Words of Life: Cultivating Love in Marriage

Today is a gift from God, and being truly present in it allows us to hear His voice and follow Him more closely. In Ephesians 5, we see a profound call for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church, and for wives to respect their husbands. This dynamic is not just about roles, but about the deep mystery of marriage reflecting Christ and the church. Using the metaphor of a garden, marriage is seen as something that requires intentional cultivation—agape love as the sun, the soil changed by the fall, the unique plants of men and women, and the words we speak as water that either nourishes or destroys.

Words have immense power in marriage. Just as husbands are called to water their wives with grace-filled words, wives also water their husbands with their speech. The story of David and Michal in 2 Samuel 6 illustrates how a wife’s good intentions can be undermined by poor execution—Michal’s words, though motivated by a desire for David’s good, were laced with disrespect and comparison, leading to broken intimacy and a fractured relationship. This story is a warning: the way concerns are voiced can either build up or tear down.

Men, though often self-assured, carry deep insecurities, especially in the face of life’s limitations and the curse of the fall. The words of a wife are the tipping point—she can crown her husband as a king or become like cancer in his bones. No other person has this unique power. The difference between blessing and cursing in marriage often comes down to the heart behind the words. A transformed heart, filled with grace, naturally speaks life and encouragement.

Practical wisdom for wives includes focusing on the future rather than dredging up the past, using words that are sweet rather than bitter, and choosing to bless rather than curse. The example of a wife who graciously calls her husband to his best, privately and lovingly, shows the power of words to inspire and heal. Ultimately, techniques are secondary to a heart renovated by God’s Spirit. Out of such a heart, words of life flow, and marriages are strengthened.

Key Takeaways

• 1. The Power of Presence and Words Being present in the moment is a spiritual discipline that opens us to God’s voice and to each other. In marriage, the words we speak are like water to a garden—they can either nourish or poison. Both husbands and wives must recognize the daily opportunity to speak life, knowing that the fruit of our words will be tasted in our relationships. [40:01]
• 2. The Danger of Good Goals with Poor Execution Michal’s story with David shows that even the best intentions can be sabotaged by the wrong approach. Addressing issues with sarcasm, comparison, or public shaming leads to defensiveness and broken intimacy. True help and nurture require humility, timing, and respect, especially when confronting a spouse’s shortcomings. [49:51]
• 3. The Unique Influence of a Wife’s Words A wife’s words have a singular power to either crown her husband as a king or become like rottenness in his bones. No other relationship carries this weight. When a wife chooses to honor and bless her husband, she calls out his best; when she shames or disrespects, she wounds him deeply, often reopening old insecurities and comparisons. [62:02]
• 4. The Importance of a Transformed Heart Over Techniques While practical advice is helpful, lasting change in marriage comes from a heart transformed by God’s grace. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks; therefore, cultivating a heart full of forgiveness, grace, and forward-looking hope is essential. Techniques will fail in moments of crisis, but a renewed heart will naturally produce life-giving words. [69:23]
• 5. Blessing, Not Cursing: The Path to Marital Health Choosing to bless rather than curse—both in words and in thoughts—creates an atmosphere where intimacy and growth can flourish. This means letting go of the past, avoiding harsh generalizations, and intentionally speaking God’s blessing over one’s spouse. As we draw from the well of God’s grace, we become conduits of that grace, building up rather than tearing down. [73:33]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [40:01] - Opening Prayer: Being Present
• [41:03] - Ephesians 5: The Call to Husbands and Wives
• [43:14] - The Marriage Garden Metaphor
• [43:56] - The Power of Words in Marriage
• [44:52] - Wives as Nurturers: The Gift and the Challenge
• [46:38] - Michal and David: A Case Study in Communication
• [48:55] - David’s Passion and Michal’s Response
• [51:25] - Sarcasm, Comparison, and Broken Intimacy
• [54:28] - The Consequences of Disrespect
• [58:13] - Men’s Insecurity and the Tipping Point
• [62:02] - The Unique Power of a Wife’s Words
• [66:24] - A Story of Gracious Encouragement
• [69:23] - Heart Transformation vs. Techniques
• [70:22] - Three Practical Wisdoms for Wives
• [73:33] - Blessing, Not Cursing
• [75:44] - The Well of Grace and Communion
• [85:31] - Baptism and Closing Blessing

Bible Reading

Ephesians 5:25–33 (ESV) — 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Proverbs 18:21 (ESV) — Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

2 Samuel 6:20–23 (ESV) — 20 And David returned to bless his household. But Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, “How the king of Israel honored himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants’ female servants, as one of the vulgar fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!”
21 And David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me above your father and above all his house, to appoint me as prince over Israel, the people of the Lord—and I will celebrate before the Lord.
22 I will make myself yet more contemptible than this, and I will be abased in your eyes. But by the female servants of whom you have spoken, by them I shall be held in honor.”
23 And Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death.

Observation Questions

1. According to Ephesians 5, what is the relationship between the way a husband loves his wife and the way Christ loves the church?
2. In Proverbs 18:21, what does the writer say about the power of the tongue and its effect on our lives and relationships?
3. In the story of David and Michal (2 Samuel 6), what was Michal’s concern, and how did she express it to David? What was the result of her words? ([49:51])
4. In the sermon, what metaphor is used to describe marriage, and what do the different elements (sun, soil, plants, water) represent? ([43:14])

Interpretation Questions

1. Why do you think Paul compares the love of a husband for his wife to Christ’s love for the church? What does this say about the depth and nature of marital love?
2. The sermon says that words in marriage are like water to a garden. How can words “nourish” or “poison” a marriage? ([43:56])
3. In the story of Michal and David, Michal had a good goal but poor execution. What does this teach about the importance of how we communicate concerns in marriage? ([49:51])
4. The pastor said that a wife’s words can “crown her husband as a king or be like cancer in his bones.” Why do you think a wife’s words have such unique power in a marriage? ([01:02:02])

Application Questions

1. The sermon emphasized being present in the moment as a spiritual discipline. What are some distractions that keep you from being truly present with your spouse or family? What is one step you can take this week to be more present? ([40:01])
2. Think about the words you most often use with your spouse (or close family/friends). Are they more often “honey” or “vinegar”? Can you recall a recent time when your words either built up or tore down? What would you do differently next time? ([01:12:39])
3. The story of Michal and David shows how bringing up the past can damage intimacy. Is there a past hurt or comparison you tend to bring up in your marriage or relationships? What would it look like to “look through the windshield” instead of the rearview mirror? ([01:10:22])
4. The pastor shared a story where his wife graciously called him to his best in private. When was the last time you encouraged your spouse or a close friend in a way that called out their best? How did it affect them? ([01:07:42])
5. The sermon said that techniques are secondary to a heart transformed by God’s Spirit. Are you more focused on “fixing” your marriage with techniques, or on letting God change your heart? What is one way you can invite God to renovate your heart this week? ([01:09:23])
6. Proverbs 18:21 says we will “eat the fruit” of our words. What kind of “fruit” are you tasting in your marriage or close relationships right now? If it’s not good, what is one practical change you can make in your speech this week? ([44:17])
7. The sermon challenged us to “bless, not curse” our spouse, even in our thoughts. What is one specific way you can intentionally bless your spouse or a close friend this week, both in your words and in your prayers? ([01:13:33])