Unlocking the Power of Secrets for Growth

The ability to have a secret is fundamental to personhood. It's actually the first movement in person. Tournier writes about this in his book "Meaning of Persons." He's got a whole other book that's just called "Secrets" because he made this remarkable discovery when he would be with people, that if he honored them, respected them, gave them distance, did not pry, he became a safe person and they revealed their secrets to him, and there was great power in these encounters. [00:01:20]

A children's secrets must be respected. Something vitally important is at stake, nothing less than the formation of his person. Too often parents have no idea of the importance of secrets. They think they have a right to know all about their child even when he becomes an adolescent or even an adult. This is denying his status as a person. It is keeping him in a childish state of dependence on his parents. [00:02:08]

If I respect a child's secret, I am respecting his or her person, their autonomy as regards their self, their right to tell me what they like and to hide from me what they like. When he surrenders his secret to me, it means he has just as freely chosen me as his confidant, and that by his free choice he is affirming his status as a person. [00:04:15]

Secrets that are secrets of hiddenness and shame can actually become the ones that are very toxic. Tournier writes about this in his book about secrets because he found people shared their secrets with him because they needed to so desperately. There are the wrongs that a person has never been able to free herself from, in spite of the most sincere resolutions, in which she continues to do. [00:05:49]

When we confess, we are unburdening ourselves of a secret that has weighed us down. How do you get wise about what secret to keep and what to reveal? Well, Jesus actually talks about this. The Bible talks about this. On the one hand, Jesus says if you're gonna do something good, like if you're gonna be generous and give, don't announce it with trumpets the way that the hypocrites do. [00:07:07]

If you're going to do a good thing but you're tempted to let other people know about it so that would just turn into an exercise in image management, keep it a secret. On the other hand, when there is shame and guilt that gnaws away at you and you feel like you're the only one in the world that must be guilty of this, and God could never love somebody like you, then the word comes to us from the book of James, chapter five: confess your sins one to another and pray for each other that you might be healed. [00:07:58]

I do something good and Jesus says now if you keep that a secret, you can get free on the inside from your need for people's approval. But I scream to let everybody know about it. I do something bad and will be alone in my crippling guilt and shame and self-condemnation. And there the New Testament says no, come into the light and tell. I keep secret what I ought to tell, and I tell what I ought to keep secret. [00:08:56]

The idea for today is do something really good and keep it a secret, and think of something you've done that's bad and tell another person about it. Confess to another person, somebody that you know and trust. Bring it into the light, and then as we do this, as we become experts in the art of secret management, we are liberated both from our need for other people's approval as well as the shame and guilt that comes in our hiddenness. [00:09:59]

Paul Tournier's journey illustrates the transformative power of secrets. His relationship with his teacher, who found faith through Tournier's writings, highlights the impact of sharing our journeys with others. Choosing wisely which secrets to keep and which to share is essential for personal growth and spiritual well-being. This practice enhances our individuality and deepens our spiritual journey. [00:11:18]

You are a person. You are a carrier of secrets. To choose really wisely what secrets you will tell and what secrets you will keep today is essential for the flourishing of your life. Today, do something really good and keep it a secret. Today, remember something dark that burdens you and find a trustworthy person and tell them about it, and we will be free. [00:12:08]

The art of secret management involves discerning which secrets to keep and which to reveal. By doing something good and keeping it a secret, we cultivate inner freedom. Conversely, by confessing our burdensome secrets to a trusted person, we find healing and liberation. This practice not only enhances our personal growth but also deepens our spiritual journey. [00:09:00]

Paul Tournier's story exemplifies the transformative power of secrets. His relationship with his teacher, who eventually found faith through Tournier's writings, underscores the profound impact of sharing our journeys with others. As we navigate the complexities of secret management, we are reminded of our unique personhood and the importance of choosing wisely which secrets to keep and which to share. [00:11:18]