Transforming Relationships Through Love and Communication

### Bible Study Discussion Guide

#### Bible Reading
1. 1 Corinthians 13:1-8
2. 1 Peter 4:8-10
3. Genesis 13:5-9

#### Observation Questions
1. According to 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, what are the characteristics of love that Paul describes? How do these characteristics help in simplifying relationships?
2. In 1 Peter 4:8-10, what does Peter mean when he says, "love covers a multitude of sins"? How can this principle be applied in our daily interactions?
3. In the story of Abraham and Lot (Genesis 13:5-9), what was Abraham's approach to resolving the conflict between their herdsmen? How did his actions demonstrate the principle of valuing relationships over material possessions? [12:47]

#### Interpretation Questions
1. How does the active nature of love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, challenge our common perceptions of love as merely an emotion or verbal affirmation? [02:18]
2. What are some practical ways we can apply the principle of "love covering a multitude of sins" in our relationships, especially when dealing with past hurts and baggage? [04:27]
3. Reflecting on Abraham's decision to part ways with Lot to preserve their relationship, how can we apply this principle in modern-day conflicts within our families or workplaces? [12:47]

#### Application Questions
1. Think of a relationship in your life that is currently strained. How can you apply the characteristics of love from 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 to improve this relationship? [02:18]
2. Are there any past wounds or baggage that you need to address in order to heal and grow in your relationships? What steps can you take this week to begin this healing process? [36:56]
3. How can you improve your communication skills to ensure that your words are gentle and constructive, as suggested by Proverbs 15:1? Can you think of a recent situation where a gentle answer could have turned away wrath? [33:32]
4. Reflect on a time when you prioritized material possessions or personal gain over a relationship. How can you shift your focus to value the relationship more, similar to Abraham's approach with Lot? [12:47]
5. Change is inevitable in relationships. How can you and your partner or friend embrace and navigate changes together to strengthen your bond? What specific changes are you currently facing, and how can you support each other through them? [39:12]
6. Consider a relationship where you have unmet expectations. How can you manage these expectations by valuing the other person above yourself, as discussed in the sermon? [34:11]
7. Identify one person in your life who tests your patience. What specific action can you take this week to demonstrate patience and kindness towards them, in line with the principles of love outlined in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8? [02:18]

Day 1: Love as Action, Not Just Emotion
Love is more than a fleeting feeling; it's a deliberate choice to act with patience, kindness, and humility. It's about putting the needs of others before our own, seeking their welfare, and celebrating their successes as if they were our own. This kind of love is not passive; it requires effort and intentionality. It's about making daily decisions that reflect the love we profess, decisions that are often counter-cultural in a world that promotes self-interest. By choosing to love in this way, we create an environment where relationships can thrive, where forgiveness is possible, and where genuine connection is fostered.

Love is not envious or boastful; it does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. This kind of love never ends, and it has the power to simplify and strengthen even the most complex relationships. [49:33]

Bible passage: Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV)
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."

Reflection: How can you demonstrate active love to someone in your life today through a specific action that puts their needs above your own?

Day 2: The Art of Gentle Communication
Effective communication is not just about the words chosen but the tone and intention behind them. A gentle response can defuse tension and pave the way for understanding and reconciliation. It's important to listen actively, to speak with grace, and to be mindful of the impact our words have on others. This approach to communication can transform potential conflicts into opportunities for deeper connection and mutual respect.

The wisdom of Proverbs reminds us that a soft answer turns away wrath. This principle holds true in all our interactions, whether they be personal or professional. By choosing to respond with gentleness and respect, we open the door to constructive dialogue and prevent the escalation of disagreements. [34:11]

Bible passage: James 1:19-20 (ESV)
"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

Reflection: Recall a recent conversation where you could have responded more gently. How might that situation have been different with a softer approach?

Day 3: Prioritizing Others' Well-being
Valuing others above ourselves is not just a noble ideal; it's a practical way to live out our faith. When we manage our expectations and put the needs of others first, we often find that our own needs are met in unexpected ways. This selfless approach can lead to blessings that we hadn't anticipated, both for ourselves and for those we serve.

Serving others, especially when it's inconvenient, reflects the heart of Christ, who came not to be served but to serve. This mindset shifts our focus from what we can get out of relationships to what we can contribute to them. It's a radical departure from the self-centeredness that pervades our culture, but it's a powerful way to build strong, healthy relationships. [36:16]

Bible passage: Philippians 2:3-4 (ESV)
"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Reflection: What is one practical way you can prioritize the well-being of someone else today, even if it requires a sacrifice on your part?

Day 4: Healing from Past Wounds
Dealing with our past baggage is essential for personal and relational growth. Confronting and healing from our wounds allows us to mature and to engage in relationships from a place of wholeness. This process of healing is not easy, but it is necessary if we are to move beyond the patterns of behavior that have hindered us in the past.

As we heal, we can put aside the 'little boy' or 'little girl' within us and step into the maturity required for healthy, adult relationships. This maturity enables us to interact with others in a way that is marked by grace, understanding, and a willingness to forgive. [36:56]

Bible passage: Psalm 147:3 (ESV)
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Reflection: Is there a past wound that you need to begin healing from today, and what is one step you can take towards that healing?

Day 5: Embracing Change Together
Change is an inevitable part of life and relationships. Embracing change together can strengthen our bonds, as we support each other through life's transitions. Accepting that people evolve over time allows our relationships to adapt and grow rather than become stagnant.

By navigating change together, we maintain the integrity and love within our relationships. This shared journey through change can deepen our connections and provide a sense of stability and security amidst life's uncertainties. [40:35]

Bible passage: Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 (ESV)
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;"

Reflection: What change are you currently facing, and how can you invite someone to walk through this change with you to strengthen your relationship?

On into the word, we're kicking off a new series today entitled "Relationships Made Simple."

Normally, in the month of February, a lot of churches do series that focus on marriages. I don't want to do that because I feel like if I focus just on marriage in the month of February, I am missing a whole lot of single folk, and then we're missing a whole lot of other issues that come up in other relationships. That's in February as well, like a mother-to-daughter dynamic or a boss-to-worker dynamic.

So, there are so many relationships that we're going to talk about over the course of the next month, and I believe that God is going to find each of us where we are, whether it's a marital relationship or with our sons and daughters. You will be able to get a word that will meet the need of you and your household.

Today, I'm talking about simplifying difficult relationships.

Anybody ever had a difficult relationship? Both hands up! I can just look at the course of my life and see I've had some difficult relationships. So today, we're going to focus on the complexities of relationships. I personally believe that understanding why relationships can be difficult will be the first step towards simplifying and enriching those connections in our lives.

Does anybody have some relationships in your life that you want to deepen the connection, make it more real, more connected, more valuable, more meaningful? This is what we're going to talk about today: simplifying difficult relationships.

This is going to hopefully cause you to take the mask off in your relationships. We all have masks on in certain areas of our relationships, and I hope the message today will help us take those masks off.

I believe one of the primary ways to simplify our relationships is based on 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, talking about love. Then I'm going to go to 1 Peter 4:8-10 and talk about love.

Look what it says here: 1 Corinthians 13:1. Paul says, "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." He says, "Even if I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all the mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing."

He says, "If I give all that I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing."

He said, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongdoing. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."

Somebody say "truth."

It says, "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

So, when we talk about simplifying our relationships, I believe that love is going to be the anchor. Paul said, "I can have the gift of prophecy, which I do. I can speak in tongues, which I do. I can self-sacrifice my body to do something amazing for God, which I do. I can have all faith, all knowledge, which I do."

Paul said, "That ain't nothing if you don't have love."

Paul said, "You can have all that going on in your life. You could be a great figure in the city, you can have the best career in the city, but if there's no love at your house, none of that is nothing."

He said, "What is it to go out in the world and the world sings how great you are, but you go home and they wish you were different? The world thinks you are great, and your home wishes you were."

Because we have a way, through our gifts and our talents, to move mountains in the community, but we can't move anything in our homes and the relationships that mean the most to us.

Paul is saying to us, "What is it to have all that influence? What is it to have all that impact but you don't have the basics called love?"

Look what it says in 1 Peter 4:8-10: "Above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins."

And by this, it's talking about your weaknesses, your struggles, your shortcomings, your failures, your shame. Being in a relationship that is made simple, if you learn how to love each other deeply, you will not always focus on your problems. You will focus more on what you are strong in.

You'll focus less on what you are against and more on what you are for. Imagine in a relationship if you stop talking about what's not going right and focus more on what's going right.

In every relationship, we have the propensity to bring out the worst in people if we don't focus on the good that is in them. I believe the more that we focus on the good that's in them, the shortcomings in their lives, your love can help them deal with those issues.

One scripture Jesus said, "Through loving kindness, I was able to draw them." I believe that in every broken relationship in your life right now, through the power of love—because love is not what we say; love is action—I believe that through love, a lot of areas in your life can be resolved.

And again, love is not just saying "I love you." Love is an action. You know, my wife, over the years, particularly the first five to seven years of our marriage—now 21 years—but the first five to seven years, my wife, for her, I had to say "I love you." She had to hear it.

It's like, "I'm showing you." I mean, you haven't told me that you love me today? "Yeah, I just bought you that new car! I just told you I love you when I fixed you dinner! I cleaned the house up for you!"

So, you don't—I just told you I love you! No, she needed to hear it.

But the key thing to remember is love is not what we say. For me and my house, she needed to hear it. In some houses, she doesn't need to hear it; she just wants to see it.

Because it's easy for you to say "I love you," but do your actions line up with what you say? You know, I used to hear God say, "I’ll die for my wife. I’ll die for my family." But she's not asking you to die for her; she's asking you to talk to her.

She's asking you to stop saying that because that hurts her. So, if you would go to that extreme and you would die for her, and all she is saying is that when you say that and when you do that, that hurts me.

If you would literally die for me, can you just die to that?

So, we say these extreme things that they're not even asking us for. They're just asking us to put the toilet seat down.

If you love me, can you please put the toilet seat down? Now, if you're still doing that after being married 20 years, there's something wrong with you! Come on, somebody!

That is elementary school! I graduated from that a long time ago! I'm like, "Why you got to put the toilet seat down? I'll be back in an hour!"

Come on, somebody! Leave it up! You did all that hard work, but love says put it down.

Come on, somebody!

Some relationships make some of our problems—the answers to our problems—easier than we think. I'll show you here in just a moment what I mean by that.

Understanding how to apply love is essential to simplifying difficult relationships.

Say it again: understanding how to apply love is essential to simplifying difficult relationships. If we know how to apply love in a difficult relationship, we can make our relationships even better.

I'm going to look at a few stories and scriptures here of men and women that had some difficult relationships, some complex things going on in their lives.

What about Cain and Abel? They were brothers, and Cain was jealous of his brother Abel. They had sibling rivalry to the point that the jealousy was so strong that Cain killed his brother Abel.

Talking about a relationship problem!

What about Joseph and his brothers in Genesis 37? Joseph's brothers were so jealous of him that they literally took that boy, threw him in a pit, and ultimately sold him into slavery. Why? Because they were envious of him. They betrayed him.

And watch this: it took years to reconcile that difficult relationship.

Any family relationships that are strained right now? Difficult things going on in your family? The same thing happens in scripture among great men and great women of God.

What about David and Saul? They had a great relationship, but because of Saul's jealousy of David and his success and popularity, Saul attempts to do harm to David, which ends up creating this crazy relationship.

What about Peter, who was close with Jesus, one of his disciples? But when Jesus found himself in his greatest need, where he needed people to have his back when he was about to go to the cross, the friends he thought he should be able to depend on—Peter turned his back on him.

Have you ever been promoted? Have you ever been believing God for some dreams? Has God ever blessed you with somebody, and somebody else who doesn't have somebody gets jealous?

You've been single all your life, and now God blesses you with a man, and all your girlfriends or all your guy friends, they don't treat you the same because now they are jealous.

In this situation, Peter denied Christ because he wanted to protect his own life. Even the closest disciples had relationship problems.

What about over in Acts 15? Paul and Barnabas were about to go on this missionary journey, and they experienced a hardship, a disagreement because one of them wanted to know if they could include John Mark on the missionary journey with them.

One of them could only remember what John Mark had done in another season, and because of this disagreement, these two great men of God had to part ways.

Even today, you have members going to a church that parts ways. You have leaders who were great friends in one season, and they part ways.

What about Mary and Martha? When Jesus was on his way to the cross, before that, Mary was at the feet of Jesus, and she was worshiping him. Martha got upset and said, "Jesus, can you tell Mary to come in here and help me clean the house?"

They had a difference of priorities. Mary wanted to worship, but Martha wanted to clean the house. Martha got upset about that so much so that she said, "Jesus, make her get up and come in here and help clean up!"

All of these different dynamics, all these different relationships are sitting right in the house right now. You're mad with a sister, you're upset with a leader, you didn't have somebody you think should have gotten the promotion but didn't get the promotion.

All of that is in this house; it's in your house, it's on your job, and God wants to show us today how we can simplify our relationships.

One of my favorite stories is dealing with Abraham and Lot. I want to read that to you here in just a moment, but it was a story that I love about Abraham and Lot that shows us a picture of the power of love in a relationship.

For those of you that know the story, Lot was Abraham's nephew, and it became a point where their herdsmen or what they possessed began to increase, causing some level of conflict between Abraham's and Lot's stuff and then vice versa.

Look what the scripture says in Genesis 13:5-9: "Now Lot, who was moving about with Abraham, also had flocks and herds and tents. But the land could not support them while they stayed together. For their possessions were so great that they were not able to stay together."

It's almost like, for example—and it's probably far-fetched—but it's almost like kids who grew up and left home, but for some reason, they had to come back home. Now that the daughter is in the house with mama, you know they both have their own ways, but you're in mama's house right now.

You're not in your own house right now, and mama's like, "Hey, in your own house, you can do what you want to do, but in my house, this is how things go."

You know, two grown women can't be in the same house. This is pretty much what's going on right here. They're both increasing, they're both growing, they both have different perspectives, they both have capacity.

But Abraham realizes something significant here. It says in verse 7, "And quarreling arose between Abraham's herders and Lot's. The Canaanites and the Perizzites were also living in the land at that time."

It says, "So Abraham said to Lot, 'Let's not have any quarreling among us.'" Oh, I love that!

He said, "Or between your herders and mine, because we are close relatives." In other words, "Hey, let's not have any disagreement, no fighting between us because our relationship is more important to me than the stuff that we have."

This is the reason why, in your relationships—whether it's with your spouse, your kids, or a coworker, or a boss—whatever the specificity of it is, there must be a level of honor and respect for the relationship more than the stuff.

Because if you value the relationship in the proper context, all the stuff will work itself out.

Watch this right here: "He said, 'Let's not have any quarreling between you and me or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. Is not the whole land before you?'"

Don't we have a lot of opportunity before us? Your marriage has a lot of opportunity before you. Your children have a lot of opportunity before you. Hope City has a lot of opportunity before you.

You in your single state by yourself, you want a man, you want a woman, but God said, "No, stay single because there's a lot of opportunity before you that will not be before you if you mix up the dynamic of what I'm doing in your life right now."

Abraham said, "Is not the whole land before you? Let's part company."

Sometimes, even the best of relationships must part company physically so that you can stay together emotionally. Y'all better get this right here!

Even some of the best and good relationships must part physically so that you can stay together mentally.

Some of you are broken, you are torn up, you are jacked up in your mind. You can't stay sane because you don't understand how to do what Abraham is doing the right way.

Sometimes we do the right thing the wrong way. Sometimes we do the right thing with the wrong heart, with the wrong intention.

Abraham valued the relationship more than the stuff that they had, and he simplified the way to deal with the difficulty.

He said, "Let's part company. If you go to the left, I'll go to the right. If you go to the right, I'll go to the opposite side."

What Abraham was showing us right there is that the relationship is more important than the stuff that we have.

And I don't know about you, and folk do this today. You ever see people who had a good relationship, but one day they find themselves in the same store together, like in Walmart or in Target?

You’re walking and shopping, and you see them—well, not you, because you're bigger than that. They see you on aisle two, and they act like they don't see you.

Even though they need to go on aisle two, they skip past aisle two because they see you and go to aisle three.

Don't laugh; y'all know what I'm talking about!

What you need is on aisle two, but you bypass it because you see the problem that you never resolved the right way.

What Abraham is saying is, "Hey, you pick one side, I pick one side so that in the future when I see you, I can easily come and say, 'Hey, nephew, how are you doing?'"

Versus walking by like I don't see you.

Too many of us have relationships in our lives because we didn't break them off the right way that we can no longer now be in communication with somebody that was a good relationship.

Abraham saw the problem. He said, "Hey, I got a strategy here. Let's separate so that in the future whenever we connect again, there's no schism, there's no disagreement."

You ever go to the family dinner, and you and that sister or that cousin have unresolved issues? You come in the room, and you can cut it with a knife.

You can cut the pain of the unresolved issues. As soon as you walk in, your anxieties go up.

"Oh God, here she goes!"

"Oh my God, here he goes!"

And if somebody in the family is saying, "Calm down, it's going to be okay. It's not a big deal. Be the big person."

Are you with me on today?

God is calling us to simplify our relationships in this season.

Maybe you're finding yourself in a difficult spot right now, and you desperately want to get to the other side of your difficulty.

I believe today is God's desire to help you get to the other side of that difficulty if you're willing to forgive and reconcile so that you can experience, watch this here, the transformative power that God wants to bring into that relationship.

Watch this here: the simplicity of understanding difficult relationships can find ease.

Things like, for example, love—listen, talk, work on it. That ain't rocket science!

Listen, talk, work on it. That's all!

You'll be surprised how many people are not listening, how many are not talking, and how many are not working on it.

And you're praying to God to fix some stuff. He said, "Listen, talk, work on it."

Come on, listen!

Hey, talk!

It's as easy as that!

How many times have you been in a marriage and had an issue? You did not want to talk. She went to her corner, and he went to his corner. Nobody wanted to talk.

How many times, man, she says, "You just won't listen!"

"That ain't what I said! That's not what I said!"

Listen, talk, work on it.

And I didn't mean to say it that way, but that rhymes!

That love—listen, talk, work on it.

You know why? Because love covers a multitude of sins. Love does not boast. Love is not jealous.

We, in the simplicity of understanding difficult relationships, don't tell me that you have a difficult relationship right now that's impossible to fix.

If it's impossible to fix, void of some physical abuse going on, it tells me more than likely you're not loving enough, you're not listening enough, you're not talking enough, and you're not working on it.

Most, most, most all relationships can work out, even if it means you go separate ways the right way.

Come on, somebody!

Thank you for that! Thank you so much!

Love—listen, I remember just the first, at least for sure the first, I'm going to say 10, but not that long now. She may disagree, but I'm going to say the first 10 years of our 20 years.

Being wise, number one, I'm naturally loud. As a matter of fact, I was so loud today, I'm in the hallway just talking to somebody. Those ushers—those mean ushers—deal with it!

Hope comes to the door and whispers, "Tell her, Pastor, he's too loud!"

I said, "I'm too loud?"

I'm outside here!

I said, "Well, they hear you in there!"

So, my point is, I'm naturally loud.

In the first 10 years of being married, my wife said, "Don't talk to me like that! Why are you screaming at me?"

And in my mind, I ain't talking to you like that! I'm just talking!

I'm just loud!

And y'all, I'm this kind of loud. I'm the kind of loud that I could be on the phone at 8:30 in the house, and she'll say, "Hey, can you go outside and talk?"

That's the kind of loud I am!

I'm trying to go, "Can you take that phone call outside?"

So, we bring that back, and we have a disagreement, and she's thinking, "Oh, why are you talking to me like that?"

And I just had to learn how to bring it down.

I had to learn how to understand, and it took a long time because I'm like, "You're trying to change me! I'm just loud!"

You know, a brother said, "Preach it, Pastor! I've been waiting for this sermon for the past 10 years! You finally preached it!"

I told you I was coming for you, man! I told you I was going to bring it!

Yeah, we got to listen, got to talk.

Ladies, men, you got to talk.

Ladies, you got to bring it down some.

Now, we want to talk, but we be scared sometimes to ask you how was your day because we think we're going to get a report, a dissertation, a 30-page review, 10 to 12 more questions.

So, we really want to ask sometimes, but like, "Man, I'm trying to watch this game here."

But if I ask her, they say, "Cookie, how was your day?"

"Oh, thank you for asking! You know, it was great! Can I lay on your shoulder?"

Oh man, ladies, you need to break it down some!

See here, see, men need to bring it up, and women need to bring it down.

Because what men do, they ask us, "How's your day?"

"Good."

And that's it!

"Good."

"How's it going?"

"Great."

Give us some more!

Men say something! Say something else!

Women, bring it down! Less words, men, more words, and then you're going to balance it off and have a decent conversation.

Can I get a witness in here?

I'm trying to save somebody right now!

Because, girl, you work on that thing!

Like, I want to talk to you now!

And now, listen, I'm not saying no too many conversations.

So, you got to make space and make time wise.

But again, ladies, bring it down. Men, bring it up.

You got to love, and just because you don't talk about it doesn't mean the issue is being resolved.

All you think because we've moved on—no, that issue is still there!

That elephant is still in the room!

And one thing about that elephant, it shows out at the most inopportune time.

Remember what I told you before?

Last week, the old church used to teach people how to get rid of their demons. The new church is teaching people how to control their demons.

The first church taught deliverance; we just teach you how to manage it.

You ain't got to get rid of it, but just keep it under control.

So, they don't show out on you.

But the only problem with that method is that sucker shows out at the wrong time!

He will come back and haunt your future if you don't deal with him right.

So, it's not enough for us to just learn how to put out demons on a leash.

Because some people still got their demons on a leash, though!

Like, come on, come on, come on!

Let's go walking with your demons!

Walking demon!

But the only problem with that mindset is that demon, that spirit, that thing will show out on you at the most inopportune time.

You got to work on it!

You got to love!

You got to listen!

You got to talk!

Here's some reasons why relationships can be difficult: the inherent nature of differences.

You ever heard people say, "Men are from Venus and women are from Mars?"

Y'all, that's somewhat true!

We are different!

You hear women say, "Man, you lost your mind!"

Y'all, sometimes we have lost our minds!

Because, you know, men, we operate from just one—most, not all—but for the most part, it is a proven fact that men function from just the left side of the brain.

At one point, it was just said that women operate from the right side of the brain.

We found out that ain't even just the whole answer!

Men, we primarily on the left.

We get trained to go to the right some now, but men naturally, we on the left.

Women, y'all bounce back and forth from left to right.

Y'all can know how to be over there and over there!

Are y'all—hey, man, don't get mad at me!

It's a scientific fact!

We all over here: sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, business, business, business, business, business, business, serious, serious!

They over here: love, let's talk, let's fix this, let's prepare, let's plan!

We'll do sex 10 years from now!

Just say, "Brother, y'all know what I'm talking about!"

It's on our mind!

They ain't even thinking about it!

It's like all this is walking past you!

You right here!

No, I have no desires for you at all right now!

Can you please go clean the yard real fast?

It's like, "No, it's not even on the radar!"

I'm telling you, you got to figure this thing out!

Because once you master it, and once you learn how they work, you know how to push their buttons!

Right?

My wife sent me a message.

I shared this in the first service; I didn't get no permission.

The spirit just hit me to share it.

And she wasn't in the first service, so I whispered to her, "Hey, I'm going to share that text you sent me this weekend with the church today."

So, she sent me a text, y'all.

I know, right?

She said, "Good morning!"

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

That was me!

I'm getting ahead of my skis right now!

She sent me a message, y'all, and said, "Good morning! I'm thankful for you!"

I know, right?

So, I said, "Good morning, sunshine!"

With the sunshine!

I said, "You're much welcome! Where did this come from?"

I want to know!

So, she responded by saying, "I was reflecting on how much you've grown as a husband and how you've changed, and all I could say and be was thankful."

I know, y'all!

That's how I felt!

What you just said is how I felt!

So, I could have just left it there and said, "Thank you!"

She's a smart woman!

I could have just left it down and said, "Thank you!"

I said, "No, you come up some!"

She said, "I got to say a few more words than thank you!"

I said, "There must be a point in which you just grow up and stop making excuses!"

That's been my thoughts!

"Thankful for your patience in my unlovable moments!"

Yeah, you about—man, that was a good house that day, y'all!

Oh, this is the day!

I'm joking, I'm joking!

She said, "Go clean the yard!"

Ain't nothing!

Go clean the yard!

But when you come up, when you change—listen, guys or gals, when you really take initiative to change, and the change is really working, they'll say something!

They'll say something!

But you can't be to a point where you think you did something one time after months or maybe years of junking stuff up, and you do something right one time, and now you want to celebrate!

No!

Let's do this about 20 more times!

Let's see if it's real!

Let's see if it's genuine!

Let's see if you watched something on TV that convicted you for two seconds, and then you go back to your old ways!

Relationships can be difficult because of the inherent nature of us.

You got to learn how to—scripture says in Galatians 3:28, "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

Here's another one: breakdown in communication.

Just don't know how to talk to each other.

Look what it says in Proverbs 15:1: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

I don't want to go that route right now.

I don't want to do that right now.

"Hey, you know, I really don't want to do that right now. Is it possible that we can look at doing this too?"

Now you talk that way, then now who can scream at you?

And if they do, you may be dealing with somebody who got a mental problem!

But you cannot come hard at that!

"Hey, I really want to do that, but is it possible that we can look at a different way?"

A soft answer turns away anger.

We got to have a better strategy about how we communicate with people.

I'm telling you, I've got more things I desire from people because oftentimes it's not what you say; it's how you say it.

We can win if we learn how to communicate.

Here's another one: unmet expectations.

Unmet expectations coming into relationships.

One scripture says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit; rather, in humility, value others above yourself."

Unmet expectations!

My wife's cousin was coming to town, and Saturdays, y'all, it's like my day to do nothing.

It is like my slowest day of the week!

I go at my own speed.

The more stuff I do, time flies by!

I don't do, but she asked me could I cook this nice shrimp and crab pasta for her cousin who was just coming through town.

I know I didn't want to meet that expectation!

I did not want to do that!

"Rather, in humility, value others above yourself."

Of course, it's a good opportunity for you to go ahead and fix a meal for somebody else.

Then the sad part is the cousin who was coming through town ended up calling and saying, "Hey, I'm not going to be able to make it."

You mean to tell me I got to cook all this pasta with shrimp and with crab in it, and the broccoli breadsticks on the side?

You tell me she ain't coming?

I could have got angry!

I could have got mad!

I didn't!

The first thought that came to my mind was, "We got a meal for tomorrow! Dinner's already fixed in the Williams household!"

I believe we can get a lot of benefits!

Some of the answers and miracles we are looking for will come when we learn how to value others above ourselves.

It's not even that you're putting yourself down.

I think what it is, you're creating a pathway for every miracle, blessing, and desire you personally want in your own life anyway.

God's using that as a catalyst to get the visions and the dreams and the desires that you desire in your life to manifest.

Last two, real quickly: past baggage.

Deal with your junk!

Deal with your father wounds and your mother wounds and who wasn't there for you and who walked out on you!

Deal with your baggage!

Psalm 147:3 says, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Speaking to us as men, we got to make sure the little boy in us doesn't kill the man that wants to come out of us.

Sometimes there's a man that's in us that wants to come out and do what's right and lead right and be that husband, but that little boy sometimes just back there controlling and making the grown man stay where his daddy left him or where his daddy wasn't or what his mama said.

It's time for us to put the little boy to sleep so that the grown man can be all that he has been divinely orchestrated to be.

Paul said this here in one scripture: "When I was a child, I acted like a child. I thought like a child. I even believed like a child."

He said, "But when I became a man, I put away those things."

Cory's translation is this here: "When I was a child, I acted like a child. I played like a child. But when I became a grown man, I put away my boy toys."

And some of y'all are more committed to your fraternity than you are to your house.

And if you could put that same energy you put into your fraternity—oh, whatever all that is!

I ain't knocking your fraternity; I'm just saying let's put it in order!

If you can put that level of run to and attention to your house, imagine where you would be!

I'm just trying to help somebody out!

Last one: the impact of change.

The impact of change is what creates difficulty in relationships.

She is not the same woman you met 20 years ago.

He is not the same man you met 20 years ago.

She is no longer a size six; she's a 16, and it is okay!

He is no longer biceps and triceps; he is pregnant right now, and it is okay!

For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, the good times and bad times, in his glory days, the non-glory days, we just going to walk our big selves to the other side!

My wife does this thing at the house.

I put on this wed here, and I said, "Li, thick! Look, girl, you're looking Li thick!"

"I don't want to be Li thick! I want to be little slim!"

I said, "You ain't little slim; you Li thick!"

And watch this here: I like Li thick!

Twenty-one years ago, she had her little slim side, but I don't want her!

I want 21-year-old married old Miss Williams!

I want to look thick!

All of that!

Come on, somebody!

We ain't going back there!

Come on, old baggage!

Come on, somebody!

Come on!

The impact of change, which leads me to when you're changing, you got to change together!

Come on, somebody!

Not for the bad, for the good!

And so change is going to come—not if it's going to come, but change is going to come!

But how is it going to change us?

With the kids, with you and I, with me and my boss?

Change is going to come, but the church is growing; it's evolving.

Change is inevitable!

It doesn't have to change our character and our heart and our love!

Come on, somebody!

That's called growth!

The impact of—I'm done right now!

I know I'm over time!

Ecclesiastes 3:1: "There's a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens."

One verse says, "Time and chance happen to them all."

I believe some of you missed your time and chance when opportunity came your way to fix a problem in your marriage, in your singlehood, in your career, in your dream.

Time and chance happen to them all!

Life presents us opportunity, and the question is, how did you manage it?

How did you handle it?

Did you squander it?

But I do believe right now, even if you did not handle it right, God is ready to give you a second chance!

Listen, complexity fades when we choose to simplify our approach to relationships.

I'm going to let you close me out, Pastor David.

Complexity fades when we choose to simplify our approach.

It may be complex right now, but if you choose a simple way—love, listen, talk about it, work on it—the complexity can fade away!

Yes, she may be from Venus, and yes, you may be from Mars, but how can two walk together except they agree?

When we chose to come together, it's two different people.

Now we have an opportunity to discover, yes, our differences and how our differences could work on our behalf.

Principles for simplifying relationships: if you missed this, just get the notes off of the website.

Here are some ways to simplify your relationship: embrace your differences, prioritize effective communication, set realistic expectations, deal with your past baggage, and navigate your change together.

Don't leave her behind; don't leave him behind.

Navigate the change together!

And one thing I learned, you guys, if we good—I don't know how people can go on and just—y'all ain't good!

I do better when we good!

You have a better pastor when we good!

Man, when we good, it ain't nothing I can't do!

When we ain't good, I can't think straight!

I can't do right!

But you got to focus on—you got to work on it!

What relationship in your life—marriage or child or whatever—that is strained, and all you need to do is work on it?

1) "Complexity fades when we choose to simplify our approach to relationships. It may be complex right now, but if you choose a simple way—love, listen, talk about it, work on it—the complexity can fade away." [41:56] (Download)

2) "Abraham valued the relationship more than the stuff that they had and he simplified the way to deal with the difficulty. He said let's part company." [17:35] (Download)

3) "I believe we can get a lot of benefits, some of the answers and miracles we are looking for will come when we learn how to value others above ourselves." [36:16] (Download)

4) "Change is inevitable, it doesn't have to change our character and our heart and our love. That's called growth." [40:35] (Download)

5) "When I became a man, I put away those things. Cory's translation is this here: when I was a child I acted like a child, I played like a child, but when I became a grown man I put away my boy toys." [37:38] (Download)

6) "The impact of change is what creates difficulty in relationships. She is not the same woman you met 20 years ago, he is not the same man you met 20 years ago... for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, the good times and bad times, in his glory days and the non-glory days, we just going to walk our big selves to the other side." [39:12] (Download)

7) "Understanding how to apply love is essential to simplifying difficult relationships. If we know how to apply love in a difficult relationship, we can make our relationships even better." [08:11] (Download)

8) "Love is not self-seeking, it's not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongdoing... love is action. I believe that through love a lot of areas in your life can be resolved." [05:47] (Download)

9) "I believe in every broken relationship that's in your life right now, through the power of love, through the power and love is not what we say, love is action, I believe that through love a lot of areas in your life can be resolved." [06:26] (Download)

10) "Abraham saw the problem, he said, 'Hey, I got a strategy here, let's separate so that in the future whenever we connect again there's no schism, there's no disagreement.'" [18:44] (Download)