Unhurried Friends: Choosing Mercy Over Hurry and Judgment

Aug 23, 2026

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42s
#SlowMercy
“I think the way of Jesus in living a more unhurried life with him and with others is simply a better way to live. Because judgment is really fast. It's really easy. It is the Silicon Valley curriculum, and it fits your calendar. But mercy is slow. Somebody was slow with you once. You didn't earn it. You probably never told them. And some of us, we haven't yet realized that we are a closed door in the life of someone else that God has providentially brought to us on purpose and for a purpose. And if we would just slow down and be present, who knows what God might do?”
51s
#LovedWithoutMerit
“And it wasn't just for the, you know, couple months that my parents weren't there yet. It wasn't just for a season. It was for literally years of my high school experience. And if you know about my story, having a safe place like that was such a big deal. I didn't even know how much I needed it. If I showed up in her house today, she'd be like, alright. Let me go find some pizza pockets. Like, I'm I guarantee it. And it's this small picture of a much bigger picture for all of us because god did not scan the room and decide that you were worth his time. We were not the ones with the gold ring. We were not the ones with good clothes. We had nothing to offer. We still don't. And god still came anyway. He still stayed anyway. He still died for you anyway.”
73s
#LeadWithMercy
“If we try to earn our standing and our forgiveness by works of the law, we will make painful decisions about ourselves and about everyone around us because hurry is this verdict we can't shake. And the measure that you used on the guy that had the weak resume last week, that measure of judgment, James tells us, is coming back for us. The person who tried to talk to you in public who you decided had nothing worth saying or the unhoused person that you avoided eye contact with because it was gonna make you uncomfortable, the server who maybe wasn't that good but was having a harder day than you. Scriptures are clear that the way we judge people comes back at us. And it's not about losing our salvation. It's a description of what actual followers of the way of Jesus do in their life, what we look like. We lead with mercy, not because we think everyone around us deserves mercy. In case you didn't know this, no one around you deserves mercy. You didn't deserve mercy. It's because we know we didn't deserve it and got it any way that we extend it. We love because god first loved us.”
56s
#ProvidentialAppointments
“But it is extremely unlikely that this week, you living in an unhurried way is gonna result in you bringing someone back from the dead. Okay? I just wanna set the stage for that. That is not usually the stakes of our life, but it will likely involve you disappointing someone else. It will likely involve you maybe getting less done in some part of your life. But I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, hurry is how we avoid the cost of actually seeing the other people in our lives, their actual needs in our lives. Our lives, they feel maxed out. And when that's the case, we miss the moments and the people that God puts in front of us. Every person that God has brought in front of you this last week and the week ahead is a providential appointment that the creator of the universe has made for you before the foundations of the world. They are not in your way. They are in the way of Jesus for you and me and how we live.”
37s
#LiveFromGrace
“The difference is whether you're under this law, we're free in the midst of it. Whether you're working for God's love and approval or from God's love and approval. Paul makes the same case in Galatians three and Romans seven. It is so core to what it means to follow the way of Jesus. Because if you are trying to do this on your own, if you're trying to gain approval from God by your external obedience, you are exhausted, and it's not working. But if you realize what Jesus already did for you and now you get to live from that new identity, everything changes.”
44s
#UnplugToBePresent
“Put it away at dinner. Try not making it the last thing that you look at at night or the first thing that you look at in the morning. This is really hard for us, including me, but it makes a really big difference. Anything in your life without a limit becomes an idol. And I think it's really easy for us to carry our idols around in our pockets and just rationalize it because everybody does it. See, when we slow down in the small places, then when someone's in front of us, we know what being unhurried feels like. But when we're just human doers all the time, we forget what being a human being is all about. Being a human being often requires us to slow down because hurry is a verdict.”
52s
#HurryIsJudgment
“See, here, we find ourselves basically thinking that busy means important. That when somebody asks you how you're doing and you say, oh, well, life's really full right now. It's really busy. You got a lot of stuff cooking. You know, we just have lots of different ways to say that our calendar is very because if our calendar is really full, we're really important. But, actually, it's kind of the opposite of that. Hurry is the least intentional version of you making the fastest possible decision about someone else. And I say that as an offender, someone who is capable of making that same mistake. The fastest decision about a human being will always be a category. They're they're one of us. They're not one of us. They're ours. They're theirs. They're worth it. They're not. And once that call's been made, once that category has been given, it's really difficult to change it, but we get to keep our schedule. We get to keep our priorities.”
56s
#StopSortingPeople
“And while we might be frustrated with the need for triage in those spaces, we can sometimes forget the type of triage that we deliver every single day in our life. For us, it's in our hurry. We we sort everyone around us, whether they are worth our time or not, whether we realize it or not. We are doing it with the unchecked training from the curriculum of our culture. We are running so fast that the categories of who's worth our time and who's not, who's valuable and who's not, are the categories we use. My schedule and my rhythms of life can often reflect the idea that I believe I can be in a hurry without judging people unkindly. But what we're gonna see in James two is that in our pursuit of becoming more unhurried friends, hurry is a verdict all by itself.”
39s
#SeeBeyondSurface
“So we need to take a look at what's sitting underneath all that for us. Partiality is what you get instead of discernment when you're out of room. It's it's just like a it's like a reflex we create. You might be out of room in your brain. You might be out of room in your calendar. You might be out of room in your heart. But if you were to slow down, really catch your breath, and be present with people, you get exposed to the second and third layer of the person across from you. Not just who they are, not just how they present, but how they're actually doing.”
33s
#IdentityInJesus
“James is saying that the way of Jesus is the entire ballgame. It is the operating system of our lives, that we were dead, and in Jesus, we're alive. And so we don't look to go, how much of the world can I absorb and its systems of destruction? No. No. It's what does it look like to follow the way of Jesus in every part of my life? And a core part of that is how do I slow down so that I can be present with God and people? Because it shapes the truest thing about me. My actual identity becomes who I am in him.”
53s
#LoveNotLeverage
“But instead, what do we do? We forget who we are. We forget the scale by which God loved us. So we keep sort of courting the people with influence, who are often the very same people who are most likely to dismiss us or accuse us of something or be dismissive of the name of Jesus. Now this is not true universally about all successful or wealthy people. No. No. James is trying to point out a problem in us. God is also not asking you to mirror his judgments in the way you interact with other people. He isn't saying, you know what? Here's the the application from James too. Is that when like, how you're treating a poor person where you put them in the dirt and you're being unkind to them, just start treating rich people that way. That is not the takeaway from this passage. He's asking us to love our neighbor regardless of what we get out of it.”
72s
#NoDoubleMind
“See, speed, it will only ever give you and me the first layer of the person across from us. And the first layer is where all that prejudice comes from. It's where all those easy bias and judgments live. So when James is highlighting this, he uses this idea of the the people that made distinctions in the room that had to quickly sort and categorize. And it's the same word that we looked at last week in chapter one about a person who doubts. He uses this phrase we talked about last week about the double mindedness of it. This idea of asking God but relying on you. We've gotten really good at that. This week, it's the idea that that same fracture that he highlighted last week that was breaking someone on the inside is now pointed outwards. First, he divided himself on the inside by being double minded, and now he's dividing a room with the same attitude. It's like the person saying, god, I know you're supposed to be the one who judges. I know this is your job, but you seem like maybe you need a break. So I'll take it for a while. I'll just judge everyone in my life for you. Cool?”
45s
#TimeIsCurrency
“And, actually, our currency in how we sort people is with our time. You already know very, very quickly who gets your full attention and who gets the three minute version of you. Who gets the quick set of pleasantries while you scan the room for the person you have something to gain from. So why do I do this? Why do you do this when we don't see ourselves as people that do this? We're like, I'm not that kind of person. Well, the thing is, especially if you aren't a person of faith, and I'm so glad that you're here, you think, like, I'm not I'm not doing this. Like, I I've met some Christians that do this. I don't think for any of us, Christian or not, this is about cruelty. I think this is about capacity.”
40s
#LawOfLiberty
“And then he makes this switch. He goes from royal law in verse eight to the law of liberty in verse 12, and that's not an accident. Royal law tells you what God requires, which, by the way, we all fail at. Even if you're not a Christian, you know you fail at this. But then he shows us this shift. Instead of what something requires, the law of liberty reminds you of where you stand and what God did to redeem you. It's the same commands, the same standard, but a different posture, different implications when it's you working for it or God having already done it.”
44s
#UnhurriedFriend
“This room and these decisions, they're a part of how James is gonna show what an unhurried friend does. And in these first few verses, we see that an unhurried friend does not sort the room. See, James, he refuses to call this a seating assignment. He refuses to dismiss it as just logistically required. He calls it judging with evil thoughts. He names it as bias, as prejudice, in the middle of something as ordinary as finding everybody a place to sit. Here in Silicon Valley, it looks a little different from what it did for them. And honestly, one of the things I really like about the Bay Area is that people don't usually flaunt or flex their wealth the same way.”
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