'll never leave you or forsake you.
You know, honor is the most important thing. Honor is the most important thing. Honor is the most important thing. It's the key to unlocking the potential in your life.
And if you think about it, honor is about all your relationships. Now, I've been thinking about this. My dad passed away last year, and maybe you've had somebody recently pass away.
And my dad had many great qualities, and one of which was his love for my mother. And my mother was his caregiver, not for one month of their marriage, not through one surgery, but through 21 surgeries.
She was his caregiver, not for one decade, or two decades, or three decades, or four decades, for 58 years. 58 years. My mother, for better, for worse, was a caregiver. They were married for a total of 66 years.
On their 50th wedding anniversary, my dad wanted to give a very special gift to my mom. And so he was thinking about how to honor her. And I love that, that even after 50 years, he's thinking about it.
And I love that, that even after 50 years, he's thinking about it. He's thinking about how to honor his spouse. Well, dad had been eyeing this ring in the jewelry store, and he wanted to buy it for mom and surprise her.
But my dad was retired on disability. He was on a fixed income. And their monthly budget would not allow for such a grand gesture. And so dad decided to get a job.
And so he applied for the community education department. And he was accepted to teach a class back then on Adobe Photoshop. And he was accepted to teach a class back then on Adobe Photoshop.
He didn't even know how to do Adobe Photoshop. So he had to teach himself and learn how to do that. And he put a lot of time into preparing for his class, creating handouts for the students.
But it wasn't an easy task because my dad had severe rheumatoid arthritis that had crippled his entire body. Every single joint had been surgically replaced. His fingers were severely deformed and went completely sideways.
You've seen them were completely gnarled. Swollen. He couldn't type. He would have to like try to get a point at which his hand could hit the key. His hips, everything had been devastated in his body. He could barely walk.
And so it was a big deal just to get out of bed every morning, let alone get out of the house, let alone decide I'm going to go teach a class. And dad could have said this is too much. And we would all agree. You don't have to do that.
He could have thought, you know what? I made all this money. And my wife, boy doesn't know about it. I could just buy myself a new computer. But instead he preferred my mother and he honored her with a gift of sacrifice from his heart that was even bigger than the ring.
Now here's the secret breakthrough key in how honor works. And here's what I want you to see. When you give honor to others, it unlocks your potential. You become greater than you were.
My dad doing that, he became greater in my eyes than any earthly father. So when you honor someone that is not deserving of honor, it's not about that. It's the position.
And when you honor others, it unlocks your potential. You become better. You are blessed. You're freed up is what happens. And you start to grow again.
Because many of us are stunted clear back at age 50, 15, and 7, and you know. But when I give honor to whom honor is not due, it releases something inside of me.
And you might need to do that. You might need to give the ultimate sacrifice. It may not be a material possession. It may be the giving of your time. It's just grueling for you to even be with that person, to listen to them, to let them finish their sentences, or tell you the same story over and over and over again.
And you might need to do that again. It's very honoring. God sees you when you do that. God sees that heart when you're willing to do that. Impatience, pride, dismissal, God doesn't honor that. He resists the proud. He gives grace to the humble.
Taking time to say something out loud. There's life or death in our words. And when you give life, and you speak it to a parent, you speak it to a boss, your pastor. You speak it to your spouse, to other people in your life. It does something.
Taking time to write down your words of affirmation or your feelings, or maybe you just read it to them. I want to encourage you to find a mentor, a teacher, a coach, a friend, a parent, a pastor, and honor them this week.
And take time to say what you really feel in your heart. It will unlock your potential. Amen?
Everybody doing okay? So I have another hour or two I'd like to share. Let's pray.
Lord, we love you so much. Man, I see all the potential in this room and the hurt. And you just, as a loving Heavenly Father, it's like the finger of God. You just gently came to right where we're sitting, and you touched it.
You touched that sensitive area in our hearts, that wound, that feeling, that emotion, and in a very loving way, you've touched it. Because you so deeply care for us, and you want to unlock us and the potential and the life that you long for us to experience as your children.
And so for each and every one of us, whatever that looks like, whatever the next step is, Father, gently lead us. Amen. Amen.
on Jun 10, 2024
