Understanding Mutual Submission in Christian Marriage

"Now there need be no question at all as to the fact that that is what the Apostle is doing here which we can prove that in three different ways the first is that uh the word submit which I've read out to you it's here in the authorized version and it's in these other versions wives submit yourselves un your own husbands now actually in the original the word submit is not there at all it's just wives unto your own husbands as unto the Lord what does it mean well it means this that he is carrying over the injunction about submitting from verse 21 here into verse 22 which is therefore a proof that verse 22 is a continuation of verse 21 that he's still dealing with the same theme the general principle is one of submission so he knows that that's in our minds and therefore he says wives in this matter of submission unto your own husbands so the mere absence of the word submit in the original is a proof in and of itself that that is what the Apostle is doing here but there is a second proof the second proof is that he puts the wives before the husbands and that is not something accidental neither is it done merely out of politeness or on the principle of ladies first the Bible never does that the Bible as we shall see in as the Apostle expones uh invariably uses the other order as indeed the law of the land does and as we do in general parin we don't say Mrs and Mr so and so we say Mr and mes and so on so that when the Apostle puts the wives first in the consideration he's got a very good reason for doing so and the reason of course is that he is particularly concerned about this question of submission submitting that's the principle which is outlined in verse 21 well now in the married relationship the aspect of submission as he shows applies particularly to the wives there is another aspect that applies to the husbands and he deals with that because his statement is a full one and a balanced one but as he's primarily concerned about the question of submission he inevitably and quite naturally puts the wives first so there we've got a second reason for the argument that what we're dealing with here is an outworking in particular of the general principle laid down in verse 21 and then another and a third argument for this is that he uses the expression unto your own husband you see he emphasizes that wives submit your elv un your own husbands you are husbands your own well now he does that again for the same reason in verse 21 he had laid down the general principle of submission on the part of all Christians to others submitting yourselves one to another and the argument is this if you do that in general if you do that to everybody as it were well how much more so should you do it to your own husbands in this peculiar relationship which has already been defined so adequately in the Old Testament very well then I'm taking trouble to emphasize this because if we are not clear that verse 21 rarely is the controlling principle we cannot possibly understand his detailed teaching correctly very well having cleared that point let us proceed and now uh before we come to this uh vital subject and most important subject especially in these present days it does seem to me to be most important that we should first of all look at the Apostle statement in general let's observe his method now I have many reasons for doing this what the Apostle does here we will find him doing in the case of children and parents and servants and Masters and you notice the order in each case you see the children come before the parents why well because he's still concerned about submission children don't come before parents but in this matter they do because it's a question of submission you see and the and the servants come before the Masters again for the same reason now I'm saying that when we study a portion of scripture like this and I'm very concerned this morning to be doing something something which is General when we study a portion of scripture like this we will find that the Apostle implies his customary method and if we can only grasp his method in one particular instance we shall find the key to the understanding of other scriptures not only that if we discover exactly how the Apostle deals with any one problem if we really have discovered his method then if we are conf fronted by any problem we shall find that all we need to do is to apply the method and as we apply the method we shall be able to discover the answer is it clear therefore that what I'm doing this morning primarily is this is studying the apostles method then we will come having done that to the particular matter with which he deals at this point but now let's look at his General method let's get hold of this principle which is of universal application in doing this of course I am paying you a great compliment as a congregation principles are much more important than the detailed teaching we all today like children we want to be spoonfed but we should grow out of that and we should be increasingly concerned about methods principles ways of doing things so that we don't always be have to be running like children to ask for answers to questions we'll have discovered a method ourselves and we'll be able to work it out now then let's watch his method there are certain things which stand out very clearly it seems to me in this particular paragraph As illustrative of the Apostles method here is the first the fact that we have become Christians does not mean that we shall be automatically right in all we think and in all we do there are some people who seem to think that that is the case that the moment a man becomes a Christian everything now is perfectly plain and clear and plain sailing of course evangelists are very often responsible for that because they make extravagant and loose statements in their anxiety to get results and they thereby of course leave many many problems to past and teachers the impression is given that you enter into this magical atmosphere nothing is the same everything is different no problems no difficulties you do this you take your decision and the story is they all lived happily ever afterwards there was never another problem or difficulty because it's quite wrong if that were true there wouldn't be a single epistle in the New Testament the fact that we have become Christians that the basic matter of our relationship to God has been put right does not mean that we are now automatically right everywhere in all we think and all we say and all we do the very paragraph we're looking at is proof in and of itself that we need instruction about particulars the second principle is this not only is it true as I've been saying that the Christian is not automatically right about everything because he is a Christian we can even say this that the fact that a man has become a Christian will probably raise for him new problems which he's never had to confront before or if he doesn't do that it will certainly present to him problems that he's never faced before in this way that he sees situations as he's never seen them before whereas he didn't think at all before he is now compelled to think and the moment he thinks and because he thinks he is confronted by new problems now this of course was very much the case in the early church there is no question about that at all it worked you see like this take the case of a wife husband and wife had been living together and they were both pagans neither of them a Christian and uh they lived their married life as pagans did at that time we shall have to refer to that later but now the wife becomes converted and becomes a Christian and the Temptation that immediately confronted the wife was this she said well no of course I I am free I I understand things as I never understood them before the gospel has told me now there is neither Barbarian or cian male nor female Bond nor free well therefore uh I don't go on as I used to go on and I have an understanding which my husband has and there was a danger therefore for the wife to misinterpret all that so as to upset the marriage relationship it was the same with children and parents it still tends to be the same very often children being converted when their parents are not and having an understanding which their parents haven't got they misinterpret that and are led by the devil to misuse that and to abuse that so that in the end they find it is found that they are breaking the commandment of God which tells the children to honor their parents you see how almost inevitably with the enlightenment that comes with Christianity new problems arise which had never had to be faced before so we gather from this passage that the great change which takes place in regeneration has a tendency to raise new problems so that we have to think very carefully and to discover exact what is right now in this new life and how we apply this new teaching to the new situation in which we find ourselves the third principle is this one Christianity has something to say about the whole of our life there is no aspect of life which it doesn't consider and which it doesn't govern let me put it like this then must be no compartments in our Christian Life very often as you know there there there are the danger for these early Christians was that uh these persons husband or wife or children or parents became converted and became Christian and said to themselves as it were well of course this is something that pertains to my religious life only to the aspect of worship in my life it's got nothing to do with my marriage got nothing to do with my work got nothing to do with my relationship to my my parents and so on no that's quite wrong according to this teaching there's nothing more wrong and nothing more fatal than to be living a life in compartments Sunday morning comes I'm a religious man now I pick up my religious bag then Monday morning oh well of course I finished with that yesterday I'm now a businessman or something else did I pick up another bag and so I'm living my life in compartments it's difficult to tell on Monday that I'm a Christian at all of course I showed it on Sunday I went to a place of worship that's absolutely fatal that's completely wrong the Christian Life is a whole it's got something to say about every realm and Department of life now every one of these points of course as you realize is a most important one and could be greatly elaborated there are those who say and up to a point I'm prepared to agree with them that the present state of our churches and of Christian ity is very largely due to the fact that many of our Victorian grandfathers were excessively guilty of that particular failure to realize that Christianity governs the whole of a man's life not only a part of it they were very religious people many of them in business and other places they'd have prayers in their works or in their office in the morning and then having done with the prayers they became hard and grasping and unkind and unfair and legalistic and undoubtedly they antagonized many against the Christian faith and so often there was this kind of dichotomy this failure to realize the wholeness of the Christian's life and that he must never live a life in compartments my Christianity enters into my married life into my relationship to parents into my work into everything I am and everything I do there's our third principle and now I come to a fourth principle which is again a most important one from the standpoint of Doctrine and Theology and of course because of that in ordinary life also Christian teaching never contradicts or undoes fundamental Biblical teaching with respect to life and living now what I mean is this there is no contradiction between the New Testament and the Old Testament this needs to be emphasized at the present time of course because of the common attitude towards the Old Testament people say gbly and superficially oh well of course we're not interested any longer in anything said in the Old Testament we are New Testament they're foolish enough to say they don't believe in the god of the Old Testament they say I believe in the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ Christian preachers so called say that from their pulpits and it's applauded they don't believe in the god of Sinai and the god of the of the Ten Commandments and the moral law the old testament's nothing to say to us we are all Christians now so they dismiss the whole of the Old Testament teaching and say that we must be guided by the New Testament teaching only but of course some of them even go further than that they say that we're not even to be governed by the New Testament we know so much more by now and thus you see there is this tendency to Discount the whole of the Biblical teaching my answer is this that the New Testament the Christian specifically Christian teaching never contradicts never sets aside basic fundamental Biblical teaching with regard to human relationships and the orders of life I'm referring of course to a subject like marriage as we shall see here the apostles argument is based partly upon what is taught in the Old Testament even in the Book of Genesis it's the same about the family it's the same about all these Fundamental Orders and Arrangements in life the fact that you become a Christian doesn't touch knows at all what it does do of course is to supplement it to open it out to give us a larger view of it to help us to see the spirit behind the original injunction but it never contradicts it and this is a most important and vital principle I'm emphasizing it because as a pastor I've so often had to deal with it people somehow get hold of this notion that because they're new being in Christ that the old fundamental principles no longer hold the answer of the New Testament is they do they do you notice the Apostle quotes the Old Testament in all these instances in order to show that the original teaching came from God and it must always be observed however much it may be supplemented by this newer teaching well there's our fourth principle let's go on to the fifth principle the New Testament always gives us reasons for its teaching it always gives us arguments and there is nothing about it that I rejoice in so much as just that the New Testament doesn't just throw a number of rules and regulations at us and say now then keep those no no it always explains it it always gives us an ARG arent it always gives us a reason and that sort of Christianity that just imposes rules and regulations on people is a departure from the New Testament teaching it is to treat us as children course there are such types of Christianity you know it's like putting on a uniform and all the Christians are like peas in a pod and there they are and they're just going through their drill that's not Christianity we should always know why we're behaving in this way we should always understand the reason for it we should be perfectly clear and happy about it and therefore there should be no contradiction there should be no kicking against the Pricks working against the grain feeling that I got to do it but wish I hadn't hadn't got to do it and so on and Desiring to get as far away as I could from it that's not Christianity the Christian is a man who rejoices in the way he is living he sees it so clearly he doesn't want anything else it's inevitable his mind is satisfied that's why I say that a man who's not a Christian doesn't know truly what it is to be a man there's no teaching in the world that pays us such a compliment as this word of God doesn't treat us as children and govern Us by rules and regulations and by numbers no no it says look here listen to this can't you see this puts it to your reason puts it to your understanding that's holy this teaching not something you receive in a packet not something that comes when you're more or less passive and unconscious it's reasoning out the teaching taking a principle and working it out as the Apostle does here that's the New Testament method of Holiness and of sanctification and thank God for it the sixth principle which I observe here again is a most marvelous and glorious one what a wonderful thing this scripture is I don't know whether you feel as I feel but to me it's amazing that as you you look at this and you think at first oh well that's just of course teaching about marriage husbands and wives and so on then you begin to discover these Treasures that are here you go from door to door and it's more wonderful as you go on look at this did you notice as I read this passage again this morning the intimate relationship between Doctrine and practice Doctrine and practice can never be separated and must never be separated why well because each helps the other and each illustrates the other you know there are certain respects in which this passage we're looking at is to me one of the most astounding in the whole of the Bible I'm not saying it's the greatest I say it's one of the most astounding what do I mean well I mean this here we are in this epistle to the Ephesians in chapter 5 and towards the end of the chapter what what's what's happening in this part of this epistle well says everybody you're now in the Practical section of your epistle the great doctrinal section of course was chapters 1 2 and three a bit of it came into chapter 4 but now he's right down to the realm of practicalities and ordinary relationships and most ordinary matters never was the Apostle more practical than he is in your section wives and husbands husbands and wives children parents Masters servants and all the rest of it purely a practical section of his epistle and yet you notice don't you haven't you always been amazed at this when you've read it for yourself or when you've happened to be in a marriage service when this section of scripture has been read haven't you been absolutely astounded and almost thrilled to the very Mar of your being as you find that the Apostle in dealing with this most practical matter suddenly introduces us to the most exalted Doctrine in telling wives and husbands how to behave with respect to one another he introduces the doctrine of the nature of the church and the relationship of the church to Christ indeed I'm going to go further in this very section the Apostle gives us his most exalted teaching of all about the nature of the church and the relationship of the church to Christ now then this is something that we should never lose sight of when you're reading this Apostle be prepared for surprises don't say to yourself oh well I need pay much attention to this this is of course practical and simple and direct suddenly when you're least expect it you'll open a door and there you'll be confronted by the most magnificent and glorious Doctrine you've ever seen in your life which leads me to make this practical comment beware of superficial analyses of the scripture you know these people who sort of come to the scripture and say chapter 1 there two that also perfect we've got it you try and do that with this chapter 5 of the epistle to the Ephesians and of course you'll find that at once you're bewildered and you don't know what to do nor where you are because here in this most practical of sections suddenly introduces this tremendous doctrine of the nature of the church and the relationship of the church to the Lord Jesus Christ but the thing I say that we must bear in mind is this because it's the thing that comes out of all that that Doctrine and practice are so intimately related that they cannot be separated and any person who says I'm only interested in Doctrine who says I'm only interested in the Practical is really deny denying the essence of the Christian message this great passage demonstrates that in an almost perfect manner very well then having said those six things I say in the seventh place this when you are confronted by any problem whatsoever obviously in the light of all this the thing to do is this never approach it directly never start by considering the thing per in and of itself now that's the thing of course we all tend to do how often have I found this in discussion groups and meetings a question is put forward a practical problem in somebody's daily life and living and I put it to the meeting and the tendency is for people at once to get up and to speak directly on the question and to give their opinion and for that reason of course it's generally wrong because that's not the way to approach the problem the Apostle doesn't approach this problem of husband wives and husbands and wives directly immediately Pere as if it were an isolated question no no the method is this you must always approach it indirectly it is again the strategy of the indirect approach here I'm confronted by a particular question now I don't immediately apply my mind to that the first question I must ask is this is there any principle is there any Doctrine in the scripture that covers this kind of problem in other words before you begin to deal with the individual as it where that's in front of you you say well what family does he belong to you might go even wider you might say what nation does he belong to get hold of a big classification and then having discovered the truth about the group or the class or the great company you now proceed from that to apply that principle to that particular instance or example that's what the Apostle does here he starts with the general and then comes to the particular I think I've often used this illustration before but anybody who's ever done any chemistry and who's been confronted by a substance he's asked well now what is this exactly how does he do it well he does the very thing I've just been saying he starts with his most General tests the big group tests he can exclude certain groups then he narrows it turn to one group then he's got to divide up these divisions the subdivisions of the group and then he goes down and down and at last he comes to the particular individual substance that is the Apostle's method here as it is indeed his method everywhere the strategy of the indirect approach the movement from the general to the particular never jump at a problem never tackle it in and of itself get hold of your great principles your covering Doctrine and the last point I make is this one and again it's a very practical one which I deduce from all that's gone before notice the spirit in which the Apostle conducts the discussion Y is taking up the problem of the relationship of uh wives and husbands and husbands and wives you notice his method you notice the spirit in which he does it this is one of the standing jokes isn't it this is something that always can raise a laugh the poorest comedian tries to make something of this he's got nothing else he tries to produce that'll always raise a laugh marriage relationships husbands and wives I need point out need I that the Apostle doesn't handle it like that you can't handle any Christian problem like that but there are other negatives not only does he not handle it jocularly and flippantly and lightly there is a complete absence of the partisan spirit here nothing heated nothing assertive no standing for rights and anxious to prove the he's right and the other wrong that's how these matters are normally dealt with isn't it and that is why there is so much trouble now the Apostle evades all that as I've been saying by lifting it up and putting it into another context and by doing that he avoids all these difficulties his method positively is this you see it is in the fear of Christ that is already put down in chapter in verse 21 submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of of Christ then he repeats it wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord you see before you begin to take your stands on the one side and on the other and you're already doomed of costop failure because you're in a partisan spirit he prevents it all he raises birth immediately to the Lord and every subject that is discussed by Christians should be discussed in that way a Christian who loses his or her temper in an argument shouldn't speak whether you prove your point or not you've lost everything by losing your temper it is in the Lord in the fear of Christ he's talking about submission and his point is that before we are concerned about the merits of these two people both of them must submit themselves unto the Lord submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ so you see you both do that you're having your argument on your knees and what difference that makes if I may use the vulgarism you don't get up on your hind legs you get down on your knees and if only we conducted these matters of difficulty Upon Our Knees what a difference it would make now it's not only about this question of husbands and wives take the heat that's generated over the argument about pacifism and so on and these various other matters that are engaging people today the heat the partisan spirit the animosity no no the method is says the Apostle the spirit is that we must all do it always in submission to the Lord with a desire to please him with a Readiness always to be taught and to be led by him and by his word now then there I've given you eight general principles which not only govern this but govern every problem that can ever arise in your Christian Life having done that let's go on to the particular matter all I have been saying is Illustrated to perfection in the apostles treatment here of the Christian view of marriage the Christian teaching concerning marriage but once more we must follow the method before we come to the details let's look at the general things which he tells us about this what is it well the first big thing he tells us is that the Christian view of marriage is a unique View it is a view that is entirely different from every other view it is a view that you only find in the Bible how does the Christian view marriage what is the teaching well let me start again with a negative the Christian view of marriage is not the way in which marriage is generally viewed by the vast majority of people have you ever thought of this what if I ask you at this point to go home and to write out the Christian view of marriage have you ever done that shame oners who are Christians if we haven't we are very poor Christians if we haven't have we discovered the uniqueness of the Christian view have we realized how it differs so essentially from the general view what is that General view well unsavory though it is I must remind you of it the common view of marriage is a purely physical one it is something which is based almost exclusively on physical attraction and the desire for physical gratification it is a legalizing of physical attraction and physical gratification so often it is nothing but that hence the scandal of divorce they haven't even thought about it they have no view of marriage at all they are governed entirely by instincts and impulses it's purely on the animal level and never rises above that no thought whatsoever about the thing in and of itself but it is a legalizing of something that they're anxious to do but then there is another second common view which Rises a little higher than that it's a little more intelligent than that because this second view says marriage it says is a human Arrangement and a human contrivance they say anthropology teaches us this there was no no doubt they say a time when uh human beings were more or less like animals and they were promiscuous and they behaved as animals behave but as men began to develop and to evolve he began to realize that certain Arrangements were necessary that all that led to confusion and to chaos into a lot of trouble so after a long process of agonizing and of development and of experiment and of trial and of error human nature in its wisdom civilization came to the conclusion that it would be right and well and good that you should have monogamy one man and one woman you passed through the stage of polygamy before that and so on but at last it worked itself up to this it's a matter of development it's a matter of Social Development it's the teaching of anthropology but the whole time you see it's something that man has discovered as he pass his acts of parliament to control traffic and parking and so on so he has discovered a way of solving this problem of men and women and the relationships to one another and children and so on and so forth something entirely human that is I think probably the common assumption which is made by the vast majority of people less I find at times even by Christian people then another characteristic of this view is this that because it hasn't a fundamentally correct view of what marriage really is the her approach to marriage is one which almost expects trouble that was very true of the Pagan World wives seeking to rule their husbands and husbands tending to tyrannize over their wives and to make slaves of their wives the atmosphere was one of jealousy and of antagonism leading to strife and to quarreling of necessity instead of this common submission to the Lord each one standing for his or her rights not a a true partnership but a well a kind of agreement that for certain purpose purposes they're going to do certain things together but an underlying bitterness and antagonism and spirit and sense of opposition now you examine the commonly held view of marriage and of the marriage state and relationship don't you see it in the cartoons don't you see it in the reports of the cases don't you see it I say again in the popular jokes why should it be that how has this come to be so current well it's because you see of this completely entirely wrong view of what marriage really means and of course today the whole thing has become aggravated because of the modern Notions of equality between men and women the results of the so-called feminist movement this has aggravated the whole problem and and it makes the subject we are dealing with so particularly urgent at the present time there has been this mod movement of feminism which claims that men and women are equal in every respect and that there should be no division or distinction at all neither the one before the other this complete equality and of course while there are aspects of it which any Christian man leave alone any sane and intelligent men must agree with with the whole of his being taking it in general and as a principle it flies against the plain teaching of the scripture at this point and is without any question the cause of much confusion much trouble and much damage not only to the marriage state but also to the family as the fundamental unit in life discipline is gone order is gone children are not given a chance why well because their parents are not in the right relationship to one another and the child is bewildered seeing this competition this conflict where there should be none so you see this modern movement has tended to belcloud the whole issue and less it seems even to be seeping into the thinking of many who call themselves Evangelical and who claim to believe in the scripture as the infallible and inspired word of God well now you notice at once that that's not the Christian approach to marriage none of those things come in at all what is it well it's this the Christian view of marriage is something that is governed entirely and solely by the teaching of the scripture Old Testament and New Testament both the Apostle derives his argument from the old as well as from the new so a man who claims to be a Christian he doesn't say now what I think about marriage he says what does the Bible say about marriage you see there's a complete difference at the very beginning he submits himself to the teaching of this book he doesn't say of course by now we've developed into advance so much and women were thought of like this even by the Apostle Paul you know who were so right in the atonement but on women was so wrong now the moment you say that you no longer believe your scriptures and you mustn't say that you believe it is the infallible word of God if you think you know better no no the Christian says I know nothing apart from what the scripture tells me so he submits to the Old Testament and to the New Testament his life is to be governed by this in this matter of thought secondly we discover that it is not a human contrivance or Arrangement but God's ordinance something instituted by men something that God in his infinite grace and kindness has appointed and ordained and prepared and established for men and women it is of God and not of men the teaching of the Anthropologist is pure speculation and Imagination it is not true the teaching of the Bible is the truth about this matter it is God's contrivance and God's ordinance thirdly the terms of the relationship we shall find are clearly and plainly stated and fourthly marriage can only be fully understood as we understand the doctrine of the Lord Jesus Christ and the church you notice it's Central he keeps on carrying on the argument about Christ and the church right through the whole paragraph in other words it comes to this if we are not clear about the Lord Jesus Christ and the church and the relationship of the church to him we cannot understand marriage it's impossible because it is only in the light of that doctrine that we rarely understand the doctrine concerning marriage I therefore end with these two deductions it is only the Christian who truly understands and appreciates marriage oh that's why it is such a wonderful thing to be a Christian you know Christianity doesn't only deal with your soul my friend and your final salvation your avoidance of hell and you're going to heaven Christianity touches the whole of your life while you're still here there has been nothing more wonderful I think I can say honestly in my pastoral experience then to see the difference it makes in the husband wife relationship where there was a tendency to part or to drift from one another and an antagonism and almost a bitterness and a hatred the two people becoming Christians have discovered one another for the first time and have discovered what marriage is for the first time though they may have been marri married for years and see what a beautiful and what a glorious thing it is you cannot understand marriage truly unless you are a Christian may I venture to put it like this in the light of all this the Wonder is not that there are so many divorces but that that but that there are not many more isn't it an amazing and astounding thing that in the absence of thought and with the wrong thinking when they do begin to think that marriage is hold even as they do no man no woman has a true conception of marriage who is not a Christian but if we are Christian there should be no difficulty about knowing what marriage is and what it means there should be no argument there should be no disputation if you come and believe this teaching the thing is inevitable not only is it inevitable you're very glad that it is inevitable it's so wonderful it is so glorious it is so exalted there is no difficulty there's no haggling there's no argument and no saying well I don't think I can actually go you have submitted yourself to Christ so as the other and you've both submitted yourselves not only to one another but to all the other members of the church and of the community to which you belong you are governed by a higher loyalty by loyalty to him who didn't consider his own rights and prerogatives that who considered you only and your desperate and appalling need and humbled himself laid aside his rights and prerogatives and humbled himself and took upon him even the form of a servant and even went to the death yay the death of the Cross and looking at him and seeing how he came not only to save you from heav but to give you life and to give you life more abundantly and to fill out your understanding of everything with his own Glory seeing that you see marriage a new you see everything a new and you don't object to its teaching you not only submit yourself to it I say you rejoice in it and you praise God for it very well there is our introduction to the detailed teaching of the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5 with regard to Christian marriage God willing we'll go on next Sunday to consider the teaching in detail we do hope that you've been helped by the preaching of Dr Martin lyd Jones all of the sermons contained within the mlj trust audio library are now available for free download you may share the sermons or broadcast them however because of international copyright please be advised that we are asking first that these sermons never be offered for sale by a third party and second that these sermons will not be edited in any way for length or to use as audio clips you can find our contact information on our website at mlj trust.org that's mlj t.org" [00:01:23]