Understanding Biblical Submission in Marriage
Summary
### Summary
In today's reflection on 1 Peter 3, we delved into the profound and often misunderstood concept of submission within marriage. We began by acknowledging the importance of understanding God's word in its depth and beauty, and how it guides us in our daily lives. The passage from 1 Peter 3:1-7 speaks to both wives and husbands, urging wives to be subject to their husbands and husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way, showing honor to them.
Peter's message is not about superficial adornment but about the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God's sight. This inner beauty is rooted in a strong, unshakable hope in God, a fearless disposition, and a deep understanding of God's sovereignty. The holy women of old, like Sarah, are exemplars of this kind of beauty and strength. They adorned themselves with submission, not out of fear, but out of a profound trust in God's promises.
We also explored what submission is not. It does not mean agreeing with everything a husband says, losing one's ability to think independently, avoiding efforts to change a husband for the better, putting a husband's will above Christ's, relying solely on a husband for spiritual strength, or acting out of fear. Instead, submission is a divine calling to honor and affirm a husband's leadership, helping to carry it through according to one's gifts. It is an attitude that delights in a husband's initiative and leadership, while maintaining a supreme allegiance to Christ.
The ultimate goal of this biblical submission is not merely to maintain harmony in marriage but to reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church. Marriage is a covenant that mirrors this divine relationship, aiming for everlasting holy joy. Christ's sacrificial love for the Church sets the standard for how husbands should love their wives, and the Church's submission to Christ models how wives should relate to their husbands.
### Key Takeaways
1. Inner Beauty Over External Adornment: True beauty in God's eyes is not about external appearances but the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. This inner beauty is cultivated through a deep, unshakable hope in God and a fearless disposition, reflecting a strong theological understanding of God's sovereignty. [01:10]
2. Submission Rooted in Strength and Fearlessness: Biblical submission is not about weakness or fear. It is about a strong, fearless woman who hopes in God and is not afraid of the future. This kind of submission is a powerful testament to a woman's faith and trust in God's promises. [07:13]
3. Misconceptions About Submission: Submission does not mean agreeing with everything a husband says, losing one's ability to think independently, or avoiding efforts to change a husband for the better. It is about honoring and affirming a husband's leadership while maintaining a supreme allegiance to Christ. [11:39]
4. Submission and Spiritual Strength: A wife's submission does not mean she relies solely on her husband for spiritual strength. Even when a husband's spiritual leadership is lacking, a Christian wife is strengthened and supported by Christ, enabling her to help her husband come to faith. [14:37]
5. Marriage as a Reflection of Christ and the Church: The roles of headship and submission in marriage are designed to reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church. This covenant relationship aims for everlasting holy joy, with Christ's sacrificial love setting the standard for husbands and the Church's submission modeling the role of wives. [20:53]
### YouTube Chapters
[0:00] - Welcome
[01:10] - Introduction to 1 Peter 3
[02:08] - Peter's Admonition on Submission
[03:20] - Commitment to the Lord
[04:16] - Portrait of Womanhood
[05:04] - Holy Women Who Hoped in God
[06:35] - Knowledge and Sovereignty of God
[07:13] - Fearlessness in Submission
[08:20] - Internal Adornment
[09:46] - Unique Submissiveness
[11:06] - Misconceptions About Submission
[12:49] - Independent Thinking and Submission
[13:40] - Efforts to Change a Husband
[14:37] - Spiritual Strength in Submission
[15:29] - Submission Without Fear
[15:53] - Divine Calling of Submission
[16:49] - Submission and Sin
[18:27] - Mutual Decision-Making in Marriage
[20:02] - Covenant Keeping in Marriage
[21:05] - Headship and Submission in Marriage
[22:07] - Prayer and Conclusion
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. 1 Peter 3:1-7 (ESV)
2. Proverbs 31:25 (ESV) - "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come."
#### Observation Questions
1. According to 1 Peter 3:1-7, what qualities does Peter emphasize as precious in God's sight? ([01:10])
2. How does Peter describe the way holy women of old adorned themselves? ([05:04])
3. What does Peter say about the relationship between a wife's submission and her husband's spiritual state? ([13:13])
4. What is the ultimate goal of marriage as described in the sermon? ([20:53])
#### Interpretation Questions
1. What does it mean for a wife to have an "imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit"? How does this contrast with external adornment? ([09:05])
2. How can a wife's submission be rooted in strength and fearlessness rather than weakness or fear? ([07:13])
3. What are some common misconceptions about submission that the sermon addresses? How do these misconceptions differ from the biblical view of submission? ([11:39])
4. How does the relationship between Christ and the Church serve as a model for marriage? What implications does this have for both husbands and wives? ([21:05])
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your own understanding of beauty. How can you cultivate the "imperishable beauty" of a gentle and quiet spirit in your daily life? ([09:05])
2. In what ways can you demonstrate a fearless hope in God, especially in challenging situations within your marriage or relationships? ([07:13])
3. Think about a time when you disagreed with your spouse or partner. How did you handle it? How can you honor and affirm their leadership while maintaining your own convictions? ([11:39])
4. How can you support your spouse's spiritual growth, even if they are not currently strong in their faith? What practical steps can you take to encourage them? ([14:37])
5. Reflect on the concept of marriage as a covenant that mirrors the relationship between Christ and the Church. How can you and your spouse work together to reflect this divine relationship in your marriage? ([21:05])
6. Identify one area in your marriage or relationship where you can practice mutual decision-making. How can you ensure that both partners feel heard and valued in the process? ([18:27])
7. How can you apply the principles of biblical submission in a way that brings joy and harmony to your marriage, rather than conflict or resentment? ([20:53])
Devotional
Day 1: Inner Beauty Over External Adornment
True beauty in God's eyes is not about external appearances but the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. This inner beauty is cultivated through a deep, unshakable hope in God and a fearless disposition, reflecting a strong theological understanding of God's sovereignty. The focus is on the heart and character rather than outward adornment. This kind of beauty is precious in God's sight and is exemplified by the holy women of old, like Sarah, who trusted in God's promises and adorned themselves with a gentle and quiet spirit.
1 Peter 3:3-4 (ESV): "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
Reflection: How can you cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit in your daily interactions? What steps can you take to focus more on inner beauty rather than external appearances? [01:10]
Day 2: Submission Rooted in Strength and Fearlessness
Biblical submission is not about weakness or fear. It is about a strong, fearless woman who hopes in God and is not afraid of the future. This kind of submission is a powerful testament to a woman's faith and trust in God's promises. It involves a deep understanding of God's sovereignty and a fearless disposition that comes from a strong theological foundation. This strength and fearlessness are what make biblical submission a profound and beautiful act of faith.
Proverbs 31:25 (ESV): "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come."
Reflection: In what areas of your life do you need to trust God more deeply? How can you demonstrate strength and fearlessness in your daily walk with God? [07:13]
Day 3: Misconceptions About Submission
Submission does not mean agreeing with everything a husband says, losing one's ability to think independently, or avoiding efforts to change a husband for the better. It is about honoring and affirming a husband's leadership while maintaining a supreme allegiance to Christ. This kind of submission respects the husband's role but does not compromise one's own convictions or spiritual responsibilities. It is a balanced approach that seeks to support and uplift the husband while staying true to one's faith in Christ.
Ephesians 5:21 (ESV): "Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Reflection: How can you honor and affirm leadership in your relationships while maintaining your own convictions? What practical steps can you take to balance support and independence? [11:39]
Day 4: Submission and Spiritual Strength
A wife's submission does not mean she relies solely on her husband for spiritual strength. Even when a husband's spiritual leadership is lacking, a Christian wife is strengthened and supported by Christ, enabling her to help her husband come to faith. This highlights the importance of a personal relationship with Christ and the role of a wife in spiritually supporting her husband. It is a call to be spiritually strong and to rely on Christ as the ultimate source of strength and guidance.
Colossians 1:11 (ESV): "May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy."
Reflection: How can you rely more on Christ for your spiritual strength? In what ways can you support and encourage spiritual growth in your spouse or loved ones? [14:37]
Day 5: Marriage as a Reflection of Christ and the Church
The roles of headship and submission in marriage are designed to reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church. This covenant relationship aims for everlasting holy joy, with Christ's sacrificial love setting the standard for husbands and the Church's submission modeling the role of wives. Marriage is a divine covenant that mirrors the love and commitment between Christ and His Church, and it calls both husbands and wives to live out these roles in a way that honors God and reflects His love.
Ephesians 5:25-27 (ESV): "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish."
Reflection: How can your marriage or relationships better reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church? What specific actions can you take to demonstrate sacrificial love and respectful submission? [20:53]
Quotes
### Quotes for Outreach
1. "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the times to come. You see, she's laughing at the future because she knows who holds the future. She hopes in God, and therefore she's not afraid of the future. She is a woman who has a strong theology of the sovereignty of God, the sovereign power of God, which Rob talked about this morning, in terms of even controlling the weather. That's the God we worship, the one who controls everything." [05:04] (36 seconds)
2. "We get old, but our spirits are getting stronger and more beautiful, and that's this woman. So it's a unique kind of submissiveness. It's a submissiveness that has a spirit that expresses itself in a unique kind of submissiveness to her husband. Unshakable hope in God, courage and fearlessness, quiet tranquility, and a humble submission to God. To her husband. Amazed." [09:05] (34 seconds)
3. "The truth is that headship and submission are really beautiful. We submit ourselves to Christ. This wedding that Nancy was talking about, which was between Alana Classen and Mike Lipinski, one of the things that they asked me to talk about in the message was, that this is a covenant. That marriage is a covenant. And so in the New Testament, the church is seen as the bride of Christ. And we as the bride submit ourselves to Christ." [10:24] (37 seconds)
4. "The goal of all of this, says Piper, is everlasting holy joy. I'll just read this out at this end of what he says. So Andy says, with a reminder that marriage is not mainly about staying in love, it's about covenant keeping. I thought that was interesting because one of the things I said to this couple on Sunday is that in 1 Corinthians 13 where Paul talks about love, there's not one single word in that passage about feelings." [20:02] (31 seconds)
5. "It's a God-designed relationship between a husband and a wife and a wife. It's a to represent the relationship between Christ and the church. This is the deepest meaning of marriage and that is why ultimately the roles of headship and submission are so important. If our marriages are going to tell the truth about Christ and His Church, we cannot be indifferent to the meaning of headship and submission." [20:53] (30 seconds)
### Quotes for Members
1. "Peter's portrait of womanhood, is a powerful portrait. He portrays woman, as having deep, strong roots. Underneath this whole idea of submission, is a powerful image of a woman. The roots make submissions strong and beautiful. And that's why I asked Jeanette to read that passage from Proverbs. You see, because, the woman that he's talking about here, he's talking about women who are married to men, who are possibly, and most likely, in this situation, unbelievers. So it's even more difficult for these women." [04:16] (49 seconds)
2. "Submission does not mean avoiding every effort to change a husband. The whole point of this text is to tell the wife how to win her husband. Be subject to your own husband so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. If you didn't care about the Bible, you might say, well, submission has to mean taking a husband the way he is and not trying to change him. But if you look at this verse, that's the opposite." [13:13] (29 seconds)
3. "Submission does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ. The text, says Piper, clearly teaches that the wife is a follower of Jesus and above being a follower of her, and is a follower of Jesus above being a follower of her husband. Submission to Jesus relativizes submission to husbands, the governments and employers and parents. And when Sarah called him Lord, it was Lord in the lower case, as I've mentioned. And the obedience that she rendered to Abraham is a qualified obedience because her supreme allegiance is to the Lord, capital L." [14:06] (38 seconds)
4. "Submission does not mean that a wife gets her personal spiritual strength primarily through her husband. A good husband should indeed strengthen and build up and sustain his wife, but he should be a source of strength. What the text shows is that when a husband's spiritual leadership is lacking, the Christian wife is not bereft of strength. In other words, she's not lacking in strength. Submission does not mean she's dependent on him to supply the strength or virtue or character. The text, in fact, assumes just the opposite, that she is being strengthened and supported by Christ in her marriage to help her husband come to Christ." [14:37] (45 seconds)
5. "When then does submission say, what then does submission say in such a situation? Piper here says, so he's putting in quotation marks what would be going through the woman's, the wife's mind. It grieves me when you venture into sinful acts and want to take me there with you. You know I can't do that. I have no desire to resist you. On the contrary, I flourish most when I can respond joyfully to your leadership. But I can't follow you into sin. As much as I love and honor your leadership in our marriage, Christ is my King." [16:49] (41 seconds)
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