True Confidence: The Power of Humility and Grace

Summary

Today’s reflection centers on the nature of confidence—where it is placed, how it can mislead, and what God truly values in us. In a world that prizes self-confidence and self-esteem, it’s easy to assume that projecting strength and certainty is always a virtue. Yet, as we explored, confidence can be both a blessing and a trap. When our confidence is rooted in ourselves—our abilities, our moral standing, our reputation—it can quickly become arrogance or self-righteousness. We saw this in the story of the Pharisee and the tax collector: one stood before God, listing his virtues and looking down on others, while the other, aware of his failings, simply pleaded for mercy.

It’s tempting to read this parable and immediately distance ourselves from the Pharisee, thinking, “I would never pray like that.” But the real challenge is to see ourselves not at our best, but at our worst—especially in moments of conflict, when we are sure we are right and others are wrong. In those heated arguments with spouses, friends, or coworkers, how often do we focus on the faults of others, justifying our own behavior while dismissing theirs? We even go so far as to label and dismiss people, making it easier to ignore our own shortcomings.

Jesus’ parable is not just about our vertical relationship with God, but also about our horizontal relationships with others. The Pharisee’s self-righteousness not only separated him from God but also from his fellow worshipers. The tax collector, on the other hand, approached God with humility, aware of his need for grace. God is not impressed by our achievements, our reputation, or our ability to “win” arguments. What matters is a humble, repentant heart—a willingness to admit our faults, seek forgiveness, and be “coachable” before God.

Humility is not self-loathing, nor is it timidity. It is sober judgment—seeing ourselves accurately, neither inflating nor diminishing our worth. When we come to God and to others with this posture, we open ourselves to transformation. God can work with a humble, teachable spirit. He lifts up those who acknowledge their need for Him and for others. Our only true confidence is found not in ourselves, but in the mercy and righteousness of Jesus Christ.

Key Takeaways

- True confidence is not self-assurance, but a sober, humble assessment of ourselves. Overconfidence in our own abilities or righteousness blinds us to our need for God and for growth. Humility is not thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves accurately, as Romans 12 teaches: “with sober judgment.” [44:53]

- In moments of conflict, our instinct is to focus on the faults of others and justify our own actions. Real spiritual growth happens when we look inward, admit our own part in the conflict, and seek to understand rather than to win. This shift from blame to self-examination is the beginning of reconciliation and transformation. [49:17]

- The parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector challenges us to examine not just our prayers, but our attitudes in daily life. Are we approaching God and others with a sense of superiority, or with a humble awareness of our need for grace? God is not swayed by our reputation or good deeds, but by the posture of our hearts. [01:05:27]

- Humility is the key to growth—in our relationship with God and with others. Just as a coachable athlete improves, a teachable, humble person is open to God’s correction and transformation. Self-righteousness is a barrier, but humility invites God’s mercy and power to change us. [01:11:04]

- Our only true righteousness comes from Jesus Christ, not from our own efforts or moral record. When we admit our brokenness and need, God meets us with forgiveness and restoration. This is the foundation for a life of grace, gratitude, and genuine connection with God and others. [01:12:51]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[35:02] - The Nature of Confidence
[36:37] - Losing Confidence Under Pressure
[38:23] - Overconfidence and Humbling Moments
[39:33] - The Dangers of Overconfidence
[40:36] - Overconfidence Blooper Stories
[44:53] - Humility: The Balance Between Arrogance and Timidity
[46:26] - Overconfidence in Our Own Righteousness
[47:04] - Applying the Parable to Our Worst Moments
[49:17] - Conflict, Self-Justification, and Frozen Relationships
[50:58] - Broadening the Parable: Vertical and Horizontal Relationships
[52:38] - Exercises in Self-Reflection
[56:56] - The Temptation to Label and Dismiss Others
[59:16] - The Pharisee and the Tax Collector: A Modern Retelling
[01:05:27] - God’s Concern: Attitude Over Achievement
[01:08:41] - Humility and Repentance: What God Can Work With
[01:11:04] - Being Coachable Before God
[01:12:51] - Our Only Righteousness: Jesus Christ
[01:19:27] - Blessing and Closing
[01:21:12] - Farewell and Announcements

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide: The Nature of Confidence and Humility
*(Based on Luke 18:9-14 and the sermon summary above)*

---

### Bible Reading

Luke 18:9-14 (NIV)
To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable:
“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Romans 12:3 (NIV)
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

---

### Observation Questions

1. In the parable, what are the main differences between the Pharisee’s and the tax collector’s prayers? What does each man focus on when talking to God? ([59:16])
2. According to the sermon, what was the cultural reputation of Pharisees and tax collectors in Jesus’ day, and why would Jesus’ audience have been surprised by the outcome of the parable? ([01:05:27])
3. What does Romans 12:3 mean by “sober judgment,” and how does this relate to the idea of humility discussed in the sermon? ([44:53])
4. What does Jesus say is the result for those who exalt themselves versus those who humble themselves? ([01:08:41])

---

### Interpretation Questions

1. Why do you think Jesus chose to use a Pharisee and a tax collector as the characters in this parable? What point is he making about outward reputation versus inward attitude? ([01:05:27])
2. The sermon suggests that we often see ourselves at our best when reading this parable, but Jesus wants us to see ourselves at our worst. Why is it important to apply this story to our moments of conflict or self-justification? ([47:04])
3. How does overconfidence in our own righteousness or “rightness” affect our relationships with others, according to the sermon? ([49:17])
4. What does it mean to be “coachable” before God, and why is this important for spiritual growth? ([01:11:04])

---

### Application Questions

1. Think of a recent argument or conflict you’ve had. In that moment, were you more focused on the other person’s faults or your own? What would it look like to shift your focus to self-examination instead of blame? ([49:17])
2. The Pharisee’s prayer was full of self-assurance and comparison. Are there areas in your life where you find yourself comparing your “goodness” to others? How does this impact your relationship with God and with people around you? ([59:16])
3. The sermon described how we sometimes label and dismiss others in conflict (e.g., “he’s a narcissist,” “she’s crazy”). Have you ever caught yourself doing this? What would it look like to extend grace instead of labels? ([56:56])
4. The tax collector approached God with humility and a plea for mercy. When was the last time you honestly admitted your need for God’s grace? What keeps you from doing this more often? ([01:08:41])
5. The idea of being “coachable” was compared to athletes who are willing to learn and grow. In your spiritual life, are you open to correction and change, or do you resist it? What is one area where you sense God might be inviting you to grow right now? ([01:11:04])
6. The sermon said, “God cares less about past achievements and more about present attitude.” Is there something in your past (good or bad) that you tend to rely on or hide behind? How can you bring your current heart posture before God this week? ([01:05:27])
7. Our only true righteousness comes from Jesus, not from our own efforts. How does this truth free you from striving or comparing? How can you remind yourself of this in daily life? ([01:12:51])

---

Closing Prayer Suggestion:
Invite the group to pray for humble, teachable hearts and for the courage to admit their need for God’s mercy and grace in both their relationship with Him and with others.

Devotional

Day 1: True Confidence Is Rooted in Humility, Not Self-Righteousness
Confidence can be a positive force, but when it becomes overconfidence in our own moral rightness, it blinds us to our faults and distances us from both God and others. Jesus warns against being so sure of our own goodness that we look down on others, reminding us that humility is the path to true spiritual growth. Instead of always seeing ourselves as right, especially in moments of conflict or disagreement, we are called to examine our own hearts honestly and approach God with a sober judgment of ourselves. [46:26]

Romans 12:3 (ESV)
"For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned."

Reflection: Think of a recent disagreement—how might humility have changed your response or attitude in that moment?


Day 2: The Danger of Looking Down on Others
When we become confident in our own righteousness, it often leads to a subtle or overt contempt for others, freezing relationships and preventing reconciliation. Jesus’ parable challenges us to recognize how easily we can fall into the trap of dismissing or labeling others, justifying our own behavior while refusing to extend the same grace we desire. True transformation begins when we stop focusing on the faults of others and start looking inward, admitting our own need for growth and forgiveness. [50:58]

Luke 18:9-14 (ESV)
"He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 'Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: "God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get." But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, "God, be merciful to me, a sinner!" I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.'"

Reflection: Is there someone you’ve labeled or dismissed in your heart? What would it look like to see them through God’s eyes today?


Day 3: God Values Present Attitude Over Past Achievements
Our standing before God is not determined by our reputation, profession, or even our record of good deeds, but by the posture of our hearts in the present moment. Jesus’ parable flips expectations, showing that the humble, repentant person—no matter their past—finds favor with God, while the self-assured and proud miss out on His grace. God cares less about what we have accomplished and more about whether we come to Him honestly, seeking His mercy and transformation. [01:05:27]

Philippians 3:7-9 (ESV)
"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith."

Reflection: What is one area where you’ve been relying on your achievements or reputation before God? How can you shift your focus to your present attitude and need for His grace?


Day 4: Humility and Repentance Open the Door to God’s Mercy
God responds to those who come to Him with humility and a repentant heart, no matter how much they have failed or how broken they feel. The tax collector’s prayer—simple, honest, and desperate for mercy—shows us that God is eager to forgive, redeem, and restore anyone who admits their need. Self-righteousness, on the other hand, becomes a barrier, keeping us from experiencing God’s transforming love and keeping us stuck in our brokenness. [01:08:41]

Psalm 51:16-17 (ESV)
"For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

Reflection: Where do you need to honestly confess your need for God’s mercy today? Take a moment to pray as the tax collector did: “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”


Day 5: Being Coachable Leads to Growth in God and Relationships
Just as athletes who are open to coaching improve the most, those who approach God and others with a teachable spirit experience the greatest transformation. When we are willing to admit our faults, seek help, and ask God to “coach us up,” there is no limit to how much we can grow in character, faith, and love. This posture of humility not only deepens our relationship with God but also brings healing and connection in our relationships with others. [01:11:04]

James 4:6 (ESV)
"But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'"

Reflection: In what area of your life do you need to become more coachable—willing to listen, learn, and change? What is one step you can take today to invite God’s guidance and growth?

Quotes

But you don't learn that much from Scripture if you're always trying to apply it to you at your best moments. We want to think about it at our own worst moments. We want to think about it when we are in the middle of an argument, say. [00:47:42] (15 seconds) Edit Clip

And as long as both parties remain confident in their own rightness, the conflict remains frozen, the relationship remains cold and stuck. And the relationship only thaws and warms up when each person begins to look not at the fault of the other person, but look inward for the fault of themselves and start to really listen to each other, begin to admit when they were wrong. And then they begin to grow and connect. [00:49:45] (32 seconds) Edit Clip

The rest of the verse reveals that if you think that you're all that on a bag of chips, then you probably think other people are not, that they are beneath you. It's easy for us to focus when we read this parable on this part. Oh, the Pharisee was arrogant towards God. But that's not the whole meaning of the parable. It's important, but it's not the whole meaning of the parable. He also is addressing it to the fact that this person looks down on everyone else. [00:50:34] (35 seconds) Edit Clip

But while we dismiss the other person and give them labels, we sometimes justify our own bad behavior saying, well, we had to do that because they did this other thing, right? Well, they did that, and now I had to do what I did because of what they did. So our behavior is totally justified in our eyes because it's just simply a reaction to them. But we don't extend that same grace to them, imagining that maybe they're reacting to us in some way. [00:57:47] (34 seconds) Edit Clip

We just come into the parable thinking, well, I don't pray like that. We might think I got nothing to learn. But when we start to look at the depth of how we feel in the moment when we're locked in strong arguments, that's the moment where we feel so confident that we are just so right and someone else is so wrong. That's how this Pharisee is entering into his prayer. [00:58:41] (24 seconds) Edit Clip

God cares less about past achievements and more about present attitude. We can't rely on anything else for our salvation. Not like, hey, I am an upstanding member of society. Everybody loves me. Or I've done a bunch of good deeds, and, you know, I always show up for the 10 o 'clock service instead of the 1026 service. Right, I'm here. Just kidding. But that stuff is not what matters to God, right? Those kind of external things that we like to brag about, like, that doesn't matter to God. Our attitude, are we showing up, like, beating our chest, I'm so great, or are we showing up, like, oh, Lord, boy, do I need you. I need your grace. I need your mercy. [01:06:08] (48 seconds) Edit Clip

In verse 14, I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. Humility is of utmost importance to God. Humility and a repentant heart. Jesus can work with that. Have you failed? Have you messed up? Have you been selfish? Have you been bad, but you want to change? Jesus can work with that. He can forgive you and redeem you and restore you and change you. [01:08:57] (51 seconds) Edit Clip

I remember many years ago, I was whining to someone about an argument I was having with Joy. And the person just looked at me and said, Matt, you want to be right or you want to be married? You know? Are you trying to, ask me, are you trying to connect with her or are you trying to defeat her? I was like, oh, geez. Oof. It's a good question. I can't do both? No. [01:10:19] (31 seconds) Edit Clip

What would it be like to bring more humility to your relationships with people? Same way, our relationship with God. What would it be like to come before Almighty God with a greater dose of sober judgment about self? Not kind of mindless flailing, oh, I'm the most evil person I've ever lived. And not overconfidence, but just a sober -minded appreciation of where you are and say, oh, God, this is where I'm at. You know. You already know. Here's where I'm broken. Here's where I'm sinful. Oh, God. I need your mercy. [01:11:10] (46 seconds) Edit Clip