Why God Doesn’t Always Give You What You Ask For

Living as part of God’s kingdom means learning to engage with others—especially in conflict—with humility, discernment, and love. Jesus teaches that before we address the faults of others, we must first examine our own hearts, removing the “plank” from our own eyes so we can see clearly and act with grace. When it comes to sharing the gospel or offering correction, discernment and vulnerability are essential, recognizing that not everyone is ready to receive what we have to share. The tension and complexity of relationships often leave us wondering how to proceed, but Jesus points us to prayer as the answer.

Prayer is not a transactional act where we present our wish list to God, expecting Him to fulfill our desires like a genie. Instead, prayer is an invitation to relationship—a deepening trust in the One who is always with us. Jesus’ words, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you,” are not formulas for getting what we want, but invitations to dependence, pursuit, and persistence in relationship with God. God’s desire is not just to give us things, but to align our hearts with His, forming us into people who reflect His character and love.

God’s goodness far surpasses even the best intentions of earthly parents. If we, in our imperfection, know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more will our heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask? Yet, these “good gifts” are not always what we expect or desire in the moment. God’s perspective is infinitely greater than ours, and His gifts are often better than what we could imagine, even if they come in unexpected ways or timing.

True prayer is marked by both full expectation and full submission—expecting God to move powerfully, while also surrendering to His perfect will and wisdom. This posture transforms our desires, aligns our hearts with God’s, and equips us to love others well, even in difficult situations. As we spend time with God, we become more like Him, learning His rhythms and reflecting His heart in our relationships and decisions. Even when prayers seem unanswered, God is at work, orchestrating a bigger story for our good and His kingdom.

Key Takeaways

• 1. Self-Examination Precedes Correction: Before addressing the faults or sins of others, it is essential to examine our own hearts. Jesus calls us to remove the “plank” from our own eyes first, cultivating humility and self-awareness so that our engagement with others is marked by grace rather than condemnation. This inward work is foundational to healthy, Christlike relationships. [06:36]
• 2. Prayer Is Relational, Not Transactional: Prayer is not about manipulating God to fulfill our desires, but about deepening our relationship with Him. When prayer becomes transactional, disappointment and doubt can set in. True prayer is rooted in trust, seeking God’s presence and aligning our hearts with His, rather than simply seeking answers or solutions. [11:56]
• 3. God’s Goodness Surpasses Our Understanding: God’s gifts are always good, even when they differ from our expectations. Like a loving parent, God knows what we truly need and gives out of His infinite wisdom and love. Trusting in His goodness means believing that His answers—whether yes, no, or wait—are always for our ultimate good and growth. [18:32]
• 4. Full Expectation and Full Submission in Prayer: The healthiest posture in prayer is to approach God with both full expectation that He will act and full submission to His will. This tension allows us to pray boldly for our needs and desires, while also surrendering to God’s greater wisdom and timing, trusting that He sees the bigger picture we cannot. [21:07]
• 5. Prayer Aligns Us with God’s Heart and Mission: As we persist in prayer, our desires and actions become more aligned with God’s heart. This alignment empowers us to love others well, navigate conflict with wisdom, and participate in God’s kingdom work. Even when outcomes are not what we hoped, God uses our prayers to shape us and advance His purposes in ways we may not immediately see. [25:16]
  ** [25:16]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [05:50] - Engaging Others in Conflict
• [06:36] - Self-Examination Before Correction
• [06:55] - Discernment in Sharing the Gospel
• [08:05] - The Tension of Relationships
• [08:54] - The Invitation to Prayer
• [10:00] - Ask, Seek, Knock: Dependence, Pursuit, Persistence
• [11:56] - The Problem with Transactional Prayer
• [13:16] - God’s Desire for Relationship
• [15:18] - God’s Goodness as a Loving Father
• [18:32] - What Are “Good Gifts”?
• [21:07] - Expectation and Submission in Prayer
• [24:32] - Prayer Forms and Aligns Us
• [25:16] - Prayer and Loving Others Well
• [27:04] - Wrestling with Unanswered Prayer
• [29:15] - A Testimony of God’s Provision
• [32:28] - Passion for God’s Presence
• [33:31] - Praying with Expectation and Surrender
• [34:34] - Closing Prayer

Bible Reading

Matthew 7:1-11 (ESV) —
> 1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. 6 “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you. 7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

Observation Questions

1. According to Jesus, what must we do before we try to correct someone else’s faults? ([06:36])
2. What three actions does Jesus invite us to take in prayer, and what do they each represent? ([09:13])
3. How does Jesus compare earthly parents to our heavenly Father when it comes to giving good gifts? ([15:18])
4. What does Jesus warn about sharing “what is holy” or “pearls” with others? ([06:55])

Interpretation Questions

1. Why do you think Jesus insists on self-examination before addressing someone else’s sin or mistake? How might this change the way we approach conflict? ([06:36])
2. The sermon says prayer is “relational, not transactional.” What does it look like to pray relationally instead of just asking for things? ([11:56])
3. Jesus says God gives “good gifts” to those who ask, but sometimes those gifts are not what we expect. How can we trust God’s goodness when our prayers seem unanswered or the answer is different than what we wanted? ([18:32])
4. The sermon talks about praying with “full expectation and full submission.” Why is it important to hold both together, and what happens if we only have one or the other? ([21:07])

Application Questions

1. Think of a recent conflict or disagreement you’ve had. Did you take time to examine your own heart before addressing the other person? What would it look like to “remove the plank from your own eye” in that situation? ([06:36])
2. When you pray, do you find yourself treating God more like a genie (just asking for things) or like a loving Father who wants a relationship? What is one way you could shift your prayer life to be more relational this week? ([11:56])
3. Is there someone in your life who you feel called to share your faith with, but you’re not sure if they’re ready? How could you practice discernment and vulnerability in that relationship? ([06:55])
4. Can you recall a time when God answered your prayer in a way you didn’t expect, or even said “no” or “wait”? How did that experience shape your trust in God’s goodness? ([18:32])
5. The sermon says that as we spend time with God, our desires become more aligned with His. Is there a specific area of your life where you sense your desires are changing as you pray? ([25:16])
6. What is one practical step you can take this week to pray with both full expectation (believing God can act) and full submission (trusting His will and timing)? ([21:07])
7. Are there any “unanswered prayers” in your life that you’re struggling with right now? How can your small group support you in trusting God’s bigger story in those situations? ([27:04])