Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus.
All right, now when you read this scripture, when many pastors read this scripture, there's an instance where there's a sting inside of some ladies, and they might hear this word "helper." There's an instant offense that goes up because it seems as if the woman is being reduced to this idea of just being a helper or a servant. If that is you today, I want to help you with this word "helper."
Okay, when you look up this word "helper" in the Hebrew, the word is "ezer." This is the same word that is applied throughout the New Testament as a characteristic of God. This word "ezer," this word "helper," means to come alongside, it means to bolster up, it means to strengthen. That's what this word means. He says, "I will make one who will come alongside. I will make one who will bolster up. I will make one who will strengthen the man."
There is not any subservient role being woven into this text. He's saying, "I will make a helpmate equal to him, a partner, one who will come alongside him and walk with him."
Okay, so let's understand what this word means. Matthew chapter 19, Jesus is talking, and the Pharisees are doing what Pharisees do—asking dumb questions and getting dumb answers. Matthew chapter 19, let's start at verse 4. The verse 3 says Jesus came, and they were testing him like you could test Jesus anyway.
Verse 4 says, "He replied, 'Have you never read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female?' I said it, the word said it, and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and they shall be joined inseparably to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate."
This to me sounds like the Lord is making a big deal when it comes to marriage. He says, "Let them be joined inseparably to one another." Then he says, "Let what God placed together let no man separate."
I've heard the excuse, "Oh, well, you know, I got married for the wrong reasons." And you know, that's okay. When you got on that altar, you made a covenant promise, and you asked God to join or to honor this marriage. At that point, God got involved and unjoined your marriage. So now, let what God has joined together let no man separate.
Oh, I heard all the excuses. I've been doing this for a minute. I got you. I got all of them. God has joined them together. He says, "Let no man separate." Jesus is referencing Genesis here—Genesis chapter 2, which we just read a little bit of, Genesis chapter 3. And he's helping the Pharisees understand the purpose, the origin, and the weight surrounding marriage.
Marriage is a big deal. Marriages matter to God.
Now, there's a theologian, his name is Tim Keller, and he said this, and I wanted to share this with you guys because I felt it was so great. He says, "Marriage is a lifelong monogamous relationship between a man and a woman. According to the Bible, God devised marriage to reflect the saving love for us in Christ, to refine our character, to create stable human community for the birth and nurture of children, and to accomplish all of this by bringing the complementary sexes into an enduring whole-life union."
I went back to that. I said, "Okay, God devised marriage to reflect the saving love for us in Christ." The saving love! I use the example all the time of some of you who are married or maybe you're dating—that instant when you saw that significant other, guys, and you saw that beautiful young lady. You began pursuing her. You began making sure all your stuff was right, and your breath—you may have showered for the first time in ages. You brushed your teeth, you made sure you smelled right, you made sure your flowers were right. You began pursuing her.
You got off the phone, or you got off the phone, or you got off the phone, or you got off the phone. You began pursuing her, saying the right things in yourself. There was something that sparked on the inside of you that began to pursue her, and that became an image of God—how God is relentlessly pursuing us.
Even in marriages, we begin pursuing our fiancées, and we begin pursuing one another. It's the saving love that God is reflecting here.
The second thing he says is that marriage is to refine our character. Hallelujah! All the husbands say, "Amen!" We're being refined, husbands. We're being refined, wives. When you have two people who are separate, they come from different places, they grew up different ways, and they begin to come together. Amen? There's some refining that happens. Hallelujah!
There's some refining that happens. Why? Because you're two individual people who, for since before this, you've been thinking about self, taking care of self, making sure that self is taken care of. And all of a sudden, you now have to be selfless.
Come on! All of a sudden, you now have to be selfless. The reason that marriage is a process is because it is a process of refining—refining one another into this idea of selflessness.
So he said, "It's to reflect the saving love of Christ, it's to refine our character, and it's to create stable human community for the birth and nurture of children." I cannot echo to you so much how divorces hurt children. I have walked through my family members, I have walked through church people, different people who I've had to walk through divorce, and I cannot tell you the effect it has on children.
That's why God established marriage—so that they could come together in a nurturing and safe, stable community for kids. Now again, the grace of God is readily available. I grew up in a single-parent household. My father was not a part of my life; he was murdered when I was very young. But God came in, and God, through his grace, through his providence, gave my mother the strength that she needed.
She made sure that I was in church. She made sure I needed to do what I needed to do. She made sure that I had stable community around me, and I'm thankful for God's grace even in the midst of that so that I could stand in this place right now.
But he said, "My purpose, my original intent was so that there would be stable human community for the birth and nurture of children." But God didn't stop here. God didn't stop here. That wasn't the only time.
You know, whenever you're reading something, you never want to take one scripture and say, "Oh, that's obvious." And I'm glad to say that when it came to marriage, there are so many scriptures throughout the Bible where he addresses marriage, where he addresses the roles of marriage, where he addresses how we are to conduct and how we should operate in marriage.
He tells us, or he confirms the fact that it is a covenant by giving us instructions. Remember, we said a covenant is that divine bond, that thing, and in it, you establish how you will operate.
So he shows us that there is a covenant by giving us these scriptures where he tells us how we should operate. Ephesians chapter 5, verse 21. Ephesians chapter 5, verse 21, and we are going to go here. We go to verse 33.
All right, stay with me now. "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Let's just start right there. Submit to one another—not because you feel like it. Hallelujah! Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Now, if you read chapter 5, verses 1-21, it addresses different people in different areas of life, and he's saying, "Submit, submit, submit in this area of your life." If you're this person, you are to submit. If you're this person, you are to submit.
And then in verse 21, he says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Now we get specific. He said, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands—not nobody else, not everybody. He said, 'Submit to your own husband as you do to the Lord.'"
Can I tell you the wonderful thing I love about submission? And I know it's getting testy in here. I can feel y'all peering at me. I'm fine. I encouraged myself this morning before I got here, so I'm good to go.
But he says, "The thing I love about submission is I love submission, especially when things get hard." You say, "Why, Pastor Keenan?" I'm going to tell you why. Because when stuff gets hard, I'm like, "Oh, this ain't mine in the first place, God. This is yours, so I'm going to submit to you, and you are in charge. You are the man in charge. I'm going to let you handle this. You got this. I'm submitting."
What am I doing? I'm relinquishing responsibility to you. Okay? So he is saying, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord."
"P. Keenan, I just have a problem with submission." Okay, well then what I would say is if you have a problem submitting to the Lord... All right, I'm going to keep preaching.
"For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
Now, if the scripture would have stopped right there, let me tell you, ladies would have had a problem. Okay? Ladies would have been very upset. "What about the husbands? What about the men? You ain't say nothing about them."
We got it! We got it! "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Make no mistake of the weight of this commandment that God has given you. Make no mistake! Love your wives!
And this is not a phileo love; this is not a brotherly love. This is agape—the unconditional, affectionate concern for the well-being of your wife. Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Jesus came down and endured whips and endured glass being torn into his back. He endured nails in his hands and nails in his feet. Why? For the church! He sacrificed his life for the church. He sacrificed his desires for the church. He sacrificed his needs and his wants.
And he's God! He could have done anything, but he sacrificed himself—his needs, his desires—for the church. And he says, "Love your wives the same way. Love your wives the same way."
Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
In the same way, husbands, he said, he's talking to us again. I got a little upset. I was like, "We already got one." He says, "In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies."
See, that's personal. Because let me tell you something, we are going to take care of ourselves, men. We are going to make sure we eat. We are going to make sure we got the right grill. We are going to make sure we got the right meat. We are going to make sure we rest—rest like nobody's business.
Yeah, we got our own couch. Some of y'all got recliners, and the recliner got buttons and a massage and a masseuse in there. You got everything you need.
Husbands, we are going to make sure that we eat. We are going to make sure that the car is clean. We are going to make sure all of these things are taken care of. Why? Because we are going to take care of ourselves.
We are going to make sure we have everything that we need. And the scripture says here that we are to love our wives in the same way. Love your wife as you love your own body. You say, "I'm hungry; let me go get something to eat."
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Love your wife the same way! After all, no one hated their own body. But look what he said. He knew I was talking. "They feed and care for their body just as Christ does the church, for we are members of his body."
"For this reason, a man will leave his mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery. And I was like, "Finally, Jesus, you got it!"
And he said, "But I'm talking about Christ and the church." However, each one of you must also love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
God has given us details. It's not a lot of ambiguity in there. He’s given us specifics on how we are to respond.
First Peter chapter 3, he continues. First Peter chapter 3, starting at verse 1, and then we're going to skip down to 7. He's talking about godly living here, and he's talking about how we are to submit ourselves.
He says, "In the same way, wives, be submissive to your own husbands—subordinate, not as inferior, but out of respect for the responsibilities entrusted to husbands and their accountability to God, and so partnering with them so that even if some do not obey the word of God, they may be won over to Christ without discussion by the godly lives of their wives."
You think you don't have no power? You think that, "Oh, you know, my husband is not doing this, and he won't come to church, and he's not reading the word." The Bible says, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no."
He says, "You have the opportunity and the ability to win him over without discussion by your godly life." Verse 2 says, "When they see your modest and respectful behavior together with your devotion and appreciation, love your husband, encourage him, enjoy him as a blessing from God."
He says, "You have the ability to win him over simply by your life." Look, I don't know what you going to do. I'm going to church, and the kids are coming with me. I don't know what you want to do, but I'm going to take some time and pray.
I'm going to get up in the morning and read. I'm going to get up in the morning and pray. I'm going to seek God. I know you’re upset, and you don’t know how whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I'm going to go pray.
Then all of a sudden, he said, "What? You going to pray for me? Let me get in on this prayer. I want to hear what you say." Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do! "Why are you always happy when you come from church?" Well, you need to join me and find out!
Come on! This opportunity that is available. Verse 7, he continues the conversation, and he says, "In the same way, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship, as with someone physically weaker since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective."
My goodness! My goodness! You trying to figure out why you praying and ain't nothing happening? I would challenge you to see how you are dealing with the gift that God has given you in your wife.
Because he says, "Live in a way with great gentleness and tact, with an intelligent regard for the relationship. Honor her, respect her, because if you don't, your prayers will be hindered and ineffective." I didn't say it; the word did. Don't get mad at me!
Finally, all of you—now he's talking to everybody—"All of you be like-minded and united in spirit. Be sympathetic, brotherly, kind-hearted, courteous, and compassionate towards each other as members of one household. Humble in spirit, never return evil for evil or insult for insult. Avoid scolding, bearing any kind of abuse, but on the contrary, give a blessing. Pray for one another's well-being, contentment, and protection, for you have been called for this very purpose that you might inherit a blessing from God that brings well-being, that brings happiness, that brings protection."
See, God has outlined how husbands and wives should act in this covenant and how they should treat one another—how they should prefer one another, protect one another, and love one another.
Husbands, we will be called to account for how we treat our wives when we get to heaven. The question will be, "How did you treat this gift that I gave you?" It is, "How did you honor this gift that I gave you? How were you grateful for this gift that I gave you? How did you take care of, how did you nourish this gift that I gave you?"
He ain't going to be no "But it was this woman you gave me." He says, "No, I put you in charge. You were the leader. You were the head. I'm asking you, what did you do?"
God uses these scriptures to paint a picture of the beautifulness of marriage. And when you see this relationship, when you see this covenant, when you see this from the perspective or the lens of the word, it does not leave room for ambiguity. It does not leave room for gray areas.
Then the question becomes, "What happened?" Because if this is God's plan for marriage and his plan is perfect, then what happened? Why do 35 to 40% of marriages in the year 2023 end in divorce? Why does the average first marriage last seven to eight years? Why are there, on average, 1,889 divorces per day? Wow! Or 79 divorces per hour? Or 1.8 divorces per minute?
What happened? What happened was that we live in a sinful world that perpetuates sinful ideas and views. What happened was the lens in which we viewed marriage changed. Somewhere, the lens in which we viewed marriage changed.
In a world that's constantly pushing a self-satisfying, a self-gratifying ideal, instead of looking at marriage like a covenant, like God intended, we begin to look at marriage through the perspective of consumerism. We begin to look at marriage like a consumer.
We live in a world where we have placed the rights of self as ultimate. We live in a world that what we want is what we must have, and ultimate freedom and happiness can only be found in our individual desires being fulfilled. And that is idolatry! That is idolatry!
This is selfishness at its highest form. Self has become the heart of marriage through these lenses. So marriage becomes primarily an experience in romantic fulfillment. It's driven by feelings and passion, and there's no room for duty and covenant.
And because of this, we are now experiencing the generational abandonment of the marriage covenant—the generational abandonment and disregard for the marriage covenant.
See, Satan knows that marriages matter to God because by it, the family unit is established and sustained. He knows that if he destroys marriages, he destroys the family unit. And if he destroys the family unit, he destroys humanity.
He knows if I could just get him to not take it so seriously, let him think that there's just options. Let them think that they could just do whatever. "It's not that serious; it's just a piece of paper. It's not a lifelong covenant; it's just something that you go in front of somebody. It's just between you and them. It's not a covenant thing between you and God."
If I can do that, then I know I can destroy humanity.
So what do we do? This is obviously something that's been trending down for a while, and it's obviously something that is now a part of our culture. What can we do to make a difference?
The first thing that we have to do is we have to return and submit ourselves to the foundation of all relationships. This has to be the center of every marriage. This has to be the center of every marriage. This has to be the center of every marriage.
I know, I know, I get it. I understand. It doesn't matter. This has to be the center of every marriage. We have to return to the place where God is the defining factor—not our emotions, not our feelings.
Secondly, we have to fight for our families because covenant abandonment has generational repercussions. If we don't fight for our marriages, if we don't make the change, there are generational repercussions that happen.
It's not just you because the way that you model marriage is exactly how your kids will see and model marriage, and it's how their kids will see and model marriage. It has generational repercussions.
And if we don't fight for our marriage, the future generations will be in trouble and will continue to be in trouble.
Lastly, we have to commit to making the change, and we start by changing the lenses and asking ourselves in those moments where you're in that rough season, in those moments where you're in that dry patch, in those moments where you feel like you want to throw in the towel, we must ask ourselves, "Are we seeing our spouses through the lens of covenant or the lens of consumption?"
Good consumption says, "When my desires aren't being met, I'm out." Covenant says, "I'm not going anywhere." Amen?
Consumption says, "When I'm not happy anymore, I will just leave and go somewhere else where I am happy." Covenant says, "I'm not looking to you for my happiness. I look to the Lord."
Consumption says, "When you're no longer meeting all of my needs, I'll just go somewhere else to get my needs fulfilled." Covenant says, "I know and I recognize that you were never meant to fulfill all of my needs. God is the only one who can do that, so I will cling to him, and everything I need can be found inside of him and inside the covenant of my marriage."
That's what covenant says. We have to change the lenses in the way that we see marriage. The heart of biblical marriage sees God as Lord and not self as Lord.
It doesn't lean on this sense of duty and promise, but it is where both promise and passion exist—where feelings and fulfillment come into alignment with one another.
God's view of marriage is covenant marriage—partnering together to glorify God, to serve one another, adjusting to one another before God for the flourishing of our homes, for the flourishing of our children, for the flourishing of our neighborhoods, our towns, our cities, and of the world.
You want to know how to make this town better? Love your husband. Love your wife.
You want to know how to make this city a place where God can be glorified? Love your husband. Love your wife.
You want to know how to turn this world upside down for Jesus? It starts with you loving your husband, loving your wife.
It is a trickle effect. It starts here, and then it just begins to make its way inside your home, outside your home, in the school, in the community, in the city, and in the world simply by you doing the foundational thing that God asks you to do: love your husband, love your wife.
It's a covenant! It is a covenant! I don't care how the world tries to dilute it. We don't live by the world.
That's right! We don't live by what society says. We don't live by the things that social media and the news and these outlets tell us. That is not how we live our life because if you notice, it keeps changing and keeps changing and keeps changing.
But there is one thing that remains the same. There is one thing that never changes. There is one thing that has stood the test of time from the foundation of the earth up until this moment, and this is what we must build the foundation of our life on, the foundation of our marriage on.
I know it gets hard. I know it gets tough. I know the seasons may seem long. How are you viewing? What lenses are you viewing with?
I know in those moments I said, "God, what are you showing me?" Because I could just as easily be like, "Lord, it's this woman you gave me." And he would say, "Yeah, I heard that before, but what are you saying to me?"
Right? What are you showing me? Where is the area I need to change? Are you saying that there's an area of love that I need to walk in? Are you saying that there's an area of forgiveness that I need to walk in? Are you saying that there's a greater area of grace that you're challenging me to walk in?
Are you saying that this is a time where I need to stop being selfish again? Are you refining me more and more? These are the questions that we should be asking in these moments: "God, what are you saying to me?"
See, I recognize—I said this before—I recognize that in marriage, it is a triangle. There is myself, there is my wife, and there is the Lord.
And in those moments where I feel like this relationship has had some sort of break, has had some sort of cutoff, there's been this moment where it seems like it's not going the way it should, guess what? I got another route I could go, right?
I'm going to say, "Okay, this ain't doing it. Fine, then I'm going to go to the boss man. I'm going to go to the manager. I need to see the manager and say, 'God, what is it that I need to do? What are you challenging me to do?'"
And I'm intentionally taking those moments to uplift my spouse, right? Intentionally! Because I'm not even giving the devil a foothold.
Come on now! I'm not even giving him a foothold. I'm upset. "God, I thank you for my wife. God, I thank you for what you called her to. God, I thank you that there's a plan and there's a purpose. God, I thank you that you created her for me. God, I thank you that that's not mine; it's me."
God, so I honor her. I respect her. Even though I'm upset right now, God, it doesn't change what you've called me to do.
And see, here's what happens. Here's what happens. Because even though this ain't working, I can go this way, and now he can have a conversation.
He can have a conversation. It's usually my wife praying to the Lord for me, and then I get a little nudge from the Lord. "What you doing? What you doing? If you don't get back over there and apologize..."
"Why am I always apologizing, Jesus?"
"If you don't get your behind over there and apologize right now! What you upset for? You don't trust me? What you upset for? You don't think I'm going to provide for you? You mad about that job? That ain't got nothing to do with her! I gave you the job! I put you there! Get over there and take care of what you need to!"
"God, I didn't come to you about me; I came to you about her."
And I'm coming to you about you. Get it together!
We have to understand that there is a triangle. There is a connection there, and God sits at the top. So in these moments where this direct connection doesn't seem to go, just go to the manager.
"Lord, I need you right now because my husband is acting crazy. I don't know what's going on. My wife seems to be a little upset."
Lord, and here's the thing—this is a cheat code right here. When you don't know what's going on, sometimes as men, we don't have the ability to... It just don't work right. Sometimes we can't communicate exactly.
Come on, man, y'all know y'all with me. We can't fully communicate what's happening. And in those moments where the communication is not happening, now you have an opportunity for the Lord to reveal to you what's happening.
I'm going to get in trouble because I'm running late. Y'all give me 60 seconds.
I remember that I'm with my wife, and we were having a—uh, we were talking. And I had just got finished preaching, and I got home, and I got in the driveway, and I noticed that me and my wife were in this—in we just had a rough week, and I couldn't figure out what it was.
And I never forget—I told the story before—I pulled up to the driveway, put it in park, and I just sat there. And I heard the Lord say, "Ask her if she's dealing with some depression."
I said, "First of all, Lord, you ain't going to get me in trouble. You ain't going to get me in trouble."
He said, "Just ask her." And we're sitting in the driveway, just got finished preaching. I said, "Baby, are you feeling a little depressed?"
And I never forget, the tears began to just pour down her face, and she said, "Yes, I think I am dealing, struggling with some depression."
Now, I never would have even had the opportunity to hear that if I wasn't in tune with the Lord about my relationship with my wife.
It is because I could have said, "Oh, she's just being upset. Oh, she's just being angry. Oh, she's just being this, that, and the third." And the Lord said, "No, something is going on."
And I took that opportunity to pray for my wife, and we began walking down this process through counseling, through conversations, through check-ins, through family time to bring restoration to that season.
But it was only when I tapped into the manager, the source, the foundation of my marriage.
Yes! And so I encourage you, and I continue to say, God cares about your marriage—not only your marriage, but he cares about every relationship that you have.
Yeah! Because it affects your purpose, your calling, and the destiny that he has for your life. Yes!
And he has clearly pointed out in scripture how we are to operate inside of our covenant.
on Nov 05, 2023
