### Quotes for Outreach

1. "If that's you this morning let me start by saying those words might hurt but we know a God who has words that can heal. And my prayer for you this morning is that you allow those holy words, those words from the very whispers of God through the Holy Spirit to meet you where you are today." [27:30](Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)




2. "Words create worlds. Every word that you and I say is lending itself to the creation of some sort of reality. The reality of an idea or a thought that can either dignify or destroy. It's one of the most fascinating ways to me that we as humanity have been created and designed in the very image and likeness of God." [37:32](Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)




3. "Each word we speak creates either a grave meant for death or a garden meant for good. But here's the kicker. There's agency. You get to choose what gets created. We get to choose the kind of worlds that we create around us." [38:00](Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)




4. "To defy destructive words is to create the kind of very good world that God envisioned for us in the first place. Author Marilyn McIntyre calls us back to the original goal of conversation when she writes this in her book, Caring for Words in a Culture of Lies. She writes, to converse was to foster community, to commune with, to dwell in a place with others. Conversation was understood to be a life-sustaining practice, a blessing, and a craft to be cultivated for the common good." [45:30](Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)




5. "Jesus himself said in Luke 6, good people bring good things out of the good stored up in their heart. And evil people bring evil things out of the evil stored up in their heart. For out of the overflow of the heart. The mouth speaks." [50:25](Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)




### Quotes for Members

1. "Therefore words aren't in the same cultural arsenal as sticks and stones. They're not non-threatening to our egos simply because we declare so. Some of us know a thing or two about words that hurt and if that's you this morning let me start by saying those words might hurt but we know a God who has words that can heal." [27:00](Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)




2. "The way we pursue Christ's likeness in speaking words of life is to remove the ingredients that wicked words need to flourish. A few of those ingredients being the heat of emotional manipulation, the oxygen of public affirmation, and the fuel of self-righteousness." [39:29](Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)




3. "The second filter is the motives filter. This one is an invitation to examine why we want to respond the way we want to respond. To ask the question, am I simply wanting to respond to this post or to furiously type out a response on social media because I want to prove them wrong or I really want to prove myself as right?" [42:40](Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)




4. "The last filter is the process filter. Sometimes the way that words meet us or the ways that headlines meet us cause emotions that are too overwhelming or raw to really respond to in the moment. This one is an opportunity and an invitation to process not alone, but in the safety of community with trusted guides, friends, a therapist, someone you trust who can take that overwhelming emotion and help you get through it." [44:20](Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)




5. "To mean what you make and to contain the flame will require practice and cultivation. It also requires a heart that longs for the things of God. And I can tell you, I'm sure that these words will inspire you. Then people who are in the kingdom of God, grace and forgiveness, and transformation." [50:00](Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

Well, good morning, Menlo. My name is Ashley Island, and it is a joy to be with you today. I want to say a quick shout out to all the Bay Area campuses: Saratoga, Mountain View, Menlo Park, and San Mateo. Thank you so much for having me today.

I want to tell you a little bit about myself. I'm the vice president of partnerships at a nonprofit in Grand Rapids called the Colossian Forum, which is a Christian conflict transformation nonprofit. It's a joy to serve there, but more importantly, I'm a beloved child of God, and I get to be a wife and a mom to three beautiful babies. Brooklyn is nine, Miles is eight, and Journey is five. I think we have a picture of them for you.

One thing you have to know about our family is that we love to cook. And when I say we, I really mean my husband, Delwin. He's multi-talented. He's an amazing chef. If you find him, ask him about his mac and cheese recipe. He has not let that one go, so maybe you can coax it out of him in Jesus' name.

But one morning, one of the adults in our home who doesn't cook left a plate of bacon sitting on the countertop, and I'm like, what's going on? While Delwin was making another portion of our brunch on the stove, there was a fire lit. I left that plate of bacon, draining with the grease on some paper towels too close to the stove. I turned around just for a quick second, and I started smelling something, so I whipped back around, and there was this massive plate of bacon on fire. It happened in the quickest of flashes.

I thought about that story as I was preparing for our time together today, Menlo, because it reminded me that untended, even the smallest flames can lead to catastrophic destruction.

We're in a series called "Smear Campaign" right now, where we're learning how to view our politics through the lens of our faith, not vice versa. If you missed weeks one and two, I urge you to go back and listen to Pastor Phil's messages. He addresses both the things that I'm talking about right now: the underlying fear that feeds the dysfunction we feel and how diversity is necessary in helping expand our capacity to love and to care for others.

So now we find ourselves in week three, and there's a myth about the impact of words that needs to be named. The saying from which this myth stems goes a little something like this, and I hope you can help me. It goes, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." So it goes. It's familiar, isn't it? But it's also false because if you're like me, it won't take long for you to remember some words that have hurt you. Whether that nickname you were called on the playground still sticks with you today or something that was said that was hurtful or harmful to you across the table in the boardroom or maybe in your own living room, words can hurt.

Therefore, words aren't in the same cultural arsenal as sticks and stones. They're not non-threatening to our egos simply because we declare so. Some of us know a thing or two about words that hurt, and if that's you this morning, let me start by saying those words might hurt, but we know a God who has words that can heal. My prayer for you this morning is that you allow those holy words, those words from the very whispers of God through the Holy Spirit, to meet you where you are today.

Then there's the role that words play in our politics. Last summer, Pew Research Center released data illuminating how the American public felt about the tone and nature of political debate. Want to hear about that? First, 84% of adults said political debate has become less respectful over the last several years. To me, this says something about the lack of grace present in debate. And then again, 78% said it's become less fact-based. To me, that says something about the absence of truth.

So here's what's interesting to me. Both right and wrong. I don't know if you've heard of the American left-leaning respondents essentially answered the same way. Meaning, Menlo, we actually can agree on something across party lines: that the trajectory of grace and truth is trending in the wrong direction.

Here's a word cloud from the same Pew survey showing the most common words used to describe U.S. politics today. You may not be able to see all of them, but "divisive" and whatever you can think of are the most common words used to describe politics. The word "constructive" sticks out like a sore thumb. So do words like "corrupt," "bad," "messy," and "polarized." Much of how we interact with politics is through words. Whether those words are read, heard, or spoken. We hear a podcast that rubs us up. We read an article quoting a politician that leaves our stomachs in knots. We come across a comment section that says we don't know if politics is a response to a local policy debate that grinds our gears.

And before we know it, either our words are mirroring theirs, we're disengaged completely because we've simply had enough, or somewhere in between. We're either fighting, fleeing, or frozen, none of which are leading to faithful kingdom witness.

So the first step is to dispel the myth because as we look at our text from the book of James today, we'll find it's true that whether personally or in political engagement, sticks and stones may break our bones, and words can wound so deeply.

In short, the book of James is one wherein we can find practical guidance on how to act Christian. Many scholars believe that there is a natural need for more of Jesus to live and to live the life of Jesus. It was written around the year AD 60 by James, Jesus's brother, to a group of Christians. Whether those Christians were Jewish Christians or of all nations, we're not completely sure, but they were wrapped up in the social tensions of their day.

Economically, there was resentment against aristocratic landlords who favored the rich in Jerusalem's upper city versus the poor who lived downwind in the city sewers. Religiously, aristocratic priests withheld tithe income from poor priests. Agriculturally, grain shortages led to famine and uprising, and politically, zealots—or those we might consider the Jewish nationalists of their day—wanted to be solely under God's rule and therefore hated the more modern aristocracy in Jerusalem for pursuing political peace.

In the end, Rome was the only place where the rich were getting richer and the poor were getting poorer, where food deserts and housing inequity are rampant, where religious extremists want to duke it out and their opponents are in cahoots with the government. At least in part, I don't know about you, but that sounds a lot like my city.

These historic tensions would eventually produce the Jewish revolt of AD 66, one of the most intense protests against Roman rule. What followed was a massacre of priests and the Roman garrison on the Temple Mount. And then eventually, Jerusalem would fall in the year AD 70. But James is writing before all of this happens. It's as if he can sense something is coming as a result of these tensions that are taking place.

Theologian Craig Keener put it really well when he noted that the book of James addresses those tempted to retaliate with words. Are you tempted to retaliate with words? James writes, "The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of one's life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."

Right before these verses, James had used imagery of bits in horses' mouths and rudders on ships, both of which would have been familiar in the ancient Mediterranean. Think of what you've heard across the English language. James says the tongue is a very small part of the body. Right before these verses, the tongue is an evil, and he's talking about the power of the tongue. This is an invisible thing. James is talking about the power of the tongue, which by and large is an invisible thing, especially in this season.

There are two invitations for us today.

The first is to mean what you make. To mean what you make. Before AI was as prevalent as it is today, my husband and I saw just a couple of days ago, there's a data and AI summit in San Francisco somewhere. It's like all around us. There was a little something called The Sims, if you remember that video game. It was one of the best things to ever come from the Bay. And I admit, I loved The Sims back in the 1990s into the early 2000s because you got to make these characters, you got to make them look like however you wanted them to look. And then you had to build their homes, and you got to decorate those rooms however you wanted to decorate them. Neighbors could interact with your character. You could build this kind of community that could morph into whatever you desired for it to look like.

And I admit, I love The Sims. I love The Sims. I love The Sims. I love The Sims. I love The Sims. I love The Sims. I love The Sims. I love The Sims. I love The Sims.

To become, but crafting of worlds isn't reserved in the virtual realm of video and computer games. In Genesis 1, the very beginning, the earth was formless and empty. Darkness was over the deep. And the spirit of God was hovering over the void. And the text says, "God said, let there be light." Creation came from the very word of God. Abraham Joshua Heschel, a Jewish theologian and philosopher who joined Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. for the march on Selma to Montgomery in 1965, is famously quoted by his daughters having said that words are themselves sacred. God's tool for creating the universe and our tools for bringing holiness or evil into the world. And then he says these three words: "Words create worlds."

Every word that you and I say is lending itself to the creation of some sort of reality. The reality of an idea or a thought that can either dignify or destroy. It's one of the most fascinating ways to me that we as humanity have been created and designed in the very image and likeness of God. Therefore, there's no such thing, Menlo, as a neutral word.

My favorite proverb right now is Proverbs 18:21. And the verse says this in the message version: "Words kill. Words give life. They're either poison or fruit. You choose." Each word we speak creates either a grave meant for death or a garden meant for good. But here's the kicker. There's agency. You get to choose what gets created. We get to choose the kind of worlds that we create around us.

How can you bring a newfound intentionality to the words that you say in service to the kind of community you long to live in? The kind of family intimacy that you've been praying for? The kind of workplace culture you wish were realized? Mean what you make.

But James chapter three also tells us in verse eight that no one can tame the tongue. So the second invitation is that even if James is right and we cannot tame our tongues, the invitation is to contain the flame. Our first responders who are here with us today or anyone who knows anything about firefighting knows that fires are contained by removing one of three key ingredients they need in order to flourish: heat, oxygen, or fuel.

The way we pursue Christ's likeness in speaking words of life is to remove the ingredients that wicked words need to flourish. A few of those ingredients being the heat of emotional manipulation, the oxygen of public affirmation, and the fuel of self-righteousness.

I recently wrote and released a book last month called "Say Good," speaking across hot topics, complex relationships, and tense situations. The idea for this book was inspired by close friends of mine who approached me in confidence after the 2020 killing of Ahmaud Arbery in Georgia. They were at home, and I could tell they were wrestling with both wanting to be humble in how they responded to racial injustice while also being courageous in outwardly doing so. They were essentially asking, "Ashley, how do we hold this tension when it's so easy to either just lean in with our knee-jerk reactions or stay paralyzed and hidden in the face of a headline that's so contentious?"

And so I wrote "Say Good" as a way to address how we are choosing and discerning what to say in response to what. The book is hinged around four pillars. It's essentially this four-part framework. And one of those pillars is influence. Within that framework, I wrote a book called "Say Good," which is a book that talks about a few filters that we can employ to help us contain the flame of our words. And I pray you consider these today alongside the listening magnets that you receive. They're such a wonderful resource.

Here are the four filters. The first is the "when no one's watching" filter. Oftentimes, in response to a headline, what I immediately do is I take note of how that headline or how that something that someone has said makes me feel. If I'm not careful, I then take that emotion and put it in a public sphere without having thought about what it really means to me, how it impacts my life. So this first filter is really an offering to create space for God to speak before you do.

When a headline meets your gaze or you hear something that either makes you sad or angry, what would it feel like to take space to actually lament before God? To cry out in rage like the psalmists often do before taking that to a public sphere? This filter I love. It's one of my favorites because it allows me to remember that God can meet me exactly where I am and can oftentimes speak more words of life than I can in the heat of the moment.

The second filter is the motives filter. This one is an invitation to examine why we want to respond the way we want to respond. To ask the question, "Am I simply wanting to respond to this post or to furiously type out a response on social media because I want to prove them wrong or I really want to prove myself as right?" What if we allow the spirit of God to interrogate our own motives before we speak so that we can uphold the kind of kingdom, life-giving perspective that God calls us to together in community?

The third filter is the in-person filter. This one's real simple. Are you willing to say something to someone face-to-face that you're willing to put on Facebook? If you are willing to type out a text or write an email and not say it to that person's face, perhaps it's not meant to be said at all. One practical practice that I've employed is if something's really riling me up, I'm going to say it to that person. If I feel heated or even excited in response to something, I'll put something in an email and leave it in drafts for 12 to 24 hours. And in those hours, it's amazing to me how I come back and sense that, no, I shouldn't say it that way or I should offer a different perspective and a more gentler approach. Even that small practice has made a huge difference in my personal discipleship.

The last filter is the process filter. Sometimes the way that words meet us or the ways that headlines meet us cause emotions that are too overwhelming or raw to really respond to in the moment. This one is an opportunity and an invitation to process not alone, but in the safety of community with trusted guides, friends, a therapist, someone you trust who can take that overwhelming emotion and help you get through it. If you're in a situation where you're struggling to process what it means for you in your life, is that emotion really pointing to something deeper that's not about that headline at all? Is this not about the other person, but about some healing that needs to take place in your own life?

These filters and these disciplines span across all four Americas that Pastor Phil talked about in week one, all political persuasions, all socio-economic realities, and races. We must learn how to contain what can so easily consume as a part of our formation if we want to give life to the places that are dark, desperate, and divided around us. To defy destructive words is to create the kind of very good world that God envisioned for us in the first place.

Author Marilyn McIntyre calls us back to the original goal of conversation when she writes this in her book, "Caring for Words in a Culture of Lies." She writes, "To converse was to foster community, to commune with, to dwell in a place with others. Conversation was understood to be a life-sustaining practice, a blessing, and a craft to be cultivated for the common good."

When I read McIntyre's words, I think of Jesus, who came to us as humanity, as God with us, as Emmanuel. And in our words, as we create worlds around us with what we say, might we also remember to do as Jesus did and to reclaim conversation as an opportunity to be with versus against.

Quick story, my dad is a very special person to me. Last year was one of the hardest years of my family's life. For a few months, the year was good, but then in April, we found out that my first cousin, who's four months older than me, who served in our U.S. military in the army, passed away quite tragically. And then a month after his funeral, we buried my dad. I was by my dad's bedside when he took his last breath, and I was the only one awake with him. So that moment was really special to me.

But in the months since he has passed, this past year, I've been able to reflect on the legacy of his life. And so often, I come back to my dad's words. And there were some words that I'd like to share with you today, words that still stick with me. I remember I had graduated from USC, class of 2009, fight on. And I was really excited about my job going into corporate America in the HR space. My job transferred me to Chicagoland from LA, and I started volunteering at a local church to get involved.

One of the places where I was involved was with high school ministry, and we were on this retreat together. We were part of this camp. I was sitting in the back of the auditorium, and the preacher was teaching from John chapter 2, Jesus's first miracle at the wedding at Cana. As he talked about the servants carrying this cup of what they thought was water to the master of the banquet, it's like I discernibly heard the voice of God inviting me to step into vocational ministry. And I eventually did. For about 12 years, I served the church in vocational ministry.

But I remember having to tell my parents that I was going to be transitioning from corporate America to a church job. See, you have to understand my parents were really successful in their roles in corporate America themselves, working for the oil and gas industries in Houston and in sales respectively. So I remember being in a Panera parking lot in Chicagoland and calling my dad, and I was just trembling because I knew I was going to step into this new role. I was quite fearful of what he was going to say.

So I told him, I said, "Dad, I'm making this transition out of corporate America to serve the church." And the line got really quiet. Those few seconds seemed like minutes. But then he said these words: "Darling, if God is calling you to something, who am I to stop you?" Those few words were words of life to me. And I can tell you right now, Menlo, those words outlived his very life because they're words that I take with me in my parenting as I connect with my three kids and how I've decided to allow God to show me the trajectory for their lives versus trying to control it myself.

Those words have stayed with me as I've mentored young women in Grand Rapids, walking alongside of them in their college and post-college years. Those words were words of life to me. And you get to choose the kind of words you instill in others.

You see, untended, even the smallest flames can lead to catastrophic destruction. But when contained, our words can illuminate paths of possibility and roads that lead to Christ's healing presence. To mean what you make and to contain the flame will require practice and cultivation. It also requires a heart that longs for the things of God.

And I can tell you, I'm sure that these words will inspire you. Then people who are in the kingdom of God, grace and forgiveness, and transformation. Jesus himself said in Luke 6, "Good people bring good things out of the good stored up in their heart. And evil people bring evil things out of the evil stored up in their heart. For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks."

So I pray for you. I'd love for you to do two things. One, to look at those filters again: the "when no one's watching" filter, the motives filter, the in-person one, and the process filter, and choose one to integrate into your conversations this week. Commit to allowing it to contain your words, whether that means you need to allow space for God to speak, whether you ask the question of yourself, "Why am I really wanting to do so in the first place?" and examining your motives, whether you need to recheck yourself because you know you wouldn't say something you type or write to someone's face, or perhaps you choose to go back into community and reconsider your words that way.

The second, I'd love for you to do this with me, if you will, to close your eyes and to take stock of the words that you have spoken over the last week. If your words were a fire, how wild did they rage? Were they contained? What did they consume? Someone's confidence, worth, or dignity? Were they poison or life?

And in the same way, I'd love for you to consider the words spoken to you this past week. Were those words a wildfire? How wild did they rage? Were they contained? How did they consume you? Were they poison or life? Menlo, whatever those words were, they were a fire. Were they contained? How did they consume you? Were they poison or life? Whether you spoke them or they were spoken unto you, they mattered.

And there's grace for you because you get to choose again. Can I pray for you?

God, thank you so much that you are the giver and the author of words. From your word came life and all of creation. So God, I pray right now by the power of your Holy Spirit that you would order our words that we might be a community that chooses life in our midst. God, forgive us of the ways that we have wielded our words unwisely. Forgive us of the ways that we have torn down versus built up.

And God, I pray that you would show us the way in the midst of this political season to be a balm to the broken places around us. God, for those of us who are nursing wounds because of words spoken to us, God, I pray that you would heal right now in Jesus' name. Give us new words to combat those lies.

And God, even if history doesn't change because we choose life, God, we know that you are the holder of our narrative and the author of our story. So we glorify you no matter what comes. We thank you for the privilege of being taught under your word today. In Christ's name, Amen.