Unity Through Understanding: Navigating Conflict in Community

Devotional

Day 1: Unity Rooted in Shared Devotion to God

When conflict arises, it is easy to forget the foundation that binds a community together. The tribes of Israel, despite their differences and past struggles, began their reconciliation by affirming their shared allegiance to God. This act of declaring loyalty to a common covenant family shifts the focus from division to connection. It reminds us that unity is not merely a theological concept but a practical starting point for restoring relationships. When you face disagreements, pause and remember what unites you with others in faith and purpose. This shared devotion can transform conflict into an opportunity for restoration rather than rivalry. [14:48]

“Now therefore give me this mountain, of which the Lord spoke in that day, for you heard in that day how the Anakim were there, and that the cities were great and fortified. If so, then drive them out from before me. And if I am driven out, then you shall drive me out; but if I take the land, then you shall help me. Just as the Lord said to your servants, so we will do.” (Joshua 22:13-14)

Reflection: Who in your faith community do you find it hardest to relate to, and how can you intentionally remind yourself of the shared commitment you have in God before addressing your differences with them today?

Day 2: Humility as the Gateway to Honest Conversation

True dialogue begins when pride is set aside and humility takes its place. The tribes’ willingness to admit, “I might be wrong,” disarmed suspicion and opened the door to meaningful communication. Humility is not a sign of weakness but a courageous choice to prioritize truth and relationship over personal pride. When you approach others with a readiness to listen and learn, you create space for God’s work of reconciliation. This posture invites healing and growth, even in the most tense situations. Consider how humility can soften your heart and the hearts of those around you in moments of conflict. [16:05]

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)

Reflection: In what recent conflict have you found it difficult to admit you might be wrong, and what is one humble step you can take today to open the door for honest dialogue?

Day 3: Speaking from the Heart with “I” Messages

Communication can either build bridges or walls. The tribes’ shift from accusatory “you” statements to vulnerable “I” messages changed the tone of the conversation. Instead of blaming, they expressed confusion and a desire to understand, which invited openness rather than defensiveness. This simple change in language can transform tense encounters into opportunities for connection. When you find yourself tempted to accuse or blame, try expressing your feelings and needs from your own perspective. This approach fosters empathy and invites others into a conversation rather than a confrontation. [19:03]

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)

Reflection: Think about a recent disagreement—how might you reframe your words using “I” messages to express your feelings and invite understanding rather than defensiveness?

Day 4: Clarifying Intentions to Bridge Misunderstandings

Much of the pain in conflict comes from misreading others’ motives and assuming the worst. The two and a half tribes took time to explain their true intentions: protecting the faith of future generations. When motives are clarified, suspicion gives way to compassion and judgment softens into understanding. Taking the time to explain your heart and listen to others’ reasons can prevent unnecessary division. Reflect on how you communicate your intentions in difficult conversations and how you can invite others to share theirs openly. This clarity is a vital step toward reconciliation. [21:15]

“Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand.” (Philippians 4:5)

Reflection: Is there a recent conflict where you assumed the worst about someone’s motives? How can you seek to clarify intentions with them in a way that fosters understanding and peace?

Day 5: Prioritizing Understanding Over Agreement for Lasting Peace

The ultimate goal in conflict is not to win or prove oneself right but to reach mutual understanding. The tribes modeled this by seeking clarity before demanding agreement, allowing a resolution that honored both truth and relationship. Lasting peace is built on the hard work of listening, clarifying, and pursuing the good of all, rather than forcing consensus. When you face disagreement, focus first on understanding the other’s perspective fully before expecting them to agree with you. This patient approach nurtures unity and reflects God’s heart for His people. [26:29]

“Be at peace among yourselves. And build up one another, just as you are doing.” (2 Thessalonians 3:13)

Reflection: What is one step you can take today to listen more deeply and seek understanding in a current conflict, even if you do not yet agree with the other person?

Sermon Summary

Summary

Gathered at the threshold of a new chapter, the tribes of Israel stood on the edge of promise and fulfillment. After years of wandering, God had brought them home, and the unity forged in shared struggle was palpable. Yet, as the two and a half tribes prepared to settle east of the Jordan, a single act—the building of an altar—threatened to unravel that unity. What began as a gesture to remember God’s faithfulness was quickly misunderstood, nearly sparking a civil war among God’s people. This moment in Joshua 22 is a profound study in the fragility of community and the power of communication.

The initial reaction of the nine and a half tribes was swift and severe, fueled by suspicion and past grievances. Their readiness to assume the worst, to accuse and prepare for conflict, reveals how easily old wounds and assumptions can cloud judgment. Yet, in the midst of this tension, a voice of reason suggested investigation before action—a reminder that understanding must precede judgment.

The response of the two and a half tribes is instructive. Rather than reacting defensively, they began by affirming their shared allegiance to God, establishing common ground. They expressed humility, acknowledging the possibility of misunderstanding and inviting correction if they were in the wrong. Their communication shifted from accusatory “you” messages to vulnerable “I” messages, opening the door to honest dialogue. They explained their motives, revealing a deep concern for the faith of future generations, and clarified that the altar was not for rebellion but as a witness to their unity in worship.

This encounter offers enduring principles for managing conflict: seek common ground, approach with humility, clarify intentions, and pursue understanding before demanding agreement. The goal is not to win at another’s expense, but to preserve unity and bear witness to God’s glory together. Even cultural differences in expressing forgiveness and reconciliation must be navigated with empathy and openness, recognizing that true change is often shown more in actions than words.

In every community—family, church, or nation—the temptation to assume the worst and rush to judgment is ever-present. But God calls His people to a higher way: to listen, to seek understanding, and to labor for peace that reflects His heart. The altar by the Jordan stands as a witness, not just to ancient Israel, but to all who would choose unity over division, and reconciliation over conflict.

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Key Takeaways

1. Shared Allegiance to God Forms the Foundation for Reconciliation When conflict arises, the first step is to remember what unites us. The two and a half tribes began by declaring their loyalty to God, reminding everyone that they were all part of the same covenant family. This common ground is essential; without it, every disagreement becomes a battle for supremacy rather than an opportunity for restoration. Unity in Christ is not just a theological idea, but a practical starting point for every difficult conversation. [14:48]
2. Humility Opens the Door to True Dialogue The willingness to admit, “I might be wrong,” is a powerful disarming force in conflict. The tribes’ openness to correction diffused the tension and allowed for honest communication. Humility is not weakness; it is the strength to prioritize truth and relationship over pride. When we approach others with a readiness to listen and learn, we create space for God to work in our midst. [16:05]
3. “I” Messages Foster Openness, While “You” Messages Breed Defensiveness Accusations and blame quickly escalate conflict, shutting down the possibility of understanding. By shifting from “you did this” to “I am confused” or “I want to understand,” we invite the other person into a conversation rather than a confrontation. This simple change in language can transform the atmosphere, making it possible to address the real issues without wounding each other further. [19:03]
4. Clarifying Motives and Intentions Prevents Misunderstanding Much of the pain in conflict comes from misreading others’ actions and assuming the worst. The two and a half tribes explained their true motivation: a desire to safeguard the faith of future generations. When we take time to explain our reasoning and listen to others’ hearts, we move from suspicion to understanding, and from judgment to compassion. [21:15]
5. Pursuing Understanding Before Agreement Leads to Lasting Peace The goal in conflict is not simply to win or to be proven right, but to reach a place of mutual understanding. The tribes sought to clarify the issue before demanding agreement, which allowed for a resolution that honored both truth and relationship. Lasting peace is built not on forced consensus, but on the hard work of listening, clarifying, and seeking the good of all. [26:29]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[01:08] - Israel’s Journey Home and the Joy of Arrival
[02:35] - The Bond of Shared Struggle
[04:15] - The Two and a Half Tribes Build an Altar
[05:48] - Suspicion and the Rush to Judgment
[07:22] - A Call for Investigation, Not War
[08:24] - Phinehas Confronts the Eastern Tribes
[09:46] - The Power of Accusation and Its Effects
[11:55] - Defensive Responses and Communication Breakdown
[14:48] - Declaring Allegiance to God: Finding Common Ground
[16:05] - Humility and Openness to Correction
[19:03] - The Power of “I” Messages in Conflict
[21:15] - Explaining Motives: Protecting Future Generations’ Faith
[25:31] - Speaking to the Real Issue and Pursuing Maturity
[26:29] - Understanding Before Agreement: The Path to Peace
[27:37] - Win-Win Strategies and Reconciliation
[29:04] - Unity, God’s Glory, and the Witness of the Altar
[30:48] - Assuming the Best: Avoiding Premature Judgments
[32:39] - Cultural Perspectives on Forgiveness and Reconciliation
[37:44] - Closing Comments and Reflections

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Joshua 22:1–34 — (The story of the two and a half tribes building an altar, the misunderstanding, and the resolution.)

Observation Questions

What did the two and a half tribes do as they were returning to their land, and why did this action cause concern among the other tribes?
How did the nine and a half tribes initially respond when they heard about the altar? What steps did they take before acting?
When Phinehas and the delegation confronted the eastern tribes, what kind of language did they use? How did it affect the conversation?
What explanation did the two and a half tribes give for building the altar?

Interpretation Questions

Why do you think the nine and a half tribes were so quick to assume the worst about their brothers? What past experiences or fears might have influenced their reaction?
The two and a half tribes began their response by affirming their allegiance to God. Why is it important to start with common ground in a conflict?
How did the use of “I” messages instead of “you” messages change the tone and direction of the conversation?
What does this story teach about the importance of clarifying motives and intentions before making judgments?

Application Questions

Think of a recent conflict you’ve experienced—at home, work, or church. Did you start by assuming the best or the worst about the other person’s motives? How might the outcome have changed if you had started with a different assumption?
When you’re in a disagreement, do you tend to use “you” messages (“You always…”, “You never…”) or “I” messages (“I feel…”, “I’m confused…”)? How could you practice shifting your language this week to invite more open conversation?
The two and a half tribes were willing to admit, “We might be wrong.” Is it hard for you to admit when you could be mistaken in a conflict? What would it look like to approach your next disagreement with this kind of humility?
In the story, the tribes explained their true motives to prevent misunderstanding. Is there a situation in your life where you need to clarify your intentions to someone? What’s stopping you from having that conversation?
The goal in this passage was not to “win” the argument, but to preserve unity and bear witness to God’s faithfulness. How can you pursue understanding and unity, even when you disagree with someone?
The sermon mentioned that forgiveness and reconciliation can look different in various cultures—sometimes through words, sometimes through changed behavior. In your family or culture, how is forgiveness usually expressed? Is there a way you could grow in showing forgiveness, either in words or actions?
The altar became a witness to future generations about the unity of God’s people. What are some practical ways you can help safeguard the faith of the next generation in your family or church?

Sermon Clips

Joshua brings the two -and -a -half tribes together because they have the farthest to go home. And he tells them that they are going to have all of these wonderful spoils from the battle. And then in verse 5, he says to them, But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you, to love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to obey His commands, to hold fast to Him and serve Him with all your heart and soul. Just kind of a really wonderful exhortation and blessing and sort of setting their vision for the future as to how they are to follow God for the wonderful things He has done. [00:03:05]

So word gets back that these two and a half tribes have built an altar and Joshua gathers all the people, the nine and a half tribes again, and they decide to go to war. Now, what's going on here? I mean, we were just hugging and kissing each other a few hours ago, a couple of days ago, probably. Why do we go to war against people with so quickly? And part of it is in the history. [00:05:48]

And so the history says, ah, there they are again, making trouble. Can't we ever trust those people? What's the matter with them? And look what they did. They built an altar. They've got an altar to worship at. Don't they know better? Are they so stupid? Have they so quickly forgotten everything? You know what? [00:06:40]

And so verse 13, So the Israelites sent Phinehas son of Eleazar the priest to the land of Gilead and with him 10 other men representing each tribe. Aha! So something else happens now. And my guess is that as all of these people get in this frenzy, because they want to go home, they want to be with their families, they want to get their buildings up and they want to get their crops sown, they want to get settled in. And now these two and a half tribes are interfering with their future. [00:07:30]

But we don't really know what this means to them, what the altar means to them. Maybe we should go and investigate. [00:08:24]

exactly right so the frequent use of you you did this you say this you're guilty of this I accuse you of these things so the frequent use of you tends to put a defensive spirit within you and and fear sometimes and defiance and so on did you want to say further then the accusations the sin of Achan and the sin of pure those were the two worst events in Israel's history it's like saying didn't you guys learn you're just like Hitler well that's what that's what Phineas did he pulled that he says this is the comparison I'm making and does that give you a nice open spirit to talk about this gently oh of course not so Phineas approach to this whole situation actually makes the matter worse this is not the way to get understanding this is not the way to to try to solve a problem or to go forward together for reconciliation well the issue now is how is the two -and -a -half tribes going to respond they can respond in certain ways the normal way would sort of be defensive fight back whatever say [00:12:28]

The first thing that they did, the first principle was that they declared their allegiance to God. Notice in verse 22, we're starting now, Then Reuben, Gad, and the half -tribe of Manasseh replied to the heads of the clans of Israel, The Mighty One God the Lord, The Mighty One God the Lord, He knows. [00:14:26]

And immediately now they invoke the fact that we are on the same side as you are. We love God. We know God is in our midst. And so they now appeal to the fact that we are God's children. [00:14:48]

Finding a common ground is often among the first, the most important things in beginning to solve a conflict. We have a marriage. We have a history, a father and son history, or mother and son, or father and daughter, whatever it is. Because we have a history together. I'm your father. You're my son. You're my child. I love you. We have this common ground. Or we've been friends for this many years. We have this common ground. [00:15:19]

Therefore, we are brothers and sisters under God's care, under God's protection. We are not adversaries. Very important message. Very important message. [00:16:05]

Alright, next, principle number two, notice also in verse 22, God knows, and let Israel know, if this has been in rebellion or disobedience to the Lord, do not spare us this day. [00:16:15]

That is so important for somebody to say, yes, you know, it's quite possible you're right. We need to think about this. Now, what happens is, emotions were brought under control. [00:16:52]

And all of a sudden, they hear their enemies, their in enemy status, at least in their minds, they hear them say, you know what, it's possible you're right. Let's talk about it. [00:17:19]

One is, when we relax, we communicate much more effectively. We're much more rational. We're much more thoughtful. We can think. [00:17:37]

When the emotions are pitched, you don't hear what the other person is saying. You're building your defenses. You're afraid. [00:17:56]

If you're arrogant, you're going to be ready to fight or do something to survive. Then, principle number three. [00:18:40]

I messages are things like, I'm not sure I'm understanding you. [00:19:39]

And what the I messages do is they invite more conversation, rather than closing down conversation when you make you messages, which accuse and blame. [00:19:50]

Principle number four is that the two and a half, three and a half tribes, two and a half tribes, explain their reasoning. Now, essentially they said, here's what we were intending. This was our motivation. [00:20:23]

Here's what we wanted to happen. So now I'm going to read verse 22 and following, 23. If we have built our own altar to turn away from the Lord, and to offer burnt offerings and grain offerings, or to sacrifice fellowship offerings on it, may the Lord Himself call us to an account. So, if yes, if we were going to sacrifice and worship God at the altar, God should hold us responsible. So, there they are. [00:20:43]

But, no, verse 24, no, we did it for fear that someday your descendants might say to ours, what do you have to do with the Lord, the God of Israel? The Lord has made the Jordan River a boundary between us and you, you Reubenites and Gadites. You have no share in the Lord, so your defendants might cause ours to stop fearing the Lord. Whoa, that's interesting. [00:21:21]

How are we going to protect our children's faith when the next generation comes? We're going to be on the other side of the river. Maybe they'll say, hey, don't come over here and worship. You do your own thing over there. [00:21:58]

And they realize that their faith in God depended upon their worshiping in the tabernacle and eventually the temple, of course, in Jerusalem, but the tabernacle now. And that was the center of their faith and that's what held them together as a nation and what held them together as families. [00:22:11]

Somebody has to understand the communication process. Somebody has to do the right thing so we move forward. Somebody has to be smart enough to analyze the situation and be humble enough to set aside all of the garbage, all of the brush, the defensiveness and the accusation and the guilt trips and all that stuff, and say, you know what, folks, what's really important here is how do we move forward as a people of God? [00:25:01]

How do we maintain what is central to our beings, our living together in community, our being one in Jesus Christ, our being members of the body of Christ? And how do we protect the faith of the people who we are and the people who are coming after us, our children and our grandchildren and their children? These are the central issues, you see. [00:25:31]

The two and a half tribes pursued understanding before agreement. And there's verses 26 to 29. And now if we understand, as they explained, that they really never intended for this to be worshipped, they really intended it to be a reminder that for us our faith in God, our relationship with God is the most important thing in life. And then the next most important thing is how we transfer this to our children in the next generation so they, too, will be committed to worshipping God. [00:26:57]

And maybe when we get understanding in these situations, we'll be less quick to judge when the next problem comes along because there's going to be more problems. We're human. We'll have more problems. But also Satan wants to disrupt our unity. And so he'll try to create those problems as well. Principle number seven. [00:27:37]

The two and a half tribes pursued a win -win strategy, not a win -lose strategy. We've been talking about that. You know exactly what that means. And the effect is that reconciliation and peace are now a realistic outcome. [00:28:01]

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