In my sermon, I shared my journey of teaching about family, parenting, and marriage, despite my initial lack of knowledge on these subjects. I emphasized that I learned most about these topics by teaching them, and through my own experiences as a parent and spouse. I also discussed my time as a Christian School administrator, where I taught chapel 171 days a year, using a children's Bible storybook as my guide. Over ten years, I went through the book ten times, learning valuable lessons from every story in the Bible. I concluded that God is good, the Devil is bad, and people often act foolishly.

In the second part of my sermon, I discussed the importance of personal responsibility, using the story of Adam and Eve as an example. I pointed out that from the beginning of time, humans have been quick to blame others for their mistakes, rather than taking responsibility for their actions. I also shared my personal revelation about wealth and the importance of working hard and chasing after God. Finally, I touched on the topic of generosity, emphasizing that God loves a cheerful giver and that we should be excited about the opportunity to give and make a difference in the lives of others.

Key Takeaways:
1. Teaching is a powerful way to learn and grow, especially when it comes to understanding complex topics like family, parenting, and marriage. (#!!59:53 !!)
2. Reading and understanding the Bible is a lifelong journey, but it can provide valuable insights into human nature and the nature of God. (#!!01:01:17 !!)
3. Personal responsibility is a crucial aspect of spiritual growth. We must learn to take responsibility for our actions rather than blaming others. (#!!52:39 !!)
4. Wealth is not inherently evil, and it is important to work hard and seek God's guidance in all aspects of life, including finances. (#!!53:45 !!)
5. Generosity is a virtue that brings joy not only to the receiver but also to the giver. We should strive to be cheerful givers, excited about the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others. (#!!36:37 !!)

Bible Reading:
1) Proverbs 5:6-7 [01:25:10 ]
2) Genesis 2:18 [01:06:14 ]

Observation Questions:
1) What does Proverbs 5:6-7 say about the nature of men and women?
2) How does Genesis 2:18 describe the purpose of marriage?

Interpretation Questions:
1) How does the analogy of a fountain and a well in Proverbs 5:6-7 apply to the dynamics of a relationship between a man and a woman?
2) In Genesis 2:18, God says it's not good for man to be alone. What does this imply about the importance of relationships and community in our lives?

Application Questions:
1) How can you apply the analogy of the fountain and the well in your current or future relationships?
2) How can you ensure that you are not alone in your spiritual journey? Who are the people in your life that you can build a stronger spiritual community with?
3) How can you better serve your spouse or future spouse, keeping in mind that marriage is a covenant where you live for the other person?
4) Can you think of a time when you felt alone and how having a community could have helped you? How can you ensure that doesn't happen again?
5) How can you help others in your community feel less alone, especially those who may be struggling with their faith or personal issues?

Main Points of the Sermon:
1. The importance of communication in marriage and the power of words.
2. The different perspectives men and women have on money.
3. The concept of marriage as a covenant, where one lives for the other person.
4. The need for personal growth before entering into a marriage.
5. The role of women as helpers and the importance of respecting each other in a marriage.

Quotes:
1. "All wars start with words, all peace agreements start with words, all marriages start with words, all divorces start with words. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. How do you get so much hell in life? Shut your mouth, you brought it on yourself, you've opened the door of the devil with your mouth." - 01:14:22
2. "Men see money as freedom, women see money as security. Money is a different deal because we see it different." - 01:17:04
3. "A marriage is a covenant, you can't have a covenant unless somebody dies. So at a marriage, you're standing before a hopefully a minister and witnesses, and you're swearing before God Almighty from this day forth, I'm living for this person, I'm not living for me anymore, I die at the marriage ceremony." - 01:04:12
4. "Until you grow up, you'll keep marrying you over and over and over. You're looking for something you can't find because it's in the mirror. So start growing up, when you start growing up, you'll attract something better." - 01:14:22
5. "God made woman a helper. Now the first half of that word is 'help'. So you're to help him, don't call him an idiot because women are smarter than men. It's a medical fact. The average woman has a 3% higher IQ than the average man." - 01:14:22

Well, welcome everybody to CLC! We're so glad you're here today. I'm going to warn you, it is Candy Palooza, so if there are any dentists in the room, just close your eyes as you walk through the lobby. Just ignore all of that, or look at it as good business, right? Because there's going to be a lot of people coming your way soon.

But it's Candy Palooza, so the kids are getting hopped up on sugar, and then we're going to send them home with you, and it's going to be great. We're so glad that you're here today. If you are new to CLC, I would love to just take a moment to get to know you a little bit better. Say hi, welcome for being here. We're glad you're here.

If you are new, we hate for you to just be a nameless face in the crowd or just another number on a live stream somewhere. We want a chance to actually get to know you. So if you are new to CLC, if you could do me a favor, grab your cell phone and text the word "NEW" to 833-420-11244. Somebody from our team will be able to connect with you. We'll answer any questions you have about the church or what we do here in Chicagoland or in the nations. We'd love just a chance to get to know you a little bit better.

And if you're here in the building, right outside those doors, we have a raised seating area we call "The Loft" out in the lobby. We'll have a gift for you, and some of our leaders will be out there to say hi. So after service, I want you to take advantage of that.

Now, everybody that calls CLC home, you've got something you need to do now, right? Because it is offering! I love that! Is anybody excited about offering today?

So here's the thing: as preachers, you're supposed to get permission from your family before you tell a story about your family, and I'm not doing that right now because I didn't ask my wife for permission for this one. So pray for me and our marriage today.

As we were walking in this morning, we had a kind of a pre-service huddle where we go over the day and we pray together. So we're walking in, and she's a few steps ahead of me. I guess she put her hand in her pocket and found cash.

Anybody ever find cash in your pocket you didn't know you had? Well, I don't know how you react when that happens, but my wife pretty much did a little praise break right there in the altar. So it was appropriate, I think. But she was so excited about finding it. How much was it? It was like $15. I mean, hey, that's something, right?

So she is just so excited, she's so fired up, she yells and screams and waves the money in the air. We just had a really special moment there with the whole team. But it got me thinking about a passage that says God loves a cheerful giver.

One of the things I love about my wife—and maybe I can redeem myself—is that she doesn't just get excited about finding money; she gets excited with that same excitement when she gets to be generous. My wife is a giver. She loves to just bless people.

I want to have that heart when it comes to my finances because sometimes we get really excited about finding money, but we're not so excited about giving money away. Sometimes that can be—or maybe all the time—that's an indication of who's really Lord in your life, right?

Can I get as excited about being able to submit my finances to God and say, "You know what, God? This is for you. I want you to tell me what I'm supposed to do with my money. I don't want to tell myself what I'm supposed to do with my money."

I just love a church that is excited about giving, that's able to take that scripture and put it into practice in their life and say, "You know what, God? I am a cheerful giver." Maybe I'm not always flashing the money in the air screaming, "I found $15," but when we give, we should have that same heart of excitement that we get to be used by God to make a difference.

That's what happens when you give here at CLC. There are multiple ways that you can give, as you can see on the screen. I will let you know we do have a guest speaker today, so make sure you use that drop-down that says "Honorarium." We want to be able to bless the man of God so he can continue to travel all over the country and do what he's going to do here and bless us, enabling that to happen in other places.

If you want to be a blessing to him today, you can use that. Maybe you want to listen to him first; I get it, I get it. But that option is always available, okay? And then as you leave today, you can take advantage of the offering boxes as well.

Alright, why don't you turn your attention to the screens? We have a few announcements for you.

Good morning and welcome to Sunday service at Christian Life Center! Prayerfully, your weekend is going well, and we appreciate you sharing it with us. My name is Arthur Lewis, a young adult here currently serving in Life Students and Life Worship.

For everyone visiting us for the first time, we want to get to know you better. Simply pull out your cell phone and text the word "NEW" to 833-420-11244, and someone from our team will be in contact with you.

As you exit the sanctuary, visit our guest area for a gift as an appreciation for joining us today. As the Holy Spirit leads you to officially join our community, CLC would be happy to have you. The best way to get into the mix is through Grow Track.

Grow Track is a four-week course held on the first four Sundays of the month. These classes will equip you to discover the strength of your purposeful design, connect to the church, develop your personal leadership, and use your God-given gifts to make a difference in the lives of others. For more information, text "GROWTH" to 78998.

Hey Life Students, Junior High, you are free to dismiss yourselves to join Pastors Harry and Crystal Valentine, plus the Life Captains, for your discipleship services.

Let's get into the calendar details. Today, on Family Sunday, we have Joe McGee blessing the pulpit. Prepare to enjoy a laugh and learn message on parenting topics and practical skills for building stronger family bonds. Plus, it's Candy Palooza, so parents and kiddos, don't forget to drop by the candy tables and fill up your small bags.

On November 5th, we have Joe Sangle, a man of God who is also a financial guru. Joe will speak at both the 9:00 and 11:00 a.m. services. Plus, immediately after the second service, he will host a two-hour workshop at 3:00 p.m. In this free workshop, he will teach us how to use our money God's way, help people bring troubled finances into full alignment with God's word, and help them experience a fully funded life. You must register to attend, so scan the QR code or hop online at go.clc.tv.

That's it, church! Stay up to date on all things CLC by following us on social media at WeAreCLC on Instagram and Facebook. Sending blessings your way!

Anytime away from the man of God this morning, it's our pleasure to have Joe McGee back with us here at CLC. "Laugh and Learn" is probably never a more appropriate phrase for a preacher before because you are going to laugh today. But don't get it twisted, okay? You're going to laugh, but you're going to learn, right?

So make sure you wipe away the tears from laughing so hard so you can take clear notes because this man is going to bless you today immensely. So Joe, why don't you come on up, and why don't we give our best CLC welcome to Joe?

Thank you, Pastor. Thank you, Pastor. Thank you. Good morning, everybody! Woo! There's life in Chicago! It's cold up here too; it's 84 at my house today. I live in Florida; my wife's a Floridian. Two years ago, she said, "Joe, I want to go home." I said, "Okay."

She said, "Really, I want to sell the house." I said, "Okay, you don't mind, baby. I don't care what you do." So she put the house up for sale that evening, and we sold it that night because there's a real shortage of homes in Oklahoma.

So she sold it, and got up the next one. "Joe, I'm going to go buy a house. You want to go with me?" I said, "Nope, no. I'll just mess it up. You pick out whatever you want and let me know."

Two days later, she found this house. I never lived in the city; I grew up in the country. My dad had 12 brothers and sisters; my father-in-law had 12 brothers and sisters. We grew up in the country. I grew up in Turtle Town, which is a suburb of Duck Town.

I lived on a 400-acre farm. We had one country store, Nixon's Country Store. If you wanted it, Nixon had it. If he didn't have it, you don't need it. I never ate at a public restaurant until my senior year in high school. We grew up in the country, milked our own cows, shot our own hogs, picked the eggs up from under the chickens.

My grandfather had the same saying every time we did something. We would go up to gather eggs in the morning. "When you're in that hen house, son, you watch out for those snakes. Copperheads are coming on those chickens to get warm, so when you stick your hand up in there, make sure you're not grabbing a snake."

Okay, thank you, Grandpa. So we would go pick blueberries down the side of the country road; they grow wild. So we would go pick them in the summer. Grandpa would say, "Son, you go pick blueberries, but watch out for the snakes."

Okay, Grandpa, thank you. Then we would catch spring lizards; we would go trout fishing in East Tennessee up in the mountains. We would catch little spring lizards, so we got little streams all through the farm. You'd flip a rock, and you're staring down the water, focusing, and you see a little spring lizard.

So you stick your hand up under his tail, and you make him run up in your hand. You grab him; they're great trout bait. So I'm down there one day, and I'm focused. All of a sudden, my dad yelled at me, "Jump, son, jump!"

Well, I didn't know what was going on, but I figured there's a snake somewhere. So I jumped backwards because I didn't want to get bit in my face. I jumped onto a flat rock right in the middle of the stream. Well, I landed right on a copperhead. He came up out of the water and curled up on that rock behind me.

Well, I landed on his head, and I got my tennis shoes on, got my shorts. That snake just flopped. Thank goodness I'm on his head, so he couldn't bite me. He's flopping. My dad came up, grabbed me by my arm, and threw me up on the bank.

So most of my life, I've been looking for a snake because they're everywhere. When my wife asked, "Joe, I want to move," I said, "Fine." Dear God, let's get out of here. I don't want to live here anymore.

She said, "But wherever you find the house in Florida better be in the middle of nowhere. I don't want to see my neighbor; I don't want to see nothing." Well, I do have neighbors, but they're all just really ignorant rednecks, and they're really nice. They got guns in the back window of the truck.

I'm serious; I'm not making this up. Well, there was a nice house a couple built years ago, and they decided to move back to Carolina. So nice house, got a big swimming pool in the backyard. I got my own office.

So she brought it up. "Joe, you want to come see the house?" I said, "No, I'll see it when we move in." So I went down there, and I thought, "Yeah, this will work; this is nice."

People ask us all the time, "What's it like?" Well, I married my first wife for 47 years. I sucked the lips off that woman's face. We dropped six babies out of her. We should have dropped a dozen; I don't know why we didn't have more kids because we were both real fertile.

So I like having a big family. I wanted a ton of kids. I want somebody to take me to dinner on Sunday. I want somebody to send me on a cruise. I want somebody to buy me a Winnebago. You think I'm joking? I'm not.

People think, "Well, he laughs." Yeah, but I'm very serious. I've told my kids their whole life, "You owe me good measure, pressed down, shaken together. You owe me. I birthed you, I bathed you, I taught you how to talk and walk and wipe yourself and dress yourself, pass algebra, diagram a sentence. How did you get a date for the prom? I got you into college; I got you out. I paid for your wedding, your honeymoon."

Ho ho ho! But at every wedding of my kids—I got five girls and a boy; my boy's the youngest—at every wedding, I held up my hand and said, "Put your door key in my hand." I'm not making this up. "Put your door key in my hand at the day of the wedding. Don't you ever come back to my house unless I invite you."

Now, my wife, Angel, does not agree with this, but that's why we're married. We're different. Opposites attract, by the way, in case you don't know that.

It's not Adam and Steve; it's Adam and Eve. When God was making creation, the first six days of creation, God's in a happy mood. It's the end of day six. Day seven's not happened yet; the day of rest has not showed up.

At the end of day six, God's talking to Himself. You can read it in any translation. I read the New Living Translation; I like it. So God's talking to Himself. He says, "That's good, that's good, that's good, that's real good, that's good, that's good."

Then all of a sudden, God said, "Not good." The first time God ever said the words "not good," He was looking at a man. The first time in the Bible God said "not good" was after what? "Not good." I thought it was perfect.

No, I'll lay here and take a nap; I'm going to fix that. So God put Adam to a deep sleep and took out a rib, and He built a woman. That's how the Bible says God made man, but He built a woman. That's why we say women are built.

If women weren't built, men would not look. It's Hebrew; I'm not making this up. So Adam woke out of that deep sleep; he saw Eve, and he went, "Whoa!" God said, "I thought you'd like that."

They went off to fellowship that day; they didn't need any books or diagrams or photographs; they figured it out. Well, the problem was Lucifer, the anointed cherub that covered the archangels, Michael, Gabriel, and Lucifer.

Lucifer had sat over the throne of God for eons of time, and one day—we don't know what happened, but the Bible says there are so many angels, they're innumerable. You cannot count them. You can count the sand on this planet; there's a certain amount of sand on planet Earth you cannot count the number of angels.

The Bible says they're innumerable; there's so many, there's not a number you can't count them. So Lucifer goes to the angelic union hall, and he stands up and says, "Boys," now this is in your Bible, you can read it, "Boys, I can take this old man talking about God."

The Bible says one-third of the stupid angels stood up and said, "We think you can too." And Lucifer led a rebellion in heaven and tried to remove God from His throne. They asked Jesus when He was down here on Earth, "Have you ever seen the devil?" He said, "Yeah."

"What did he look like?" Jesus said, "He looked like a lightning bolt coming out of heaven." Boom! He got fired from his job because if you read Genesis 1, God does not make anything. He never has made anything void and without form.

The Bible says the Earth was void and without form, right? What happened? Somebody must have torn it up. A lot must have happened between Genesis 1:1 and Genesis 1:2. The devil was thrown down to there, and he tore this place up.

The Bible says the Spirit of God was hovering on the face of the Earth, and God said, "Look, I'm going to do something different. I'm going to make a human, a man that is lower than an angel but has authority over an angel."

So God made Adam and Eve, and Lucifer is down here, and he's curious, he's confused; he's watching this mess. "What is this? What is this?" So he walks into the garden, gum flaps him out of everything. He challenges the word of God.

He's not changed anything he's done for thousands of years. The devil's going to challenge this book, by the way. Volume two is not coming out. You go ahead and read volume one; it's not going to change. Yeah, that's deep.

So he walks in, and he gets them to sin. Now, whether it was an apple or not, I really don't care. So he bit the apple, handed it to Adam. He knew not to bite it, but he was in love, so he bit the thing anyhow.

All of a sudden, scales fell from their eyes. They realized, "Oh man, we're naked! We got to go to J.C. Penney's and get some clothes!" So they went off and made some clothes.

Well, God comes down every day walking in the garden. He's walked through the garden; He knows what they've done. He's trying to get them to repent. So God comes and walks through the garden, "Adam, Adam, where are you?"

Adam won't answer; he knows he's there. He's trying to get him to answer, trying to get him to repent. "Adam, Adam, where are you?" Finally, Adam says, "I'm over here."

God said, "What are you doing?" "Well, I was hiding." God asked, "Why are you hiding?" Adam answered, "Did you eat that fruit I told you not to eat?"

Adam's thinking, "It was the woman you gave me, God! When it was me and you, it was paradise, and everything was perfect. Ever since you brought that one in my life, it's been going downhill."

That's his translation; you ought to read it. So God turns to Eve. He said, "What's your story?" She's saying, "Man's dumped on me again! He dumped on me again!"

She's saying, "Well, it's the snake's fault! The snake's fault!" From the very beginning of time, no human will take responsibility for themselves. "What's your problem? Well, my daddy's fault, my mama's fault, my brother's fault, my sister's fault, coach's fault, teacher's fault, president's fault, congress's fault, senate's fault, republican's fault, democrat's fault."

As long as I can blame somebody else, I don't have to do anything. But until the day comes I'm willing to take responsibility for me, nothing's going to change. That's what happens the day you get born again, get filled with the Holy Ghost. We realize it's all me.

I grew up in a little community; we didn't have nothing. We had a guy that had a really nice house on the hill in Ducktown, the big inner city of Ducktown, about 750 people. Beautiful home; he had a three-car garage.

We'd drive by there every day. We're out in the country about a 400-acre farm. I said, "Who has a three-car garage? What kind of heathen has a three-car garage? We don't have a one-car garage! What kind of heathen has a three-car garage? What kind of show-off does that?"

So I grew up hating rich people. Stinking rich people! Stinking no-good rich people! Stinking rich people! They got everything! They get everything! Stinking rich people!

Well, I was 17, age 17, I realized something: a poor person had never hired me; only rich people had hired me. I got myself a revelation that God ain't poor no more. So I started chasing God.

I hated school; I don't like school. I don't think I want to do school. Go on a date Friday night, suck lips off somebody's face, play football, play baseball, go fishing on the weekend. That was my life; that's my 5, 10, 20-year plan.

But I fell in love, you know, like most crazy people do, and got out of the army. So I married my wife; she just turned 18, I just turned 20. We don't know nothing; we're dumber than dirt, but we're in love.

So people tried to give us books to read. I don't read no stupid book; I'm in love. So about five years into marriage, I started looking at those books. We were in a mess because the first three years of our marriage was hell on Earth.

We yelled and screamed and hollered and threw cans of green beans at each other. We'd say four-letter words; we'd make up new four-letter words. She grew up Pentecostal; I grew up Southern Baptist. I'm not going to that stinking church where they cluck like a chicken and bark like a dog! What are they doing in there?

So she would go to my church; I wouldn't go. So we didn't go to church for three years. I had this crazy spirit for Methodists led me back to Jesus at age 23, and I got back in church. I went to her Pentecostal church, and it was a life-changing deal.

I don't want to make fun of me, but my Pentecostal church—I went to the Church of God, and they believe you have to tarry for the Holy Ghost. Every Sunday night was tarrying night.

Okay, there's some been tarrying for years. What are you waiting on? Holy Spirit! So they go down front, and the sisters lay hands on you. "Let go! Turn loose! Grab hold!" Like, it's confusing.

Well, I was driving home from work after second shift, and I realized somebody gave me a Bible. So I started Matthew and went to Revelation in six weeks. I'm trying to find out where the devil died. Jesus killed the devil! I saw these movies: Jesus killed the devil; there's no devil!

So I got to Revelation about 2 o'clock in the morning. I'm a newlywed; don't have any kids. I realized about 2 o'clock in the morning, six weeks into this thing, he's still here! He's still here!

So I thought, "Well, I guess I need this Holy Ghost thing." Jesus told His own mother, "Mom, you need to wait for the Holy Ghost. I got to go home; I send the Holy Spirit back."

So if it's good enough for Mary, I guess it's good enough for me. So I got on my knees, "God, I'll take this Holy Ghost thing. If the tongue thing goes with it, whatever, I'll take that too in Jesus' name, amen."

I got up, and the punch down. I'm driving home. Now, I grew up hillbilly; we didn't listen to rock and roll; we didn't believe in it. We listened to nothing but bluegrass country, just stanky country music.

And stole my dog, hit my truck out of a lake. You know, there was nothing good. So I'm driving, I'm listening to Loretta Lynn, and I'm just singing along with it. So I'd sing on the radio, old pickup truck, AM radio.

So it's about 30 minutes to get to the house. I'm leaving the plant down on the Tennessee River. I'm driving on, so I'm singing along with Loretta Lynn. All of a sudden, I look over my shoulder; I pull out on the interstate. I thought, "What am I saying?"

I'm babbling like a two-year-old. I don't know what I'm saying. I thought, "Oh man, I think I got that tongue thing! I think I got that tongue thing!"

Well, I don't know how I started, so I don't know how to stop. So I kept shanai hiim moo Monda along with Loretta Lynn. Then I sang with Johnny Cash, Conway Twitty, and so I sang in tongues with everybody that came on the radio.

I got home; I thought, "I got to stop because my wife's going to come out of the house wondering where I've been." Because I've been driving in the country. I don't know how to stop.

Stop! I'm thinking, "Lord, she's coming! She's coming! Come on, you got to help me start again! I'm going to stop! I'm going to count to three; please let me start again!"

So I stopped, and I counted to three. When she hit that door, I came out there like I'd been in a 10-day camp meeting. I shan out! He came out all over that front yard!

She got excited because she had been tarrying with the other saints at the Church of God. So she told my pastor, "Joe got filled with the Holy Spirit!"

He said, "I didn't see him down front on Sunday." "No, he got Spirit-filled listening to Loretta Lynn!"

Well, he confronted me after church. "I understand you got filled with the Holy Spirit." "Yes, sir, I did!" "You want to hear me?" "No, no, I can do it right now!" "Really? I—you—it's no effort whatsoever!"

And he said, "No." So he made me doubt that it was real. So I got water baptized three times that summer because he made me doubt. I got the real thing; maybe I didn't get the real thing; I need to go under again.

So the third time he baptized me that summer, I came out of the water. He said, "I'm not baptizing you anymore; that's it, you're done!"

And so that's how I got started. I thought it's just natural. If Mary did it, Paul did it, Peter did it, I just let it rip all the time.

So I started teaching on family. I had a lot of kids; I thought I knew something about parenting. I don't know about parenting; I just know how to have them. I just wanted a lot of them.

I did; I just wanted a ton of kids, and I didn't want to go by myself. But they thought I knew something, so they asked, "Can you teach a parenting class?" I said, "Sure."

So I got home; she said, "You can't believe this! They asked me to teach on parenting!" She said, "You don't know anything about parenting!" I said, "I told them that! They think I do because I got all these kids!"

So I taught that for a year on a Sunday evening. Then they came and said, "Joe, can you teach on marriage?" I said, "Sure."

So while I'm telling my wife, "Hey, I got to teach on marriage," she said, "You don't know anything about marriage!" I told them that!

So what I learned about marriage and parenting, I taught every Sunday evening at 5:00 in our church. I taught myself.

People ask, "Where'd you learn the Bible?" Well, I learned it a lot of ways. I mostly learned about what I didn't know.

So I got Spirit-filled, became—I quit my job as an engineer, went back to Bible school, got on staff as a Christian school administrator. So I did that for 10 years, and I'm teaching these kids.

About halfway through the first year, I'm running out of sermons. Now, I've been to three years of Bible school; I know the Bible. I'm running out of sermons. I'm like, "Man, I got to find me a book on sermons."

So I go to this bookstore. "Hey, you got anything on sermons?" "What, you don't like Bible stories?" "Well, we have a children's Bible storybook." "I'll take it."

Well, it's a hardback book; it's still in print today. An Oklahoma lady wrote it; she never had any kids. She wrote it when she was 82. Edgar Myers Bible Storybook, Warner Press, still in print today. You can find it at Barnes & Noble.

So I bought this book, and she had taken about a page and a half of modern English on every story in the Bible from Genesis to Revelation. Well, I taught chapel 171 days a year, so I go from AG; I go from Genesis to Revelation. I did that 10 times.

I went to that book 10 times in 10 years. What did you learn? I learned that God's good, the devil's bad, and people are stupid. Theology 101, 102, and 103.

People say, "What did you learn about?" Well, from Meyer. So with that in mind, it was a long introduction, short sermon. I'm teaching these kids, and I realize something.

I'm teaching the parenting class, the marriage class. I thought, "We're an ignorant bunch of people. We know about the Holy Spirit; we know about praying in the Spirit; we don't read the book."

We came with a book. It's, by the way, it's not in chronological order. It's all—it's the longest book to the shortest book. Genesis covers about 2,500 years; Jude doesn't cover one chapter.

So God went from the longest book to the shortest book. So I've got a Bible that's a chronological Bible; it went in order as it happened. Makes a lot more sense when you read it like that, you know?

And I still believe Job's the oldest book, so I start with Job because it was a great story. So I'm teaching this class, and I realized, "Okay, we got to start all over."

So, well, let's go back, and I'm going to teach on marriage. Well, how do you start marriage? Well, let's start in Genesis. It went south; Adam and Eve got fired from the job, evicted from the house, kids start killing one another. That's the first marriage, and it went downhill from there until you get to the middle of the book, Silent Night, Holy Night.

We go through King Saul, and it changed. So Abraham looked forward to it by faith; we look back on it by faith. What happened? Well, we've been born again; we've been taken out of the kingdom of darkness and placed in the kingdom of God.

But if you don't read the book, you don't know that. That's why most of my family—I love my family, and most of them go to church, but most of them aren't saved. They all go to church, but they're not saved. They can't quote two scriptures. They carry it like a magic wand, like they're Tinker Bell, and they'll wave it and shake it, slap it.

You got to read it; it comes with words. You got to read the thing. The devil's not afraid of the book; he's afraid of that book in your heart coming out of your mouth.

So this is how it started. Pastor, you got to tell me when I'm through because I'll go too long.

So I'm teaching this class. I thought, "You don't know." So I went back to Genesis. "Okay, let's start." We got fired, evicted from the house, kids start killing each other.

We go down to Noah and the flood. God got mad, said, "I'm going to drown every stinking one of them. Build me a boat; I'm going to drown every one of them."

So He drowns everybody, starts all over. "You boat land, get out!" They repopulate there. Well, they get down to the Tower of Babel. They're going to build a tower. Nimrod's going to build a tower to heaven; he thinks he's God.

God looked down and said, "That's a mess! I'm going to confuse your languages." Because at that time, everybody spoke the same language. "So where'd the language come from? Nimrod; he messed it up."

So building this tower, all of a sudden, God said, "I'm going to have to stop that. I'm going to mess them up."

So one day, guys, they're building a tower of Babel. It's a real deal. Somebody said, "Hand me another brick." He said, "He didn't say hand me another brick!" He said, "Hand me another brick!"

His buddy said, "What did you say? Spit that out of your mouth! Tell me what you want!" And they started throwing bricks at each other. It's in the history books; they stopped building the tower. The Bible's in your Bible, and so the tower of Babel never finished.

Why? God confused the language, and they had to go, "Where'd you go?" "I went with people I could understand." You know, you French, the Polish, the Germans.

It's not nations; it was languages that scattered the people all over the four corners of the earth. And so we're coming back together; we're coming back to the Antichrist coming, and we're living in the greatest time of human history.

Except, I tell my people, people just ask, "Then when the phone lights up, you know, COVID." I'm the only preaching on the family. I'm Pentecost. The phone lights up. "Brother Joe, I'm Brother Joe." I'm just Joe.

"Most of Brother Joe, what do you think's going on?" "Well, somebody let something out of a jar in Wuhan, China. They shut down Disney; they never close Disney to Wuhan. Let something out of a jar, but they'll open it back up. Trust me, they'll open it back up because they think it's the end."

And all my whole family is, "Is it the end?" "No, you'll know it! You don't know when! We're out here!"

So call the house. If I answer, you're good. If I don't answer, who knows? Not good!

So we went to—and so I said, "Well, let's go back to the marriage." Okay, I love being married. Marriage was a gift.

It's not good for a man to be alone. Genesis 2:18. God's not changed His mind; it's not good for man to be alone. God invented marriage; it was His idea.

Now, I had one great aunt; she lived to be 97. She was dating when she was 95. Very attractive, educated lady, but she never got married. My grandmother died; she finished raising the other 11 kids.

But I'm all through school, and so nice, but she was the exception, not the norm. The norm is most everybody's going to get married. Well, people get married; they don't even have an idea what it is.

Well, a marriage is a funeral. Hallmark's got the cards all wrong; it should say, "I'm so sorry I heard you got married." Because a marriage is a covenant. You can't have a covenant unless somebody dies.

So at a marriage, you're standing before a hopefully an administrator and witnesses, and you're swearing before God Almighty, "From this day forth, I'm living for this person. I'm not living for me anymore." I died at the marriage ceremony.

So I tell people all the time, now my second marriage with Angel, I love Angel. She's the love of my life. We're totally different. There's a 12-year age difference; she's blonde-haired, blue-eyed, left-handed, and I don't have a clue what she's thinking half the time.

We never watch the same movies because I watch old stuff, old black and white stuff where the good guy wins. She likes to watch confusing stuff. You know, I don't watch confusing stuff.

So we've been married like two months. We're sitting down; we're going to watch a movie. I said, "Want to watch the movie?" "Sure."

So we're new to bed. I said, "Well, what's the name of it?" She said, "I didn't recognize." I said, "Well, how does it end?" She said, "Well, I'm not going to tell you."

Well, I'm not going to watch it! I don't watch a movie unless I know how it is! "Well, that's stupid!" "No, that's me! I don't want to sit there for two and a half hours watching a good guy die and they all go broke, get killed, and carried off to prison! I'm not going to spend two hours watching something stupid!"

BX say, "Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life." So don't listen to stupid; don't watch stupid; don't sing stupid. Stupid is as stupid does; that's in a famous movie.

So she realized early I won't watch it unless it ends good. So she still can't get it right. So I'm usually watching the movie in my office on my own screen because I don't watch what she watches.

And because she said, "You watch a movie?" I said, "Baby, you know how I am. You got to get an old one." And it comes on; it's in color, baby. They said, "Old enough!" This movie's not old enough; I'm not going to watch it!

And I don't know how many—we just did it the other day. We're watching—I think you'll like this. Five minutes in, I said, "Baby, I've heard three cuss words, and they're half naked. I don't know where this movie is going, but I'm not watching!"

"Well, I didn't know it was this bad!" They're all bad! They're all bad! There's nothing good! Nothing good comes out of Hollywood; it's all bad!

And so you got to guard your heart. So when I started teaching the marriage, I realized, "Well, let's just find out how it went wrong."

So men, we all have three job descriptions. All men are lovers. Ephesians 5:25: "Husbands, love your wives like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it." My job is to love my wife whether she's nice, mean, ugly, got makeup, no makeup, burnt the biscuits. I'm to love her; it's my job.

I'm going to love that woman. My goal in life is to make that woman want to suck the lips off my face. I'm very serious. I've been married before, but I'm different this time.

In the five years we've been married, I've never picked a restaurant. Never! Never! So we want to go eat? "Whatever you're going to eat." "What are you in the mood for?" "Food! I like food!" "What kind of food?" "Whatever you're going to eat!"

I've never picked a vacation. "Joe, what would you like to go on vacation?" "Wherever you're going!" "Or you want to go to the mountains or the ocean?" "May as long as I'm with you, I don't care where we go!"

I've never bought a car. We've owned three cars in five years. I've never picked a car; I've never picked a house. I don't pick nothing! Who picks it? She does everything! Everything!

I died when we got married. Now you're laughing, but I'm very serious. And I promise you that woman sucks the lips off my face. I'm a very happy man! That woman loves me because she knows what I'm going to do.

Whatever Angel wants to do! What kind of crazy deal? It's a God deal! You didn't read the Bible; it's a covenant! You have a covenant; somebody died!

I died at that ceremony, and I've told her her whole life, "When we get to heaven, you're going to stand before God, and you're going to hear, 'Well done, that good and faithful servant.'"

And you're going to stand before your Father. "I want to thank you for your son Jesus, for the Holy Spirit. What a blessing it was. And second of all, I want to thank you for Joe. That was the second greatest thing that ever happened to me."

I don't got fat and bald; I get that woman's going to want to suck the lips off my face because I'm good to that woman. I am real good, and that's my goal every day.

What are we going to do today? Be real good to Angel!

Have you ever been in problems? Oh yeah! Four times in five years, we've had a knock-down, blow-out fight. Every time I said, "Babe, I'm going to the office; I'll see you when you calm down."

Because I won't fight with her; I won't yell; I won't holler. So every time, within an hour, within an hour, Angel loses her temper. She comes and chokes me. "I'm sorry!"

"No, baby, it's fine!" "No, really, I apologize, babe! Come here, sit in my lap, give me a kiss; you're fine! I love you!"

I'm not making this up. I've been married before; I'm married again, and this is going to be a real good one. Her kids love me! My God, thank you, Jesus!

Some married some men finally married Mama because she'd been divorced for 12 years. It had been a horrible first marriage and gone south.

So I'm like Santa Claus! Ho! Now, somebody's getting this right now! Somebody out there is getting it! You got one choice: you go home today; you can make your mind up. I'm going to love them!

They're probably going to yell in the parking lot on the way home. "Yeah, that's the dumbest thing!" What? Just keep your mouth shut! Be slow to speak, quick to hear, and slow to wrath. Keep your mouth shut and smile a lot!

"You're right, sugar! I'm a complete idiot! I just really appreciate you pointing that out! So nobody ever loved me enough to tell me that before, but I really appreciate you loving me enough to tell me!"

So I'm a lover; I'm going to love Angel regardless of what happens. I'm a leader. 1 Corinthians 11:3: "God is the head of Christ; Christ is over the man; man's over the woman; woman's over the kid; kid's over the dog; cat's over the cat; dog's over the mouse; mouse's over cheese; cheese's over the pecking order in the kingdom of God."

But the word is not dictator; it's source. Jesus said, "If you see me, you see my Father. If you heard me, you've heard my Father. My Father and I, we're one."

Jesus turns around to man and says, "Man, without me, you can't do a thing, but with me, all things are possible."

Man's turned down his wife. "What do you need? I'm either going to write a check for it or start believing God for it. I'm not your dictator; I'm not your boss; I'm the number one servant in our family."

I learned years ago, I bought me a male apron, had it custom made out of canvas, and it had big red lips. I had big red lips on the front of it, and it says, "Kiss me."

Because I realized my house stole my wife. My wife had become a housewife. I don't know where's my wife. Well, the house stole her; she's got my wife. I got to get my wife back.

So it took me a year and a half to get my wife back. I gave my house to my children; they became house children. "You're going to do the dishes; you're going to do the laundry; you're going to vacuum the floor; you're going to stack the towels; you're going to clean off the kitchen sink."

I gave my house—it took a year and a half; this wasn't simple. But eventually, I got my wife back.

So we come home. "Where are we going?" "We're going to the living room. Tell us when dinner's ready."

Now, if we get up from the table, clean this up, wash those dishes, get them put away, put away the food; we'll eat that tomorrow.

And so I train people; don't believe me, but I train my kids to serve. She said, "You want to be great in My Kingdom? Yeah, become the servant of everybody else."

It's an upside-down pyramid. You go somewhere by serving other people.

So then the third thing is men. Men are lovers. Titus 2:4: "We're supposed to teach what we have to teach about love." We are not born knowing it; we're born thumb-sucking selfish. "I, me, me, I."

No! Shut your face up! I'm going to teach you how to serve. Then you're going to go somewhere. I told my kids when they were in school, in high school, "You're going to get somewhere in school by serving other people."

So play a sport, volunteer, sing in the choir, do something, help them do something. Don't be a show-off.

And so it turned out to be really good. So I'm a lover; I'm a leader; I'm a provider. Ladies, you have a different job description. Genesis 2:18: "You're a helper."

God made woman a helper. Now, the first half of that word is "help." So you're to help him. Don't call him an idiot because women are smarter than men; it's a medical fact.

The average woman has a 3% higher IQ than the average man. The average man speaks 12,000 words a day; the average woman speaks 40,000 words a day.

That's why domestic violence, 87% of the time, it's a man hitting a woman, not a woman hitting a man. It's not because he's stronger; it's because he ran out of words.

So late at night is not the time to solve a problem, ladies. Get his belly full and get him to sleep. Talk to him when he gets up in the morning. Have a fresh supply of words in the morning.

And then when you talk to him, smile. "Hey, sugar, we need to visit." "You're an idiot!"

So there are four reasons given for divorce. I got to jump to the end. Four reasons for divorce. Now, you can Google the top 10 reasons for divorce; four of the same.

I don't care what website you go to; number one reason for divorce is communication or lack thereof. God gave us two ears and one mouth, not two mouths and one ear. You listen more than you talk; listen more than you talk.

And when you talk, speak softly, speak slowly. Don't yell! "That'll get you in a mess!"

So all wars start with words; all peace agreements start with words; all marriages start with words; all divorces start with words. Life and death are in the power of the tongue.

How do you get so much hell in your life? Shut your mouth! You brought it on yourself! You've opened the door of the devil with your mouth.

"Well, I'm an idiot! I married an idiot!" Well, there you go, big boy! Good measure, pressed down!

Hey, have a lot of idiots! I just keep marrying the wrong person! I had an aunt that was married seven times. I did her first wedding; it was great!

Mid-old Des of Texas, I went down, I married her, and we ate cake, threw rice. Two years later, she got divorced. She called; she said, "Joe Allan, I'm in love again! I want to get married! Will you come do the wedding?"

I said, "No, ma'am! I'll come to the wedding; I'll eat cake, and I'll throw rice, but I'm not going to marry you!"

"Well, why not?" "Because you don't need to get married! You're not ready! You've not grown up! You're going to marry you again!"

Like kind draws like kind. I don't care what people think; you'll marry you! You'll marry you!

What needs to happen? You need to grow up! Until you grow up, you'll keep marrying you over and over and over and over. You're looking for something you can't find because it's in the mirror.

So start growing up! When you start growing up, you'll attract something better. Oh, that's so deep!

Anyhow, watch your mouth when you're married. "I'm married; I can say anything I want!" No, that's not in the Bible! That won't work! That won't work!

You're married now, so that's a legal document. You can't say anything you want because that's your sister, your brother in the Lord. That's your yes be yes, your no be no; all else proceeds from the evil one.

You got to guard your tongue. Number two reason for divorce is money. Men see money as freedom; women see money as security.

I remember we were in Bible school. I had a good job as an engineer; I had a new house. So I sold everything. We had three minimum wage jobs between the two of us getting through a three-year Bible school, and we're broke as dirt.

I sold a piece of land back in Tennessee for $10,000. I got the check in the mail. I had two kids at the time. We're living in a nasty rent house; foundations busted, ants crawling on the wall. We killed a snake in the kitchen one day. Like, it's a mess!

So I get this check in the mail. We jumped up and down; we thanked Jesus. We got in a circle, and we prayed, me and my wife and two kids.

I said, "Okay, load up! Load up! Get in the truck!" I said, "Where are we going?" "Going to get that bass boat we've been looking at every Sunday after church!"

I'm going, "Look at this boat for eight months! Been believing God for a bass boat!"

So we're going to the lake, so the kids got excited, and everybody's ready to roll. My wife stood still in the living room. I said, "Well, come on, babe!"

"Joe, we're not wasting $10,000 on a bass boat!" "No, we're not! I've been believing God for a bass boat! My bass boat's coming in!"

"We're not going to waste $10,000 on a bass boat! What do you think we're going to put it on? We're going to put braces on two kids' teeth!"

"I'm not wasting money on somebody's mouth! Grow up and get a job! Fix your own teeth! I don't fix your teeth!"

So my second daughter, Jessica, had real buck teeth like a beaver. "Come here! Come here! Smile for your daddy! If you don't want this kid living with us, she's 40! You better fix that mouth because nobody's going to marry that mouth!"

I never did get a bass boat; all my kids have beautiful teeth, though. Is that reaching anybody?

Yeah, so money is a different deal because we see it different. Women want to keep the kids around until they're 40; men want them out when they're 18.

Dear God, it's time to go! I remember two months before my 18th birthday; it's my senior year in high school. Summer's coming, and I'm going to graduate here in about two months.

So Dad came home from work; he worked swing shifts. He's eating real calm. "Eating well, son, what are you going to do when you get out of high school?"

Well, my buddies were going to the lake. I lived right next to Lake Chaga. We're going to the lake and spend all summer at the lake swimming and hanging out with the girls.

"No, no, no! Mind where you're going to live!" I'm not making this up; he was real calm. "Where are you going to live?"

I thought, "I'll be living here in the bedroom!" "No, we're going to turn that into something else! Where are you going to live?"

I have to think about it. "Well, why are you thinking? Figure out what you're going to drive!"

You only have two cars in the driveway; you don't have anything to drive. "I guess you can take your bicycle!"

He was real calm. I thought, "Lord, he's serious!" So when I was 18, I got promoted to adulthood! Amen!

Hood was wired down, living in a skanky apartment. But I realized something: it's time to grow up!

So most kids of America have not grown up; we've not let them. They're still kids. You know, in Jewish culture, you're an adult when you turn 13. Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah, celebrate it!

People come over, the rabbi comes over, going to put you in a chair, dance you around the room, put that me camp on your head, celebrate the fact you're an adult now!

You're not a mature adult until you're 30, but you're an adult. Well, in our country, you're not an adult until you get out of the house.

And all of a sudden, somebody tells you, "You got to grow up!" What happened? Well, somebody should have trained you to be an adult. Think like an adult, get a job as an adult, have a budget like an adult, you got some money saved like an adult.

You got to start thinking like an adult! We haven't done that in our country. That's why we're facing—we're the most prosperous nation per capita on the planet; we're also the most indebted nation in the world.

We owe more money than anybody, and it's getting deeper by the minute. "Well, we print more money!" No, it's not going to work! Eventually, it's going to hit the fan!

So the third thing is parenting. I wanted kids; I wanted a ton of kids. I did! I got them! I got nine grandkids! Nine! Just dropped my ninth one!

I finally had a grandson! My son finally had a male! Now, my other daughters had males, but they're not a McGee. I thought, "Well, I guess we're just going to die off. I guess that's it!"

My son wasn't interested in having kids; he'd married this nice girl; she's real smart; they make good money. So they finally had a baby girl. I said, "Well, at least she got a girl!"

Well, then two months ago, I found his wife was pregnant with twins! I said, "Lord, have mercy! Twins!"

Well, one of them was a male, a male child named after me! Joe McGee! And so the family line will continue! He won't worry about getting anything! I'm going to load him up!

So you're thinking about we're trying to pass on our faith to the next generation. So parenting is about launching your kids into adulthood. It's not about, "Well, were you happy? Did you have a good party?"

We went to a big birthday party the other night—20 adults and a bunch of kids. That kid got more stuff than I ever got in my whole life! I mean, it was nice, but that's just—that's not right!

I told Angel, "I never got nothing for my birthday! You lucky if you got a piece of cake because all the F going to eat a piece of you! You better get a piece quick; there won't be any left!"

And so I never got any birthday gifts! I never got no birthday presents! What kind of idiot gets a birthday present?

You know, and so this kid's losing this kid's going to be spoiled! He's going to think this is normal! It's not normal!

It's not normal! You have to learn how to go get your own stuff! So parenting, I wanted my kids to learn how to be adults.

So like I said, I did everything I could, trained them as best I could, and they're all doing very well. They're all very successful adults; they go to church, they pay their tithe, they volunteer in church.

And so to me, I hit a home run! Amen! Are they perfect? There are no perfect kids; they didn't have perfect parents.

And then the last thing you have to cover, which is really touchy, you have to teach on sex because nobody talks about it. We just don't do it.

We were rotating tires on the truck one Christmas week, and it's cold; we're out in the barn. So I'm on the fourth tire; my dad's been very quiet tonight; he's holding the lanterns.

We're rotating the tires so the tires don't go bald. So I'm tightening up the lug nuts on the fourth tire. Dad's been very quiet, and all of a sudden, Dad leaned in. He said, "Son, you know what to do?"

Well, I'm on the fourth tire; it's not about lugs; he's talking about all—oh dear God! He wants to talk about sex! Oh, he don't want to talk about it, and I don't want to listen!

So I'm tightening the lug; I said, "Yes, sir!" I'm tightening the lug; I'm not looking at him. Well, he leaned in; he said, "You better not ever do it!"

Then that was sex 101, 102, and 103. That was all I ever learned! Everything I learned else, I learned on the bathroom wall!

So you need to teach your kids about sex, and don't hop every bait when they ask you a question because they don't know what they're asking.

A five-year-old is going to ask you a five-year-old question; a ten-year-old is going to ask a ten-year-old question. Don't unload the kitchen sink when they ask you! Just don't hop!

"Where did you hear that?" "Stay calm! Just stay real calm and just give a short answer because they don't know what they're asking anyhow!"

So I can't do it here, but I'll just give you the essence of it. Proverbs 5:6 and 7 are the best three verses on sex in the Bible.

And so the Bible says the male sexual organs are like a fountain; it's under pressure all the time. It's under pressure all the time; you know it doesn't need help; it's under pressure all the time.

Female sex is like a well. We had a well when I was growing up in the country; it was on a hill. And so you hated to be in the well room when we're out of water because they're going to pick you to go get the water.

So one day I got picked. "Joe Allan, go up there and get water out of the well!" Oh God! Because it's up a hill behind the house.

So I grab the two buckets; I'm walking up the hill, and I'm walking and sweating and sweating and walking and walking and sweating. I finally get to the well. The well's 103 feet deep; we got to go deep to get good water.

So I hook up the bucket, and I'm cranking down, and I'm cranking down, down, I'm cranking down, cranking. I'm sweating and cranking and cranking and sweating.

So if I need to explain that to you, you see me in the lobby after the service. It takes time to get water out of a well!

So let's stand up! Everybody stand up! I will say this as best I can: you do not find a great marriage; you build one! Amen!

Nobody got lucky and married anybody nice; there are no nice people! You're not your mother; you're not your father; you're somebody completely different!

Every human has a different thumbprint, has a different voice print. God's a creative God! You didn't marry anybody like your mom; they don't exist!

You didn't marry anybody like your dad; they don't exist! God's a creative God! God made the bombardier beetle!

You ever seen the bombardier beetle? It's on National Geographic. Little beetle lives down here in Brazil, and it looks real strange. He's about three inches long, got two eyeballs that sit on turrets, little sticks.

He can look forward with one eyeball and behind him with the other at the same time. And the bombardier beetle loves wheat grass.

So he'll find wheat grass; he's up, he's swinging. When they got a film, I bought the film, a 30-minute film on National Geographic.

He's eating the wheat grass, looking for the one on B. Look behind the other big praying mantis. He sees the bombardier beetle, and that'll be some good lunch!

The praying mantis comes up behind the bombardier beetle, going to bite him for some big lunch. Right before he bites down, the bombardier beetle has two cylinders in his rear.

When he eats the wheat grass, he produces two kinds of gas. When he releases it, it produces a three-inch flame!

Now, you can't make this up! God giggled when He made this thing!

Hey, guys, come on, watch!