A Wife’s Submission as Love for the Lord

Paul grounds the Christian wife’s calling in Ephesians 5:22 to 33, where submission is not suppression, silence, or the loss of gifts. Submission means voluntarily arranging under a husband’s leadership and exercising God-given gifts for his good. The fall distorts this design in two directions: husbands tend toward domineering authority, while wives tend toward opposing leadership. Paul calls both away from those patterns, with husbands laying down their lives in sacrificial love and wives loving through respectful, active submission.

Jesus stands at the center of this calling. Wives submit “as to the Lord,” not because a husband is always worthy, easy to love, or anything close to Christ himself. Christ alone is perfect, blameless, Savior, and Lord. Submission to a husband becomes an expression of love and obedience to Jesus, who submitted himself to the Father’s will even unto death. His submission was not weakness. His submission was costly, willing, and full of love for those he came to save.

The contrast between submission and suppression matters deeply. Suppression holds back thought, action, emotion, and ability. Biblical submission puts gifts to work for the good of another. The church does not honor Christ by burying the gifts he has given; the church honors Christ by using them for his glory. A wife likewise comes alongside her husband, bringing wisdom, strength, respect, love, and the particular abilities God has given her to help him grow and flourish.

Proverbs 31 gives a broad picture of this kind of flourishing. The excellent wife works hard, makes money, cares for the poor, speaks wisdom, looks to the future without fear, and strengthens her household. Her faithfulness is not a one-size-fits-all mold. God’s providence gives different women different gifts, strengths, homes, and husbands. Comparison, especially the kind fed by Instagram’s curated fifteen seconds, distorts reality and robs both wife and husband of the particular ways God has wired her to love.

Jesus also meets every wife in the places where this calling feels impossible. Christ’s love does not rise and fall with success, failure, inadequacy, or comparison. His submission unto death secures a lasting identity: loved, cherished, valued, holy, blameless, and without spot or wrinkle before the Father. His grace becomes the well from which faithful love can be given.

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Key Takeaways

• 1. Submission is not suppression Submission does not mean a wife becomes passive, voiceless, or unable to act. Suppression buries gifts, while biblical submission puts those gifts to work for another’s good. God’s design calls for active strength, wisdom, and love, not the erasure of a woman’s personhood. [40:52]
• 2. Jesus is the deepest motivation A husband’s failures do not become the final measure of whether love can be given. Jesus’ worthiness gives a deeper reason for faithfulness, because submission is ultimately rendered unto him. Christ’s willing submission to death supplies grace for costly love in hard moments. [46:53]
• 3. Respect strengthens a marriage Respect is more than avoiding rude words or public mockery. It is a posture that recognizes a husband’s dignity and seeks his good, even while addressing real weakness and difficulty. A husband’s sacrificial love and a wife’s respectful love form a countercultural witness to Christ’s work. [49:46]
• 4. Gifts are meant for building up God gives particular abilities so that they can serve particular people in particular places. Proverbs 31 shows a woman using wisdom in the home, marketplace, future, and care for the poor. Submission therefore asks how each wife can use her own gifts to help her husband and family flourish. [58:53]
• 5. Comparison obscures God’s providence Comparison fixes attention on how God has equipped someone else for someone else’s life. Instagram images cannot reveal the whole truth of another marriage, home, or heart. Christ gives a secure identity that frees a wife to receive and use the gifts God has actually given her. [1:01:16]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [33:08] - The Christ-Centered Family
• [35:11] - Reading Ephesians 5:22-33
• [38:06] - The Beauty and Abuse of This Passage
• [40:13] - Submission Versus Suppression
• [41:32] - Marriage and the Effects of the Fall
• [43:22] - Submission Unto the Lord
• [45:28] - Christ as the Motivation for Love
• [48:31] - Respecting a Husband
• [50:53] - A Wife’s Witness to Christ
• [54:40] - Submission Through God-Given Gifts
• [58:53] - The Excellent Wife of Proverbs 31
• [1:00:57] - Escaping the Trap of Comparison
• [1:03:59] - Identity Rooted in Jesus
• [1:05:12] - Resting in Christ’s Love

Bible Reading

Ephesians 5:22-33
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” [35:11]

Proverbs 31:10-31
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” [58:53]

1 Peter 3:1-2
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” [51:33]

Observation questions

1. In Ephesians 5:22–33, what instructions are given to wives, and what corresponding instructions are given to husbands?
2. What contrasts are drawn between submission and suppression, particularly in the use of a wife’s thoughts, emotions, actions, and gifts? [40:52]
3. What qualities and activities of the excellent wife stand out in Proverbs 31:10–31? [58:53]
4. In 1 Peter 3:1–2, what might an unbelieving husband observe in the conduct of his wife?

Interpretation questions

1. What does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband “as to the Lord,” while recognizing that Christ is perfect Savior and a husband is not? [44:44]
2. Why is it important to understand biblical submission as actively using God-given gifts for another’s good rather than becoming passive or silent? [56:30]
3. How do the sacrificial love commanded of husbands and the respectful love commanded of wives work together to display Christ’s relationship with the church? [50:03]
4. How does the example of Proverbs 31 challenge a narrow, one-size-fits-all picture of what a faithful wife’s life should look like? [01:00:16]

Application questions

1. For those who are married, what are some specific ways a wife’s wisdom, strength, work, encouragement, or care can build up her husband and household without burying her own gifts? [57:18]
2. For those who are husbands, where might there be a temptation to use leadership for personal comfort, control, or self-interest rather than to sacrificially serve and nourish a wife? [42:18]
3. What kinds of words, jokes, complaints, or public comments can slowly communicate disrespect in a marriage? What would respectful speech look like when real frustrations still need to be addressed? [49:46]
4. Where has comparison—through social media, friends, family expectations, or personal insecurity—made it difficult to receive the particular gifts and circumstances God has given? What could help redirect attention from someone else’s life to faithful love in one’s own life? [01:01:26]
5. When marriage, singleness, failure, or inadequacy brings discouragement, how does Christ’s love provide a more secure identity than success or the approval of others? [01:03:59]
6. This passage must never be used to require someone to endure abuse or participate in sin. How can the group help create a culture where people can speak honestly, seek wise help, and be protected when a relationship is unsafe? [54:10]