Politeness: A Reflection of God's Love

### Bible Study Discussion Guide

#### Bible Reading
1. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NIV): "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."
2. James 3:17 (NIV): "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."
3. Luke 7:36-50 (NIV): The story of Jesus being anointed by a sinful woman at the Pharisee's house.

#### Observation Questions
1. According to 1 Corinthians 13:5, what are some characteristics of love that are highlighted? How do these characteristics contrast with rudeness? [24:01]
2. In James 3:17, what attributes are associated with the wisdom that comes from heaven? How do these attributes guide our interactions with others? [35:04]
3. Describe the interaction between Jesus, the Pharisee, and the sinful woman in Luke 7:36-50. How did Jesus demonstrate politeness and respect in this situation? [36:00]
4. What examples of common rudeness in today's culture were mentioned in the sermon? How do these examples illustrate the need for politeness? [29:45]

#### Interpretation Questions
1. How does the concept of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 challenge our everyday behavior towards others, especially those we disagree with? [24:01]
2. Reflect on James 3:17. How can the attributes of heavenly wisdom be applied in resolving conflicts or disagreements in our daily lives? [35:04]
3. In the story from Luke 7, why do you think Jesus chose to respond with grace and forgiveness rather than condemnation? What does this teach us about handling judgment and forgiveness? [36:00]
4. The sermon mentioned that being polite and respectful can make us distinct in a culture that often celebrates rudeness. How can this distinctiveness serve as a witness for Christ? [49:00]

#### Application Questions
1. Think of a recent situation where you were tempted to respond rudely. How could you have applied the principles from 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 to handle it differently? [24:01]
2. Identify a person in your life with whom you frequently disagree. How can you use the wisdom from James 3:17 to improve your interactions with them? [35:04]
3. Reflect on a time when you felt judged or disrespected. How did it affect you? How can you ensure that you do not make others feel the same way, following Jesus' example in Luke 7? [36:00]
4. The sermon emphasized the importance of asking questions and showing genuine interest in others' stories. Can you think of someone you can engage in a meaningful conversation this week? What questions will you ask to show your interest? [55:50]
5. How can you practice common courtesies, such as saying "please" and "thank you," in your daily interactions to reflect God's love? [45:00]
6. Consider a situation where you were easily offended. How can you develop a more forgiving and patient attitude, as suggested in Proverbs 19:11? [03:00]
7. The sermon mentioned the importance of being tactful with the truth. How can you share the Gospel with someone in a way that is both truthful and loving? [01:09:42]

This guide aims to foster meaningful discussion and personal reflection on how to embody the love and politeness described in 1 Corinthians 13, following the example of Jesus and the wisdom from James.

Day 1: Active Love Respects Others
Love is not a passive emotion but an active choice to honor and respect others, regardless of their actions or beliefs. This active love is a reflection of God's heart, who shows us unwavering kindness and expects us to do the same in our interactions. When we choose to be polite and respectful, we are not only obeying God's command but also setting a standard for Christian engagement with the world. This kind of love goes beyond mere feelings and becomes a deliberate action, even when it's challenging to do so. It's about embodying the love that 1 Corinthians 13 describes, which does not dishonor others, and thus, does not act rudely. By actively choosing to love in this way, we become a living testimony of God's love to those around us [49:33].

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." - Romans 12:17-18 (ESV)

Reflection: Consider a recent interaction where you found it difficult to be respectful. How can you choose to show active love in similar situations moving forward?

Day 2: Politeness as a Witness
In a culture that often celebrates rudeness, our politeness can shine as a beacon of Christ's love. By treating everyone with dignity and respect, we stand out and draw others to inquire about the source of our love. This opens doors to share the Gospel and demonstrate the transformative power of Jesus' love in our lives. The Apostle Paul's approach in 1 Corinthians 9, where he respects others' traditions and practices for the sake of the Gospel, is a prime example of how our distinct love can win people for Christ without compromising our beliefs [49:08].

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." - Colossians 4:6 (ESV)

Reflection: How can your polite and respectful behavior serve as a witness to someone who does not yet know Christ?

Day 3: Genuine Interest Fosters Connection
Asking questions and showing genuine interest in others' stories is a powerful expression of love. It allows us to connect on a personal level, breaking down barriers and creating opportunities for meaningful conversations about faith. This approach is not about being nosy or intrusive but about demonstrating that we value the person and their experiences. When we listen to others and engage with their stories, we follow the example of Jesus, who always had time for individual encounters and personal connections [55:50].

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." - Philippians 2:4 (ESV)

Reflection: Who in your life could benefit from your genuine interest today, and how can you show that you value their story?

Day 4: Tactful Truth Sharing
While we must not shy away from speaking the truth, doing so with gentleness and respect can lead to more receptive hearts. Tactfulness in sharing the truth is crucial, especially when restoring those caught in sin or sharing the Gospel. It's about balancing honesty with kindness, ensuring that our words heal rather than wound. This approach reflects the wisdom from above, which is pure, peace-loving, considerate, and full of mercy, as described in James 3:17. By being tactful, we embody the love of Christ and open doors for His message to be heard [01:09:42].

"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver." - Proverbs 25:11 (ESV)

Reflection: What is a situation where you need to speak the truth with gentleness and respect, and how can you prepare your heart for this conversation?

Day 5: Sharing the Gospel Out of Love
The ultimate expression of love is not to remain silent about the Gospel. Out of genuine concern for others, we must be willing to share the good news of Jesus Christ, even when it's uncomfortable. This willingness stems from understanding the eternal significance of the Gospel and the impact it can have on someone's life. By sharing the Gospel, we are not imposing our beliefs but offering the greatest gift of love we have received. It's a matter of eternal destiny, and our love compels us to speak the truth in love [01:10:14].

"And he said to them, 'Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.'" - Mark 16:15 (ESV)

Reflection: Is there someone in your life who needs to hear the Gospel? How can you lovingly and respectfully initiate that conversation today?

Good morning again, everyone. We're so glad you're here with us today. Welcome to Smyrna campus. We love you guys. Glad you're connected there. Everybody is connecting with us online. We're so happy to have that connection with you.

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We are continuing a message series we started several weeks back called "Love Notes," and it's rooted in a chapter in the Bible that's often called the Love chapter: 1 Corinthians chapter 13. If you want to be opening up to that, we'll start there, and then we'll be looking at some other verses as well, and we'll put these up on the screen for you.

In 1 Corinthians 13, it gives us a description of what love is according to God. The way God loves and the way He wants us to learn to love is a love with these attributes that are talked about here.

So we start out in 1 Corinthians 13, and verse 4 says, "Love is patient, love is kind; it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." So we've covered all of those in the series. If you missed any of these messages, you can go back and catch them; they're archived on our YouTube channel there, and you can go back and get any that you might have missed.

But today we're going into verse 5, and it says this: "It does not dishonor others." Some translations say "it is not rude." So today's message is going to be on loving in this way where you just be polite. I think there's such a need in our culture today because there's such rudeness in our culture. People are just rude to each other more than I've ever witnessed before in my lifetime. We're not being as polite as we used to be as a people.

In fact, it's sad, but many Americans, when they travel abroad, have a term for us American tourists: "those ugly Americans." That's how they refer to Americans when we go to other countries to visit. You know why? Because in those cultures, that kind of rudeness is not tolerated; it's not welcome. But we have allowed it here in our country as if it's okay. And that's not loving the way God wants us to love.

In Colossians 4, verses 5 and 6, it says this: "Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." The way we interact with people makes a huge difference in how effective we're going to be representing Jesus Christ in the world. And rudeness just takes away from that ability to have powerful influence and impact in the culture.

When the people of God are being just as rude as the people who aren't in Christ, then our witness is really hurt badly. So this is timely for us and our culture.

Now, I think there are a lot of contributing factors as to why maybe we've gotten more rude in our culture. I think one of those contributing factors is maybe we've created it ourselves, but we're living under more stress and pressure all the time. We are living in a culture where we're just running from one thing to the next all the time. We're kind of always in a hurry. There's always more to get done that we can't get to, and when you're living like that day in and day out, that pressure wears on you.

And when you're feeling that kind of pressure, it's easier to let it affect how you're treating other people, how you're interacting with other people, and it's easier to be rude when you're living under that kind of stress all the time. I think some of it is because of selfishness, quite honestly. We've created this idea for many people growing up in our world today that life is all about you. It ought to all revolve around you. You ought to always get what you want when you want it right away. It's a selfish way to do life, but when you are selfish and things aren't going your way, the response is often rudeness.

The people that aren't doing what you think they ought to do, taking care of you the way you think they ought to take care of you, providing for you what you think they ought to provide for you. I think another big part of it, though, is lack of education, especially for young people growing up today. They simply haven't been taught to be kind, to be polite, to use those common courtesies that many generations before them were raised to practice.

And some of it, I believe, a big part of it today, is the influence of social media. If you haven't been on social media much, good for you; just stay away from it. You don't have to have it. Now, we use it for some good things at the church. We use the internet. We use live streaming our services. We do posts to encourage people in their walks. You can use it for good things, but it's so easy to get caught up in the scroll on Facebook or on Instagram or whatever you're using.

And much of what we see on there and much of what we see even on television today is highlighting rudeness, anger, people getting in each other's faces, screaming and yelling at each other. Now, it happens on both sides of the aisle, so I'm not saying this just to side with one side or the other, but I am familiar with some conservative Christian speakers who've been invited to speak at some of our college campuses today, and just the announcement that they were coming created riots and protests, anger lashing out at them.

And then when they did get up to speak, they were yelled down by people in the crowd who were screaming louder than they could present what they were trying to say that day, and they weren't even able to present their message that they were invited to present at that school. Rude. You could disagree without doing that. You can be totally opposed to that person's position without being so rude to that person. And it happens on the other side too. Many on the conservative side have done the same thing to some on the side of a more extreme liberal side that they wouldn't agree with, and they've been just as rude to them.

So we have to be careful as God's people. I was looking at a list; I like to do these lists of top things that people have said, top examples of rudeness, and number one was what I deal with all the time, and maybe you do too, when you're interacting with people in public, and that is they consider the number one rude thing that people are doing today is they never look up from their cell phones even when you're talking to them. I mean, that's just rude. You're just not giving them your attention. You're acting like you're listening, but you're not really listening. You're off into the internet world there.

Several others on the list said people who honk their horn in traffic. I'll admit, that one's a little easier for me to fall into, right? Because I get impatient sometimes in traffic. We were recently at a conference down in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, and some friends of ours that live down there in Fort Lauderdale were telling us, "Well, I just want you to know in Fort Lauderdale, it is a common everyday practice that people just honk their horns all the time in traffic. So don't get offended by it." I said, "How could you not get offended by that? It's just rude to just always be blowing your horn at other people because they're not doing what you want them to do."

Somebody listed people who take two spaces in the parking lot, especially when there are very limited numbers of available spaces, right? You think you've got one, and you pull up to it, and they're way over the line, and you can't get in either space beside them. Now, occasionally it's because somebody else parked across the line, but most of the time it's because they don't want their precious car to get scratched or dinged, right? And so they're going to take away a spot from anybody else.

Another one was people who interrupt you when you're talking. At least I think that's what they said. I wasn't really listening. Which was another one: people who don't listen when you're talking. People who—this has become more and more common than ever—people who use constant profanity even with children present all the time. It's just how they talk now, and they think nothing of it. And yet the Bible says for Christ followers we need to guard the words that come out of our mouths and make it only things that will build up and encourage other people. We shouldn't be doing that as followers of Jesus.

Here's one of my favorites, though. It's happened to me more than once. Someone calls the wrong number, and they get mad at you because you're not the person they called. Had it happen the other day; I answered my cell phone, and they said, "Is this Sarah?" And I said, "No. I think you got the wrong number. There's no Sarah at this number." Click, they just hung up. Just a couple of minutes later, it rings again. I answered it. "Is this Sarah?" I said, "No. This is not the right number for whatever Sarah you're trying to call." Click, they just hung up. They called again. "Is Sarah there?" I said, "No." He said, "Are you sure?" I said, "Have I ever lied to you before?" Rude people.

1 Peter 2:17 tells us to show proper respect to certain people: "To everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, and honor the emperor." That covers everybody. We need to not be rude, especially if we're representing Jesus Christ and the love of God in the world today. And often, sadly, we're most rude, most often to people in our own families. We've just gotten so accustomed to each other; it's so commonplace just to be around each other all the time that we treat each other in our own families in a rude way.

This first appeared in the Saturday Evening Post. Some of you might remember that magazine. It's now online, but it's also still in print in some places. The Saturday Evening Post had this article. It revealed a sequence of actions where a husband reacts to his wife's colds during the first seven years of marriage, the different ways that he reacts.

Year one, the husband said, "Sugar Dumpling, I'm really worried about my baby girl. You got a bad sniffle, and there's no telling about these things with all the strep going around. I'm putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I know the food's lousy there, so I'll be bringing you food from your favorite restaurant. I've already got it all arranged with the floor superintendent."

Second year, "Listen, darling, I don't like the sound of that cough. I've called Dr. Miller to rush over here. Now you go to bed and get some rest while I take care of these dishes. Maybe you better lie down, honey. Nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I'll bring you something. Have we got any canned soup?"

Fourth year, "Now look, dear, be sensible. After you fed the kids and washed the dishes, you better lie down."

Fifth year, "Six-year cold. If you just gargle or something instead of sitting around barking like a seal. For Pete's sake, stop coughing and sneezing. You trying to give me pneumonia or something?"

That allows us, we think, some slack to be less kind and polite to each other. Yet God, in His love for us, demonstrates a consistent kindness in how He treats us. We need to learn to love like God loves. James 3:17 says, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." So that's the kind of love and way of treating people that the Scripture really teaches.

So I want to spend the rest of the time now looking at an example of Jesus living that out, right? He didn't just talk about it. He didn't just teach it. He actually practiced it. He set us an example in the flesh of some ways to do that. It's an encounter He has with some other people.

In Luke chapter 7, Luke records it in his Gospel beginning in verse 36. It says, "Then one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him. He went to the Pharisee's house and sat at the table." So let's remember the setting here a little bit. The Pharisees were very much opposed to Jesus and suspicious of Jesus. And yet this Pharisee invites Jesus over to his house. Now we don't know; he doesn't give us all the motives behind it. But many times when you see the Pharisees interacting with Jesus, they try to act nice, but what they're really trying to do is trick Jesus or trip Him up and get Him to say something against Him.

Now we don't know if that's this Pharisee's motivation or not. It could be he's just really curious and wants to know more about this teacher that everybody's talking about. So I don't want to read too much into it, but this invitation was usually from the Pharisees not very sincere because they just loved Jesus and wanted to spend time and have dinner with Jesus.

The other thing to remember is they reclined at the table. That's a great translation. That's exactly what they did. We talked about it before in this series about the way they sat and ate around the table. It was a low table, and they would have cushions around it, and they would actually recline at the table with their feet back behind them. One person next to the other reclining there at the table. So you would be close to each other and close to each other's feet, right? Remember that. They would be close to the table too. And they traveled usually wearing sandals over the dusty roads as they traveled.

Let's go on here to what it says here. "A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them, and poured perfume on them."

Now this seems pretty odd that a lady just shows up and has this access to Jesus at the Pharisee's house, doesn't it? But you have to remember most of their homes were designed in that climate and that culture where they ate was often out in a courtyard outside, and this was probably right in town. Most Pharisees would live right in town close to the temple or the tabernacle in that town so they could just walk there and do their service there at the temple and all.

So you have this Pharisee who has a courtyard where they're reclining around the table out in an open courtyard right next to the street where people would often just walk up. Now one of the greatest things that a Pharisee liked to have happen was a lot of people coming to hear them talk even out on the courtyard. So people were constantly coming by their courtyards and walking by their courtyards, and this lady evidently heard about Jesus being there and went and got this jar of perfume and came back to give Jesus this special treatment that she thought would honor Jesus.

But notice the Pharisee's reaction to this. Verse 38: "As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears, then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them, and poured perfume on them. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, 'If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.'"

Oh my goodness, a sinner showed up. And a Pharisee in that time especially, they had developed this reputation of lifting themselves up above others and thinking more highly of themselves than others and thinking of themselves as holy and righteous, and all those other people out there, they were the sinners. They wouldn't be in that category in that group of sinners. Yet we know the teaching of Scripture that says all have sinned. So how many sinners do we have in the room today? Listening online at the Smyrna campus? All of us are sinners.

Now that doesn't mean we willfully choose to go on sinning, but we are still sinners, right? So we have to choose to turn from sin; that's the call of Christ on us and our hearts and our lives, but we're still sinners. We may be forgiven by the grace of God sinners, but that doesn't change the fact that we've sinned. And yet this Pharisee knows this woman's reputation, knows what kind of woman she is.

Now we aren't given all the details of this woman's life, but most likely the way this is worded, she's probably known as a prostitute, someone who's living a very ungodly, in their eyes, unholy lifestyle, and here Jesus is letting her do this and not stopping her from doing this. And he thinks if he was really a prophet, he wouldn't be doing that because a prophet, you know, some holy man wouldn't allow this kind of person to do this in his presence and actually touch him and kiss him and all of that; he wouldn't allow that if he was really a holy prophet of God.

Well, verse 40, Jesus answered him: "Have you ever been thinking something in your head and it comes out of your mouth and you didn't mean for it to? Has that ever happened to you?" No, probably not you. It has happened to me where I was thinking something, and I thought I was just thinking it, but I actually said it. And even if you just think it, though, here's the thing about God, about Jesus: what? He still knows it. You don't even have to say it out loud. You say, "Well, I don't cuss," but are you thinking the words in your mind? Well, He heard them when you thought them already. That doesn't mean go ahead and cuss out loud; that's not what I'm saying.

Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you." "Tell me, teacher," he said. So he's still acting like he has respect for Jesus, calls him teacher, "Tell me what you have to say, Jesus." He says, "Two people owed money to a certain money lender. One owed him 500 denarii, the other one 50. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which one of them will love him more?" Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven." "You've judged correctly," Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house; you did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman from the time I entered has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven as her great love has shown, but whoever has been forgiven little loves little."

Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven." The other guests began to say among themselves, "Who is this who even forgives sins?" Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

William Barclay, a Bible commentator, says in that culture there were three acts of common courtesy that were done when you had a special guest come to your home. One would be what they called the kiss of peace, where you would embrace them and kiss them on the cheek; it was called the kiss of peace. Simon hadn't done that when Jesus got there. Another thing that was the common thing—we talked about it last week—was they would wash the feet of their guests. Sometimes the host would wash the feet, but if they were well-to-do and had servants, they would have the servant wash the feet for them. They would have it all lined up as soon as they get here, wash their feet. Simon hadn't made arrangements for that and didn't do it himself when Jesus arrived.

And the other one was anointing the head. That was a common practice within the Jewish culture community when there was another teacher or someone considered a holy person that came in your home; you would anoint their head as a sign of honor and respect to them, and Simon hadn't done that for Jesus either.

But the way Jesus interacts with both Simon and this woman teaches us a lot about loving in a way that is polite to other people, no matter how they live their lives. The first thing is this: we could take this step; it's easy for us—just no basic common courtesy. Just learn it. Put forth the effort to learn how to treat people with common courtesy. I say common courtesy, but it's not so common anymore. You could put it in the same category as common sense, right? It's not so common anymore, but there used to be these common courtesies that we all knew and we all practiced regularly, and we just let them go by the wayside; we just let them slide.

Jesus knew the common courtesies of their culture. Simon knew the common courtesies of that culture; he didn't practice them, but he knew them. And see, that's one thing. It's one thing to know it; it's another thing to know it in a way that you actually practice it regularly. It's like knowing Scripture and not living according to the Scripture. We can do that with common courtesies too; we can know what we're supposed to do and still not do it.

Now, I know people have different opinions on some of what should be still practiced common courtesies, and that's okay. So what if we disagree on some of these? But I was raised to say "yes sir" and "no sir" to an adult male and "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" to an adult female. It didn't matter who they were, what background they had, what kind of lifestyle they lived. I was to address other adults in my life with "yes sir" and "no sir" or "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am." It was just a way to show common courtesies to those people.

Oftentimes people will ask me, and I appreciate this when they ask me, "Now, Pastor Randy, what do you want us to call you?" And I always joke about it: it doesn't matter as long as you call me for dinner, right? That's fine. But I say, "You know, most people call me Pastor Randy; that's fine. If you're comfortable with that, I'm comfortable with that; that's fine." But sometimes, you know, they grew up with a different background, and there was, you know, "Reverend so-and-so" or "the great Reverend Doctor," you know, "holy man," you know, something like that. And I like that, but no, you don't have to do that. No, I don't like that; it makes me very uncomfortable. But I'm Randy, and you know, just address me in a respectful way; that's great, and I want to do the same for you, right? It's just common courtesy to address people in a way they think is respectful to them. We don't need to let that go by the wayside, I don't think.

I was raised where we would say "please" and "thank you," right? If you wanted something and then somebody did something for you, you would tell them "thank you" when they did it. And yet today, so many times people are doing things for us, and we don't say "please," we don't say "thank you," we demand, and we don't appreciate after it happens. It's just a common courtesy that I think still needs to be practiced. There are a lot of other things like that that used to be just the norm on how we live. We didn't interrupt people when they were talking; we were taught to wait even when a child was tugging on your leg, right? And somebody's telling you something.

I know it's easy to turn away, or when somebody comes by in the lobby at the church and somebody's talking to you, you just kind of ignore them and go, you know, say hello to the other person instead of really giving them your attention. It's easy to let that happen, but it's common courtesy to give that person your attention while they're talking to you. Not turn away from them and give your attention somewhere else or pull out your cell phone and start scrolling while somebody's telling you something. Common courtesy.

Now, why is that a big deal? It's because we're called to be a distinctive people set apart from the world. Christians are. Now, this is not for non-Christians I'm talking to today. I'm talking to people who claim to know Jesus and follow Jesus in this part. Here's what I want you to understand: the more distinct we are, the more we catch people's attention. Not always in a good way, but sometimes in a good way, right? And that gives us the opportunity to witness for Christ that we may not have had we not stood out in our distinctiveness as Christ followers.

We want to stand out in a good way for Jesus. And when the world is really rude and there's a group of people over here that are not rude at all, that's going to stand out. That's going to be distinctive. That's going to draw attention and allow us to have the opportunity to point them to Jesus as the one who has called us to love like that—to not be rude, to actually be polite to people, even if they disagree with us, even if they don't like us. We're still polite to them.

1 Corinthians 9 gives us a great example of that. Beginning in verse 19, he said this: "Though I am free and belong to no one." So Paul says right up front, this is the mantra of our culture: "You can't tell me how to live my life. You're not the boss of me," right? Paul's saying that in a nice way. "Even though I'm free and belong to no one, nobody has the right to be the boss of me and tell me what to do." So he's saying, "I'm choosing to do this."

Listen: "I have made myself a slave to everyone to win as many as possible." You see, he had a motivating factor for doing this. He wanted to try to win as many people to Christ as he could. So even though he's not forced to do this by anybody else, he's choosing to do this for the sake of the cause of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Here's what he's going to do: "I made myself a slave to everyone to win as many as possible. To the Jews, I became like a Jew to win the Jews. To those under the law, I became like one under the law, though I myself am not under the law, so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law, I became like one not having the law, though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law, so as to win those not having the law. To the weak, I became weak to win the weak. I've become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel that I may share in its blessings."

Paul said, "I don't have to treat Jews with the respect of the Jewish culture because I'm forced to do it. I'm not under the law. I don't have to respect their laws by force, but when I'm with a Jewish audience, what am I going to do? I'm going to be courteous to them and respect their traditions and their practices even though I'm not forced to do it. Why? Because I want to have an audience with them to share the gospel. That's why. I don't want them to write me off because I'm being disrespectful to them and their beliefs and their traditions and their practices. To those who aren't under the law, to the Gentiles, I want to be respectful of what they think are great common courtesies in their culture. I'm going to treat them with those courtesies. Why? For the sake of the gospel. I want to have the opportunity to teach them about Jesus."

Now, Paul never changed his beliefs; he never changed his practices for his own personal life, but he was willing to treat other people with dignity and respect even when they were in disagreement with him. And even when they practiced different things than he did, he still treated them with dignity and respect. He wasn't rude to people no matter what background or culture they came from. He tried to get along with everybody as best he could, not so he would be considered such a great guy, but so that he would be a distinctive person that they would want to listen to when he shared the gospel of Jesus.

Maybe we could do a little better not being so rude, practicing more of the common courtesies. It's like the woman who said to a man holding the door for her, "You don't have to hold that door for me because I'm a woman." He said to her, "I'm not holding it because you're a woman; I'm holding it because I am a gentleman." You see, you get to choose to be that distinctive, set-apart person. No matter what the other person's beliefs or practices are, still treat them with dignity and respect and basic common courtesy.

So that's the first thing: no basic common courtesy. The second thing that Jesus was so good at that He did here is seek to put other people at ease when you interact with them instead of putting them on edge. Some people put people on edge all the time. The goal should be to put them at ease because when they're at ease, they're more likely to have a conversation with you or they actually listen and interact with you if you could put them at ease.

This woman probably was not welcomed or put at ease anywhere she went in her life at this point until she came into Jesus' presence. And Jesus put her at ease, made her feel like it was okay for her to be there, and not just okay, but that she was welcome there. There's a difference in tolerating and welcoming, and Jesus was one of the most welcoming people in His teaching and His life and His ministry to all people. He never compromised on what He taught about sin. He never changed what He was calling people to in repentance, but He was welcoming in how He treated people.

There are two kinds of people that walk into a room. The first one says, "Here I am!" The other one says, "There you are." Right? The focus is not on you; the focus is on them. And you want to interact with them in a way that puts them more at ease.

Well, how do you do that in a culture where there's such division and people coming from such different backgrounds and places, and there seems to be such anger out there and resentment even toward Christ followers today? So what are some things you can do practically? Well, Jesus did some of this, and we see many examples of it, and I think we can do it too.

One thing you can do if you're going to make it about them is ask questions about them. Get them to tell you their story. Don't prejudge them. Don't predetermine who they are without them telling you their story. Now, many times we look at the appearance of a person, and we already made up our mind about them, and we don't know their story at all.

I can tell you that I learned this through sports, especially growing up, especially playing football. There were some people I played football with that looked like the biggest, meanest people you've ever seen in your life. Had a guy on our team; he was big, and he was like a giant over everybody else on the team. He was huge. And if you were walking along and it was dark in the evening and you were in a remote area and this guy approached you, you might get a little bit nervous and a little bit scared. But you know what? He'd be just scared if you got to know him a little bit. He was a mild-mannered teddy bear kind of a guy. The coaches had a hard time getting him to be aggressive on the football field, even though he was built for it. It looked like he was made for it. He just never would really be aggressive. He didn't want to hurt anybody. As a young kid growing up, he had siblings, and he was so much bigger and stronger he had to be careful with them all the time. And he learned to do that and treat people that way. He was one of the most mild-mannered young men you could ever meet. But if you don't ever talk to the guy, you don't know.

Spending any time getting to know about his life, where he comes from, what he's like, what made him the way he is. And we do that with people all the time. You know what I've learned about people in order to get them to talk? One of the greatest things you can do is just ask them about themselves. Where are you from? Where did you grow up? You got any brothers and sisters? Your parents still alive? They live in the area? Got another family here? You married? Got kids? Ask questions.

Here's what I know about almost everybody: they love to talk about themselves. So you could put them at ease simply by asking them questions about themselves. You know what I find out happens almost every time? After they talk about themselves for a little while, it hits them, "Oh, they haven't asked me about me." You know what they're going to start doing then? "Well, tell me about yourself." You see, that opens a door. Now there's dialogue. It's not just a one-way conversation. Now we're talking to each other instead of just one talking toward the other. Jesus was great at doing this and allowing people to do that with Him.

I like to use humor to make people feel at ease. I have found that if you could get people laughing, you could tell them almost anything. They're not so offended by it if you use a little humor with it. So in my preaching and teaching, I like to use humor a lot. It causes people to kind of ease up a little bit. Even if they came in with a chip on their shoulder and resentful of the church and they had a preacher before that they didn't like, you know, this guy, if you can make them laugh, maybe you'll listen a little more to the next thing he has to say because he might have more good jokes. We need more good jokes in the world.

But whatever is natural for you, seek to put people at ease. I remember the encounter, don't you, with Jesus and the woman at the well? It was a similar encounter, wasn't it? That woman came in the middle of the day to get water from the well. That was not the normal practice. She probably came in the middle of the day. She had been divorced five times. The man she's living with is not her husband. She doesn't have a good reputation in town. She probably came at noon to get water because she thought nobody in their right mind will be out there in that heat at that time to get water so I can do this without having to interact with anybody because she knew how they felt about her.

And there was Jesus waiting at the well. And Jesus put her at ease right away. "Woman, could you give me a drink of water? I'd appreciate it." Just ask her to do something. And it threw her off. It caused her to put her guard down and have a conversation with this guy. "Why would you ask me for water? You're a Jewish man, teacher, and I'm a Samaritan woman. Why would you ask me for water?" And then they were able to dialogue and talk. And this woman ends up bringing a whole crowd out to see Jesus before the day is over, right? Because He was willing to not be rude to somebody that probably got treated rudely all the time.

It was the same thing when He was entering Jericho with His disciples on one of His travels, and Jesus was with those disciples, and there was this blind beggar on the side of the road that evidently somebody said, "There's Jesus," or he heard people talking about Jesus coming by, and he cried out to Jesus, "Teacher, help me! Please help me! Heal me!" And the disciples and the crowd tried to get that blind beggar to just be quiet: "Don't bother the teacher, right? He's on his way to do important stuff." Jesus stopped and said, "No, listen, I want to talk to you." And He ended up healing that blind beggar on the side of the road that everybody said, "Don't bother the teacher." He wasn't rude to that man that everybody else was being so rude to.

He did it again. On one occasion, He was out there teaching, and especially mothers were trying to get their little babies to Jesus so Jesus could just touch them and see them and bless them, right? That was part of their culture too. If it was a great teacher that was in town, they would want their children to be blessed by that teacher, so they would try to get their children to Jesus, and His disciples were trying to keep them away: "Don't bring the kids up; that would interrupt Jesus; he's got important things to say." And Jesus said, "No, let the children come. The kingdom of heaven is made up of such as these little children," right? He wasn't rude to them.

It's like some of those church members that get so mad if somebody has a child in the service. I'm glad if you got your kid here, please. I know how hard it is to get a kid here. If they need to be in here with you, that's okay. Now we've got great classes for them; if you get to a place you can put them into that, that's great. But I'm okay if the kid's here, and he might make a little noise. At least you're here; you've got your child here, and I want you to bring them up in the church, so we shouldn't be rude to anybody that made the effort to get here today and have their kids here today, right? Let's be kind.

Now, we could tell them about the class, especially if they're screaming the whole service, encourage them to try the class, but be nice about it; be polite about it. So no basic common courtesy and seek to put other people at ease. The third thing is this: don't be easily offended. So many people, even Christians, are so easily offended. You make people walk on eggshells around you all the time because you get upset about everything. I know some non-Christian comedians who have said this over and over again, that they can't do comedy anymore because everybody gets offended by everything. You can't even joke about stuff anymore, even when you're doing it as humor.

Don't be that person who is offended by everything all the time. Proverbs 19:11 says this: "A person's wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense." I love what George Fields once said; he described himself as an inverted paranoid. He said, "I just believe that everyone's out to do me good." Stop thinking that the world's against you and you're getting offended by everybody and everything all the time, especially if you're a Christ follower. You've got something more valuable than they have, more important and more of a blessing than they ever knew in their lives. Stop being offended by everything that they do. Swallow your ego.

Proverbs 11:17 says, "Those who are kind benefit themselves; the cruel bring ruin on themselves." Don't be so easily offended by stuff. Jesus came to Simon's home, and he didn't kiss him with a kiss of peace; he didn't wash his feet or have a servant wash his feet; he didn't anoint his head. This other woman is treating him with greater respect and greater dignity than Simon, his host, was, and Jesus didn't lash out against Simon. He didn't act all offended by Simon treating him that way. He stayed there, ate, and he let that woman do what she came there to do, and he saw it as a great opportunity to teach Simon some things that Simon needed to learn.

Had he been easily offended, he would have closed the door to the conversation both with the woman and with Simon. Had he been easily offended, he wouldn't have wanted that simple woman washing his feet, and he wouldn't have wanted Simon to treat him that way as the host. He would have gotten up and left, like a lot of us do in a restaurant when they don't serve us right away, when the server gets the order wrong, and we say we're never going to come there again, right? Not only that, but we'll put a post on social media so everybody else knows how bad that place is and those people are because we're so easily offended today.

We'll do a Yelp review that tries to destroy their business. A little more forgiving, a little more polite, no matter where they come from or how they're doing their lives. We could be distinctly different people.

But then the fourth thing I want to close with this one very quickly is be tactful with the truth. Even when we're being polite and kind, people still need to hear the truth. Jesus did not confront Simon about his attitude on what he didn't do coming in right away. He spent some time there; he made the setting get more at ease. But then he did talk to Simon about the truth about his life. He didn't just let it slide.

What we tend to do when we're easily offended and feel privileged and our ego gets in the way is as soon as we see that somebody's not doing what we think they ought to do, we start hitting them over the head with the Bible, with the Gospel, in a very unkind way. Not everybody does that, but a lot of Christians do that, and we've not established any relationship with the person before we start doing that. We just immediately launch into them about how terrible they are and how they're living such a bad life and how they're going to go to hell if they don't get their business in order with God.

Now, they obviously do need to hear about salvation; everybody does. But there might be a better way to do that. Maybe we could establish a little rapport with that person. We could ask them about their lives and find out where they come from. There may be some experiences they've had that have led them to where they are and why they're living the way they're living, and you could use that information to be kind and generous in your love for them as you then share with them the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, right? You see, it's more easily received when they know already that you care about them as a person and you feel for them for the struggles that they've had, and you hurt because they hurt because you love people and care about people.

And if they know that about you, then they're much more likely to at least open the door and be receptive to you when you start sharing the good news of Jesus. God's people, when we love the way God loves, can approach people with much greater kindness. Sometimes the rudest thing you can do is stay silent, by the way, and not even talk to anybody.

What if you're sitting at lunch with your best friend? They just rushed there from work; they have a salad; you're sitting there; they're about to head back to their office, and you see they got a big piece of spinach in their teeth. What would be the kind thing to do? Go back to work and make a fool of themselves? It's going to be a funny story? No. The kindest thing you can do is say, "Hey, before you go back to work, you got a little something in your tooth there; you might want to get that." I appreciate it when people do that for me. I mean, I don't like it; it's embarrassing, but I appreciate it because the other embarrassment would be worse if I go all day long with a big piece of spinach in my teeth, right? That'll be more embarrassing.

In Galatians 6:1, it says, "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently, but watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted." One of the rudest things you can do is to know someone is off course, headed to an eternity without Jesus, and you don't see Jesus, and you don't say anything about it. You don't even make a kind approach trying to tell them about how their lives could be radically changed for the better if they came to know Jesus.

What kind of friend is that? How loving is that to just know that they're headed straight to an eternity separated from God, suffering in hell forever, and you don't say anything? One of the rudest things you can do is not love them in any more kind way than to tell them about Jesus when they need to know about Jesus. The truth in love, He said in this passage, restore them gently. Be gentle, be loving, but love them in such a way that you're willing to tell them the truth that they need to hear.

Now, if we have been rude the whole time, they're not going to receive that well for sure. If they've already known that we love them and care about them and we've established that, then we have much more of a willing audience to listen when we tell them the truth about Jesus. So oftentimes we put the wrong thing first. We're not being loving; we're not being kind, and we're trying to tell people about Jesus, where if we could reverse that and start out being loving and kind, then we've got a lot better chance to tell people about Jesus and have more people listen when we tell them.

Now, don't get me wrong; I've had this experience as a pastor, and I have it more today than I've ever had it, that no matter how loving and kind you are, no matter how much you care about that person, if you tell them anything is wrong in their life, they call you a hater, a mean-spirited person, and they don't want to listen to anything you have to say, and they'll stomp out mad. I've had it happen many times in a sermon on a Sunday even at Lakeshore, somebody who's come that day and got offended by some little part of my sermon, right? Never coming back. And that's why I didn't come to church for years.

So it's not going to be 100%. I'm not trying to tell you that it is, but I'm telling you that if we're going to love like God, that's the approach we're going to take. No matter how the person responds, we're still going to love; we're still going to be kind; we're still going to try to give it every chance to let them know about the love of God demonstrated through Jesus on the cross for them.

So one of the rudest things we could do today is to tell you this and not invite you to come to know Jesus. That's why at every service at all of our campuses and online, we never finish a message without inviting people to make a decision for Christ, and that's what we're going to do right now.

Let's pray together.

Father, we thank You that we have the good news of the Gospel to share with everyone. Please forgive us where we've been unkind, where we've been rude, where we've not treated people the way we should. We thank You for Your grace toward us, but help us to understand that because You will forgive us of that, it doesn't mean it's okay to keep on doing it. Help us to repent of that today and to change how we interact with people, even when they're rude to us, even when they're not at all in agreement with us, that we could still love even our enemies with the kind of love that You have for us—a love that is not rude, that treats everyone with dignity and respect, and that still is willing to speak the truth in that love.

Father, if there's someone today who needs to come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior, we want them to know that God, You love them and that Jesus died for them, and they are invited to come into the life You have for them. I pray that they would feel that love through us even today, and they would be drawn to You through it. It's in Jesus' name that we pray. Amen.

We're going to stand and sing. We invite you, if you have a decision you need to make, while we're standing and singing, let's stand and sing together at this time. Dr. Ed is going to come and lead us in a time of communion.

We want to thank you again for being here today. What a joy it is to have this assembly time together to sing praises to God, pray together, spend time in His word, come around the Lord's table—all just things that really strengthen us in our walk with Christ. Thank you for being a part of that today.

If you'd like to continue your worship through the giving of offerings, we have offering boxes available, one in the back of the auditorium and one as you exit in the hallway there. They're mounted on posts; there's a slot in the top where you can drop your offerings in there. You can click on the QR code in your bulletins there; it'll take you to that page where you can do an online gift, and you can mail in your offerings to the church office. Either way that you do it, it's an act of worship, and it's a way to support the work and the ministry of the church. So we thank you, all of you who support that work through your gifts and offerings here at Lakeshore.

At this time, Jeremy's going to come up and lead us in a few announcements and close us out with a word of prayer.

- "We've created this idea for many people growing up in our world today that life is all about you. It ought to all revolve around you. You ought to always get what you want when you want it right away." [26:51] (Download | Crop for social media)

- "The more distinct we are the more we catch people's attention. Not always in a good way but sometimes in a good way. Right? And that gives us the opportunity to witness for Christ that we may not have had we not stood out in our distinctiveness as Christ followers." [49:08] (Download | Crop for social media)

- "You know what I've learned about people in order to get them to talk? One of the greatest things you can do is just ask them about themselves." [57:22] (Download | Crop for social media)

- "Sometimes the rudest thing you can do is stay silent by the way and not even talk to anybody. What if you're sitting at lunch with your best friend, they just rushed there from work, they have a salad, you're sitting there, they're about to head back to their office and you see they got a big piece of spinach in their teeth." [01:08:36] (Download | Crop for social media)

- "One of the rudest things you can do is not love them in any more kind way than to tell them about Jesus when they need to know about Jesus. The truth and love he said in this passage restore them gently." [01:10:14] (Download | Crop for social media)

- "Paul said I don't have to treat Jews with the respect of the Jewish culture because I'm forced to do it. I'm not under the law. I don't have to respect their laws by force but when I'm with a Jewish audience what am I going to do? I'm going to be courteous to them and respect their traditions and their practices." [51:10] (Download | Crop for social media)