What Kind of Man Are You? Father's Day | The Testimony of a Life | Pastor Keith Wells | June 21,2026

Third John turns a Father's Day word into a question of legacy. John honors the desire to be a man whose life matters, whose children can say, “that’s my dad,” but John also asks what kind of testimony is actually being built. John sets two men beside each other, Diotrephes and Demetrius, and puts one command between them: “follow not that which is evil, but that which is good.”

Diotrephes leaves a bitter legacy because he “loveth to have the preeminence.” John does not call him a heretic. Diotrephes is not shown denying Christ’s incarnation or twisting doctrine. Diotrephes simply wants to be above the people he is supposed to serve. Preeminence becomes a hunger to be the center, to have everybody else below him and knowing it.

This hunger produces a clear progression. His words become malicious, tearing others down so he can feel lifted up. His refusal to receive the brethren becomes control over others, forbidding them from doing what is right. His control finally becomes exclusion, casting people out because they will not orbit around him. His kingdom is being built, but it is not the Lord’s kingdom.

John’s warning reaches into homes, churches, workplaces, ministries, and families. Pride rarely announces itself as pride. Pride gives reasons, explains processes, claims higher standards, and says somebody had to take charge. The love of preeminence shows up when a father cannot apologize, when honesty gets punished, when family members walk on eggshells, and when a child learns that everything is about dad. A self-centered life puts the wrong person on the throne.

Verse 11 becomes the turn in the road. John says not just to imitate good, but to follow it. Follow is a path word. Evil is not merely one bad act, and goodness is not the cause of salvation. Goodness is fruit, evidence that the life is connected to God. If the fruit is missing, the cure is not trying harder. The cure is a new heart, being born again through Jesus Christ.

Demetrius shows the other road. John says he has a good report from all men, from the truth itself, and from John’s own record. Demetrius does not curate a personal brand. His life lines up with the truth. His report is not written by himself, but by the people who know him, by the gospel he lives under, and by the witness willing to go on record for him. The life that follows good builds a testimony that can outlast the man.

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Key Takeaways

• 1. Preeminence builds a bitter legacy The love of preeminence is more than wanting to be first. It is wanting others to stay lower, especially the people meant to be served and loved. Pride can dress itself up as leadership, high standards, or necessary control, but the people living in that orbit usually know the truth. [42:28]
• 2. Pride rarely names itself honestly Diotrephes likely had reasons for every choice, and that is what makes pride so dangerous. A proud heart can explain itself while still wounding others, controlling rooms, and silencing truth. The road toward Diotrephes is often paved with self-justification, not open rebellion. [47:31]
• 3. Following good is a chosen path John’s word “follow” points to direction, not surface imitation. A life is always headed somewhere, and repeated choices slowly carve a road that others may begin to follow. Goodness is not a performance to impress God, but fruit that shows connection to Him. [52:37]
• 4. Humility must be practiced aloud The ability to say “I was wrong” without excuses is not weakness in a home or in leadership. Humility becomes strong through small moments before it is needed in large ones. A family does not lose respect when truth is owned plainly, but it may begin to breathe again. [61:50]
• 5. A good report cannot be curated Demetrius did not write his own testimony. Other people, the truth itself, and John’s own witness bore record of the man he had become. A life aligned with the truth does not need a filter, because the report comes from what is lived when image cannot protect anything.
  
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Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [37:50] - Were It Not For Grace
• [38:10] - Honoring Fathers Who Show Up
• [40:16] - Diotrephes And Demetrius
• [41:12] - The Man Who Loves Preeminence
• [44:18] - Malicious Words And Control
• [46:09] - The Diminishing Leader
• [48:48] - Preeminence In The Home
• [51:47] - Follow What Is Good
• [55:12] - Goodness As Fruit, Not Cause
• [57:14] - Children Follow What They See
• [61:04] - Practical Steps Against Pride
• [64:34] - Demetrius And A Good Report
• [68:43] - Who Are You Becoming?
• [72:23] - Choose The Testimony Of Goodness

Bible Reading

3 John 1:9-12
“I wrote unto the church: but Diotrephes, who loveth to have the preeminence among them, receiveth us not. Wherefore, if I come, I will remember his deeds which he doeth, prating against us with malicious words: and not content therewith, neither doth he himself receive the brethren, and forbiddeth them that would, and casteth them out of the church. Beloved, follow not that which is evil, but that which is good. He that doeth good is of God: but he that doeth evil hath not seen God. Demetrius hath good report of all men, and of the truth itself: yea, and we also bear record; and ye know that our record is true.” [41:07]

Matthew 7:16-20
“Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” [54:52]

John 3:3
“Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” [56:03]

Observation questions

1. In 3 John 1:9-10, what specific actions show that Diotrephes loved “the preeminence,” and how do those actions build on each other? [44:18]
2. In 3 John 1:11, what command stands between the example of Diotrephes and the example of Demetrius, and what two paths are set before the reader? [51:57]
3. According to Matthew 7:16-20, what does Jesus say fruit reveals about a tree, and how does that help explain the difference between outward image and real character?
4. In 3 John 1:12, what three witnesses are given for Demetrius’s good report? [01:05:43]

Interpretation questions

1. Diotrephes is not described as a false teacher here, but as a man who wanted to be above others. What does that suggest about how deeply pride can damage a church or a home even when a person sounds religious? [43:42]
2. John says, “follow not that which is evil, but that which is good.” How is “follow” stronger than merely copying behavior, and why does that matter when thinking about the direction a life is taking? [52:46]
3. “He that doeth good is of God” is not pointing to earning salvation, but to fruit. How does that protect a group from confusing moral effort with new life in Christ? [55:17]
4. Demetrius had a good report from people, from the truth itself, and from John’s own witness. What does that say about the kind of testimony that cannot be manufactured or managed by image alone? [01:08:26]

Application questions

1. Where does the desire for preeminence show up most easily right now—in the home, at work, in church, or in private conversations? What usually reveals it: needing the last word, resisting correction, controlling decisions, or something else? [48:37]
2. When was the last time there was a simple chance to say, “I was wrong” without defending or explaining it away? What made that hard, and what might change if that became a normal part of life? [01:02:12]
3. Are there people close by who feel like they have to walk on eggshells, hide honesty, or protect themselves from reactions? If so, what might that be revealing about the atmosphere being created? [49:10]
4. Children and other close observers tend to follow what they see repeated. If someone in the family copied the tone, habits, and reactions of this week, what would they learn about handling conflict, pressure, and disappointment? [57:14]
5. A secure person in Christ does not need to be the most important person in the room. Where would it help to celebrate someone else’s success without turning attention back to self? [01:03:21]
6. If the fruit has been mostly bent inward toward self, control, or image, is the need mainly better effort, or is there a need for a new heart through Christ? How can a person tell the difference? [56:03]
7. A good report is written by what is lived, not by what is projected. If the people closest to you were asked for your report today, what would they likely say, and what kind of report do you hope is being built over time? [01:08:43]