Discovering True Love [It's Complicated] — Pastor Aaron Burke

Somebody needs to hear this word from the Lord today. You can get through this tough season. You can get through this tough difficult moment. Your marriage can survive this. Now let me just be very clear to make sure I give the caveat. There are biblical reasons to separate. There are biblical reasons. Abuse and adultery where God gives you an out. Because he would never wanna keep you in that situation, especially when it comes to abuse where you're in a difficult situation. You go, well I just have to endure. No. No. No. No. There is a place where you protect yourself and protect your children. [00:26:11] (34 seconds)  #MarriageCanSurvive

The whole tribe has been messed up. They're both trauma bonding, and they feel the love tonight. It is not a good way to do relationships. We have learned how to be guided in our relationships by these things called feelings. The butterflies. The excitement. But what happens when it all ends? What happens when the music stops? The animal sidekicks stop helping, and their happily ever after turns into hard work, Crucial conversations. Bad breath. That's real relationships. Hear me out. Access, if you feel your way into a relationship, you'll eventually feel your way out of it. [00:03:10] (40 seconds)  #BeyondButterflies

And we've become consumers of even the relationships in our life instead of contributors the way Jesus was. It's like this piggy bank. This piggy bank is so much of our lives where we have this whole world of like, hey, deposit in me. So I go everywhere that I can deposit. I go everywhere that someone can put some life into me, something into me. I like that group of friends. They do it for me. I like that church. It it helps me. I I like that that community. It helps me. And then when it stops helping you, you go, I'm taking my piggy bank somewhere else. [00:16:35] (33 seconds)  #BeContributorNotConsumer

And a successful marriage is just two people who continually die to themselves every day to say, I'm gonna serve the needs of the other person, and watch how you'll walk into the call of God for your life. This is why Paul writes, and he says, do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility, value others above yourselves. Not looking after your own interest. I this is a tough passage for us because we wanna look after our own interest. We wanna take care of ourselves. And and and he'd say no. But look after the interest of who? Come on. Help me, church. Of who? Others. In your relationships with another, have the same mindset of Christ Jesus. And what was the mindset of Christ Jesus? That he who should be served came and offered his life as a service for many. [00:17:55] (49 seconds)  #ValueOthersAboveSelf

And that's how you've lived your life. You keep uprooting yourself time and time again. Because why? Because they stopped doing it for me instead of realizing, wait, I got this wrong. Christianity is not who can deposit into me. Christianity is That's the best visualization of Christianity right there. It's lay down your life. Empty yourself. And you go, but if I empty myself, how who's gonna take care of me? Aren't you grateful that we have a good shepherd that'll take care of all of our needs, that'll supply all of our needs according to his riches and his glory? And as we die to ourselves, then we can actually live the call of God on our lives. [00:17:08] (48 seconds)  #LayDownAndTrust

true love? The problem with the idea of true love is that we have been discipled in the idea of love, not from the Bible, but from from Disney. Now I don't know if I have any Disney fans out there. My wife and I, we have five kids, and we are in, like, Disney season. We love Disney. We love Disney movies. We love to go to the parks. The problem with it is as we're watching the movies, I have to explain to four of them that are girls. They're like, hey, just want you to know, this isn't how relationships are supposed to work. This isn't real. Like Cinderella. She meets the guy for one night. They have one conversation. He never asked for her name. Ladies, that's a problem. It's a problem right there. And I I tell my daughters, listen, if he's that interested in shoes, you probably shouldn't date him in the first place. [00:00:50] (43 seconds)  #RealLoveNotDisney

We value. We see the good in the other person. So many of our relationships fail because we think we are called to be the holy spirit in their lives. I thought this about Katie. For the first few years of my marriage, I was pretty sure that God put me in the marriage for me to fix her. That did not work very well. And what I realized is I'm not called to be the Holy Spirit in their life. I'm called to value who God's called them to be. I'm called to celebrate them. Look what our passage says. Start let's pick up in verse six. He says, love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. [00:20:11] (40 seconds)  #CelebrateDontFix

For all let me give you a little challenge. Here's my challenge for all the single men in the church. You gotta kill this idea of searching for perfection. It's bizarre. I meet these men all the time. They're like I'm like, hey. Have you found somebody in the church? Oh, I can't find anybody. I'm like, there's so many single amazing women in the church. Well, this one had a toenail that was a little too long. True story. A guy the other day, I said, there are so many godly girls in church. Goes, well, I went to this one girl's house for a small group, and I went to the the guest bathroom, and she had this towel that was dirty that was on the counter. And I thought, oh, this girl's not organized. I was like, dude, you're gonna be single the rest of your life. You you don't understand this. You have this unrealistic expectation of perfection. [00:24:01] (55 seconds)  #DitchPerfectionDating