Understanding Biblical Roles in Christian Marriage
Summary
In our final session on Christian marriage, we delve into the often controversial topic of the roles of men and women within marriage, as outlined in the New Testament, specifically in Ephesians 5. This passage has sparked much debate, particularly around the concept of submission. The text begins with a call for mutual submission among Christians, which some interpret as a directive for equal submission between husbands and wives. However, I argue that this interpretation distorts the biblical text. Instead, the passage suggests that while all Christians are called to submit to various authorities, the specific roles within marriage are distinct, with the husband as the head of the wife, akin to Christ's headship over the church.
This headship is not a license for tyranny or demeaning behavior but a call to a weighty responsibility. The husband's role is to lead with love, mirroring Christ's sacrificial love for the church. This means that a husband should be willing to lay down his life for his wife, ensuring her well-being and spiritual growth. Conversely, the wife's submission is not about inferiority but about respecting the God-given structure of marriage. This submission is not absolute; it does not extend to actions that contradict God's commands.
The cultural myth of a 50/50 marriage often leads to power struggles, but God's design places the final authority with the husband, not as a privilege but as a responsibility. Men often carry the burden of providing for their families, a fear that manifests in their nightmares. Women, while rightly protesting against misinterpretations that lead to tyranny, should also understand the pressures men face.
Ultimately, the biblical model of marriage is not about competition but about unity, where both partners fulfill their roles in love and respect, reflecting the relationship between Christ and the church. This mutual commitment leads to a harmonious and fulfilling marriage, where both partners are cherished and nourished.
Key Takeaways:
1. Mutual Submission and Distinct Roles: While Ephesians 5 calls for mutual submission among Christians, it also outlines distinct roles within marriage, with the husband as the head, reflecting Christ's headship over the church. This structure is not about superiority but about fulfilling God-given responsibilities. [02:31]
2. The Weight of Headship: The husband's role as the head is not a privilege but a significant responsibility to love and lead his wife as Christ loves the church. This involves sacrificial love and ensuring the well-being and spiritual growth of his wife. [05:34]
3. Submission with Discernment: A wife's submission is not absolute; it does not extend to actions that contradict God's commands. In cases where human authority conflicts with divine authority, obedience to God takes precedence. [08:34]
4. Understanding Male Fears: Men often carry the burden of providing for their families, a fear that manifests in their nightmares. Understanding this pressure can foster empathy and support within the marriage. [14:04]
5. Unity in Marriage: The biblical model of marriage is about unity, not competition. When both partners fulfill their roles in love and respect, reflecting the relationship between Christ and the church, it leads to a harmonious and fulfilling marriage. [26:15]
Youtube Chapters:
- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:34] - Introduction to Controversial Roles
- [01:18] - Mutual Submission in Ephesians
- [02:01] - Misinterpretations of Submission
- [03:04] - Authority and Submission in Christianity
- [04:18] - The Law of God and Submission
- [05:00] - Wives' Submission to Husbands
- [06:09] - Headship and Responsibility
- [07:25] - Limits of Submission
- [08:34] - Obeying God Over Human Authority
- [09:37] - Practical Examples of Submission
- [10:18] - The Role of Husbands
- [11:25] - The Myth of 50/50 Marriage
- [12:54] - Equality and Dignity in Marriage
- [14:04] - Male Fears and Responsibilities
- [16:35] - Decision-Making in Marriage
- [18:30] - Husbands' Love for Wives
- [20:44] - Sacrificial Love and Trust
- [22:55] - Mutual Commitment in Marriage
- [24:04] - Admiration and Ego in Marriage
- [25:32] - Cherishing and Nourishing in Marriage
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide: Christian Marriage and Roles
Bible Reading:
- Ephesians 5:21-33
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Observation Questions:
1. What does Ephesians 5:21 mean by "submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God," and how does this set the stage for the following verses? [01:18]
2. How does the sermon describe the analogy between the husband's headship and Christ's headship over the church? [05:34]
3. What are the two conditions under which a wife may disobey her husband's authority according to the sermon? [08:34]
4. What is the cultural myth of a 50/50 marriage, and how does the sermon suggest it leads to power struggles? [11:25]
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Interpretation Questions:
1. How does the sermon interpret the concept of mutual submission in Ephesians 5:21, and why does it argue against a 50/50 marriage model? [11:25]
2. In what ways does the sermon suggest that the husband's role as the head of the wife is a responsibility rather than a privilege? [06:09]
3. How does the sermon address the fears and pressures men face in their role as providers, and what impact does this have on the marriage dynamic? [14:04]
4. What does the sermon suggest about the relationship between love and submission in a marriage, and how does this reflect the relationship between Christ and the church? [22:15]
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Application Questions:
1. Reflect on your understanding of mutual submission. How can you practice this in your marriage or relationships while respecting distinct roles? [01:18]
2. Consider the responsibilities associated with headship in marriage. How can you lead with love and ensure the well-being and spiritual growth of your partner? [05:34]
3. Think about a situation where human authority conflicted with divine authority in your life. How did you handle it, and what would you do differently now? [08:34]
4. How can understanding the pressures and fears men face as providers foster empathy and support in your marriage or relationships? [14:04]
5. Reflect on the concept of unity in marriage. What steps can you take to move away from competition and towards a harmonious partnership? [26:15]
6. How can you ensure that your actions and decisions in marriage reflect sacrificial love, similar to Christ's love for the church? [18:30]
7. Identify one area in your marriage or relationship where you can improve in cherishing and nourishing your partner. What specific actions will you take this week? [25:32]
Devotional
Day 1: Mutual Submission and Distinct Roles
In Ephesians 5, the call for mutual submission among Christians is often misunderstood. While it suggests a general principle of submission among believers, it also outlines distinct roles within marriage. The husband is called to be the head of the wife, reflecting Christ's headship over the church. This structure is not about superiority or inferiority but about fulfilling God-given responsibilities. The husband's role is to lead with love and sacrifice, while the wife's role is to respect and support this leadership. This dynamic, when understood correctly, fosters a harmonious relationship that mirrors the unity between Christ and the church. [02:31]
Ephesians 5:21-23 (ESV): "submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior."
Reflection: In what ways can you practice mutual submission in your relationships today, while also respecting the distinct roles God has outlined for you?
Day 2: The Weight of Headship
The role of the husband as the head of the wife is not a privilege but a significant responsibility. It calls for a love that mirrors Christ's sacrificial love for the church. This means that a husband should be willing to lay down his life for his wife, ensuring her well-being and spiritual growth. This headship is about leading with love, humility, and selflessness, not about exerting control or dominance. When a husband embraces this role, it creates an environment where both partners can thrive and grow together in their faith. [05:34]
1 Peter 3:7 (ESV): "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."
Reflection: How can you demonstrate sacrificial love to your spouse or loved ones today, reflecting Christ's love for the church?
Day 3: Submission with Discernment
A wife's submission to her husband is not about blind obedience or inferiority. It is about respecting the God-given structure of marriage while maintaining discernment. Submission does not extend to actions that contradict God's commands. In situations where human authority conflicts with divine authority, obedience to God takes precedence. This understanding allows for a balanced approach to submission, where a wife can support her husband while also standing firm in her faith and convictions. [08:34]
Acts 5:29 (ESV): "But Peter and the apostles answered, 'We must obey God rather than men.'"
Reflection: Are there areas in your life where you need to prioritize obedience to God over human expectations? How can you do this with grace and wisdom?
Day 4: Understanding Male Fears
Men often carry the burden of providing for their families, a fear that can manifest in their nightmares. Understanding this pressure can foster empathy and support within the marriage. Recognizing the unique challenges that men face allows for a deeper connection and partnership. By acknowledging these fears, both partners can work together to create a supportive environment where each person feels valued and understood. This mutual understanding strengthens the marriage and reflects the unity and love that God desires for His people. [14:04]
Psalm 55:22 (ESV): "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved."
Reflection: How can you support your spouse or a loved one in their fears and burdens today, offering empathy and understanding?
Day 5: Unity in Marriage
The biblical model of marriage is about unity, not competition. When both partners fulfill their roles in love and respect, reflecting the relationship between Christ and the church, it leads to a harmonious and fulfilling marriage. This unity is achieved through mutual commitment, where both partners are cherished and nourished. By focusing on the strengths and contributions of each person, a marriage can thrive and become a testament to God's love and grace. [26:15]
Colossians 3:14 (ESV): "And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
Reflection: What steps can you take today to foster unity and harmony in your marriage or relationships, focusing on love and mutual respect?
Quotes
"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." That is usually seen as the connecting statement between what Paul had taught earlier in this epistle and what will follow now after it. And some see in this verse a key indicator for how what follows is to be understood. [00:00:52]
Rather, I think, as the consensus historically of biblical interpreters has been, that what the apostle is saying here is that every Christian at some point is called to submission. No one of us is a sovereign of our own. There are all kinds of places where I must submit to the authority and to the leadership of others. [00:02:57]
If Christ is who He said He was, and He was speaking the truth when He said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me" - that is if the authority of God is given to Jesus, and then Jesus gives that authority to His apostles, then what we’re struggling with in this text is not against some Jewish rabbi’s insights, but we’re struggling against the law of God. [00:04:02]
The analogy continues. "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church," so that in a manner similar to the way in which Christ is the head of the church, so the man is the head of the wife; and I’ve seen all kinds of games being played with that text by commentators who want to get out from under it. [00:05:34]
Yes, there is a delegated level of authority in the Scriptures. God is supreme. He delegates to Christ, Christ delegates to the apostles, and we are told that all authority in this world ultimately comes from God. And we are called to be submissive to kings and to honor the princes and to obey the civil magistrates and so on. [00:07:50]
Do you see that, in the New Testament where Christ commands His apostles to preach the gospel? They begin to preach the gospel, and the authorities come to them and tell them to stop preaching the gospel; and what do they say? "Should we obey God, or should we obey men?" And the answer is obvious. [00:08:59]
We hear constantly in our culture the myth of the 50/50 marriage. I can’t think of anything worse because in the 50/50 situation where there is no final authority, what fallen human beings tend to do in that situation is to be locked into a perpetual power struggle where everybody is agitating to get fifty-one percent of the stock to get control. [00:11:19]
I know that women have been crying out for the past decades, bleeding about the way in which we have interpreted this passage where men have bought into the myth that the only way God could tell women to submit to husbands is if men are naturally superior to women. That is not true whatsoever. [00:12:01]
Some psychiatric studies were made, and it was discovered that the American male on the average has five times more nightmares than the American woman. You say, "Well what does that have to do with this?" So here’s what it has to do with: The single, number one fear that crops up in nightmares for the American male is the fear of providing for his family. [00:13:45]
I’ve never met a woman who said that she would have a hard time submitting to the authority of her husband if her husband was Jesus. She would never have to be afraid of being exploited by Jesus. She would never be a victim of tyranny. She would never be a victim of abuse. She would never be a battered wife. [00:18:30]
I tend to be a leader more than a follower because I have found precious few people in this world that I am willing to follow, but it is exciting when I find somebody I admire enough and respect enough and trust enough to follow; and one thing is important to me before I follow someone. I don’t want to follow somebody into an ambush. [00:20:26]
Paul goes on to say, "This is the mystery: that men should love their wives as their own bodies because no man ever hated his own flesh, but he nourishes it, and he cherishes it." That’s my job -- to nourish her and to cherish her, and in that Christ is honored, and marriages are made whole. [00:26:25]
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