Embracing Motherhood: Faith, Community, and Authentic Living

Today, I had the privilege of sharing the stage with four remarkable women—Rochelle, Aisha, Janet, and Kristen—who graciously shared their experiences and insights on motherhood and faith. We delved into the complexities of parenting, the joys and challenges it brings, and how these experiences shape our walk with God.

We began by introducing each panelist, allowing them to share a bit about their families and their journeys. This set the stage for a deeper exploration into the personal stories and lessons learned from their lives as mothers. Janet and Rochelle shared memorable parenting moments, both fun and challenging, highlighting the unpredictable nature of parenting and the need to embrace both the highs and the lows.

A significant part of our discussion revolved around the concept of control—or more precisely, the illusion of it. As parents, we often start with the notion that we can shape and direct our children's lives. However, as they grow, it becomes evident that this control is not only limited but also less influential than the example we set by our own lives. This realization was poignantly shared by Janet, who noted how her children have mirrored her behaviors and attitudes, underscoring the importance of living authentically and faithfully.

Kristen and Aisha then shared how motherhood has impacted their faith. Kristen spoke about the convergence of her role as a mother and her walk with Jesus, noting how each role informs and enriches the other. Aisha expanded on this, emphasizing that whether one is a parent or not, the invitation to walk closely with Jesus is universal and constant.

The conversation also touched on practical ways to support mothers, recognizing the diverse needs and stresses they face. Rochelle and Kristen provided insights into how acts of service, understanding, and presence can significantly uplift mothers. This part of our discussion was particularly focused on the community's role in providing tangible support that aligns with what mothers find genuinely helpful and affirming.

As we wrapped up our time together, I led us in a prayer, thanking God for the insights shared and asking for His continued guidance in our lives. We concluded with a song that resonates with the themes of trust and surrender to God, reflecting on the beauty and pain of Mother's Day for many.

**Key Takeaways:**

1. **Parenting as a Reflection of Personal Faith** - The way we live our faith is often more influential than the lessons we try to teach verbally. Our children absorb our attitudes, values, and behaviors, making authentic living a powerful testament to them. This calls for a deep personal reflection on how we embody the principles we wish to impart. [35:12]

2. **The Illusion of Control in Parenting** - Recognizing that control in parenting is largely an illusion can be liberating. It invites us to focus more on being present and supportive rather than directive. This shift can lead to a healthier relationship with our children, allowing them to grow into their own unique selves with God as their ultimate guide. [41:41]

3. **Motherhood's Impact on Spiritual Walk** - Motherhood can deeply enrich a woman's spiritual journey, integrating life's practical aspects with spiritual growth. This integration helps in understanding the broader aspects of God’s care and stewardship, which can be reflected in how we manage our roles within the family and beyond. [42:21]

4. **Supporting Mothers Effectively** - Supporting mothers goes beyond mere words; it requires actions that are genuinely helpful. Listening to their needs and responding with practical help like doing chores or providing meaningful companionship can make a significant difference. This approach fosters a supportive community that values and understands the challenges of motherhood. [47:29]

5. **Community and Motherhood** - The church community plays a crucial role in supporting mothers by recognizing the diverse experiences of Mother's Day. Creating a space where mothers can feel celebrated, supported, and understood regardless of their circumstances is essential for a nurturing community. [48:56]

**Youtube Chapters:**
- [0:00] - Welcome
- [22:55] - Introduction of Panelists
- [28:58] - Sharing Parenting Wins and Challenges
- [35:12] - Lessons on Control and Influence
- [41:41] - Insights on Parenting and Faith
- [47:29] - Practical Ways to Support Mothers
- [53:45] - Closing Prayer and Song

### Bible Study Discussion Guide

#### Bible Reading
1. **Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)** - "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."
2. **Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)** - "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
3. **Psalm 127:3-5 (NIV)** - "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court."

#### Observation Questions
1. What does Proverbs 22:6 suggest about the long-term impact of early childhood training?
2. According to Ephesians 6:4, what are fathers specifically instructed to avoid and to do in their parenting?
3. How does Psalm 127:3-5 describe children and their value to parents?
4. In the sermon, what did Janet share about the illusion of control in parenting? ([35:12])

#### Interpretation Questions
1. How might the principle in Proverbs 22:6 apply to the concept of living authentically and faithfully as discussed in the sermon? ([35:12])
2. What does Ephesians 6:4 imply about the balance between discipline and encouragement in parenting?
3. How can the description of children in Psalm 127:3-5 influence a parent's perspective on their role and responsibilities?
4. How did Kristen and Aisha describe the impact of motherhood on their spiritual walk, and what does this suggest about the relationship between daily life and faith? ([42:21])

#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your own life: How do you see your attitudes and behaviors being mirrored by those around you, especially children? What changes might you need to make to live more authentically? ([35:12])
2. Think about a time when you tried to control a situation or person. How did it turn out? What steps can you take to surrender control to God in similar situations in the future? ([41:41])
3. How can you integrate your daily responsibilities with your spiritual growth, similar to how Kristen described her experience? What practical steps can you take to walk more closely with Jesus every day? ([42:21])
4. Identify a mother in your community who might need support. What specific actions can you take this week to offer practical help, such as doing chores or providing companionship? ([47:29])
5. How can your church community create a more supportive environment for mothers, especially on days like Mother's Day that can be both joyful and painful? What role can you play in this effort? ([48:56])
6. Reflect on a recent challenge you faced in parenting or supporting a parent. How did you handle it, and what did you learn from the experience? How can you apply this learning to future situations?
7. Consider the concept of stewardship versus ownership in parenting. How does viewing your children as God's people entrusted to you for a season change your approach to parenting? ([42:21])

Day 1: Authentic Faith Shapes Our Children
Living authentically in faith is more impactful than any direct lesson we might try to teach. Our children are keen observers, absorbing not just our words but our behaviors and attitudes. This calls for a deep personal reflection on how we embody the principles we wish to impart. As parents, our actions and reactions in daily life serve as a continuous, living lesson to our children. This realization invites us to examine our own spiritual walk and its consistency, understanding that our genuine living in faith can profoundly influence our children's spiritual formation. This is not just about teaching; it's about being. [35:12]

James 1:22-25 (ESV): "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing."

Reflection: How does your daily life reflect your faith to your children? What changes might you need to make to better model the faith you profess?

Day 2: The Illusion of Control in Parenting
Recognizing that control in parenting is largely an illusion can be liberating. It invites us to focus more on being present and supportive rather than directive. This shift can lead to a healthier relationship with our children, allowing them to grow into their own unique selves with God as their ultimate guide. Understanding that our role is not to control but to guide and support can transform our approach to parenting, making it more about companionship and less about governance. This perspective helps in fostering independence and confidence in our children, as they learn to navigate life's challenges with God's wisdom rather than mere parental instruction. [41:41]

Proverbs 19:21 (ESV): "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand."

Reflection: In what ways do you try to control outcomes in your children’s lives? How can you shift towards being more of a supportive guide?

Day 3: Integrating Motherhood and Spiritual Growth
Motherhood can deeply enrich a woman's spiritual journey, integrating life's practical aspects with spiritual growth. This integration helps in understanding the broader aspects of God’s care and stewardship, which can be reflected in how we manage our roles within the family and beyond. As mothers, the daily challenges and joys can become pathways to deeper faith and understanding, showing us new dimensions of God's love and patience. This perspective not only enriches the mother's spiritual life but also imparts valuable lessons to her children, demonstrating how faith can guide and uplift through all of life's experiences. [42:21]

1 Thessalonians 2:7-8 (ESV): "But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us."

Reflection: How has motherhood deepened your understanding of God’s character? What aspects of your spiritual walk have been most influenced by your role as a mother?

Day 4: Actions Speak Louder in Supporting Mothers
Supporting mothers goes beyond mere words; it requires actions that are genuinely helpful. Listening to their needs and responding with practical help like doing chores or providing meaningful companionship can make a significant difference. This approach fosters a supportive community that values and understands the challenges of motherhood. By actively participating in the lives of mothers, offering tangible help and emotional support, we embody the love and care that Christ calls us to extend to each other, strengthening the bonds within our community and providing a model of service for others to follow. [47:29]

Galatians 6:2 (ESV): "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Reflection: What practical steps can you take this week to support a mother in your community? How can you make your help more meaningful to her specific situation?

Day 5: The Church’s Role in Nurturing Mothers
The church community plays a crucial role in supporting mothers by recognizing the diverse experiences of Mother's Day. Creating a space where mothers can feel celebrated, supported, and understood regardless of their circumstances is essential for a nurturing community. This involves acknowledging both the joys and the challenges of motherhood and providing a supportive environment that caters to the varied needs of mothers. By doing so, the church not only upholds its mission to foster community but also strengthens the individual faith journeys of its members, making the church a true sanctuary for all. [48:56]

Romans 12:15-16 (ESV): "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight."

Reflection: How can your church better support the mothers in its congregation? What initiatives could you start or participate in to make this support more effective?

Well, hey, Menlo Church. How about that story? That's amazing. I'm so glad that you are here with us today. Absolutely.

And maybe your story is, I've heard from some people today already whose story is really dramatic about what Mother's Day means to you and maybe your picture of family. And maybe it's a really easy day for you to celebrate and it's really fun.

Maybe for some of you, Mother's Day represents a really painful day. You're grieving loss in your life. Maybe you're grieving the loss of a child or maybe the vision of what you thought parenting and family would look like.

And so we want to be sensitive to the fact that no matter what this day holds for you, this is a place that we want to be a safe place for us to hold it together. And for us to be able to come together to learn something, to be able to celebrate, to mourn.

Days like today are not monolithic even within you. Like it can be even a mixed and kind of muddled day. That's totally okay.

Today I have some friends up here with me, four ladies that are incredible. I do want to say this at the outset. We all kind of know I'm not like the best looker, right? Like we're all... And on a day like today, it kind of gets intense. It gets accentuated.

And so if you would just not bring that up later with me, that would help just my self-esteem. But we have four ladies on stage today who are going to help us really learn from kind of their journey of faith and parenting and how those have come together and what learning through that has looked like.

I'm going to give them a chance to introduce themselves and tell you a little bit about their family. But on my right, your left, we have Rochelle and Aisha. On my left, your right, we have Janet and Kristen. And so welcome. So glad that you are here. So glad, ladies, that you are here.

Rochelle, would you start us off? Tell us a little bit about your family.

I think that's what it is. That's what it means.

So, yeah, fantastic. Janet, how about you? Do you have anything you want to tell them? They're listening right now. I'm sure of it.

Amazing. Yeah, great job. It's amazing.

Yeah, so obviously there are all kinds of highs and lows being a parent. Things we look back on with fondness. Things we're like, please don't remember that based on the child's age.

Maybe, Janet, share with us like a fun, like a mom win for you that you think, I really want to remember this. I hope our family carries it with us too.

Okay. All right. Whatever win you want. It can be non-fun. It can be non-fun. Sometimes my family calls me no fun Phil. So I'm here for it. Whatever you need.

Perfect. That's good. So if not having kids is a part of your plan, just watch out. Watch out.

So fun or not fun parenting win, Rochelle. Give it to us.

That's so good. So good.

Well, obviously, you know, there's wins we all carry. But there's learnings along the way as parents too. So Aisha, can you tell us maybe what is like your biggest learning at this point as a mom, as a parent so far?

Yeah, I think when you're a parent of really young kids, they do what you tell them to do. But I think as kids get older, some of you, you have grown kids, and that illusion of control gets clearer and clearer as an illusion the older they become.

So with that in mind, maybe Janet, share from your perspective what has been your biggest learning.

Who, again, are in the service. Just want to... That's great. So good. And thanks to your son for letting us hear some of that story.

I think, you know, so much of it, we think as parents, is about, you know, what does it look like for us to teach what we know? But really we reproduce who we are. And our kids are going to see that kind of whether we like them to or not.

And so I think it's just such a great testament to be able to hear your story and where some of that growth has already taken place.

Kristen, can you tell us a little bit, as a mom, how has being a mom and being a follower of Jesus sort of converged? How has being a mom maybe informed or changed how you follow Jesus?

That's good. That's really good.

Yeah. And I think all of us hopefully, like we all know that our kids are going to be in therapy at some point. Like we all know that.

And so I think trying to cut yourself some slack as a parent. To be able to say, I'm going to do my best. I'm going to trust.

If you're not a church person, you've heard the term steward used a few times. And you're maybe Googling it. It's just basically to say the difference between ownership and stewardship. Ownership, this is mine. Stewardship, these are God's people. And I get them for a season. I get to hopefully influence them well.

But as has already been surfaced several times, really ultimately the responsibility is with God. And so I'm thankful for that and feel responsibility with that.

So as we think about that same question, would love for you, Aisha, to answer it from your perspective. How has being a mom changed how you follow Jesus?

Well, I think one of the things I hope happens is maybe you're not a parent. You know, maybe for you that's just not a part of your life, your story. Maybe you're not married.

But that invitation to a deeper journey with Jesus that like every moment of every day. It's not like on Sunday and then the rest of my life is up to me. But like I'm constantly walking with him.

I think what I hear Aisha saying for all of us, right? Is that that's an invitation for all of us regardless of what our life looks like.

Rochelle, if somebody in the room is wondering how can I support moms in their lives? Not like what I want to do for them but what they would really find helpful. Maybe this is shaped by how you think about that.

But maybe more generally, how do you think people could best support and help moms right now?

They sound the same to me. So let me just ask you a follow-up question. If, for instance, like I'm asking for a friend. I would never struggle with this. But if you are hearing someone like a mom in your life is talking, there's lots of stress.

And it's like you're describing a person. There's a problem. I or somebody else is like I have a solution to this. Let me help you. And I'm hearing you say like not all help is helpful, which is great.

What should I or that person say instead in that situation than just jumping into advice mode?

Yeah, that's great. That's really helpful.

So do laundry while bringing things. And buy presents. All right, I got it. While being present. Taking notes. Taking notes. Taking notes.

That's great. All right, Kristen, same question to you. Somebody says, I really want to support moms in my life. How can they do that?

Those are your love languages. Coffee and babysitting. That's good.

Well, I'd love for us, just as we kind of wrap our time, maybe to hear a little bit how we can pray specifically for you and for your family.

So, Kristen, maybe get us started. How can we be praying for you?

Sure. That's great. And how about you, Rochelle?

The Lord hears it.

Yes. Yes. That is really good. Very good.

Well, these ladies have given us a significant portion of their life and their Mother's Day to help us learn together. So would you join me in just saying thank you and celebrating them?

Well, in just a second, I am going to pray for us. And then we are going to sing a song that is an original Menlo song called "Trustworthy." And it is really a pretty big part of Junior and Abigail's story.

Really about this trust of God when things are going well and when things are painful and difficult. And I think whether Mother's Day for you is really something that you are celebrating or it really is painful and difficult and you have deeply mixed feelings about it, I think you will find lines in the song that may resonate with you.

And I hope that over the course of these last few minutes, no matter your season of life, situation in life, you know you are loved by God. And that this hope of what does it look like to walk with Him more closely every day is an invitation to all of us.

Would you pray with me?

God, thank you so much. Thank you for the gift of this time that we have together. Thank you for these amazing ladies and the stories that they shared.

There is really nothing, God, that I could add to that. So I pray that you would help those words to linger in our hearts and in our minds this week.

That you would maybe remind us of some of the things that they surfaced about what it looks like to extend grace to ourselves and to others. Because you have already extended so much to us.

And I pray, God, that in this picture of trusting you, because the illusion of control is just that, an illusion. I pray that there are maybe pockets or areas in our life right now that we would surrender this false sense of control.

And that we would trust you, God, in brand new ways today. God, would you be with us now? It's in Jesus' name. Amen.

**Quotes for Outreach:**

1. "I think when you're a parent of really young kids, they do what you tell them to do. But I think as kids get older, some of you, you have grown kids, and that illusion of control gets clearer and clearer as an illusion the older they become." [35:12](Download raw clip | Make vertical clip | Make vertical captioned clip)

2. "And I think all of us hopefully, like we all know that our kids are going to be in therapy at some point. Like we all know that. And so I think trying to cut yourself some slack as a parent. To be able to say, I'm going to do my best. I'm going to trust." [41:41](Download raw clip | Make vertical clip | Make vertical captioned clip)

3. "Ownership, this is mine. Stewardship, these are God's people. And I get them for a season. I get to hopefully influence them well. But as has already been surfaced several times, really ultimately the responsibility is with God." [42:21](Download raw clip | Make vertical clip | Make vertical captioned clip)

4. "Well, I think one of the things I hope happens is maybe you're not a parent. You know, maybe for you that's just not a part of your life, your story. Maybe you're not married. But that invitation to a deeper journey with Jesus that like every moment of every day. It's not like on Sunday and then the rest of my life is up to me. But like I'm constantly walking with him." [42:21](Download raw clip | Make vertical clip | Make vertical captioned clip)

**Quotes for Members:**

1. "So much of it, we think as parents, is about, you know. What does it look like for us to teach what we know? But really we reproduce who we are. And our kids are going to see that kind of whether we like them to or not. And so I think it's just such a great testament to be able to hear your story and where some of that growth has already taken place." [35:12](Download raw clip | Make vertical clip | Make vertical captioned clip)

2. "How has being a mom maybe informed or changed how you follow Jesus? That's good. That's really good. Yeah." [41:41](Download raw clip | Make vertical clip | Make vertical captioned clip)

3. "If, for instance, like I'm asking for a friend. I would never struggle with this. But if you are hearing someone like a mom in your life is talking, there's lots of stress. And it's like you're describing a person. There's a problem. I or somebody else is like I have a solution to this. Let me help you. And I'm hearing you say like not all help is helpful, which is great. What should I or that person say instead in that situation than just jumping into advice mode?" [48:56](Download raw clip | Make vertical clip | Make vertical captioned clip)

4. "Taking notes. Taking notes. Taking notes. That's great. All right, Kristen, same question to you." [48:56](Download raw clip | Make vertical clip | Make vertical captioned clip)