Amen. Who am I that the highest King would welcome me? I was lost, but He brought me in. Know His love for me, love for me.
Who the Son sets free, who is free indeed. I'm a child of God, yes, I am.
Realize He has ransomed me. His grace while I was a slave to sin. Jesus died for me, yes, He died for me.
Through the Son sets free, oh, is free indeed. I'm a child of God, yes, I am.
In my Father's house, there's a place for me. I'm a child of God, yes, I am.
I am chosen, not forsaken. I am who You say I am. You are for me, not against me. I am who You say I am.
I am chosen, not forsaken. I am who You say I am. You are for me, not against me. I am who You say I am.
Yes, I am who You say I am. The Son sets free, oh, is free indeed. I'm a child of God, yes, I am.
In my Father's house, there's a place for me. I'm a child of God, yes, I am.
Yes, you are. You are a child of God. Amen.
Man, it's so, so good that you guys are here. And man, we just got to sing and remind ourselves of what God says about us.
As we've been learning in this series, what are we thinking about? Think about what you're thinking about, right?
So we have just confessed what God says about us, not what someone else's opinion is, but what God says. We are His children. There's a place for you and I in His home. Amen.
Father, thank You so much for the reminder of who we are in You. Help us to continually remind ourselves of who we are when the enemy comes in like a flood to tell us who we are or who we aren't.
Father, that we would remember Your words and that Your voice would be the loudest voice that we hear. In Jesus's name, and everybody said, Amen.
Well, as you're sitting, why don't you turn to your neighbor and tell them they look great today? Then after you've sat down, go to your second choice. We won't say why they were your second choice, but tell them that they look great too.
Can you believe that it's Christmas time already? In case you didn't know, it's December. We're getting closer and closer to Christmas.
Look at all these great gifts that have already come in for our adopted schools, for LeBur Elementary and Oak Park Elementary. All those kids, thank you guys for being so generous.
If you haven't already brought in your gift, next week is the deadline on the 10th, so make sure that you bring those in.
And maybe you're here for the first time and you're like, "Well, what's that all about?" If you weren't here to get a tag off of the tree, I would encourage you that this week maybe go out and get some gift cards and bring those in on Sunday.
Because we would like to take all the gift cards that we get and put them into the hands of the parents. You know, these are for the kids and their brothers and sisters, but we'd like to put something in the hands of mom and dad as well.
Jingle Jam is tonight. That's going to be awesome! And don't forget that if you have already used up all of your six-pack—remember, this isn't your grandma's church—we give out six-packs here.
A six-pack in a different way are invite cards. You can get more of those when you go out when you leave today. Make sure that you're doing that. Make sure you're inviting.
Because I'm going to tell you what, today, this time of year is when people will say yes the most to an invitation to church. So make sure that you're inviting.
Today is an awesome day. I'm so excited to introduce our guest speaker for today, who is Dr. Dwight Bain.
If you haven't heard Dr. Dwight speak before, you are in for a real treat. He is an overseer of the house and he is a great friend of the house.
And if you don't know anything about him, I'm getting ready to tell you a little bit about him.
Obviously, his name is Dwight Bain. He helps people rewrite their story through strategic change. His strategies have been featured on hundreds of radio and television programs nationally and dozens of TV news stations across the networks of ABC, Fox, and NBC.
He is a trusted media source quoted by The Washington Post, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, MSNBC, and many more.
He has challenged thousands of organizations like Disney, Toyota, and the United States Army to create a positive change. He is a best-selling author about creating positive change through his books, his blogs, and his podcasts.
Dwight is a lifelong resident of Orlando, where he lives with his beautiful wife Sheila of 30 years, along with their many pets and packed suitcases ready for their next adventure together.
Father's house, would you stand to your feet and give a warm welcome to Dr. Dwight Bain? [Applause]
Thank you! Love you! Love you! Thank you! Thank you! You too!
So today we are here to learn something. Turn to somebody next to you and say, "We're going to learn something."
Because my name is Dwight, and as you heard, I help people change, right?
And so I think one of the greatest ways to help people change is to get a little bit of accountability going.
And so some of you are here with family, and so we just said we're going to learn something, but wouldn't it be great if we turned to somebody that you're sitting next to and say, "He's talking about change; you need to change."
So just try that. "You need to change."
Got a teeny bit quieter, just a smidge.
So today we are talking about helping people change because my name is Dwight, and Jesus Christ changed my life.
Because when you think about this time of year, I love all the presents. I love everything that's up here because when we think about this time of year, we think about gifts.
But did you know that God brought you a gift?
And you think, "Ooh, is it a gift card to Starbucks?" No, it's the gift of life!
That is exactly right. God gives us the gift of life.
Now watch this: what I do with the gift that God gave me is my gift back to God.
We go, "So there's a tremendous amount of neuroscience."
Because what I focus on in helping people change, right, I take ancient wisdom and then I look at modern neuroscience, and guess what? They line up.
Because when we look at the gift of life, the breath of life, right?
So if you want to clear your thinking, you breathe through the nose, let out slow through your mouth. That'll calm the prefrontal cortex.
If you ever have trouble sleeping, there's a breathing technique that you can use using nostril breathing. You can fall asleep in about 15 seconds. Super helpful technique, no medication involved.
Because when we think about life as a gift, if you have breath, God gave you a gift. What are you doing with the gift?
That's the purpose of our focus today. That's the purpose of our message.
So you want a better life? I do, absolutely! You want a better life, sir? Right?
Then you need a map.
Now, when I was growing up, because I want you to know, Julian, I'm older than Google. I know that's old.
Yeah, Google was launched in 1995. And when we look at maps, if a picture is worth a thousand words, then a map is worth a thousand pictures, right?
All right, so when I think about maps, I had to look in the car because I thought, "Oh, I need a map."
And did you know that the only map we had in the car was a map of Epcot?
Because when I was growing up, you know, you'd go to different states when you go on family vacation, and you go in the rest area and you get a map.
Because what does a map do? A map isolates and it allows you to see where you want to go and how to get there faster.
So if I said, "Where do you want to go in your life?" hopefully you could answer the question.
And then I would say, "Let's take a look at your pace."
Because there's a concept that I call Freeway and Convenience Store. It's pretty simple.
Because if you pay at the pump or if you really plan your trip out, you don't have to stop at roadside things.
But think about a convenience store because there's lots of things to distract you.
You go inside, "Oh look, they have junk food! Honey, oh look, they have lottery tickets! Oh look, they have all this stuff that's really not that healthy!"
And look how much time we can waste in the convenience store, right?
There's a different concept; it's called Cracker Barrel, right?
And so be careful. I know because when you think about if you're trying to get from here to Atlanta, you know about how long it takes.
Your map program on your phone will tell you how long it takes, but if you stop at every exit, you might not ever get there.
Yeah, where's your life going?
Because as I study scripture and as I look at it, there are two paths—just two.
There's a path of life, there's a path of death. Moses, the man of God, talks about this in Deuteronomy chapter 30. He said, "I set before you today life and death. Choose life."
Choose life.
And by the way, on those two paths, Jesus talked about there is a wide path, and it's wide and it's kind of downhill, and lots of people are on it.
And how do you identify that they're on it? Well, it's about pleasure.
There's a narrow path, uphill, hard climb. How do I identify that path? It's about purpose.
Wow! Are you walking the pleasure path or the purpose path?
Today, I want to guide you toward greater purpose.
Right? When you're born, you look like your parents. When you die, you look like your decisions.
Pastor Crawford said, "When you're born, you look like your parents."
Yep, there's a concept in neuroscience called epigenetics. About one-third of who you are, how you think, how you function is because of your grandparents and great-grandparents and your DNA.
And sometimes people say, "Well, I don't like that."
Okay, well, you can change. It's only about a third.
And occasionally, Pastor Tim, people will say, "You know, I was just born in the wrong time. If I had been born in the Old West, I would..."
And it's like, "No, you'd be dead!"
I mean, if you'd been born in the time of the dinosaurs, you would be a T-Rex lunch. The Raptors would have feasted on you.
Because when I look at purpose and plan and the gift that God gives, God let you be born in a certain time of history.
We call them birthdays. To a certain family, in a certain birth order, with a certain genetic code.
Father God put you in a type of geography and environment.
And for some people, that would mean that there would be access to education and healthcare and tennis shoes and braces.
For other people, because I had teenage parents who didn't get to finish high school.
And if you don't have education, I want you to know it's a lot harder.
And some people get handed different things.
So you can either get mad at everything, kind of blame your mother for all your problems, or you can stop blowing up and you can grow up.
Oh, what a fantastic concept!
All my problems in life are because of my mother. Or my problems in life are because of my first wife and my second wife and my third wife and my fourth wife.
And I just can't pick a good wife.
Because if success in life were about getting more stuff, wouldn't Hollywood have the happiest ratio?
No drug addiction, no alcoholism, no divorce, no violence, no domestic violence.
Except guess what? Sometimes people who have a lot of stuff, they don't have a lot going on inside.
When we get old, we look like our decisions.
And that means stop blaming your mother, right?
So success, it's easy to confuse success with externals, right?
Ooh, here's a box. It's a pretty box.
It's easy to confuse success because we live in a culture that says if you get a really big house, you're successful.
Oh, you know what? If you get a really nice car. In fact, if you have a really nice four, five, six cars, some people have whole car collections.
Because if you have a bunch of cars, then you're successful.
Well, the person who sells you insurance is very happy, but I'm not sure it defines success.
Because to me, success is about the journey.
So success is not you get all you can, can all you get, sit on the can, right?
"I got more stuff, and now my life is meaningful."
The Bible doesn't teach it that way, and life doesn't show that.
Because when we take a look at this, and I do hope that you have the study guide, Maggie and her team did such a great job.
Because with the study guide, you'll see the very first thing: success is more than making a lot of money.
And people say, "Well, if I just made more money..."
Particularly if you're younger than the age of 25, the research shows that if you're younger than 25, you think if I had a ton of money—they define that as having a million dollars in the bank—then I would be successful and happy.
Weird! That's what 25 and younger believe.
But when you look at the clinical data, because I study data a lot, it doesn't show that.
The longest study that was ever done on happiness in the United States was done at Harvard University for 83 years. It's still going on.
And they've asked the most successful graduates of Harvard for over 80 years what matters most.
You know what number one was? Family relationships.
All right, some of the people in that study were U.S. presidents, some were U.S. Supreme Court justices, and nobody said having more square footage than my cousin so that I can make him envious on Instagram.
Externals? No!
Our goal today is to look at some internals.
It's more than money.
Now, and I love this one, right? Look at the screen.
No amount of money will buy back missed time with your kids.
Most people cannot remember what they got for Christmas when they were seven or eight, but they can remember going on a camping trip, or they can remember going to a park, or they can remember having an experience.
And I know that it's the holiday season, and you've already, you know, the nice people at Amazon have given you a little checklist from your kids of which video games they want and which stuff they want to be happy.
And here's just a suggestion: the research shows those things actually will not make them happy.
But to be able to say, "Wow, look, that game is $65. Let's go find something we can do for $65, just me and you, 'cause I'm your dad, and I may not always be here."
I mean, this Thanksgiving, it was the first Thanksgiving with an empty chair.
And my father-in-law, who preached his own funeral by how he lived his life—a godly man—left a legacy.
Because some people leave an inheritance, and that's about cash, and it's gone very quickly.
But he left a legacy, which is about character, and character goes on for generations.
And so if you can think about how can I spend time with the people that matter most, that lasts, that goes on, right?
So lasting success is not about getting more stuff.
I'm not against stuff. You know, if you like stuff, great! Just don't confuse it with psychological feelings of mental health or wellness.
I hope you have a safe car. I hope you have a safe home. I hope it has a good roof.
But I want you to not confuse stuff with a sense of significance.
So as you take a look, filling in your study guide, right? Lasting success comes from the quality of life.
And how do you get to a quality of life? I'm glad you asked.
Let's take a look. You'll see it in your study guide, and I'll just read it.
This is from King Solomon, who's challenging. He's writing to his teenage and young adult sons, and here's what King Solomon says:
"Get wisdom, get understanding. Don't forsake her, and she will preserve you. Love her, and she will keep you. Wisdom is the principal thing. Therefore, get wisdom."
I'm going to read it again: "Wisdom is the principal thing. Therefore, get wisdom."
And notice, here's the wisest man that ever lived, one of the wealthiest men who ever lived, who didn't say, "Get more stuff."
He had many different relationships, but he said, "No, get wisdom. That's what I want for you, kids."
When we think about wisdom, he goes on, "And all you're getting, get understanding. She will bring you honor when you embrace her. When you walk, your steps will not be hindered. When you run, you will not stumble. Take firm hold of instruction. Do not let go. Keep her, for she is your life."
And then there's a warning to these teenage and young adult sons: "Do not enter the path of the wicked. Do not walk in the way of evil. Avoid it. Do not travel on it. Turn away from it. Pass by it, for they do not sleep unless they've done evil, and their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall."
In other words, the later in the day something that my parents taught me, when the street lights come on at night, probably ought to be headed home.
'Cause late at night, sometimes people get up to mischief, and other people say, "Yeah, I'm going to go to bed and have a good day tomorrow."
There's two paths in life: a path of life and meaning and significance, and a path that leads to death.
And then King Solomon says, "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it will spring the issues of life."
Keeping your heart with all diligence means to guard your heart.
Say that with me: "Guard your heart."
One more time: "Guard your heart."
Because to guard your heart means to guard the deepest part of who you are.
And to be able to do that, I want to give you a principle. It's not in your study guide, but the principle is this:
You will always miss what you're not trained to see.
You'll always miss what you're not trained to see.
That's why some people—I'm one of them—I go to this really cool place between here and where I live, and it's called Mount Dora.
And it's a place that has these little antique shops, which is for people like me who don't know what they're looking for, to buy stuff that I later found out, you know, "Oh, that looks like a pretty good deal. I think I'll buy it and resell it on eBay."
And it looks like—and then I get back to eBay and find out what I bought was not worth that much.
Now, I had a fun day with my wife a couple of times, and I finally said, "We were doing no more antiquing."
Because I think "antique" is an ancient word from the Latin word called "old white guy spends money on things that aren't worth that much."
I think that's what it means.
And then she reminded me, "We got to spend the day together."
That's right!
And I said, "Yeah, you're right. I work in the field of clinical psychology. Don't try to out-guilt me, lady."
I said, "Could we spend time together and maybe have spent the $27 on something that our kids don't even want? That one day when we're dead, it'll be in a storage unit, and they'll say, 'Why did they buy this old thing?'"
We just maybe spend the $27 doing something.
And she—oh, I won't repeat what she said.
Right?
Here's the principle: hindsight is 20/20.
And people say, "Oh, okay, you know, if I just—I've got all these regrets. If I just had known."
Okay, guess what? Foresight is 20/20.
If you know what you're looking for, you want a good life, can you describe it to me?
Because here's the danger: you've only lived part of it. You only see part of it. You only know part of it.
There's a tremendous danger in our culture, particularly for young people, for kids.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" They have no clue.
So they will say things like "ballerina" or "astronaut," but they don't know because they haven't lived long enough.
And our brains develop, you know, till at least middle 20s.
And so to be able to say, "Let's talk about character things you can be when you grow up."
So I can talk to little girls and little guys about being kind.
Kind? Yes!
Oh, do you think you're going to be kind?
There's a really cool concept that's practiced at a lot of elementary schools now called the Friendship Bench.
And it's just a bench, and it says on it "Friendship."
And then you go and you sit on the bench if you're lonely.
Because the number one mental health problem in the United States right now is loneliness. Number one, the Surgeon General says.
And you sit on the bench if you're lonely, and then other people—people who are trained as peer support—will go and sit on the bench.
So now you're not lonely anymore. Isn't that wonderful?
Doesn't that sound like church? A place where everybody knows your name and everybody's problems are the same and everybody's glad you came?
Yeah, or was that Cheers? I can't remember. It's one of those.
Right?
Here's a principle to remember: everything has an expiration date.
You and I have an expiration date.
Kobe Bryant, a couple of months before he died, Kobe said, "Look at this. The biggest mistake that we make in our life is thinking we have more time."
That's right!
"Oh, I'll have more time. I know I'll live this long."
Well, how do you know?
If today were your last day, by the way, that's wisdom.
Because if you live in the past, you can get caught up in resentment. You can get caught up in regrets.
"I made this terrible choice. These people did these terrible things to me."
And sometimes living in the past can lead to getting caught up in depression or guilt or shame.
"I can't believe this happened."
If you get too caught up living in the future, that's called anxiety and panic.
"Well, what if this happens? And what if this happens?"
I like to remind people, "What if an asteroid hits the Earth tomorrow?"
Well, that's not going to happen.
How do you know? You don't!
But if I can live in today, which is what scripture teaches, celebrate today while it is called today.
So to be able to do that is to say, "Let's maximize our time today."
Now here's how we get there: purpose involves pain.
Jim Rohn said that you'll either have the pain of self-discipline or the pain of regret.
So if you're taking notes, I want you to be able to pick your pain.
Warren Buffett talked about you—the billionaire who's given away billions of dollars.
He said the most important thing to manage—you would think, "Well, he's a billionaire. He'd talk about money."
No, he said the most important thing to manage is yourself.
Wow! Self-management!
Self-management!
He and Charlie Munger, his business partner who died this week at 99 years old, taught never be in a bad situation.
Just always look at the circumstances and make your best decision based on those circumstances.
Don't be speculative.
And that's why when somebody says, "Well, I always make good decisions," right?
A lot of people go to college and they decide to drink and drive.
Sometimes even their parents do that.
Doesn't end well.
So to be able to pick your hard is the idea, right?
It's hard to be successful, but it's hard not to.
It works like this: marriage is hard; divorce is hard. Pick your hard.
Okay? Being healthy is hard; being sick is hard. Pick your hard.
Okay?
And somebody says, "Oh, it's so hard to keep a budget, do all that Dave Ramsey stuff."
Kind of hard to struggle with debt. Pick your hard.
Well, I want to be godly, and I want everything to work out, but I don't want to spend any time in God's word.
Then that's called becoming a cultural Christian. Kind of an oxymoron word.
Because if I'm a Christ follower, I'm not going to look like the culture; I'm going to look like the Master.
The philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre said it this way: "Life is the sea between B and D."
Life is the choice between birth and death.
So what choice am I going to make today so that I don't get stuck in average?
Now here's what average looks like. You'll see it on the screen, right?
The average American has $131,000 in debt. $38,000 of that is in credit cards.
Look at this: they're overweight. They watch 33 hours of TV a week.
That works out to 71 full days a year.
By the way, they spend about two hours a day on social media. That's 116 minutes.
They spend five hours a day on their cell phone.
And if you look at this, if married, they'll be divorced by the seventh year.
They have less than $1,000 in savings.
And so here's what it comes down to: do you really want to be average?
I don't want you to be average. I want you to be healthy.
But to get there, you got to answer four questions in your study guide. Here they are, right?
Number one: What's right in my life?
Sometimes people will be really hard on themselves, beat themselves up. They'll be perfectionistic.
In fact, I know there are some of them here today, Sean, and they're perfectionistic.
And right now, this second, they're mad at me because I have a tendency—I want to cram so much in. I want to share so much, and I'm sure that I have missed one of the fill-in-the-blanks, and they're mad at me because they're compulsive.
That's why on the back page is the answer key to the fill-in-the-blanks.
All right? You say, "Why didn't you tell me that before?"
Let me tell you why I didn't tell you that before. You know who you are.
Because you would race ahead, you'd fill in all the blanks, and then you'd play, you know, Words with Friends on your phone.
You would stop listening. You're doing it now. You're not even listening because you're filling in all the blanks.
"I got to get the fill because there's going to be a test at the end."
Right, Joan? There's going to be a test now.
So the first thing: what's going right in my life?
Stop beating yourself up.
Kristen Neff, the psychologist at the University of Texas, said that one of the greatest mental health problems in our country is that people don't have self-compassion.
So when I think about what's right in your life, count your blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.
What's wrong in my life? We can list that out.
I like to list things.
What's missing from my life?
What's confusing about my life?
Oh yeah!
And then what matters most?
What matters most?
You see, earlier I said God has a present for you. God gave you the gift of life, and that's His gift.
Let's see. Oh, look! What's the gift that God gives?
Well, the gift is me.
God gave you life and breath. God gives you opportunity. God gives you relationship.
God gives you a chance to grow in knowledge, knowledge of Him and His Son.
So I think about the greatest gift is to look in the mirror and watch this: do you see you the way God sees you?
Do you see you with great value, great worth, great meaning, as somebody that God could use to change the generations?
Something I've been working on is generational healing.
CU, yes, you did get handed things through your genetics.
What if some of that could be reversed?
What if you could prune the family tree?
'Cause the family tree shapes a lot of me, but what if I could prune it?
What if I could change things?
What if I would be able?
That's what we were talking about earlier during the break.
I said, "What would happen?"
Because if a dad especially has a heart change—this is the Christmas season.
One of the most popular movies about Christmas is about a middle-aged guy thinking about suicide.
It's a Wonderful Life. Remember?
He's going to jump off the bridge, and the goofy angel says, "Don't jump off the bridge yet. We still have a lot of movie to make."
And the angel reminds him, "You want to see what this world would be like if you were not here in Bedford Falls?
Let me just show you what if you take one good man out of a community.
Let me show you how bad it gets that fast."
What happens when one man has a heart change?
Most popular Christmas story in the last 150 years: A Christmas Carol.
What happens to Ebenezer Scrooge?
He has a heart change.
It's like, "Oh gosh, I'm going to die, and I'm a jerk."
You don't have to stay there.
That's right!
What matters most?
Here's the formula: four zones. You'll see it in your notes.
Number one: IQ.
This is not SAT test. SAT test, nothing against SAT test.
It's just you only need that when you're going to college.
The rest of the time, if I said, "Are you growing?"
"Oh yeah, I'm growing."
Great!
How many books are you reading?
Do you have any books?
I mean, some people around this time of the year, they buy a lot of books at Barnes & Noble, and that's called shelf help.
And shelf help is to buy pretty books to stack up or put by the bedside or, you know, put on a shelf.
It looks pretty on the shelf.
Self-help is when you actually read one.
Yeah!
So to be able to know, are you reading?
Are you listening?
I was speaking in Kentucky, and it was going really well to a large group of psychologists and psychiatrists.
And in the question and answer, somebody said, "What book changed your life the most?"
I said, "Well, the Bible, because it did."
And I had so many people come up afterwards and say, "Thank you for saying that."
Listen, it's true!
So if somebody says, "I love the Lord," do you spend any time there?
Because we can track cognitive development and growth.
By the way, great way: 50% better chance to never get Alzheimer's if you read and do puzzles.
Now, if you want to lose your mind, I guess don't do those things.
Because every other person above the age of 80 will get Alzheimer's, and we still don't know what causes it.
But we do know what slows it: keeping your mind engaged and turning off a screen.
We can measure if somebody's growing cognitively by what they're reading, listening to podcasts.
There's more knowledge, more information, audiobooks.
And so this idea: need more books? Yes!
Do I need more?
Well, you can see the orange. I need more books.
But I just want to put a different color in there.
'Cause when people aren't learning, they're a know-it-all.
And a know-it-all, King Solomon called being a fool because you don't even know what you don't know.
There's a whole book in the Bible dedicated to this. It's called The Book of Job.
Because Job was a rich man, a successful man, had a bunch of stuff, but Job didn't know what Job didn't know.
And God allowed a lot of hardship until Job was like, "I didn't know that."
And what happens? God expands his view of things that matter because he was able to go, "I didn't know."
A person with a growing sense of awareness, they're learning, right?
It's the difference between book knowledge and street smart.
Now, if you have to choose between the two, street smart will get it done.
But both equal opportunities.
And this is where I particularly love talking in schools, talking with young people.
Because the ones that are like, "I'm just going to get book smart."
Yeah, you better get some life skills.
"I'm just going to get life skills. Who needs, you know, no more teachers, no more books, no more teachers' stupid looks?"
Okay, well, you're going to need some education in there somewhere.
Because if you can put those two together, you'll have great opportunity.
My parents didn't finish high school, but I did because they made sure that I had education and life skills.
I knew how to drop the engine and rebuild an engine because my dad would rebuild cars and sell them on the weekends to help pay for private school and then later for college.
So I learned how to paint and repair houses because my parents would find rental houses.
They taught me life skills, but I still had great teachers and mentors.
You need both to become aware.
Now awareness is EQ.
The number one skill Harvard says that you need to be successful in life is EQ: emotional intelligence.
Now how can I tell if somebody has emotional intelligence or emotional awareness?
It's really simple, and there's a test you could do even today.
It means that you'll have to go to Publix—great place where shopping is a pleasure.
Be very careful, Andrew, very careful to get five items in your little green basket.
And you take your five items and you go to the lane that says 10 items or less.
And then in the 10 items or less, you will see that there are people, tragically, here in Lake County who are illiterate and cannot read or count.
And they will have their buggy with 99, 17 items in line in front of you.
Now part of—I won't say you, but part of me is in the past.
I will confess, I'm here at the Father's House in church.
I had a bad attitude in the past, and I saw their basket full of, like, "Can you not read?"
And then one of my kids reminded me, "Dad, you don't know what's going on in their life. You don't know if they're like Mom and just buried their dad. You don't know anything."
Because you don't know what you don't know.
So emotional awareness is really simple.
You stop from being here, and you go over to the other point of view, and you go, "Wow!"
And that's pretty amazing.
Because until you have that experience, you fight a lot, you complain a lot, you criticize a lot, you attack a lot.
High drama because you know it all.
When you're able to look at it from the other point of view, you go, "Oh, now I understand."
The best example of that happened in a barn in a city called Bethlehem of Judea, where deity came and lived among them.
Jesus came and lived as a man because of us.
But when people say, "God doesn't understand lonely," yeah, He does.
God doesn't understand being attacked and criticized.
He lived as a man. He walked among them.
His own disciples didn't get it.
And being able to know what would happen if I had a sense of awareness.
Now, self-awareness is rare, but just remember the rule: the higher the self-awareness, the less drama, conflict, criticize, attack.
So when somebody's busy attacking those stupid politicians, sometimes just step back.
Right?
Here's a better way to look at it, right?
So here's common sense; here's nonsense.
Nonsense, there's a lot of drama.
But sometimes, especially in a political season, the people that are using the high drama to make you mad, they're actually trying to manipulate you to make you mad.
Because if somebody can make you mad or make you scared, they can control a part of your brain.
Is that weird?
Now there's a simple way to keep that from happening: it's turn off screens.
Because if you have screens, it'll fuel that, and then you'll find yourself really mad and upset all the time instead of feeling a sense of peace or being able to say, "I'm part of the problem."
Right?
People who make mistakes, people who admit making mistakes.
Now let's practice this, and some of you are here with relatives.
So just be able to look at somebody and I'll show you what feels good.
It's look at somebody and say, "You make mistakes."
I mean, just try that one.
Try that one.
"You make mistakes."
Yeah!
And if you don't believe you make mistakes, just, you know, suggest how they drove to church today.
Right?
Now here's where it gets a little harder.
Look at that same person that you're kind of giggling about and say, "And I think I make more mistakes."
Wow!
So what's a basic principle of emotional awareness, emotional intelligence?
It's kindness.
How much does it cost to be kind?
How much does it cost to be compassionate?
How much does it cost to be able to be friendly?
Nothing!
To smile, right?
Just look at somebody next to you and smile.
It doesn't cost anything to smile.
Delta Airlines had the most profitable quarter in the history of the airlines because they taught their managers with staff how to be compassionate and kind and smile.
They brought in life coaches. They brought in healthy snacks, and they started showing compassion to all of their team members.
And their team members showed up and said, "Let's get people safely to their destination."
How much does it cost to be kind?
That would be zero, Alex.
What does it change when somebody's kind?
That would be everything.
And that's AQ: adaptability.
AQ is adaptability.
How well do you change?
Are you flexible?
Do you get bent out of shape, or do you flex?
Do you pay attention to the tension?
Do you pay attention to things that need to change?
Like in a relationship, do you go and attack, or do you unpack?
Let's figure this out.
It's what Adam Grant at Wharton Business School calls "Be curious, not furious."
Because to be curious is to be able to say, "Oh, let me look at this whole picture."
Right?
Are you trying to prove something, or are you trying to improve?
Right?
When I look in the mirror, the whole goal—well, it's to improve.
To see me the way God sees me.
You think God's done with you yet?
No!
Because you can take breath.
God isn't done to see you the way God sees you, and God's not finished.
But adaptability—that's B.B. King, by the way.
B.B. King is one many people say the greatest guitarist.
The greatest!
That's Lucille that he's holding, his guitars in the Smithsonian.
And he was musical and gifted in a time where a person of color would frequently have his songs, his lyrics, everything that he wrote stolen away.
You know what B.B. said?
"I'm just going to keep playing. They can't steal my creativity."
If I learn something new, they can't steal.
Eric Clapton said the reason that I play the way I do is because of B.B. King.
Right?
And Elvis and so many others said the same thing.
Why?
Because he kept learning.
Well, they stole from him.
Get stuck in the past and ruminate and be all upset, or worry, "How am I going to make it in the future?"
He went, "No, I'm just going to learn something new today."
What a great example for you and I to learn something new today.
Because if I'm learning, like B.B. said, they can't steal that from you.
Now, I know it's the holiday season, so I will dedicate this to those of you who are here with your relatives.
Right?
From my friend Daniel Amen: people in therapy are often in therapy to deal with the people in their lives who won't go to therapy.
Right?
Take a picture that you're going to want to share that with a relative later.
Well, the reason I'm in therapy is because of them. They're the problem.
Guess what? I can do something about it.
But as long as I'm frustrated, irritated, annoyed, "I can't believe that stupid person," maybe we should work on ourselves first or at least learn to laugh.
Right?
Dad jokes: I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, eat my vegetables.
Turns out I was on the mothership.
At least I can laugh about it.
Or I can say, "You know, do I look a little more like Jesus than I did yesterday?"
How can I measure that?
Well, are you a little more kind, gentle, good?
Are you more loving than you were yesterday?
The goal is 1%.
So instead of saying, "I've arrived. I know everything. I've got it all figured out."
No, you don't!
Is to say, "How can I be 1% better?"
Or what I call NRT: can I take the next right step?
Because if I'm taking the next right step to say I'm learning, there is a mighty God who will open up opportunities.
On the holiday season, there's a word that will steal all of your joy, and that word is expectation.
Here's what I want my holiday to be.
If you want a great example of this, look up Clark W. Griswold on the internet.
And Clark will show you how to have the perfect big old honking family Christmas.
You know, with, you know, God Bless America and all the packaging of the neighbor and crazy Yeti.
I want everything!
I want it to go perfect!
Not on this planet!
Now watch: expectation, big view.
There's 8 billion people on the planet.
The Lord loves all of them.
And when I take the big view of anticipation, it's to be able to say, "I have the hope that things will work out, God, but I'm going to let You be in control."
Right?
So this holiday season, to be like Bob Goff says, "I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to be with people."
Instead of trying to prove, I just want to improve.
Bishop Desmond Tutu died last year.
He said, "There comes a time that we need to go see why people keep repeating the same problems. Go to the headquarters. Go to the source."
And for me, for many of us, the source is a lack of forgiveness.
Maya Angelou, before she died, said, "Forgive everybody."
And she'd lived through a lot of hurt and a lot of pain and a lot of being used.
Everybody has issues.
Healthy people talk about the issues.
That's the bottom line.
It's what I like to say: who has your front to confront?
Hey, you know what? I think it's time to make some changes.
You say, "I don't want my family members to talk to me like that."
Then I guess you don't want to change.
But if I can take a small step, I can get a big result.
And then I will live what the Apostle Paul wrote to the church at Philippi:
"There's never been the slightest doubt that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and would bring you to a flourishing finish."
There's never been a doubt that the way God sees you can come to pass.
How will you just keep taking one more step?
And you keep surrounding yourself with people like here that make a difference and people that care.
And it also means being able to know when you look in that mirror to say, "You know, I think I'm part of the problem."
But with God's help, I think Jesus Christ can change me.
I pray for that.
Pastor Tim, come dismiss us.
Thank you! Thank you!
Man, 1%! 1%!
Wow, what a gift to be able to challenge and encourage at the same time.
You know, my heart was challenged, and I was encouraged.
I don't feel beat up; I feel like there's the next possibility.
I'd like to do two prayers.
The first prayer I'd like to do is with those of you who have taken that step to submit your life to Christ.
Dwight mentioned three areas that we can take a next right step in: our IQ, our EQ, and our AQ.
So as you've been sitting here listening, something jumped out in your mind, right?
There's an area that you know you need some improvement on.
So if that's you today and you would say, "Yeah, Tim, pray for me. Include me in that prayer."
Online church, you're with us today.
So if there's an area you need, just type that in the chat.
If you'd raise your hand with me and say, "Yeah, Tim, hey, there's definitely some areas I can use some prayer in today."
Hands going up all over here.
We're going to pray together about that.
Heavenly Father, I want to say thank You for the words that You gave Dwight that he would share with us, Lord God.
As we are introspective today and we look inside ourselves with the help of the Holy Spirit speaking to us, we ask You to give us the strength, the courage, the purpose, and the drive to take that next right step in whatever area You have shown us, Lord.
Don't let us just be, as he said, with the books on the shelf.
Don't let us just take this study guide home and say, "Wow, that was really good. I filled in all my blanks. I'm going to set it right there in my book, and that's it."
No, Father, help us to be purposeful in moving forward so that we can be better Christians that can better share the love of Christ with someone else who needs it.
Let our lives be that love to others, Lord.
I want to thank You for that in Jesus's name. Amen and amen.
The next area I'd like to pray for you about is those three areas may not make any sense at all if you haven't taken that next step with the spiritual quotient.
You can have great intelligence, great emotional quotient, and great adaptability, but if you haven't taken that time, if you haven't taken that step to invite Jesus into your heart, Dwight said the greatest gift came in Bethlehem.
For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son for you and for me.
If you'd like to take that step today and say, "Tim, you know, I think there's something missing, and I think that's Jesus in my heart."
I don't even really maybe know what that means, but today I'm willing to say I'm going to submit my life to Christ.
Or maybe I'm going to resubmit my life to Christ.
Maybe just kind of wandered away a little bit.
It's easy.
Dwight told us that that other path's a little bit wider.
Maybe just straight over there.
If that's you, you just say, "Tim, include me in that prayer."
If you just raise your hand today.
Thank you! Just include me in that prayer.
Online church, you're with us today.
You're not lonely; you're not by yourself.
So if that's you, just put in the chat, "Include me in that prayer."
And you know what? We are a family today, and nobody should ever have to feel alone.
So we're going to say a prayer, but we are going to join in all of us with those that raised their hand.
Dear God, thank You for sending Your Son.
I want to submit my life to You.
I want to embrace the gift that You've given me and give You back the gift of my life as best as I can.
I want to submit and serve You.
In Jesus's name, amen and amen.
Thank you! Let's celebrate! [Applause]
Today, hey church, if you'd look to your left and to your right, we have some great people standing right under our First Step sign.
If you raised your hand, if you prayed that prayer, even if you didn't raise your hand, I'd like you just to swing by that table on your way out.
We have some great information to help you on the way.
We have this book that's a 21-day—it’s think it, say it, pray it, and then just walk it out.
It is so easy to read. It will take you about five minutes.
Please swing by that First Step table.
I want to put those in your hand today.
Our ushers are coming forward.
We're going to receive our tithe and offering.
Remember, your change goes to benevolence.
During this time of the year, sometimes our benevolence budget goes up a little bit as we try to help others.
Pastor Andrew already talked to us about Jingle Jam.
Bring your gifts back.
Come on out tonight.
Use your invite cards.
Bring somebody.
Let's stand up, let's worship, and we are going to wait until we're dismissed, and we're going to go out together worshiping God.
God bless you guys!
Bless God in the sanctuary.
Bless God in the field of plenty.
Bless God in the darkest valley.
Every chance I get, I'll bless Your name.
Bless God when my hands are empty.
Bless God with the praise that costs me.
Bless God when nobody's watching.
Every chance I get, I'll bless Your name.
Bless God for me.
Bless God for calling.
Bless God 'cause He goes before me.
Every chance I get, I'll bless Your name.
Bless God!
Victory!
Bless God!
Bless God for He is always worthy.
Every chance I get, I'll bless Your name.
Every chance I get, I'll bless Your name.
Every chance I get.
on Dec 04, 2023
