Understanding Submission and Love in Marriage
Summary
### Summary
Good morning, everyone. Today, we continue our series "Asking for a Friend," where we address questions submitted by our congregation. Today's topic is the roles of wives and husbands in marriage, a subject that often stirs diverse emotions and opinions. Our primary scripture comes from Ephesians 5, which discusses the concept of submission within marriage.
We began by clarifying the difference between "submit" and "obey." In Greek, these are distinct terms, and the Bible never instructs women to obey men but rather to submit, which means to choose to follow someone else's guidance. This submission is rooted in mutual respect and love, mirroring the relationship between Christ and the Church.
We also explored the historical context of these roles, tracing back to Genesis 3, where the fall introduced conflict and struggle into marital relationships. For wives, this means a natural inclination to resist their husband's leadership, and for husbands, it means facing the challenge of providing and leading amidst a cursed ground.
Jesus' example of submission to the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane serves as the ultimate model for us. His willingness to submit to God's will, even unto death, exemplifies the kind of sacrificial love and submission that should characterize Christian marriages.
For wives, this means encouraging and supporting their husbands' leadership. For husbands, it means loving their wives as Christ loved the Church, putting their needs and well-being above their own. This mutual submission and love create a harmonious and God-honoring marriage.
In conclusion, marriage is sustained not by the initial love that brings a couple together but by the commitment and covenant of marriage itself. This covenant sustains and nurtures love, even through challenges and struggles. As a community, we support each other in these roles, praying for and encouraging one another to reflect Christ's love in our marriages.
### Key Takeaways
1. Submission vs. Obedience: The Bible distinguishes between submission and obedience. Submission in marriage is about choosing to follow and support your spouse's leadership, not blind obedience. This mutual respect mirrors the relationship between Christ and the Church, where love and sacrifice are central. [30:54]
2. Historical Context of Marital Struggles: The conflict and struggles in marriage can be traced back to Genesis 3, where sin introduced discord between husbands and wives. Understanding this helps us recognize that these challenges are part of the human condition and can be overcome through God's grace. [42:16]
3. Jesus as the Model of Submission: Jesus' submission to the Father's will in the Garden of Gethsemane is the ultimate example for us. His sacrificial love and willingness to submit, even unto death, provide a powerful model for both husbands and wives in their roles within marriage. [45:01]
4. Encouragement and Support in Marriage: Wives are called to encourage and support their husbands' leadership, while husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially. This mutual support and love create a harmonious and God-honoring marriage, reflecting Christ's relationship with the Church. [47:31]
5. The Sustaining Power of Marriage: Marriage is sustained not by the initial love that brings a couple together but by the covenant of marriage itself. This covenant nurtures and sustains love through challenges and struggles, emphasizing the importance of commitment and mutual support. [49:33]
### YouTube Chapters
[0:00] - Welcome
[11:23] - Introduction to the Series
[12:56] - Upcoming Events and Announcements
[19:15] - Confession and Forgiveness
[23:57] - Prayer for Marriages
[26:59] - Introduction to the Topic
[27:54] - Personal Experience with Ephesians 5
[28:41] - Audience Focus: Husbands and Wives
[29:21] - Importance of Understanding Submission
[30:08] - Difference Between Submit and Obey
[31:37] - The Meaning of Submission
[33:05] - Context of Submission in Ephesians
[34:23] - Examples of Submission in Scripture
[35:32] - Dangers of Misinterpreting Submission
[37:01] - Husbands' Responsibilities
[39:03] - Loving as Christ Loved the Church
[41:09] - Genesis 3: The Origin of Marital Struggles
[44:18] - Jesus' Submission in Gethsemane
[47:31] - Practical Advice for Wives and Husbands
[49:33] - Sustaining Love Through Marriage
[50:13] - Community Support and Prayer
[54:16] - Offering and Closing Prayer
[56:17] - The Lord's Prayer and Closing Song
[01:01:04] - Blessing and Dismissal
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. Ephesians 5:20-33 - "Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
2. Genesis 3:16-19 - "To the woman he said, 'I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.' And to Adam he said, 'Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, "You shall not eat of it," cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.'"
3. Matthew 26:39-42 - "And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, 'My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.' And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, 'So, could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.' Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, 'My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.'"
#### Observation Questions
1. What is the difference between "submit" and "obey" as explained in the sermon? ([30:08])
2. According to Genesis 3:16-19, what were the specific consequences of the fall for both Adam and Eve?
3. How does Jesus' prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:39-42) exemplify submission?
4. In Ephesians 5, what are the specific instructions given to husbands and wives regarding their roles in marriage?
#### Interpretation Questions
1. How does understanding the historical context of Genesis 3 help us comprehend the struggles in modern marriages? ([42:16])
2. What does it mean for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and how does this set a standard for marital relationships? ([39:03])
3. How can Jesus' example of submission to the Father in Gethsemane serve as a model for both husbands and wives in their roles within marriage? ([45:01])
4. Why is it important to distinguish between submission and obedience in the context of marriage, and how can this understanding impact marital harmony? ([30:54])
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your own marriage or a marriage you admire. How do the principles of mutual submission and sacrificial love play out in that relationship? ([47:31])
2. For those who are single, how can understanding the biblical roles of husbands and wives shape your perspective on future relationships? ([29:21])
3. In what ways can wives encourage and support their husbands' leadership without feeling diminished or undervalued? ([37:01])
4. Husbands, what are some practical ways you can demonstrate sacrificial love to your wives this week, putting their needs above your own? ([39:03])
5. How can couples work together to sustain their love through the covenant of marriage, especially during challenging times? ([49:33])
6. What steps can you take as a community to support and pray for the marriages within your church, ensuring they reflect Christ's love and unity? ([50:13])
7. How can you apply the concept of submission in your daily life, whether in marriage, work, or other relationships, to better reflect Christ's example? ([46:31])
Devotional
Day 1: The True Meaning of Submission
Description: The Bible distinguishes between submission and obedience, particularly in the context of marriage. Submission is about choosing to follow and support your spouse's leadership out of mutual respect and love, rather than blind obedience. This mirrors the relationship between Christ and the Church, where love and sacrifice are central. Understanding this distinction helps to foster a healthy and God-honoring marriage where both partners feel valued and respected. [30:54]
Ephesians 5:21-22 (ESV): "Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."
Reflection: In what ways can you show support and encouragement to your spouse's leadership today, reflecting the mutual respect and love that Christ has for the Church?
Day 2: Understanding Marital Struggles
Description: The conflict and struggles in marriage can be traced back to Genesis 3, where sin introduced discord between husbands and wives. This historical context helps us recognize that these challenges are part of the human condition. By understanding the root of these struggles, we can better address them with grace and patience, relying on God's guidance to overcome them. Recognizing that marital challenges are not unique to us but are part of a larger narrative can provide comfort and perspective. [42:16]
Genesis 3:16-17 (ESV): "To the woman he said, 'I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.' And to Adam he said, 'Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, "You shall not eat of it," cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life.'"
Reflection: Reflect on a recent conflict in your marriage. How can understanding its deeper, historical roots help you approach it with more grace and patience?
Day 3: Jesus as the Ultimate Model of Submission
Description: Jesus' submission to the Father's will in the Garden of Gethsemane is the ultimate example for us. His sacrificial love and willingness to submit, even unto death, provide a powerful model for both husbands and wives in their roles within marriage. This kind of submission is not about weakness but about strength and love. It calls us to put the needs and well-being of our spouse above our own, creating a relationship that mirrors Christ's love for the Church. [45:01]
Luke 22:42 (ESV): "Saying, 'Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.'"
Reflection: What is one area in your marriage where you can practice sacrificial love and submission, following Jesus' example in the Garden of Gethsemane?
Day 4: Encouragement and Support in Marriage
Description: Wives are called to encourage and support their husbands' leadership, while husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially. This mutual support and love create a harmonious and God-honoring marriage, reflecting Christ's relationship with the Church. When both partners are committed to these roles, they build a strong foundation for their marriage, characterized by respect, love, and mutual support. This dynamic fosters a nurturing environment where both partners can thrive. [47:31]
1 Peter 3:7 (ESV): "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."
Reflection: How can you actively encourage and support your spouse today in a way that reflects Christ's love and respect for the Church?
Day 5: The Sustaining Power of Marriage
Description: Marriage is sustained not by the initial love that brings a couple together but by the covenant of marriage itself. This covenant nurtures and sustains love through challenges and struggles, emphasizing the importance of commitment and mutual support. The commitment to this covenant helps couples navigate the ups and downs of life, providing a stable foundation that fosters enduring love and partnership. Understanding this can help couples prioritize their commitment to each other, even when feelings fluctuate. [49:33]
Malachi 2:14-15 (ESV): "But you say, 'Why does he not?' Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth."
Reflection: Reflect on the covenant of your marriage. How can you renew your commitment to this covenant today, ensuring that it remains the foundation of your relationship?
Quotes
1. "Within our lives, within the relationships that we have, we have a chance to show love to one another. How often don't we? How often do we say the wrong thing at the wrong time? We have a God who says I want a relationship with you no matter what you've said, what you've done. I still claim you as my child. You are forgiven because I sent my son for you." [19:15] (29 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
2. "Submission is about choosing instead of doing your will, but allowing to follow somebody else's. That's what submission is used here. And why this is important as we talk about this now, you're going to see that get brought up a lot. Now, we need to talk through this and be delicate because, unfortunately, people have abused these verses. They have forced people to obey, to submit to some very ungodly individuals because the Bible says so." [32:23] (36 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
3. "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. And gave himself up for her, that he may sanctify her, having cleansed her by washing of water of the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." [37:29] (29 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
4. "As much as people love throwing out verse 25, 22, wives submit to their husbands, somehow that always gets forgotten that guess what? As a husband, you have so much more that you need to do for your wife. And the overall thing is to do what? Love her as Christ loved the church. What did Christ do for the church? He died for her. That is what men are called to for their wives. To make their decisions for the best of her and the marriage, not themselves." [39:03] (39 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
5. "So husbands and wives this week, my encouragement to you, being a husband, being a wife, how can you sustain that love? To be there for that other person, to grow your relationship. For us that are single, as you're going through this life together, how are you talking to somebody who's of the opposite sex? How do you have that relationship with them? Do you respect them? How are you with them? How do you share that love of Jesus?" [49:33] (33 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
6. "We love to pray for you, so if there's things going on, if you have the cards, we can hear your prayers. If you're using the digital online, you can share a prayer with us. We want to be with you through these struggles together. This is a relationship for us, to share the love of Jesus." [50:13] (17 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
7. "Lord, as we talk about in marriage, both husbands and wives working together to experiencing your love for them so that others can experience your love through them, Lord, we pray for them now to encourage them, to support them, and lift them up. And that when times are tough, and in that darkness, you are still that light that they can hold on to. Lord, be with them and watch over them." [54:57] (32 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
8. "As we leave here today, and for all those husbands and wives and those watching online, may the Lord bless your marriage to strengthen you through all those struggles and those hurts. And may the love that you guys wear work through together be a love that people see this week. Let's receive the blessing of our Lord. The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord makes me shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord look upon you with His favor and give you His peace." [01:01:04] (36 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
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