Growing in Christ Before Marriage: Key Principles

Thank you very much to our Brass Ensemble and Orchestra, directed by Hector Zavalo. It was nice to have Hector back from the Youth Convention at Appalachian Bible College.

This Fourth of July weekend, we have much to be thankful for and much to be concerned about. We welcome our live stream audience as well. This Sunday is a special holiday weekend, and Pastor Mark will be preaching in our Family Series. Before the message, we will be participating in Communion.

This Wednesday, July 5th, we will be having a concert indoors. We had hoped to have an outdoor concert, but we decided to have it indoors. We will be providing hot dogs and apple pie as we have a patriotic Americana theme with the King's Brass. You can find the details for the rest of the summer Family Nights on the back of your bulletin.

We also have a promotion for a bit of a change at Kearneysville Bible Church. Pastor Tim spent five Sundays in a row there, and the connection was very valuable. The congregation voted 16 to nothing to change their time to 11 A.M. so that they could accommodate Pastor Tim's Sunday morning schedule. We ask that you pray for Pastor Tim as he begins to preach every Sunday morning at Carnesville Bible Church, and that you support it in some way. Encouraging words to Tim and stopping by Carnesville Bible Church would be greatly appreciated.

Tim is excited to preach God's word weekly, but that's going to add to his workload, so please uphold him in prayer.

This past week at Fellowship Bible Church, a number of people were away at the convention. Those that were here were led by Pastor Dan, Renee Heinbaugh, and Laura Vacater. They had a Christian Armor Castle night theme with their Little Tikes Camp. What a wonderful week they had with the four, five, and six-year-olds! They have two more camps this summer, with another Pioneer Camp coming up this week with the holiday, and then they concluded with the Mega Adventure Kids Day Camp, which usually has 300 plus campers. Please pray for their youth and children's ministry.

We are proud of our Middle School teens who participated so much in the leadership of this past week. We also want to remember John and Joycee Sue, who were faithful in their attendance and participation here. Joyce was in our choir, and they were just wonderful, gracious people. John stepped into the presence of his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ this past Monday night at 88 years old. Let us join together in prayer for Joycee and her family as they go through this difficult time.

We celebrate our freedom this weekend, and we pause to remember another battle where the hobnail boot of a different Tyrant was defeated. As the Offspring of the woman bruised the Serpent's head at Golgotha, our Lord Jesus took the sin of the world upon himself and cried out, "It is finished" once and for all. Salvation was secured through the blood of Jesus Christ.

We do not practice closed communion here, and we have a very simple memorial service that we do every so often. The men will serve us a piece of bread and a cup of juice, and we remember the Lord's death until he comes again.

I'm also thinking of Joycee Carpenter and her husband John. They had moved from here to Berkeley Springs several years ago, and then from Berkeley Springs to Vermont, where their children are as well. Mrs. John had struggled with dementia the last several years, but now he's made whole and free from all of that. Let's remember to pray for Joycee, a dear sister in Christ, this week.

Let's bow before the Lord now as we enter the presence of God and pray.

Father, we come before you this morning and give you thanks and praise for the chance to be here to worship freely in a place where we still can. We thank you, Lord, for all of your blessings upon this country from its beginning until now.

Father, we ask and pray that you would give us the wisdom and the strength as Christians as we walk and work in this world, carrying your light and leading others to God in our own ways. As Americans, we continue on until you come to get us.

Lord, I ask and I pray that you would be with Joycee. I thank you for John, and I thank you for the gift that he was, and I thank you that he is in your presence.

Lord, I ask and I pray your blessing upon the service today. Please give Pastor Van clarity of thoughts and clarity of words as he brings a message. I ask your blessing upon the service today in Jesus' name, Amen.

It was before they had eaten that Jesus took the bread, giving thanks, and then he broke it and said, "This represents my body broken for you. Do this in remembrance of me." Let us partake together.

Then he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the New Covenant in my blood. Do this as often as you drink it in remembrance of me." The Apostle Paul added a footnote and said, "For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes."

With grateful hearts, as God's people, let us partake together in remembrance of the finished work of Christ.

It's a time to bow our heads and to examine our hearts, even as to being in the faith. If there's any unconfessed sin, any broken relationships in our lives, it's a time to make amends before God. It's also a time to quietly thank God for the finished work of Christ at the cross.

Reminded of how the Apostle Paul used the word freedom or free in Romans chapter 6, verse 22, he said, "But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification, and its end is eternal life. Praise God!"

Now a more familiar verse, Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." He used the word in two different ways, didn't he? Christ has set us free from sin, and God offers us this salvation as a free gift. Praise God, not by works, not by any standard.

So we humbly bow before our heavenly Father, we admit our sinfulness, we accept as done for us the finished work of Christ. He takes our robes of filthiness and sinfulness and dresses us in his robes of righteousness, about which we've just sung.

The only criteria is that you be a believer in the Lord Christ to hold the bread and partake of the cup. We'll do that together. The men come now to serve us.

Well, I've made a mental note to speak with Deacon Johnson about apologizing to God for praying for Pastor Van. A prayer for Pastor Van is never a wasted prayer, trust me, especially when it's a prayer of repentance.

I just want to say that I'm so grateful for over a decade now, 11 years plus, Pastor Mark and chairs have been part of our staff. Pastor Mark has been on our staff as youth pastor for most of 10 years now, and for already over a year he has been serving in a new role as associate pastor of Adult Ministries.

I just want to say publicly how much I appreciate all of our staff. We have a staff that's growing in effectiveness and maturation, not the least is Pastor Mark's leadership here. He has an excellent mind for the scriptures, and he has become someone that I depend upon more and more for insight and for his judgment on matters.

His effectiveness as a pastoral counselor is growing, and he's just involved in many, many layers of the ministry here in support as we shepherd the flock together.

This morning he opens the word of God. Before he comes, let's stand together and let's sing our Hymn of the month one more time. It fits well in retrospect of communion.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.

We adore the Lord Jesus, and we want to live for Him, so teach us from Your word now that we would receive Your instruction well.

Bless Pastor Mark as he delivers. What a privilege to sit under the preaching of the word. May we all count it so now in Jesus' name, Amen.

Amen. You may be seated.

Well, if you didn't know, I ran track in high school in Winfield, West Virginia. I was a Winfield General, if you know anything about them. I lived right beside the canal River on the other side of Poca, the polka dots. I ran track.

Do we have any track people out there? We had some people that ran track in high school. Well, I ran the hurdles, I did high jump, discus, shot put, and I realized I liked track. But I realized that God made two kinds of people in this world, those who have speed and those who have distance, and then there's me. I don't have either one, but man, I'm really quick in three feet. You know, I've got a quick first step.

I ran the 300 highs in high school, and we were at a track event up in Northern West Virginia. I can't remember the high school we were at. I was not known to ever win any of those events. In fact, I don't think I ever won any of those events, not even sure I got second place.

The gun went off, I started running.

Before I say "I do," there are many things to consider. One important aspect of marriage is the "Marriage Fence," which is a concept introduced by Pastor Van. This fence has four rails that must be jumped over before a wedding can be officiated.

I want to add an electric fence to this concept to help young people think twice before they jump the fence. This fence has four rails that must be hurdled before we'll officiate a wedding. These rails are: 1) A commitment to God, 2) A commitment to each other, 3) A commitment to the family, and 4) A commitment to the community.

In life, we have many hurdles to run, and before we get to those hurdles, we should prepare. This morning, I wanted to focus on what should be done before I say "I do." We can learn a lot from my own experience running the hurdles. I had good form, but I couldn't do very well when it came to speed. I was in the lead for the first 100 meters, but when I got to the last hurdle in the turn, I didn't run it very well. I flew through the air and landed face first, scratching up my face and side. I got back up and ran across the finish line, getting third place.

This experience taught me that preparation is key. We should prepare before we jump the marriage fence. All of these characteristics apply to everyone, whether married or single.

Before you say "I do," it is important for Christians to be a growing and serving Christian. In Genesis 1:26-28, God created man in His own image and blessed them. He gave them the opportunity to have a relationship with Him and to be dependent on Him.

Marriage is a covenant between God and two individuals, and it is a serious and solemn event. We as a church need to uphold it highly and reclaim it as a covenant between God and two individuals. Marriage is a reflection of Jesus and His relationship with the church, and it is a privilege to have this opportunity.

Young people, before you say "I do," you should be a growing Christian. You must be a growing Christian, and husbands, wives, and mothers should be growing in their relationship with Christ. You should also be a serving Christian.

Notice in verse 28, God said to them to be fruitful, multiply, fill the Earth, subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing. Let us take marriage seriously and see what the Holy Spirit has in store for us this morning.

A growing Christian is going to be a serving Christian. How are you serving, young man? How are you serving, young lady, in the church today? I should also ask those who are older in years, how are you serving today?

A growing Christian is a serving Christian. Now you might have the mindset, "I've done my time." Okay, well this isn't a penitentiary. You have done your time, and then praise God for that. Here's something that I encourage you to do: you should be a trainee now. Now you need to grab a hold of one of these, figuratively speaking, grab a hold of one of these young people, and you need to help them, encourage them, show them this is how you serve.

We need growing, serving Christians. This is what you should be. If you're not this, then the electric fence just zapped you. You need to step back a little bit, kind of work on some things before you pursue marriage.

Also, there should be a content Christian. Content Christian. There are many other characteristics that maybe you should be before marriage. These are just some that I'm centering on.

Genesis 2:18 says, "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'" Notice what it does not say there. It does not say that Adam was lonely. Marriage was not designed to help out your loneliness. No, no, that's not what it was there for. Adam was perfectly content in his relationship with God.

Now there was something not quite right; he was alone. He did not have his help meet, his equal companion with differing roles. He did not have his helper like all the other animals that were brought by him that he named, that they had a companion. Thankfully, none of those were fitting for the man. Praise God, and we have woman. Wonderful! Without woman, we are helpless. But he was perfectly content in his relationship.

Proverbs 19:23 says, "The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm." Both men and women, we need to be satisfied and content in our relationship with Christ.

Marriage will not bring full fulfillment to your life. There is satisfaction in marriage, right? Okay, amen. Yes, I got one guy, all right. There is, but it will not fill the ultimate satisfaction and fulfillment that we all desire found in Christ.

So, you must be a growing, serving, and content Christian before you can jump over the electric fence at the very bottom.

But what must he be now? Are there some differences between the man and the woman? Maybe a little. I would say yes.

Well, one thing that he must be is that he must be leading himself. So, before marriage, you young men here need to begin leading yourself.

One of the roles of men is to lead and protect women. This is seen in Genesis 2:15-17, where the Lord God put the man in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it. This word 'keep' doesn't just mean to tend the garden, but also to guard and protect.

Young men should lead themselves by taking responsibility and working. They should not just live off their parents, but should provide for themselves and their future wives. This does not mean that women cannot work or help, but God will hold men responsible for providing for their wives.

Men should also protect women and children, and women should feel most protected in the context of the local church, as Christian men love and protect them.

You shall not commit adultery, but I say to you, whoever looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery in his heart. So, men, we need to control our minds and our thoughts and our desires and our passions and our lusts and our ambitions and our goals and our dreams and our plans and our ideas and our opinions and our words and our tongues and our emotions and our attitudes and our actions and our reactions and our behavior and our habits and our lifestyle and our character and our integrity and our faithfulness and our commitment and our loyalty and our love and our devotion and our worship and our service and our ministry and our relationships and our finances and our time and our energy and our resources and our talents and our gifts and our calling and our purpose and our destiny and our future and our legacy and our inheritance and our inheritance in Christ and our inheritance in the Kingdom of God.

Young men, take responsibility by obeying God. This is your relationship with Christ, not your parents'. Pursue Christ and seek to know Him. If you don't like reading, get over it and start, or get an audio Bible and listen to it.

Men need to grow and obey God, know Him, and live for Him. How can you lead your family spiritually if you can't lead yourself spiritually? Obey your mother and father, and start with your mother first.

An important aspect of leadership is service, so self-sacrificially serve your wife and children. When you come home from work, think of how you can serve your wife and children. This is an expression of love.

Young men, honor your mother, respect her, protect her, be kind to her, and serve her.

Pursue independence and practice self-control. Abstain from sexual immorality and control your lustful desires. Control what you do outwardly, but also control what you think inside.

Jesus said that whoever looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery in his heart. Control your minds, desires, passions, ambitions, goals, dreams, plans, ideas, opinions, words, tongues, emotions, attitudes, actions, reactions, behavior, habits, lifestyle, character, integrity, faithfulness, commitment, loyalty, love, devotion, worship, service, ministry, relationships, finances, time, energy, resources, talents, gifts, calling, purpose, destiny, future, legacy, inheritance, inheritance in Christ, and inheritance in the Kingdom of God.

If you are looking to get married, it is a lie to say that "don't worry, that'll be solved once you get married." It won't; it'll still be there, and it will increase even more.

You shall not commit adultery, but everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery in his heart. If you are having struggles with this, you need to get accountability. Come talk to me or one of the pastors, and we can connect you with some people.

Likewise, you who are younger should be subject to the elders. Here are four things that she should be doing:

1. Developing a posture or attitude of submission to biblical male leadership.
2. Growing a gentle and quiet spirit.
3. Honoring her father and mother.
4. Seeking to be satisfied with God.

Gentleness is strength under control, and God says that this attitude is very precious in His sight. Ladies, you are strong in different ways than men are, and you are to express this gentle and quiet spirit.

Marriage will not make it any better if you cannot control this now. Relationship is a glorious thing, but ultimately, you need to be seeking satisfaction in God and God alone.

Even if your spouse brings you satisfaction, there will be challenging times in your marriage. If you cling to Christ, He is the one who will bring ultimate satisfaction.

Now, when it comes to marriage, there are four questions to ask:

1. Do I have biblical permission? Christians should marry Christians.
2. Do I have parental blessing? Honor your father and mother, as they have authority in your life and want what is best for you.
3. Are you going against wisdom principles? Have you heard these kinds of things before?
4. Finally, are you attracted to the person you are marrying? The Bible indicates, especially from Song of Solomon, that you need to be attracted to the person you marry.

If you weren't and you are married to them, you will get to love them and be attracted to them.

Love for one another is a beautiful thing, but it is important to think through the practicalities of marriage. If one partner is headed off to the missions field and the other has no desire to leave their home, it is wise to have a conversation about it.

No matter your age, it is important not to settle when it comes to who you marry. It is also important to be ready for children if you are considering marriage. God designed marriage for relationship and companionship, but also for children. If you are not ready for children, do not get married.

If you have stumbled in your marriage relationship, there is still hope. Get up and run after Christ, seek his face, and grow in your relationship. If you need assistance, call the office, and they will try their best to help you.

Marriage is a serious commitment and a covenant between God and the other person, and it is forever. Live for Christ and be the person he wants you to be before marriage. God bless.