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Overcoming Offense: Building a Healthy Church Family

by Pastor Dolapo Lawal
on May 15, 2025

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Overcoming Offense: Building a Healthy Church Family

Devotional

Day 1: Strive to Live Without Offense Toward God and Others

A healthy spiritual life requires us to be vigilant about offense, both vertically (with God) and horizontally (with people). Offense can creep in when we feel God has not answered our prayers or when others hurt us, but holding onto it only blocks our growth and intimacy with God. Even great men like John the Baptist struggled with offense toward God, yet Jesus reminded him not to be offended, pointing to the ongoing miracles and the bigger picture of God’s work. We must learn to release our disappointments and trust God’s wisdom, knowing that being offended at God does not move His hand, but faith and surrender do. [08:36]

Acts 24:16 (NKJV): "This being so, I myself always strive to have a conscience without offense toward God and men."

Reflection: Is there a disappointment or unanswered prayer that has left you offended at God? Can you bring it honestly to Him today and ask for the grace to trust Him afresh?

Day 2: Offense Is a Temptation—Guard Your Heart

Offense is not just a feeling; it is a temptation to sin and a tool the enemy uses to make us stumble or cause others to lose faith. Jesus warned that offenses will surely come, but woe to the one through whom they come. When we are hurt, we must be careful not to become the source of temptation for others by spreading negativity, gossip, or bitterness. Instead, we are called to exercise self-control, tolerance, and long-suffering, learning from every situation whether we are the offended or the offender. The way we handle offense can either build up or tear down the faith of those around us. [19:20]

Matthew 18:7 (ESV): "Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes!"

Reflection: When you are hurt or offended, how do you respond? Is there someone you need to forgive or a situation where you need to stop spreading offense to others?

Day 3: Church Is Family—Embrace Imperfection and Growth

God’s design for the church is that it functions as a family, where every believer is a sibling and growth is expected. Just as families are made up of imperfect people who are learning and growing, so is the church. Expecting perfection from others sets us up for disappointment and offense, but recognizing that we are all on a journey allows us to extend grace and patience. When we treat church as a family, we protect its privacy, support one another, and avoid public shaming or division. Our unity and love for one another are the true marks of spiritual maturity and sonship. [26:24]

Ephesians 4:2-3 (ESV): "With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

Reflection: How can you intentionally treat your church community more like family this week, especially when you notice someone’s flaws or mistakes?

Day 4: Maturity Means Letting Go of Childishness and Embracing Forgiveness

Spiritual maturity is not measured by age or knowledge, but by our ability to put away childish behaviors like tantrums, entitlement, and holding grudges. The mature son (huios) is not easily offended and knows that forgiveness is essential for receiving from God. Jesus taught that unforgiveness blocks our prayers and opens the door to torment and spiritual attack. True maturity is seen in our willingness to forgive as we have been forgiven, refusing to let offense take root in our hearts. This is the path to freedom, answered prayer, and spiritual authority. [01:08:07]

Mark 11:25 (ESV): "And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses."

Reflection: Is there someone you are struggling to forgive? What step can you take today to release them and pray blessing over their life?

Day 5: Offense Is Satan’s Bait—Choose Connection and Healing

The enemy often uses offense as bait, especially in the church, to isolate us and hinder our spiritual progress. When we allow pain to harden our hearts, we not only hurt ourselves but also cause pain in the body of Christ. Healing comes when we choose to stay connected, open our hearts again, and intentionally build relationships within the church. Instead of withdrawing or spreading negativity, we are called to reach out, support one another, and create an environment where everyone feels valued and needed. This is how we overcome loneliness, break the cycle of offense, and experience the fullness of God’s family. [01:29:35]

Hebrews 10:24-25 (ESV): "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."

Reflection: Who in your church community can you reach out to this week to encourage, support, or simply connect with, especially if you’ve been tempted to withdraw?

Sermon Summary

Overcoming offense is essential for a healthy, growing church family. Our relationship with God is both vertical and horizontal—how we relate to Him and to one another. God’s design for growth is rooted in the context of family, and the church is meant to be a spiritual family where we learn, grow, and mature together. Offense, whether toward God or others, is a temptation that can derail our spiritual journey and hinder the flow of God’s blessings in our lives.

It’s possible to be offended at God, especially when our expectations are unmet or when we see others receive miracles while we wait. John the Baptist’s story reminds us that offense at God does not move Him to act; rather, we are called to trust His wisdom and timing. Similarly, offense among believers is inevitable, but how we handle it determines our spiritual maturity. Jesus warns that causing others to stumble is a grave matter, and we must be vigilant not to become stumbling blocks in the lives of our brothers and sisters.

The church is not a gathering of perfect people but a family of those who recognize their need for grace. We are all on a journey of growth, and just as children mature, so must we. There are different stages of spiritual maturity, from infants in the faith to mature sons and daughters who reflect the Father’s nature. True maturity is seen in our ability to forgive, to let go of entitlement, and to resist the urge to retaliate or harbor bitterness.

Unforgiveness is a spiritual poison that blocks our prayers and opens the door to torment. Jesus teaches that if we do not forgive others, we cannot receive forgiveness or answers from God. Offense is a bait of Satan, especially within the church, and it is often a test of our sonship and spiritual growth. The mature believer recognizes offense as an opportunity to grow, to exercise self-control, and to reflect Christ’s love even in the face of pain.

We must learn to see the church as family, to protect its privacy, and to handle hurts with grace and wisdom. Instead of spreading pain or division, we are called to be agents of healing and unity. Let us put away childish things, embrace our identity as God’s children, and walk in forgiveness, so that nothing hinders the flow of God’s blessings in our lives and in our church.

Key Takeaways

1. Offense is both a temptation and a test of spiritual maturity. When we are offended—whether by God or others—it reveals the state of our hearts and our understanding of God’s sovereignty. True maturity is not the absence of offense, but the ability to process it with humility, self-control, and faith, refusing to let it take root in our lives. [08:36]
2. The church is a spiritual family, not a social club. Our relationships with fellow believers are eternal, bound by the Spirit and the blood of Jesus. Recognizing this transforms how we handle conflict, disappointment, and hurt, calling us to treat one another with the same grace and patience we would extend to our own family members. [26:24]
3. There are stages of spiritual growth, from spiritual infants to mature sons and daughters. Immaturity is marked by entitlement, impulsiveness, and a tendency to be easily offended, while maturity is seen in responsibility, self-control, and the ability to forgive. God often uses difficult people and situations as “tutors and governors” to shape us into the likeness of Christ. [59:28]
4. Unforgiveness blocks the flow of God’s blessings and opens the door to spiritual torment. Jesus makes it clear that if we do not forgive others, we cannot receive forgiveness or answers to our prayers. Offense is a bait of Satan, and holding onto it is a form of pride that resists God’s grace and invites the enemy’s influence into our lives. [68:07]
5. True wisdom is the ability to abstain from foolishness and to recognize offense as a spiritual test. When we choose to forgive and bless those who hurt us, we align ourselves with the wisdom from above, which is pure, peaceable, and full of mercy. This posture not only brings healing to our own hearts but also strengthens the unity and witness of the church. [81:08]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[01:00] - The Importance of Healthy Relationships in Church
[04:24] - Sharing Testimonies and the Power of Faith
[08:36] - Offense Toward God: Lessons from John the Baptist
[14:27] - Understanding Offense as Temptation
[17:01] - The Seriousness of Causing Offense
[19:20] - The Family Nature of Church
[23:07] - God’s Original Plan: Family and Spiritual Heritage
[26:24] - Church as Family, Not a Social Gathering
[30:23] - Handling Hurt and Offense in the Church
[34:14] - Self-Examination and the Danger of Bitterness
[38:27] - Childishness vs. Childlikeness in Spiritual Growth
[41:54] - Four Types of Spiritual Children
[48:58] - Nepios: Signs of Spiritual Immaturity
[52:23] - The Call to Maturity and Forgiveness
[56:07] - The Path to Sonship: Tutors, Governors, and Offense
[59:28] - Jesus’ Example: Power in Restraint
[63:08] - Recognizing and Avoiding Foolishness
[66:18] - Faith, Prayer, and the Hindrance of Unforgiveness
[73:57] - The Demonic Nature of Unforgiveness
[79:58] - Offense, Pride, and the Loss of Grace
[87:16] - The Bait of Satan: Offense in Church and Family
[89:35] - The Pain of Numbness and the Call to Community
[93:11] - Practical Steps: Building Relationships in Church
[96:15] - Prayer for Healing and Grace
[97:24] - Blessing and Closing Announcements

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Acts 24:16 — "So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man."

2. Matthew 18:1-7, 21-35
(Jesus teaches about becoming like children, the seriousness of causing offense, and the parable of the unforgiving servant.)

3. Mark 11:22-25
(Jesus connects faith, prayer, and the necessity of forgiveness.)

Observation Questions

In Acts 24:16, what does Paul say he strives to do regarding his conscience, and who does he mention specifically?
According to Matthew 18:7, what does Jesus say about offenses and those who cause them? How do different translations help us understand the meaning of "offense"?
In the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35), what happens to the servant who refuses to forgive his fellow servant?
In Mark 11:25, what does Jesus say we must do when we stand praying, and what is the result if we do not do this?

Interpretation Questions

The sermon says that offense is both a temptation and a test of spiritual maturity. Why do you think God allows offense to happen in the church, and what does it reveal about us?
The pastor described the church as a spiritual family, not a social club. How does seeing other believers as siblings change the way we handle conflict or disappointment?
The sermon outlined different stages of spiritual growth, from spiritual infants to mature sons and daughters. What are some signs of spiritual immaturity, and why is it important to move toward maturity?
According to the sermon, what are the spiritual consequences of unforgiveness, both for our relationship with God and for our own well-being?

Application Questions

The pastor shared that it’s possible to be offended at God, especially when our expectations are unmet or when we see others receive miracles while we wait. Have you ever felt offended at God? How did you process those feelings, and what helped you move forward?
Think about a time when you were hurt or offended by someone in church. How did you respond? Looking back, would you handle it differently now after hearing this sermon?
The sermon says that the church is a family, and family is private. Are there ways you have spoken about church hurts publicly (e.g., social media, gossip) that may have caused more division? What would it look like to handle those hurts with grace and wisdom instead?
The pastor described spiritual immaturity as being easily offended, entitled, and quick to cut people off. Are there any of these tendencies you recognize in yourself? What is one step you can take this week to grow in maturity and self-control?
Jesus teaches that if we do not forgive others, we cannot receive forgiveness or answers to our prayers. Is there anyone you are struggling to forgive right now? What is one practical thing you can do this week to begin letting go of that offense?
The sermon challenged us to see offense as a test and an opportunity to grow. Can you identify a current or recent situation where you are being tested in this way? How can you respond differently to reflect Christ’s love?
The pastor encouraged us to build real relationships in church and not to isolate ourselves. What is one way you can intentionally connect with someone in the church family this week, especially someone you don’t know well or have had conflict with?

Sermon Clips

If you are going to have an authentic walk with God it is vertical and it's also horizontal. These topics are very essential and if we are going to have a very healthy church, we have to be on the same page. In religious parlance, being on the same page is becoming one. [00:00:00]

If you are offended in God, it doesn't mean you being offended in God will make God act. John still died. God didn't say because he was trained tantrum let me respond. He said see what I'm doing. [00:07:58]

A lot of Christians when they experience miracles they are surprised and that shows you that they don't pray in faith. Nobody operating in faith is surprised because faith means I have the substance of my hope belief. [00:00:00]

Believers are like cars that have engine problem. They are still moving but the engine is not good. They are pushing that thing because they are offended in God. [00:09:39]

If you have never prayed for someone, I know what I'm saying. I've prayed for people that have died before. There's nothing that can pain like that, nothing in this life. [00:10:36]

If you are trusting God for something and you want to be able to have whatsoever you say, the antidote to the powerful faith that can move a mountain is unforgiveness. [01:09:26]

An unforgiving person cannot receive anything from heaven. I will show you, I will prove it to you that if you are an unforgiving person you cannot receive anything from God. [01:09:55]

If somebody offends you, the easiest way to quickly let it go is remember that you too you also offended God and God has set you free. God said if you don't release them from that offense you are also what you may. [01:12:35]

If you get this thing I'm saying here your marriage will change you because many people think they are entitled to being angry. That means that money thing can lead you to hell. [01:13:25]

If you are in offense, devil will come for you. And if you're not submitted, if you don't let go, you're not submitted to God. You won't be able to resist the devil, and he won't flee from you. [01:21:56]

If you are not forgiving somebody you are not in that position so you cannot receive. I'm telling you that this might be the reason why answers are not being... you see let me tell you something I want to make it practical. [01:25:30]

If you are busy, you are very close to a breakthrough or you have to watch the progression. If you are very close to a breakthrough something is about to happen to you, you will notice... the bait of satan is offense. [01:26:43]

Offense in the place of work is even okay because you can leave that job and find another one but when the devil plans your offense in church can you find another God? Don't do it, don't do it. See it as a temptation and don't fall for it. [01:27:58]

If you don't know how to feel pain you'll be causing pain. People that numb themselves from pain—“you have offended me before and for that reason I will never open my heart again”—you are causing pain in the body of Christ. [00:00:00]

If church is just a social gathering, we just go there, we wear fine clothes, where is the happening place, nice music, that's not what we are talking about. You are coming to family. [00:27:05]

Church people are people that have acknowledged that they need a savior. They are not perfect people, they are imperfect people that have acknowledged that they are not perfect and they have come to Jesus for perfection. [00:27:56]

If you are someone that keeps malice you are not matured. Two people are in church in the same unit, they don't talk to each other but they talk to God. If they talk to God and you are comfortable to pray, these are the things that we have seen in church. [00:00:00]

If you are an intercessor you understand what I'm saying. Just decide that there is a way my father is behaving, I want to take him as a prayer project, he will say something that you want to stop praying for him. He's the bait of satan, answer is coming. [01:26:15]

If you have been in this church at least three months, you should know at least ten people's names. At least. And by the way, if you are single, we're having singles meeting on Saturday. I'm ready for you people. So the title of the team is Real Talk with PD. [01:34:08]