In this sermon, I discussed the importance of maintaining sexual integrity and the dangers of not doing so. I emphasized the need for open conversations about this topic, especially in the church, as it is often overlooked in other environments. I highlighted the importance of personal decisions in maintaining sexual integrity and the potential consequences of not doing so. I also discussed the importance of being aware of the traps and temptations that exist in the world and the need to be wise in our actions. I shared a heartbreaking story of a man who crossed the line, emphasizing the need for Jesus and the church in our lives. I also discussed Jesus' teachings on sexual integrity, emphasizing the importance of not just avoiding physical acts of infidelity, but also lustful thoughts.

Key takeaways:
- The importance of maintaining sexual integrity and the potential consequences of not doing so. [ 40:06]
- The need for open conversations about sexual integrity, especially in the church. [ 40:38]
- The importance of personal decisions in maintaining sexual integrity. [ 41:16]
- The need to be aware of the traps and temptations that exist in the world and to be wise in our actions. [ 41:52]
- Jesus' teachings on sexual integrity, emphasizing the importance of not just avoiding physical acts of infidelity, but also lustful thoughts. [ 16:43]

It's like, uh, I don't know if anybody's noticed this or not, but I'll tell you guys a secret, okay? I'm totally like this, but I don't know if you notice or not. But since May, I started a playlist called "Pump Up Songs," okay? And we've been playing that during the countdown. So every week, I just take a pump-up song and I just change the countdown to that thing. And since May, we've just been going through the entire soundtrack of Guardians of the Galaxy. Like, that's all we've been using.

And so I was at this pastor's conference with all these pastors, and you know pastors, when they get together, it's like, "What have you been doing?" And this one pastor was like, "You know, I've been taking my church through the Book of Luke for the past year and a half, verse by verse." It's very intelligent, very smart, what have you been doing? I said, "I've been going through the entire Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack before church just to pump up my crowd." It's been really cool.

So anyway, uh, I'm sorry we're not as deep as some people, but, uh, that's what we've been doing. But anyway, I say all that to say nothing gets me more pumped or going more than listening to our band lead us in worship. I just love them; they do such a great job. So anyway, I just have to say that.

Well, we're in the middle of a series called "Guardrails." And, uh, if you're just joining us and you need to get caught up, all of our series or all of our messages are on YouTube and Facebook and Spotify and Apple Podcasts and all that fun stuff. But just as a refresher, you all know what guardrails are. Guardrails, you know, they're a system designed to keep vehicles from straying into dangerous or off-limit areas. They're usually found at bridges and medians and curves, and they're placed there to keep you in your lane, right? So that you don't go into oncoming traffic, so you don't go off a bridge and land in the water, so that when that curve pops up, you know, usually it's a straight path, and all of a sudden there's this big old S-curve, you know, and you don't see it coming sometimes.

And so there's a median there so you don't go off-road; you don't total your vehicle. And guardrails are meant to direct us and protect us. And I don't know about you, but my eyes have been seeing guardrails in places I didn't even know I had guardrails, right? I mean, I see guardrails on roads all the time, and I'm like, "Oh, look, there's a guardrail. Oh, there's a guardrail." I'm even thinking, like, "Why do they put that there?" Oh, I can see the danger. And that's the point of guardrails. Sometimes you don't even notice they're there, but they're there for a very important purpose: to direct us and protect us.

And the other thing about guardrails is they're always placed in the safety zone, not in the danger zone. And nobody ever challenges this. I mean, they're placed in the safety zone for a reason because we have enough space. We don't want to play too close to the line. And this is going to be very important for today's message because the thing is, a lot of times we play really close to that danger line in certain arenas of our life. But if you're going to have a guardrail, they're always placed in the safety zone. And what do they do? If you ever bump into one or if you ever hit one, they're there to minimize the damage. Because if you hit a guardrail, it's way different than if you went off the road and totaled your vehicle.

It'd be way different if you somehow got out of your lane in traffic and went into somebody else's lane of traffic and hit somebody head-on. It would be much safer if there were a guardrail there to protect you from others and protect others from you. So they're there to minimize the damage. And again, what we're talking about today is going to be very important to that as well.

And so we're talking about this because we all need some personal guardrails in our life. We've just spent the last several months talking about emotional maturity, about anxiety, about loving yourself. We talked about sexual integrity. And so, you know, you can talk about all those things, and you can make a lot of great points. But the thing is, the practical thing that we all need is some personal guardrails. We need financial guardrails, relationship guardrails. We talked about friends last week. We maybe need some professional guardrails. And so that's a personal decision that you have to make.

And again, we talked about this in week one. We're not talking about right and wrong. If you go into the Bible, there's not a whole lot of "do the right thing." What you'll see over and over again is "do the wise thing." Do the wise thing. The wise thing that sometimes may not be what's wise for somebody else, but it's wise for you to do. So the question, the way we always ask it around here is, "In light of my past experiences, my current circumstances, and my future hopes and dreams, what's the wise thing for me to do?"

And through this, you guys have had some fantastic conversations. I love hearing your stories about, "Hey, me and my wife, me and my small group, me and my friends, we were talking about this, and man, this is what I came up with for myself." I think that's awesome because the thing we're trying to help everybody develop is a standard of behavior that becomes a matter of conscience.

So in my car, I have this lane assist thing, okay? So it somehow knows—I have no clue how it knows this. I guess it has sensors or cameras or something. But if I even go across that painted line, it may not be a guardrail, but if I go across that painted line, it starts to ding at me, and it'll tell me there'll be a little message that pops up: "Get in your lane." Okay, you're not staying in your lane. And even sometimes, too, I don't know what's going on, but I'll have my hands on the wheel, but I guess I have my hands on the wheel so softly, it'll even tell me, like, "You don't have your hands on the wheel. Get control of your car." And I'm like, "Hey, back up, Mazda, okay? All right, I'm holding it with my knees, okay? All right, just back, you know?" But it'll even tell me, like, "You don't have a good enough handle on the steering wheel. Get a hold of this vehicle."

And the thing is, we can all think of an area of our life where sometimes we get out of our lane, where sometimes we don't have as good of a handle on the steering wheel as we should. And today, what we're going to talk about—we've talked about last week friends and relationships—but today we're going to talk about guardrails when it comes to our sexual integrity.

Now, if you have been here regularly, I know what you're thinking: "Didn't we just get done with a series? Wasn't the series just before this called 'The Talk'? Didn't we just get done talking about sex, and here we are again talking about sex? I thought it was safe to come back." I know, right? But others, if you're going like, "We're talking about sex again? This is the greatest church on Earth!" I know, right? But we are going to talk about it because here's the thing: we stirred the pot, and we talked about all of these different ways that we need to have sexual integrity. But here's the thing: we didn't put any guardrails on it, and we've got to put guardrails on this thing. We've got to talk about how to put personal guardrails around our sexual integrity.

And the thing is that this issue—this issue is where culture probably baits us the best because we talked about week one how culture doesn't believe in guardrails; they believe in painted lines, right? They believe in suggestions. And like when it comes to sex, they say things like, "Just wait until you're ready." What does that mean? Every boy who hit puberty was ready to have sex, right? I mean, that's not a guardrail; that's a guideline. Or, "Hey, just practice safe sex." Again, that's not a guardrail; that's a guideline. That's a painted line that's up for interpretation. That's not helpful.

And so culture will tell us, "Hey, live your life. Do what you want to. Make yourself happy. Be your true self." And so culture will bait us to this. But then here's the thing: if you go too far, even if it's alleged, guess what they'll do? They'll cancel you. They will encourage you to be happy and be yourself and act on however you feel. But if you cross that line—and sometimes you don't even know where that line is—they will cancel you. It will shut you down, and every good thing that you've ever done will be forgotten.

And here's the thing with this: when it comes to talking about this issue, we all have to be honest with ourselves and admit that we're all a bit complacent. We all play a part in this, and we're all a bit complacent. And here's what I mean by that: we're all guilty of entertaining ourselves with it, but then we freak out when somebody actually does it, right? I mean, come on, think about it. I mean, issues of sexual integrity and a breach of sexual integrity, I mean, it's a theme of every show, every movie, every book. I mean, you can go through even the songs that we listen to. There's always this kind of line that sometimes is being crossed, and man, it can sound fun, and it can look fun. But the thing is, then it becomes a reality. Then it becomes something that someone actually does, and we're like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You crossed the line!"

Right? I mean, I'll give you an instance, okay? And again, this—I didn't get any emails about this on Wednesday night, but I might get an email about this today, okay? But I just Googled "theme of the summer," like song of the summer. You know, like every season has a theme. Every summer, there's kind of like a song that's very, very popular. I just Googled "theme of the summer," okay? And this is what Google told me. This is not my fault; this is the AI. Blame the AI, okay? But I Googled it, and their song "One Margarita" is the song of the summer. I found all of these different sites that were like, "One Margarita, this is the anthem." This is what I found on several different websites, like Variety and Wired. They're like, "This is the anthem of the summer." And it was the number one used thing on TikTok as well.

And if you don't know the song, some of you already saw, you look, you're like, "I know that song. I pray it's not your ringtone if it goes off in the middle of service," okay? But some of you know the song; some of you don't. But I'll tell you how the song goes, okay? It says this: "Give me one margarita, I'ma open my legs. Give me two margaritas, I'm gonna give you some." I can't even—I couldn't even write it. "Give me three margaritas, I'ma put it in my..." Again, I couldn't butt it, all right? Please don't Google it, all right? But anyways, like, look at that. Now, some of you, it's funny because as soon as I said "one margarita," some of you giggled because you know the song, okay? When I put the lyrics up somewhere over here, I heard—it's probably Vicky, all right? Like, some of you, I just took your breath away. We do not have a defibrillator, so please calm down, all right?

But look, I know that's very explicit, okay? But let's face the reality, okay? Culture says this is the anthem of the summer. Like it or not, agree with it or not, ugly, pretty, whatever you may think about it, this is the anthem of the summer. Number one song on TikTok, trending on iTunes, okay? This is the anthem of the summer. But let me ask you a question: as catchy as it may be or whatever it may be—and look, this isn't the only song. We could go through song; I could go through decade after decade after decade and pick hip-hop songs and rock songs and all these different songs that basically say the same kind of thing. And it's all fun and games, and it's cute to sing until it becomes a reality. Until it's your mother or your wife on a girls' trip, and guys are buying them drinks trying to make this a reality. Then is it funny? Then is it cute? Then is it catchy? No.

Or, you know, we say things all the time. We say things like, "Boys will be boys," right? Or "Guys' locker room talk," right? Locker room talk is something we talk about. Boys will be boys, locker room talk. But Ann Voskamp, I just recently ran into this quote, and I really like this. This is what she says about this: "You know what? When boys will be boys, girls will be garbage." Or locker room talk? Yeah, locker room talk. It's just talk; it's just joking; it's just messing around until somebody actually does it. And then what do we do? Oh, then we freak out. Then it's a problem. "Hey, I can't believe you did that!" What are you talking about? Well, you've been singing about it. We've been watching movies about it. We've been entertaining ourselves with it. We've been dancing to it. We've been doing TikToks to it. How are we surprised when this stuff becomes a reality? How are we surprised that this is a problem?

I mean, let's put it this way, okay? Here's the thing: it's just a show; it's just a song; it's just a dance; it's just a joke until it's not. Until you get hurt. Until it's your daughter. Until it's your son. Until it's somebody you care about. See, it's all a joke. And here's the thing: we're complacent with it, guys. We give our money to it. We dance to it. We watch it. We subscribe to it, and we're part of it. And it's like the interesting thing for me right now, like as a leader and as a pastor, like this is very interesting that this came up because like right now, like the movie "Sound of Freedom" is out, right? You know, it's like a big deal. And I know there's a lot of controversy around it and stuff, but I've had several people talk to me like, "Do you know what this is about? This is a big issue. It's about sex trafficking. It's about sex trafficking of children and stuff." And this is the big issue. And I'm going, "This has been an issue. What are you talking about? This has been an issue. This has been a conversation." And guess what? That's cool. I think it's awesome we went and saw that movie, or you're talking about it, you're putting it on social media. But guess what? One of the most beneficial things you could do is ask yourself how you're playing a part in all this because you're complicit to a lot of it by what you entertain yourself with, by what you give your money to.

And let's be honest, and me, myself included, we're all a part of fueling the machine. And so we got to stop, and we got to ask ourselves these questions. We got to have this conversation. We got to put some guardrails around this thing. Men, look, guys, we got to have this conversation because we are the most at risk of being canceled, okay? Nobody is going to have your back if you screw this up. Nobody. I mean, look at culture. Go through the stories, man. If you mess this up, if you cross that line—even again, I'll say it, allegedly, okay? If you cross that line, you will be canceled so fast. It doesn't matter how much good you've done.

I saw this awesome picture yesterday of somebody blowing up a balloon, and then they took a needle, and they said, "This is all it takes: pop." And that's the truth. You can do so many good things, and you can blow up your balloon of life, but you take one step too far in this area—pop! It's done; it's over. So we got to have this conversation of how to have sexual integrity and how to have guardrails around it.

Ladies, look, I've always said this when it comes to stuff like this, and I always be like, "I'm not a woman, so I have very little to say." Okay? I'm not a woman, so I have very little say to this. But I do have a question, okay? My question is this: can women gain the honor and respect they fought so hard for while at the same time being over-sexualized and demeaned? I mean, can we really have a conversation about equality and at the same time over-sexualize and demean women? What does the #MeToo movement really mean if we go another way with it to being over-sexualized and over-promoted and demeaned? I mean, it's just my question to women. We have to have a conversation about this.

And here's the thing: if we could get this one thing right—this is why we are talking about this again—because the church never talks about sex. Because we never know how to talk about it, and because we're all embarrassed about it, and we never like to go there because we all know that for so many of us, this is a master of our lives, and we all know this is a problem. But then all of a sudden, somebody makes a movie about it or something else, we have a short conversation, then the movie goes away, and we just stop talking about it. We have to have a conversation about this, and we need to get a handle on this because if we could get this one thing right, if we could get this one thing right, women would be in a better place in our world. If we would get this one thing right, children would be safer. Children wouldn't grow up—it's not as many children would grow up in the foster care system. Not as many children would grow up in homes without a father, without a mother. We've got to get this one thing right. If we could get this one thing right, we wouldn't have so many people damaged emotionally and mentally from ways that they have been sexually attacked. We have to get this right, and we have to get a handle on this, and it can't start—it has to start with us. It has to be a personal decision that we make, a personal guardrail that we build. So that's why we're talking about this.

So here's the thing: as we talk about this, we're going to look at the words of Jesus because Jesus talked about this. Actually, when Jesus publicly spoke, there are two things practically that he talked about a lot, and I think the reason he spoke about them is because they're the two things that have the most potential to master us in our life, and that's sex and money. So if you really love this, come next week where we talk about money, okay? So we're going to have to take some chairs down next week anyway. But we're going to talk about this, and this is what Jesus said when it comes to sex. And he said something that was revolutionary, that was life-changing, that flipped everything on its head. And this is what he said. It comes out of his most famous sermon, the Sermon on the Mount—a sermon that many scholars have said he probably didn't just preach at once; he probably preached it multiple times in multiple places. But it was the basics of the kingdom, and it was a game-changing message that flipped everything that they knew on its head.

And this is what he says when it comes to this: he says, "You've heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.'" Now, this was the Hebrew guardrail, okay? This was the Hebrew guardrail. This was what every boy knew. This was part of the Ten Commandments, the 613 laws. They knew that it was wrong, that it was a sin to commit adultery. But that was the guardrail; that was the line: don't touch. But here's the thing: then in their heads, they thought, "Okay, so look, it's the physical act. Just don't physically do it." But everything up until that point is totally fair game. And that's even how we think about it today, right? I mean, our philosophy—their philosophy was this: "It's okay; it's okay; it's okay." Yeah, there we go. "It's okay to look; just don't touch." Okay? "It's okay to look; just don't touch." I mean, that's our philosophy even today, right? "Well, I didn't do it, but I thought about it," right? And that was their mentality. Look, you could think about it; you can imagine about it; you can wonder about it; just don't actually do it. You can even talk about it; you can watch movies about it; you could sing songs about it; just don't actually do it. That's the—that was the line: just don't physically do it.

And then Jesus comes, and he flips it on its head. This is what he says: "But I tell you..." And I have to stop there because this is so important. Jesus claimed to be God in human form. He said, "If you've seen me, you've seen the Father." When they asked him, "What's the Father like?" he goes, "Take a good look." And so here's the thing: you could debate about this; you could wonder about this; you could say, "Well, that's Paul's opinion about it." Okay? But here's the deal: when Jesus talked about it, he goes, "Well, here's the deal. If you wanted my opinion, if you want to know what God thinks about this, here I am. Here's my opinion. It's coming straight from the horse's mouth. It's coming straight from the Creator. Here's what I say." And he gave them a new guardrail that was way further in the safety zone than they could have expected. He says this: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." He goes, "Hey, guys, I know you're like, 'Well, just don't physically do it. Just don't cross that line. Everything's okay until you actually do it.'" And Jesus goes, "Actually, here, I'm here to tell you. I'm here to change things. I know you've heard it said this, but let me tell you straight from the Creator's mouth: I tell you that if you even look at a woman lustfully, you've already committed adultery."

Nobody likes this verse. That's a tall order, right? You're like, "Whoa, what?" And here's the thing: what did Jesus just do? Jesus just moved the guardrail into the safety zone because you all—you all cross that physicality. Once you physically do it, bro, the bomb's already gone off, right? So Jesus is putting the guardrail in the safety zone to minimize the damage, and he's saying, "Look, before you actually even do physically do anything, I want to give you a guardrail. I want to move this into the safety zone." And here's what I'm going to tell you: I want you to know that when you even start to think about breaching your sexual integrity, when you even think about breaching somebody else's sexual integrity, you've just crossed the line. And I want you to hear that, and I want you to get back in your lane. And this is important because we all know—we all know that breaches of our sexual integrity, they never start with the physicality, do they? Where do they always begin? In our mind, right? Breaches of our sexual integrity, they always start with this: "I wonder. I wonder. I wonder what it would be like. I wonder if they would. I wonder. I wonder. I wonder." Jesus knows how we're created, and he knows it always begins in our mind. It always begins with what we think.

And so Jesus, once again, is giving us a guardrail. He's giving us a standard of behavior that becomes a matter of conscience so that when we feel ourselves going in that direction, when we start to even feel ourselves imagining it or wondering about what it would be like, wandering about the physical act, he goes, "I want you to feel that guardrail. Boop! And I want you to bounce back before you actually hurt somebody or before you actually hurt yourself. I want you to feel that guardrail and go, 'I'm already thinking about it. I need to back up. I need to get back in my lane. I need to get a hold of this steering wheel right now because I'm about to do something that could damage my integrity. I'm about to do something that could damage my reputation. I'm about to do something that could possibly hurt somebody. I'm about to do something that could potentially hurt my marriage. I can't let my mind wander that direction.'" And so I got to get back in my lane. Isn't that better? Because you know you don't find out if a pot is hot by just touching it, do you? No. You look: is the burner on? Is there steam? Do I feel a little bit of heat? You don't just go, "I wonder if this is hot." Yeah, right? No. But that's what the Hebrew way was, and that's what we think. We're like, "Well, we're going to get together, and we're going to talk, but nothing's going to happen." Stop! Come on! I'm just searching for a video. I don't know what's going to come up. Stop! You know? And Jesus is going, "Look, I want to give you a guardrail so when you feel your mind start to go there, when you start to have these behaviors, your conscience, the Holy Spirit pulls you back."

And then he says this, and again, this is a controversial verse, but he says this: "If your right hand or right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away." Please, nobody has a fork in their hand, okay? Ready? Okay? "It's better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." And then he says this: "And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It's better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go to hell." I remember one time in youth group, we were meeting in Chris Love Camp's basement. I was in middle school. There was this new kid that somebody brought, and it was his first time to anything church or anything else. And we read this verse, and he looked up, and it was like a fall day. I had a hoodie on, and he looks up, and he goes, "Is this real?" He's like, "Are we supposed to literally do that?" And I had a hoodie on, and I put my hand in here, and I go, "What do you think happened to me?" His eyes got real big.

But here's the thing: people ask, "Are we supposed to take this literally?" No, I don't believe we are, okay? You might go to Journey Church, and they might tell you something different, all right? But I'm telling you, I don't think so, all right? So please, nobody email me this week, "In fact, my husband gouged his eye out and cut his right hand off," because I don't think we're supposed to take this literally. This is what I think Jesus is trying to say. And again, we all know this. Every single one of us, we all have cases of FOMO, okay? Fear of missing out. We all have FOMO to a degree, and we all get in these places where, like, look, we don't want to miss out, right? And it's like, "Man, everybody's watching that show. Everybody's heard that song. Everybody's going to see that movie." But there's that stuff in it. "Yeah, but I don't want to miss out." I mean, everybody's seeing Game of Thrones, you know? Everybody's watching. Everybody's listening to that song "One Margarita." You know, everybody's doing this. "I don't want to miss out." Everybody is making that TikTok. Everybody's posting those pictures. Everybody's wearing that stuff. Everybody's going to be dressed like that, and I don't want to miss out. So I'm just going to partake in it just a little bit. I'm just going to entertain myself with it just a little bit because I don't want to be missing out.

And this is what I think Jesus is saying. Jesus wants us all to know, like, look, if there's something you—again, you got to be wise—if there's something that you know is going to make you potentially slip up and breach your sexual integrity, you've got to cut it out or throw it away. Because here's the deal: the damage of missing out on it is minimal compared to the potential of failing because of it. Because, come on, some of you whose parents had an affair, you wish Mom or Dad would have chosen to miss out instead of what happened. Some of you who have had a breach of your sexual integrity, you wish that you would have chosen to miss out instead of failing. So Jesus is saying, "Look, here's an idea. Here's a guardrail for you: throw away and cut out whatever you need to to protect your sexual integrity. Throw away and cut out whatever you need to to protect your marriage. Throw away and cut out whatever you need to to protect your children."

I had a buddy call me once. He used to go to church here; he doesn't go anymore. And he said, "Mike, I'm really dealing with pornography right now." He said, "I need help." He was married; he's young. He's like, "I look at pornography every single day, and I need help. I need an accountability partner. This is not good for me. It's having an effect on my life; it's having an effect on my marriage. I'm constantly feeling like I'm going to get caught. I'm hiding secrets. I need to do something." I said, "All right, where are you viewing this pornographic material at?" He goes, "On my phone. It's really easy; it's on my phone." I said, "All right, here's what I want you to do. Tomorrow, when you go to the phone store, when you turn in your smartphone, I want you to get a flip phone." He goes, "What? You remember a flip phone? You remember Motorola? You know, flipped up? Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, okay, go get one of those."

He goes, "Because I can't do that." I go, "Can't or won't?" "I can't do that, man. Everybody's got a smartphone. What am I going to do? How am I going to play my game?" I said, "Hey, bro, you came to me with a problem. You said this is affecting your life. Throw away what you need to throw away. Cut out what you need to cut out." But that wasn't my plan. "Well, what did you want to do?" "I don't know. Every time I get tempted, call you." I'm like, "Bro, I'm a pastor, not the puberty police. Like, people call me all hours of the night, and my wife's like, 'Who is it? What do you want me to say? Oh, blah, blah, blah. You know, if you're having a new issue, you know, he's just calling me, just doing my job as a pastor.'" No, I'm not going to do that. But I was serious. I was like, "Go turn in your—you don't have to have a phone. Why do you think you got to have a smartphone besides the fact that everybody else does? You don't have to have a smartphone. You don't have to have Wi-Fi. You don't have to have a subscription to that channel. There's all kinds of things you could do to throw away and cut out what you need to in order to protect your sexual integrity."

Let's just be honest: a lot of us have so much FOMO and are more concerned about fitting in than doing what's necessary for what's best for ourselves. So love yourself enough. Honor and respect yourself enough. Honor and love the person you're with and the people you care about enough to throw away and cut out whatever you need to.

Now, every week, I have been giving some suggestions to protect—to build guardrails, right? So look, everything I'm going to say next, these are my own personal opinions. These are Michael Davis's thoughts. Everything I just gave you, that's the gospel truth, okay? You can't argue with it; it's in the Bible. But everything else after this, you totally throw it away. You can ignore it; you can disagree with me about it, whatever it may be. But here's some ideas of how to possibly protect your sexual integrity.

The first thing is this: talk about the problematic people. Talk about the problematic people because all around you, there might be people who are problems who might potentially slip up your sexual integrity. My wife and I, okay, we're driving around one day, and there was a business that we drove by. And I have a friend there who's a manager there; she's a female. And I saw the business, and I said, "Oh, look, that's blah, blah, blah store. We'll call her Karen so I can talk and so I don't slip up, okay? So we'll call her Karen." And I was like, "Oh, there's Karen's store. Let's go inside and see her." And she goes, "Oh, Karen." And I was a little caught off because my wife is not a jealous woman, okay? My wife is not a jealous woman. My wife, like, you know, we've talked about how to be exclusive to one another and stuff, but so this kind of threw me off. And I was like, "Excuse me, what did you discuss?" Because I don't like Karen. And I said, "What have you been drinking? What are you talking about? You don't like Karen?" And she goes, "Karen flirts with you." And I said, "Karen does not flirt with me. Nobody has ever flirted with me. I have always been the flirter, okay? It took me three years to get my wife to go on a date with me, all right? Trust me, nobody has ever flirted with me."

And I was like, "She is not flirting with me." And my wife goes, "Yes, she is. She has a nickname for you." And I said, "A nickname?" Several women in the front row just went, "Oh my!" I see—I heard that, and I didn't know that was a thing, you know what I mean? I'm like, "A nickname? Right? Like a nickname? That's the line? It's not a look; it's not a thing; it's she has a nickname for me." She goes, "Yeah, every time you go in the store, she's like, 'Oh, I don't even know what the nickname is. I don't even remember it.' But she's like, 'Oh, blah, blah, blah.' She's like all over you and stuff." I'm like, "Oh, okay. Well, I didn't see that as a problem." And I even told her, I was like, "Look, I don't think—I think you're seeing this right." I don't think—I think she's just being, you know, a good manager and such, trying to make me feel important as a customer and all that stuff. And then she goes, "Oh, really? So you're telling me if a guy had a nickname for me, and all of a sudden we walked into church and somebody started calling me 'Caiters,' and I said, 'Hey, no, no, no one has to die today, okay? You made your point. Sit down. We won't go there.'" All right? But what did I do? Okay, my wife told me that, and I didn't even agree with her. But what do you think I did? I found a different store to go to, okay? I did because that's what honors my wife. Because I may not see it how she does, but I respect her enough to listen to her and to honor her. And if she thinks that that's a problematic person, sometimes I don't see things that other people see. So many times, the things that I look at don't ever look dangerous to me, but other people who don't have the same glasses on as me can see the problems, can see the potential curves coming up, and they see that guardrail that needs to be placed there. And so I didn't do it.

And here's the thing: if there's problematic people in your relationships, you need to talk about it. And for some of you, look, here's the thing of it: some of you, it may not be a problematic person in your marriage, but even if you're single, or there might be a person that you are starting to feel an emotional connection to—maybe somebody at work, maybe somebody that you've begun to confide in, maybe somebody that you've begun to DM or text. And here's the thing: if you start to feel yourself being pulled, even if you start to wander in your brain, you need to butt a guardrail up. And one of the things you can do is speaking of it diffuses it. Speaking of it diffuses it, and you need to talk about those people who might potentially threaten your sexual integrity.

The second thing is this: ask your why. Ask your why. And this is not going to get a lot of likes, okay? But here's the thing I got to ask. Here's my question for you: why are you about to post? Why are you about to comment? Why are you about to watch? Why are you about to look for? Or why are you about to send that? Look, can we just be honest? Like, seriously, like that's one of the things I love about our church, okay? I'm just an honest guy, and I'll be even honest with myself. I'm guilty of doing this. But come on, how many of us have ever posted a picture, and you know exactly what everybody's going to be looking at? Guys can do it too. Guys can take their shirt off and be like, you know what I mean? But I mean, ladies, again, I don't want to be a conservative weirdo or anything, but come on, you looked in the mirror, and you can see what everybody's gonna see, and you're not stupid. You know where everybody's eyes are gonna go. Why? Especially if you're married. I think it's just a good question: why do you need somebody else to be looking at that? What are you looking for? Why do you need affirmation? Do you need love? Do you need somebody to tell you you're pretty? Do you need somebody to tell you you're skinny? What are you looking for? Let me ask you a legitimate question: do you want somebody to lust after you? Seriously, with that picture, with those clothes on, do you want somebody to lust after you? Because it's—yeah, I'm hitting my own guardrails right now. Do you want that? Just why? I'm just—you need to ask yourself that question: why?

And here's the thing: you answer that question however you need to answer it. But here's the thing: if the answer doesn't honor yourself, others, or God, then you're about to cross the line. And I'm just saying, love yourself enough, love others enough, honor God enough to be mindful about it.

And the last thing is this: never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever keep a secret. Never. I can't tell you how many times I've sat with married couples who are in a rough spot or somebody crossed the line, and where did it begin? A secret. A secret is always the nucleus of a lie, always. And it always starts with one, and then it becomes two, and then it becomes three, and then you just own it, and you run with it. Never, ever, ever keep a secret because here's the thing: when you have a secret, you're halfway to somewhere you might not be able to come back from. Because once you cross that line, guys, let's just be honest: God can forgive, but people don't forget very easily. God can always forgive, but people do not forget very easily, and that's just the reality of it.

Now, I know you're listening to this, and you hate this, okay? Nobody's gonna favorite this message, all right? Myself included, okay? And here's the thing: you're like, "This is a lot," right? But here's the thing: dangerous environments call for extreme measures. Dangerous environments call for extreme measures. So we have to talk about this. And here's the thing: this is why I think it's so great for you to come to church or for you to be a part of a church, and this is why I think you need to bring your kids to church. Where else in the world is anybody else talking about this? Are your kids' sports teams sitting the team down and going, "Hey, boys, okay, so today I want to talk about sexual integrity"? No, they don't do that. Not against sports, but here's the thing: they're not going to talk to your kids about that. If anything, those are some of the places where the "boys will be boys" and "locker room talk" is encouraged. Where else are they going to talk about sexual integrity? Tell me where else in the world anybody is talking about sexual integrity to protect your marriage. Where there's no community, there's no place. If anything, they're dangerous environments that sometimes tempt us and drag us in. This is why we have to have this conversation here, and it sucks to have it. It ain't fun. You think I want to preach on this stuff? I want to go back to preaching about grace and Jesus loves me all day long. That's what I want to talk about. But we all know this is an issue. We see it in the world, and we see the problem, and we go, "Hmm, how are we going to end sex trafficking? How are we going to change how women are over-sexualized and demeaned and treated less than? How are we going to protect children? How are we going to rebuild the home and make sure that children and families are in safe environments where they're taken care of? What are we going to do?" Well, it starts with you, and it starts with your decisions, even the small ones. And we got to talk about it, and we have to be wise because there's traps all over the place.

And to go back to what Paul said in Ephesians: "Be very careful how you live, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days—the days are evil. The days are dangerous. There are traps laid for you everywhere you go. Therefore, don't be foolish. Don't be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is." Because here's the reality: I love you, and God loves you, and I don't want to get those phone calls where somebody crossed a line. This is not on the script, but I have to tell this story. There was a wedding I did years ago, somebody who attended our church. And in every single time I do premarital counseling, I tell them, "Hey, look, you don't got to go to my church, but you really need to be in church if you're going to make it. You really need Jesus. I want to encourage you to follow Jesus, to be a part of a church. It doesn't have to be mine. I'm not going to make it, but I'm really, really going to encourage you."

And a lot of times, couples, they disappear. Sometimes they come back, whatever it may be. And then a couple months ago, I start getting phone calls, and I get texts. And one of the people that I married got arrested. And what he got arrested for was he had been married for a couple years. He had had two kids with this woman, and he was caught in a sexual online thing where he was making pornographic material with his two daughters that were both under the age of four. And I get that phone call, and they're like, "He got arrested, and he was making pornographic material and selling it online." Here's the fallout, okay? And I get that phone call, and I just—tears just immediately. And I look at my wife, Kade, and I tell her, "What do I tell everyone? What do I always say? This didn't begin until after that." What did I say? "You need Jesus. You need church." And sometimes when you say that, it flows over your head, and you don't realize just how much you need it.

So here's the thing: if this comes across any certain way, it's coming from a place from a person who has seen the dark side of this stuff, who gets the phone calls of fathers who are molesting and selling pornographic material of their children. And yeah, it began a long time before that with viewing of material and thinking about things and wondering about stuff. You know what? It didn't start with the physical stuff. There was a guardrail that was crossed a long time ago. And if you want to change this stuff, if you want to go to war against this stuff, if you want to change our world, guess what? Many have in this room. You probably won't become a pedophile, but we're all playing a part in this, and we all got to do our part to stop it. And it starts with me. It starts with what I'm complicit with. It's what I entertain myself with. It's what I give my money to because this dark stuff exists, and it starts with me being wise about me because it's out there.

So I say that to say that if this comes off as too serious or is too much or is too heavy, it's because it's a burden on my heart that keeps me up at night. It's a burden in my heart of the dark stuff that I see way too often, and everybody thinks they're bulletproof from it. You're not. So I want to pray for you. I want to pray for you because I know this stirs up all kinds of stuff, but I want to pray for you because, man, you got to have a conversation with God about this stuff.

So will you bow your heads with me? Father God, Father God, I come to you today, and it was so easy to just blow this off. So easy to just avoid these conversations. It's so easy to just not talk about this stuff. It's so easy to think that I'm bulletproof from it, that it's never going to happen to me, it's never going to—that's never gonna be my kid, that's never going to happen in my household, that's never going to happen to my grandkid. But God, man, this dark stuff is evil, and it's a trap, and there ain't nothing in this world that's encouraging us to stay away from it. There's nothing in this world that's encouraging us to build a guardrail from it. It's all giving in and living your life and being your true self and having a good time. But man, God, when reality hits, when we hear a story like this, then it becomes a reality. Then it becomes real. God, we need you to help us build some guardrails in our life because, God, I don't want any more phone calls like that. I don't want to sit with any more married couples who are getting a divorce because somebody crossed the line, and one of them just can't get over it. I don't want to get those—I don't want to see that. I want to see everybody living happy, healthy lives. I want to see our kids growing up safe, even in their own homes. I want them to be safe in their own homes. I want them to be safe at school. I want them to feel like they can trust an adult. God, we got to get a handle on this, and it begins with me, and it begins with my personal guardrails and my personal decisions.

So God, will you start with me today? You have a conversation with me because maybe I play a part in it. Maybe I don't. Maybe I do. So God, will you do what's necessary in me? In your name, we pray. Amen.

As the band comes back...