Purity and Purpose in Romantic Relationships

The sermon begins with the pastor emphasizing the importance of purity in romantic relationships. He clarifies that being separate from unclean things refers to maintaining purity in relationships, not avoiding dirty dishes. He discusses the modern definition of dating, highlighting that it allows individuals to do whatever they want. However, he emphasizes that God knows what we truly need and encourages the congregation to submit to God's wisdom rather than following personal preferences. The pastor defines dating as learning the heart of a person to earn the right to spend life with them. He then shifts the focus to the importance of purity, stating that it is God's design for relationships. He warns about the consequences of sin and urges the congregation to set an example in purity for the generation coming up behind them.

The pastor then emphasizes the importance of looking into the perfect law of God every day to ensure that our lives align with His will. He encourages the congregation to examine their lives and make necessary changes to match up with God's standards. He also highlights the significance of focusing on one's relationship with God before seeking a romantic relationship. They explain that being the right person is crucial before expecting to find the right person. The pastor emphasizes that romantic relationships are a gift from God to complement and add value to one's life, rather than define one's worth.

The pastor shares a personal story about his dad's wisdom in helping him discern if a girl he liked was the right one for him. The pastor's dad asked him if the girl would support him in his calling as a pastor, pray for him, raise their children with godly principles, and take care of him when he's sick. Based on these criteria, the pastor's dad approved of the girl, and they ended up getting married. The pastor then emphasizes the importance of pursuing and reflecting qualities that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.

The pastor emphasizes the power of God to cleanse and restore individuals. He encourages the congregation to come forward and pray for God to restore what has been lost in their lives. The pastor specifically mentions the need for the Holy Spirit to move and speak to the people, stirring their hearts and drawing them closer to God. The congregation is urged to respond to this call for prayer by getting out of their chairs and coming forward to seek restoration and healing.

The pastor concludes by emphasizing the importance of being in a relationship with someone who shares the same direction and calling in life. He uses the analogy of a horse tied to a donkey, explaining that when two individuals are tied together but have different goals and aspirations, it can create frustration and hinder personal growth. He advises the congregation, especially those who are young and single, to trust their parents' wisdom and discernment when it comes to romantic relationships, as they may see red flags that are overlooked due to infatuation.

Key Takeaways:

- The pastor emphasizes that purity is God's design for relationships. He warns about the consequences of sin and urges the congregation to set an example in purity for the generation coming up behind them. This is a reminder that our actions have consequences and that we should strive to live according to God's standards. [12:45]

- The pastor highlights the importance of focusing on one's relationship with God before seeking a romantic relationship. He explains that being the right person is crucial before expecting to find the right person. This is a reminder that our relationship with God should be our primary focus, and everything else will fall into place. [24:30]

- The pastor shares a personal story about his dad's wisdom in helping him discern if a girl he liked was the right one for him. This is a reminder that seeking wisdom from others, especially those who are older and more experienced, can be beneficial in making important decisions. [36:15]

- The pastor emphasizes the power of God to cleanse and restore individuals. He encourages the congregation to come forward and pray for God to restore what has been lost in their lives. This is a reminder that God is a God of restoration and that it's never too late to turn to Him for healing and restoration. [48:00]

- The pastor emphasizes the importance of being in a relationship with someone who shares the same direction and calling in life. He advises the congregation, especially those who are young and single, to trust their parents' wisdom and discernment when it comes to romantic relationships. This is a reminder that compatibility in terms of life goals and aspirations is crucial in a relationship. [59:30]

Bible Reading:
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1. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: 'I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.' Therefore, 'Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.' And, 'I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.'"

2. 1 Timothy 4:12: "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."

3. 1 Timothy 5:22: "Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands, and do not share in the sins of others. Keep yourself pure."

4. Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
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Observation Questions:
1. What does 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 say about the relationship between believers and unbelievers?
2. In 1 Timothy 4:12, what are the areas in which young believers are encouraged to set an example?
3. What does 1 Timothy 5:22 advise about purity and involvement in the sins of others?

Interpretation Questions:
1. How does the command in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 to not be yoked with unbelievers apply to romantic relationships?
2. How can the qualities mentioned in 1 Timothy 4:12 be reflected in a romantic relationship?
3. What implications does 1 Timothy 5:22 have for maintaining purity in relationships?

Application Questions:
1. Reflect on your current or past relationships. Have there been instances where you felt yoked with an unbeliever as described in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18? How did it affect your relationship with God and your spiritual growth?
2. In what ways can you set an example in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity as mentioned in 1 Timothy 4:12 in your relationships?
3. How can you apply the advice in 1 Timothy 5:22 to avoid being hasty and sharing in the sins of others in your relationships?
4. Think about your relationship goals. How do they align with the qualities mentioned in Philippians 4:8?
5. Can you identify a person in your life who could benefit from your example of purity and godliness in relationships? How can you intentionally model these qualities for them?

Day 1: Embracing Purity in Relationships
God's design for relationships is rooted in purity. This purity is not just about physical actions but also about the intentions and motivations of our hearts. It is a call to set an example for the next generation, demonstrating that living according to God's standards is not only possible but also fulfilling. [12:45]

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 - "It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God."

Reflection: Reflect on your current relationships. Are there areas where you need to strive for more purity? How can you set an example for others in this area?

Day 2: Prioritizing God Before Relationships
Before seeking a romantic relationship, it is crucial to focus on your relationship with God. Being the right person in God's eyes is more important than finding the right person. When God is the center of your life, everything else, including relationships, will fall into place. [24:30]

Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Reflection: How can you prioritize your relationship with God today? What changes can you make to ensure God is the center of your life?

Day 3: Seeking Wisdom in Relationships
When it comes to relationships, seeking wisdom from those who are older and more experienced can be beneficial. They can provide a different perspective and help us discern if the person we are interested in aligns with our calling in life. [36:15]

Proverbs 19:20 - "Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise."

Reflection: Is there someone in your life whose wisdom you can seek regarding your relationships? How can their perspective help you make wise decisions?

Day 4: Experiencing God's Restoration
God is a God of restoration. No matter what has been lost or broken in your life, God has the power to restore and heal. It's never too late to turn to Him and seek His restoration. [48:00]

Joel 2:25 - "I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you."

Reflection: What areas of your life do you need God's restoration? How can you seek His healing and restoration today?

Day 5: Aligning Life Goals in Relationships
In a relationship, it is important to share the same direction and calling in life. When two individuals are tied together but have different goals and aspirations, it can create frustration and hinder personal growth. Trusting the wisdom and discernment of those who care about us can help us see potential red flags in a relationship. [59:30]

Amos 3:3 - "Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?"

Reflection: Reflect on your current or potential relationship. Do you share the same life goals and aspirations? If not, how can you address this issue?

I already know somebody here is going to go there and ask that question: Can God make a rock so big He can't move it? Don't do that. Don't be that person. Don't go trying to be like that.

That was funnier than you guys thought it was. That was really funny. I don't care what you think; I laughed.

All right, everyone doing all right this morning? Now we are—hallelujah! Whoever you were, welcome to church, man.

Well, here we go. We are wrapping up our series on relationships this morning, and I have really enjoyed the relationships series. I've really enjoyed the messages. I've enjoyed the different relationships that we've covered, the different significance in the relationships in different parts of our lives.

This morning, Pastor Keenan, bless his heart, he gave me the responsibility of teaching on the relationship segment of dating. I've been out of the game for 14 years, man. I don't even know what I'm talking about.

So I gotta ask—I didn't do this first step; I did a different first step. So I'm gonna find out right now: If you are single in this place, I want you to put your hand in the air for me right now. Single in this place, put your hand in the air.

Okay, now look around, all you single people. Look around because this is who you got. This is it. These are your options. All right, good. Go ahead and put your hand down. My man in the back like this—I need help still in worship in the back. Hallelujah!

We're gonna talk about dating this morning. We're gonna talk about the romantic side of life. We're gonna talk about—you know, not the birds and the bees; that was, you know, it's for your mom and dad. We're gonna let them talk to you about that, but we're gonna talk about dating.

And if you look in the Word, you will never find the concept of dating. If you look in the Bible, when you Google Bible verses about dating, they don't exist. Dating is a concept that didn't come into the world until the mid-1950s, and it's a Western philosophy.

As a matter of fact, in Jesus' time, still in a lot of places in the Middle East, you are not going to be seen in public with somebody of the opposite sex until you are either engaged to them or married to them. They don't date over there; it's all arranged. It's set up. Whether you like it or not, that's the way it's going to be.

Over here in the United States, in the West, we like to talk about dating. We like our options. We like to pick and choose. We'll choose you. We like to treat dating like Burger King: have it your way, whatever you want to have. That's how we like it to be.

I want it to be this tall and have this kind of hair and this kind of smile. She got to smell like this all the time. I'm gonna tell you right now, that's not the way it works. That's not the way it works.

You can pick and choose what you like, but God knows what you need, and there's a difference between those two things. You can stand there and you can pick and choose and swipe left all day long, but I don't know—I hear people say, "I don't even know what that means," but you swipe left all day long until you find the one that looks the way you want.

But I'm gonna tell you right now, at the core of who you were made to be, God has the person who has what you need, who has why you need, who has all the things that you need to tie you together perfectly so you can fulfill the call of God on your life the way He designed you to fulfill it.

When two are joined together in union, let no man separate. We're talking about what happens prior to getting into that marriage covenant.

Second Corinthians chapter 6, verse 14, it says: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers, for what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God."

As God has said, "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from them and be separate."

You know what that means? That means you need to be separate in the way you think and the way you talk and the way you conduct your relationships. Be separate. They hurt me; forgive. That's being separate from the world.

"I want them, but I'm going to be patient and hold off and wait until it's right." That's being separate from the world. God says, "Come apart from them and be separate. Don't be like the world. You're in it, but you're not supposed to be like it."

He says, "Be separate," says the Lord. "Touch no unclean thing." That doesn't mean don't clean the dirty dishes. That's not what that means. I know y'all are thinking right now, "Oh good, he just gave me a reason not to do the dishes." No, no, no, you better clean your dishes.

Another sermon: "And I will receive you. I will be a father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters," says the Lord Almighty.

If you were to look up the definition of dating today—this is because I did—I looked it up, and this is what the definition of dating is: two people in an intimate relationship. The relationship may be sexual or not; it may be casual or serious; it may be straight or gay, monogamous or open, short term or long.

In other words, you can do whatever you want. A dating relationship is as you like it to be. It can be what you want it to be, what you like, when you like, and how you like. But God knows what you need when you need it and how you need it.

You can determine to follow your preferences and your likes, or you can choose to submit to what God knows that you need. I like to say this all the time: I tried to find girls that had what I liked, but God knew what I needed, and He brought me the woman that I needed.

I knew what I liked, but God knew what I needed. So if I was going to define dating, this is Ryan's definition of dating: learning the heart of a person so you can earn the right to spend life with that person.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. Marriage is ordained by God. You understand God has three institutions that He put together: marriage, family, and the church. Men, two of those are directly under your care and responsibility specifically.

How is your life? See, this morning I can talk about dating. We can stand up here and crack jokes and be funny. I can have all these little isms about all this stuff, and it'd be really cool, and we laugh and go home, and that was really funny, but I didn't really get anything out of it.

So this morning, instead of just being funny the whole time, I wanted to challenge you in a very specific area of your relationships—your romantic relationships, whether you are married or you are single—and I want it to be wrapped up in this one word: purity.

Yeah, it got quiet real fast. Ain't nobody shouting amen for purity, Pastor, right? Yeah, because that means you got to go home and get rid of all kinds of nonsense that's up on your TV. That means you got to go home and get rid of all kinds of nonsense that's in your house.

I want to talk about the purity of your—you know, God doesn't talk a lot about dating in Scripture, but He does talk a lot about principles like purity. Yeah, ultimately, at the core, a godly relationship has a romantic intention attached to it: purity. God's design is for purity. God's design is for you to walk in purity.

Let me tell you something about sin: Sin will take you further than you want to go. It'll cost you more than you want to pay. It'll keep you longer than you want to stay. Sin will cost you more than you're willing to pay. It'll take you further than you ever intended to go. It'll keep you longer than you ever intended to be there.

First Timothy chapter 4, verse 12 says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for believers in speech, life, love, faith, and purity."

You know we're supposed to set an example in purity? Set an example. In other words, an example means that the way I live my life, the generation that comes behind me is going to see what I do, and they're going to follow. That's an example.

Am I setting an example in my life on what purity looks like for the generation coming up behind me? So I'm going to talk to all the single people—you raised your hands already. How many of you in this place are married? Put your hands in the air. Y'all are married. Fantastic.

Keep your hand up if you've been married 10 years. Keep your hand up if you've been married 20 years. Keep your hand up if you've been married 30 years. Keep your hand up if you've been married 40 years. Keep your hand up.

Okay, I'm gonna put your hands down. I'm gonna start exposing ages over here. I'm getting in trouble—getting a lot of trouble.

If you've been married for a while in this place, please don't tune me out this morning. Here's why: I'm not going to talk to you and give you advice, right? Let me say it this way: Don't tune me out because somebody in your life is going to come your way one day, and they need dating advice.

Somebody coming up behind you—your grandchildren are going to need dating advice. A young person that you mentor is going to need dating advice, and you're going to have to talk to them about what godly principles dating is because I promise you what they're getting from MTV and Instagram is not godly principles.

And what they're hearing from their friends is not godly advice, and what they're walking into on a daily basis does not produce fruit that's going to last. And they're going to come to you one day heartbroken and torn apart from the inside out because they have followed what the world says is the right way to do it, and they have found themselves lacking significantly because sin promises you everything and brings to you nothing.

And they're going to come to you one day and say, "I have tried it my way, and it doesn't work. Help me." And you need to have some biblical principles that you can stand upon and say, "This is what the Word of God says about your life."

First Timothy chapter 5, verse 22 says, "Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands and do not share in the sins of others. Keep yourself pure."

Keep—go back, throw that back, throw it back. We're gonna do—yeah, I'm gonna go on this side. It'll be about time to get over here. Watch this. What's this word right here? What's this? This one starts a little while. What does that say? Say it again. Say it one more time: Keep yourself pure.

Quit worrying about everybody else's. You need to pay attention to your own. Oh my goodness, you see what she'd be posting? Look at what she's wearing! Oh my goodness! And then you keep scrolling, going, "Oh, look at that! Oh, look at that! Oh, look at that!"

Can you keep yourself pure long enough to not worry about somebody else's purity? Can you check yourself? Quit laying on hands. Quit jumping in the middle of everybody else's mess and take care of your own purity because there is a generation coming up behind you that is watching the way you live your life, and they want to know, "How am I supposed to live?"

You know, children do what's caught, not what's taught, right? So if you live your life in a pure manner, your children will see what purity looks like, and they will live that out.

Philippians chapter 4, verse 8 says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

So we're going to sit here on this verse for a minute. This wasn't at—you'd ask my wife at eight o'clock last night; this wasn't in my sermon. After eight o'clock, the Holy Spirit woke me up and said, "You need to write this and add this into your message." So I added this to my message this morning.

So here's what we're going to do: We're going to sit on this verse for a little while. Throw that verse back up on the screen.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true—we're talking about your romantic relationships. How do I know if what is going on in my romantic relationship, in my dating relationship, in choosing my spouse, in my marriage with my spouse—how do I know if it's true?

The Holy Spirit will help you discern what is true and what is not. The Holy Spirit will help you discern what is truth and what is a lie. And if you are not keeping in step with the Spirit, you will not be able to find out, figure out, discern what is true and what is a lie.

The Word of God will help you figure out what is true and what is a lie. I want to tell you what the devil is really good at: He's really good at taking lies and turning them into partial truths and presenting them to you that sound good, but they're not.

And because we're not keeping in step with the Spirit and we're not walking with a spirit of discernment in our lives, we believe a lie that looks like a truth, and then we start to base our life on something that is not found on the Word of God.

Whatever is true—how do I know if it's true or not? If it's not in the Word of God, it's a lie. If it's not in the Word of God, it's a lie.

"Oh, it's okay if I move in with them before we're married so we can find out if we're compatible." That's a lie. That's worldly wisdom. It sounds good. Oh, it sounds so good! We can save money; we can figure out if we're good together; we can figure out how good you cook; we can figure out how good I'm on the lawn; we can figure out if I can take care of you, if I can sustain you.

You know what you're gonna figure out? What they like at night, what they're doing, and you should be doing this. I'm gonna say things I shouldn't say. You're gonna find out some other things you're not supposed to find out.

That is how you know if it's true. The Bible says, "Keep the marriage bed undefiled and pure."

What is true? And then he says, "Whatever is noble."

Anyone use the word noble in just a sentence last week at all? I didn't. I don't walk in and be like, "You are making that hamburger with nobility." I would like you to nobly pick the apples that I'm going to eat. No, we don't use the word noble.

So I was like, "What does noble even mean?" So I looked it up. The definition of the word noble is having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles and ideals.

God puts a high value on your morals. God puts a high value on your principles, and God puts a high value on biblical ideals—ideals like this: marriage is between a man and a woman. That's a biblical ideal that our world does not support.

I could not care less. Or another idea like this: the marriage bed is to be kept pure and clean. Don't welcome anything else in between you and your wife. That's for you and your wife; that's for you and your husband. Don't you be bringing something else up in here.

The marriage bed is to be kept pure. That involves what you watch on the television set, thinking you'll spice something up. You'll welcome a demon up in that marriage. You don't want to let that in there. You need to keep the marriage bed pure and undefiled between you and your spouse.

There's another ideal: sex before marriage is sin. That's a biblical ideal.

Well, how do I know if I like it? You're gonna like it. I'm gonna tell you—let me tell you something. So I didn't say this first service, and I'm gonna know, but I'm gonna say this: How do I know if I'm gonna—how do we know if we're compatible?

How do we—listen to me. The reason the world says you need to sleep with people before you get married to find out if you like it is because we have an overly sexualized society that thinks sex is the base of relationship. That is not the base; it is related later on in life.

Let me tell you: You got to touch a person's heart before you can ever touch a person's life. You need to get to know who they are inside before you ever earn the right to say, "I love you." You don't love them; you lust them.

You need to touch someone's heart before you ever put a ring on their finger. And understand this: If you don't think you're gonna like it, walk away before you ever walk into it because you don't deserve the right to have it until you put a ring on a finger and her name on a mortgage. That's when you have earned the right.

Please understand—whatever is noble. You have morals; you have principles; you have ideals, and they will not change because somebody else says they should.

Whatever is noble. And then he says, "Whatever is right." Other translations in the Bible say whatever is in alignment with God's Word. In our dating or marriages, if anything comes up or presents itself that is not in alignment with God's Word, it's wrong.

It's not misunderstood; it's not different; it's not generational differences, and it's not a translation issue. It's just wrong.

Well, Pastor Ryan, that's not very open-minded. Sure ain't! Nope, I'm not open-minded. I'm really not open-minded. If it goes against this, I'm pretty close-minded.

I'm not going to open my mind up and allow you to try to lie to me about something that I know isn't true. But Pastor Ryan, that book was written a long time ago, and it's going to be around a lot longer than you are going to be.

So please understand that in the beginning was this, and at the end of time, it still will be. So it doesn't matter if what you think sounds good; if it doesn't match this, I'm not going to open my mind up to it.

Whatever is right. But it feels good—your feelings are liars. Your feelings are lying to you on a regular basis. I'm not talking about, "I'm hungry; I want a hamburger." I'm talking about, "But it just feels so good."

No, see, Hugh Hefner's Playboy philosophy was, "If it feels good, do it." That's what he built the Playboy philosophy upon. The Word of God says, "If it feels a certain way, die to your flesh, pick up your cross, and follow Christ."

There's an opposite in the world's philosophies and biblical ideologies. And then he says, "Whatever is pure."

And I was trying to figure out what I could write about purity, and then instead of having something to write about purity, I figured I would show you the beauty of purity.

So I need some—I need some help. Pastor Kenny, would you help me real quick?

So holding these two bottles, I want you to take those real quick, and I want you to show the people—make sure that they—I mean, they look pure. There's pure water; they're clean. There's nothing in them; there's nothing wrong with them. They're both good, right? They're both good, right, Pastor Kenny?

Okay, all right. So this is what—give me the water bottle, please. Thank you very much. I know it's yours, but give it to me.

This is what happens: Both of these bottles of water are pure. There's nothing in them; they're both pure water. And if I were to hand you these water bottles right now, you'd drink them, and they'd be good. They would satisfy; they'd fulfill because they are what they were meant—pure, purified water. It's going to sustain you; it's going to help you.

But this is what happens when we start to compromise in our life, and we start allowing things into our world that were never meant to be a part of who you are.

See, inside of this bottle of water is what God has put inside of you, which is pure. You start this world pure and innocent, and before too long, things start to defile you, and you start to allow things in your world that are not pure, and they're sick, and they're disgusting, and they're sin.

And what happens is the purity that you're meant to live in starts to get a little diluted and starts to get a little watered down. But it's okay because everybody else is doing it. Everybody else is doing it, so what's the big deal? I'm just one of 19 million that are jumping in the pond.

It's like God knows my heart. It's like He's paying attention to me. I'm just one of many that are jumping in. God’s got a whole lot bigger issues than me right now to worry about it. But this is not the way God designed for you to walk around your life.

See, we want things that are pure, but we don't want to live lives that are pure. We desire what is pure, but we do not desire purity in our own lives. And what happens is we start putting these things in.

Now, Pastor Keenan, this is an honest question: If I were to offer you one of these two water bottles, which one would you want to drink out of? You want this one, right? You sure you don't want this one? You sure?

But it's pretty! But it's—I mean, it's got a good shape. They obviously work out. I mean, but they—sure you don't want that? You want this one?

Come on, here's a point: If I were to walk up to you and offer you one of these two water bottles and say to you, "Which one would you rather drink out of? Which one would you rather have be a part of your life? Which one would you like to put in your body?" You would say to me, "The pure one."

Why? Because naturally, we desire what is pure. But in private, we do this. In private, we put filth in our lives. In private, we put things into our lives that do not allow us to live a life of purity.

And so then we come to present ourselves to somebody and say, "This is what I have," and we get upset when we're rejected when all the while we have taken the purity that God intended for us to live in and put diluted nonsense in there, and we wonder why we are rejected.

Somebody gave me this great illustration after first service. I'm gonna do it. I'm not even gonna give him credit; I might take it for myself.

This is what happens: You put this nonsense in your life, and all of a sudden, somebody that you're with—"I love them!"—your mind where, "Oh my goodness, we're meant to be! It's perfect!" And they break up with you, and all of a sudden, your life gets turned upside down.

And now all the stuff that was settled at the bottom of your filthy life and all the things that you didn't know people knew about—the secrets that were in the back of your closet you thought no one was ever going to find out about—they start to raise to the surface.

And now your life looks even worse because the Bible says, "In this world, you will have troubles." The storms will come, and the waters will rise, and the earth will shake, and things will happen. And if your foundation is not right, you will come down with a great crash.

In the same way, if your life has got filth inside of it, when your world is turned upside down, the filth will rise.

So this is a question: This again— which one of these do you want? Now, which one of these are you? Which one of the two of these would you desire? And which one of the two of these are you really?

If you were to take an honest perspective and look in the mirror, and you were to say to yourself, "I am," which one of these are you? Because that is what it is.

I'm not going to say that we desire purity in our lives, but for whatever reason, we think it's okay to compromise purity in our private time.

Then he says, "Whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable." The best thing that I can think of when I was writing about what is lovely and admirable is what drew me to my wife.

She was lovely; she was admirable. She had an admirable reputation. She had a lovely disposition. She was kind and loving; she was joyful and graceful. And I admired her long before I desired her.

I admired her reputation as someone of character and purity. She was always dressed appropriately and with modesty, and the people around her were godly, and they were respectful.

It was these traits that attracted me to my wife, and it's these traits that keep me attracted to her 13 years later.

Whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—there are some things in life that just aren't lovely, and there are some things in life that aren't admirable. Don't attach yourself to those things.

This morning, I just want to show you what the Word of God says about what it means to have a godly romantic relationship, dating relationship, because the world's advice about dating is terrible. It's worldly wisdom, which destroys us.

They tell you to pick a mate based on your sexual craving. They tell you to move in with them so you can figure out if you're compatible before you get married. They tell you to explore your options and don't commit to one person because there's plenty of fish in the sea.

Yet some of you are terrible fishermen. There's plenty of fish in the sea, yet some of you are terrible fishermen.

"I don't need her, man. There's more fish in the sea." Brother, you ain't had bait on that hook in a long time. You are lacking significantly, and you think you got more options. Brother, help you!

The world tells everybody, whether you're single or married, that people are expendable. They're easily replaced. And if you don't like them or you aren't happy, just find another person that will make you happy.

And the problem with that philosophy is that it never forces you to take a look at yourself. It always points the finger at the other person and blames them for all the failures in the relationship and neglects the fact that you are half of that relationship, and none of the problems are yours; it's always theirs.

They don't make you happy? Kick them to the curb. Go find someone who will.

Can I tell you something? Happiness isn't the goal. And if they don't make you happy, it's not them; it's you. You're not happy with yourself.

If you can't be happily single, you'll never be happily married because you don't find your joy in your partner; you find your joy in your relationship with Jesus Christ.

And I don't find my value in my marriage; I find my value in my relationship with Jesus Christ. And my marriage adds to the value that I have in my relationship with Jesus Christ.

And my wife doesn't give me my purpose; God gave me my purpose. My wife pushes me toward my purpose. There is a difference between having a relationship founded on God and having a relationship founded on selfishness.

Romans chapter 12, verse 3 says, "Because of the privilege and the authority that God has given me, I give each one of you this warning: Don't think of yourself better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourself, measuring yourself by the faith that God has given you."

Some of you walk around like you're God's—like you're the greatest thing. You're the best catch. You are absolutely it. I'm the pinnacle of human relationship. It is right here. I'm it. If you get me, lucky you!

You walk around thinking you are all that and a bag of chips. You are not that, nor are you even a bag of Fritos. You are not it.

You know how I know this? Because the Bible says you're only as awesome as the level of faith that you walk in on a daily basis. You're only as incredible as the amount of faith you choose to practice every single day.

How much faith do you walk in every day? This much—that's how good you are. How much faith does it require for you to get up and go to work and provide? This much—that's how much God's got you.

Every one of us needs to take a step back and look at who we are in a long perspective and examine what the Word of God says and allow the Word of God to be the mirror that we look at about our lives.

Listen to this: James chapter 1, verses 22 through 24 says, "Do not merely listen to the Word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the Word but doesn't do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in the mirror and after looking at himself goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do."

You woke up and looked in a mirror, and you checked that mirror this morning to make sure that you were looking right when you came to church. But how many of us wake up every day and look into the perfect law to make sure that we are looking right before we go through our day?

And this is simple: It's this simple. God, what in my life do you want to fix, and what in my life do you want to change? Show me in here where my life doesn't match up, and I will make it match up.

What you don't do is take this book and you start going, "Sorry, you're my wife. You're the example I got. Oh Lord, she's lacking in that area. That's unfortunate. Oh God, fix my wife. Hallelujah! Love so much! Yep, well, she's not doing that one either. God, just bless Samantha today. Hallelujah!"

No, that's not what you do. This is supposed to be a book that tells you how your life needs to be lived and how your life needs to match up and how your life needs to be changed and how your life needs to be examined and how your life needs to be altered so that when you are the person that you are looking for, God will bring in the person that you need.

Take a long look in the mirror. Take a long look in the mirror.

When we're talking about dating, so often we expect to talk about what we need, what we want, and how the other person needs to be. But the reality of dating in a godly way is keeping your eyes on your relationship with God and allowing God to shape you and build you and prepare you for your relationship.

Some of you have been looking for Mr. Right and Mrs. Right for so long, but the reason you haven't found them yet is because you aren't Mr. Right and Mrs. Right yet yourself.

You can't expect God to trust you with the right person when you haven't been the right person. Romantic relationships are a gift from God to help you find the person who will add to you, not find a person who will define you.

If you need a romantic relationship to feel value, then you will never know your true value because people's opinions of you constantly change.

There are days I wake up, and my wife does not like me. She's really upset with me. She told me the other day, "You snored all night long." I'm not lying. Did I not? Sure did. Yep, there she just said it. And she recorded me too, so I have proof. She recorded me and showed it back like, "Listen to you! Listen to you! This is what you'll be doing at two in the morning! Listen to you!"

There are some days she wakes up not happy with me. Then there are other days, and she thinks I'm the most amazing person on the face of the planet.

What doesn't change is my value. Whether she loves me one day or hates me one day, it doesn't matter because my value is found in Christ.

So it doesn't matter how she feels or how the relationship is. I don't get my value from a person's feelings towards me. I get my value because of what Jesus did for me.

And that person either adds to my value or they subtract from it, and based on that, I determine whether or not I need them in my life.

Dating is looking for someone who builds you up in Christ. Dating is not trying to find someone to value or to—is not trying to find your value in another person.

Dating is learning what you like and what you don't like. Dating is not settling for what's available because you're lonely. Dating is learning how to put someone else's feelings before yours.

Dating is not fulfilling yourself as desires by using another person.

The second thing I want to say this morning to you is don't tie yourself to someone who isn't like-minded.

I read in Second Corinthians not to be tying yourself to people who are not going the direction you are. It says, "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers."

Do—now I'm going to let this one sit here just for a minute. I got four and a half minutes left—four and a half minutes left. I got a whole illustration that I was going to do this morning. I don't have time for it.

But this is what I'm going to say: Don't be yoked together with unbelievers because where you're going and where they're going are two different places.

See, in biblical times—and Paul's using this analogy—you would bring two ox together, and these two massive animals would be tied together by a yoke. And a yoke is a big arch that's connected in the middle, and it ties together under them, and where they go together, it pulls a plow and it plows the field.

And what happens is if one yoke wants to go this way and the other one knows it needs to go straight, then this one will correct course and stay straight. And if this one wants to turn, they keep each other moving in the same direction.

The problem comes when we start tying ourselves to somebody who's not going the direction that we've been called to go. We start tying ourselves to people.

See, the reason my wife and I are perfect together is because when I was 14, God called me to be a pastor, and I said, "Yes, here I am, Lord, send me." And when she was a teenager, the Lord called her to be a pastor. She said, "Here I am, Lord, send me."

And He brought the two of us together knowing that they have the same mindset, same vision, same calling, and same direction, and they will work together to plow the field that I have put them in so there can be a harvest one day of souls that will come because I put the two of them together.

Here's the problem: Some of y'all have been tied together with a donkey. You've tied—ever seen a horse tied to a donkey? You know what the horse is gonna want to do? It's gonna want to run. You know what the donkey is gonna do? Sit on his butt and not go nowhere.

And it's gonna drive the horse crazy. Sound familiar? It's gonna drive them crazy because our donkey is gonna do what the donkey's meant to do: be a pain. The horse is gonna want to do what it's meant to do: run.

You know what else you don't see? You don't see eagles tied to penguins. Isn't that funny? Isn't that funny? Some of y'all picture that right now. That's goofy.

You don't be seeing eagles tied to penguins. You know why? Because penguins don't fly, and eagles soar. And some of y'all have been trying to tighten—you haven't yet. You've been trying to force this penguin to fit next to you as an eagle, and you're going, "They look the way I want; they sound the way I want; they make the money I want; she got the curves I want; she got everything that I like."

Oh, Pastor Ryan, she is it! I'm gonna tell you right now, she's not the one. Here's how I know: Because you were built to soar, and they have no wings to fly.

And until you let go of them and you start to fly at the altitude that you were meant to fly at, you'll never find someone else who was built like you.

Some of y'all have been trying to live down here around the ground, and you were never meant to be on the ground. You were meant to soar. You're going, "Why can't I find happiness in my relationship?" Because you're not living at the elevation that God intended for you to live at.

And until you can fly at the elevation and do what God built you to do as an eagle, you'll never find that. There are a lot of other eagles that fly up there too.

Quit tying yourself to people that are not like-minded. And don't ask questions like, "Are you a Christian?" and they go, "I go to church," and go, "Oh, thank God! We're in!"

All right, no! Let me give you some advice real quick. If you're under 25 years old—scratch that—if you're under 30 years old, if you're under 30 years old and you're single, let me give you some advice from Pastor Ryan's life: Trust your parents when they say something to you about your romantic relationship.

Trust your parents. They may not understand the music you listen to, and they may not understand the clothes you wear. I don't understand the clothes you wear, but they may not understand all of it.

But I tell you this: They have these two things that you don't have yet. It's called wisdom and discernment, and they'll see some things in your relationship that you're missing completely because she bats her eyes, and you think they're pretty, and you'll be ignoring all the red flags because you see a lot of green lights.

And they're going, "No, dummy! Stop!"

Come on, I brought a girl home. I brought a girl home one time—keys, come on up, make this story sound better. I brought a girl home one time that I'd been dating for two years. Red flag number one: I didn't bring her home until I'd been dating her for two years.

And I brought this girl to my house, and she came to stay the weekend at my parents' home. And first night, she walks in the house, and we sit down, and we're having dinner with my mother and my father. My mother and father are pastors, and they were pastoring a church in San Jose at the time.

We're sitting down and having dinner. It's a great night; everything's perfect, and it's just amazing, and I'm feeling good, and the potatoes are right, and the chicken's awesome. I'm sitting there, and all of a sudden, my dad ruins the whole night, and he goes, "So tell me, when you gave your heart to Jesus?"

And I went, "Oh, for real, bro?"

And he says, "Tell me your testimony." She couldn't do it. She didn't have one.

We get to church the next day, and she's sitting on the front row with my mom, and after church, they go home, and she and my mom are trying to have a conversation, and my mom can't get the girl to open up and talk to her about any part of her life that has to do with Jesus.

And my dad walks into the room that I'm in, and he comes and finds me. He goes, "Hey, bro." He gets right up next to me. He goes, "Hey, man, you like this girl?" I said, "I do."

He goes, "It's too bad." I'm not lying; I'm not making this up. Exactly when he goes, "It's too bad." He goes, "She's not the one."

When I literally said, "It's how stupid I was. How do you know?"

He goes, "I've been praying for your future wife longer than you've been looking for. I will know who she is, and I know who she's not."

He said, "Remind me again what God called you to be." He called me to be a pastor.

He said, "Do you think she can be your wife? Do you think she'll follow you where God sends you? Do you think she'll pray for you in the middle of the night? Do you think she'll raise your children with godly principles? Do you think she'll take care of you when you're sick and pray over you? Do you think she'll worship with you? Do you think she'll follow you to the ends of the earth because God called you?"

So I brought home Samantha, and I said to Sam on the front door of the house, "I said, just so you know, if my mom and dad don't like you, we're breaking up tonight."

I walk her in, introducing her to my parents. Thirty minutes later, my dad came walking out of the room and found me. He walks right up. He goes, "You like this one?" I said, "I do." He goes, "So do we. So if you're ruining this, we're getting rid of you and keeping her."

Here's the point: Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if it is excellent or praiseworthy, pursue those things.

Be those things. Be the person who reflects that part of Scripture, and God will bring you the person that you need that will fulfill your life.

Stay with me, church. The most important relationship you'll ever have in your life isn't with your spouse; it's not with your children; it's not with your parents; it's with Jesus.

And from your relationship with Jesus, all those other things make sense. It's hard to find a godly spouse if your relationship with God isn't right.

It's hard to hear the Holy Spirit if you and God are not doing well together. You need a relationship with Jesus.

Jesus gave the ultimate example of what it's supposed to look like. He came, and He lived a perfect life, and He sacrificed Himself for you so you could be in relationship with Him.

And this morning, He wants a relationship with you. And if you don't have one this morning, you're going, "I don't have a relationship with Jesus," or "I have, and it's not good."

Let's fix that this morning. Let's start this right and have a relationship with God that is growing and that is healthy and will help you in your other relationships.

So I'm going to give two calls. Altar team, come forward.

My first call is for a relationship with Jesus. If you're saying, "I want to start a fresh relationship with Jesus this morning," I want you to come down to the altar when I say go.

I'm gonna say go here in a minute. I want you to get out of your chair and come to the altar, and we're going to pray for you to start a fresh relationship with Jesus.

And my second call, as my altar team comes, I really felt the Holy Spirit say to me when I was writing this message, "I want to pray for a restoration of purity."

There have been some things in your life that have been lost, some purities that have been stolen or that have been sacrificed, and God wants to restore those things in you. You don't have to walk around dirty; He can make you clean, and He wants to do that this morning.

So if that's you, when I say go, I want you to get out of your chair as well and come down here and pray, and we're going to pray that God restores what's been lost.

Heavenly Father, I lift up this church right now, and Lord, I pray that Your Holy Spirit begin to move on these people in a powerful way. Lord God, You begin to speak to them and stir in their hearts, Lord God, right now.

Begin to draw them out from where they are, God. Begin to point out the things You want to touch and change. Then, Holy Spirit of God, begin to draw them to You right now in Jesus' name.

If you want prayer for any of those things, one, two, three, go now! Come down now! Get out of your chair and come down now, and let's pray. Let God restore. Let's get some relationships right. Let's pray. Come on, right now! Don't stay where you're at. Get out of your chair!

1. "What you don't do is take this book and you start going sorry you're my wife you're the example I got... oh lord she's uh she's lacking in that area that's unfortunate oh god fix my wife hallelujah love so much yep well she's not doing that one either god just bless Samantha today hallelujah no that's not what you do. This is supposed to be a book that tells you how your life needs to be lived and how your life needs to match up and how your life needs to be changed and how your life needs to be examined and how your life needs to be altered so that when you are the person that you are looking for god will bring in the person that you need."

2. "If you need a romantic relationship to feel value then you will never know your true value because people's opinions of you constantly change... I don't get my value from a person's feelings towards me, I get my value because of what Jesus did for me and that person either adds to my value or they subtract from it and based on that I determine whether or not I need them in my life."

3. "Sin will take you further than you want to go, it'll cost you more than you want to pay, it'll keep you longer than you want to stay...Set an example in purity...am I setting an example in my life on what purity looks like for the generation coming up behind me?"

4. "You can stand there and you can pick and choose and swipe left all day long but i don't know i hear people say i don't even know what that means but you swipe left all day long until you find the one that looks the way you want but i'm gonna tell you right now at the core of who you were made to be god has the person who has who you need who has what you need who has why you need who has all the things that you need to tie you together perfect so you can fulfill the call of god on your life the way he designed you to fulfill it."

5. "If you're under 30 years old and you're single let me give you some advice from pastor ryan's life... trust your parents when they say something to you about your romantic relationship... they have these two things that you don't have yet it's called wisdom and discernment and they'll see some things in your relationship that you're missing completely."

6. "The reason the world says you need to sleep with people before you get married to find out if you like it is because we have an overly sexualized society that thinks sex is the base of a relationship. That is not the base, it is related later on in life. You got to touch a person's heart before you can ever touch a person's life."

7. "We want things that are pure but we don't want to live lives that are pure. We desire what is pure but we do not desire purity in our own lives."

8. "If your life has got filth inside of it when your world is turned upside down, the filth will rise."