Transforming Relationships Through Love and Personal Growth

 

Summary

In our new series, "Love, Dates, and Heartbreaks," we explore the complexities of romantic relationships across all stages of life. Whether you're a student, single, married, or re-entering the dating scene, relationships are inherently complicated. This series aims to address the heartache that comes from watching people make decisions that undermine their relationships. It's heartbreaking to see individuals complicate their lives with poor choices, often without realizing the long-term impact.

One of the key issues we face is the "right person myth," the belief that finding the right person will make everything alright. This myth leads us to think that our problems will vanish once we meet the right person, ignoring the need for personal growth and preparation. Similarly, the "promise myth" suggests that a commitment or vow can replace the need for preparation in relationships. However, promises without preparation lead to disappointment and unfulfilled expectations.

Jesus offers a transformative approach to relationships. His teachings emphasize becoming the kind of person that the person you're looking for is also looking for. This involves following Jesus' example of love, which is selfless, sacrificial, and puts others first. By staying connected to Jesus, we can bear the fruit of love in our relationships, becoming better partners, friends, and family members.

The essence of Jesus' message is to love others as He has loved us. This love is not just about feelings but involves actions that reflect God's love for us. By embracing this love, we can become the person worth finding and staying with, leading to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Key Takeaways:

1. The Complexity of Relationships: Relationships are inherently complicated at any age, and poor decisions can add unnecessary complexity. It's crucial to be mindful of the choices we make and their long-term impact on our relationships. [01:38]

2. The Right Person Myth: The belief that finding the right person will solve all relationship issues is a myth. True fulfillment comes from becoming the right person through personal growth and preparation. [12:29]

3. The Promise Myth: Promises and commitments cannot replace the need for preparation in relationships. Without preparation, promises lead to unmet expectations and disappointment. [15:12]

4. Following Jesus' Example: Jesus teaches us to love others as He has loved us. This selfless and sacrificial love transforms us into better partners and individuals, enhancing our relationships. [20:45]

5. Becoming the Right Person: Instead of focusing on finding the right person, focus on becoming the person that the person you're looking for is looking for. This shift in perspective leads to healthier and more fulfilling relationships. [23:46]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:07] - Who This Series Is For
- [00:31] - The Complexity of Relationships
- [01:17] - Heartbreak from Poor Decisions
- [02:32] - The Serial Dater's Dilemma
- [03:16] - Consensual Hurt and Self-Deception
- [04:02] - Writing Your Life Story
- [05:04] - A Good Story vs. A Liar for Life
- [06:27] - Avoiding Regret and Hypocrisy
- [07:59] - Women as Commodities
- [09:39] - Cultural Myths and Relationship Confusion
- [10:47] - The Right Person Myth
- [14:53] - The Promise Myth
- [19:20] - The Importance of Preparation
- [20:45] - Jesus' Transformative Love
- [23:46] - Becoming the Right Person
- [35:39] - The Power of Following Jesus

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide: Love, Dates, and Heartbreaks

Bible Reading:
1. John 15:1-12 - Jesus as the True Vine and the command to love as He has loved us.

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Observation Questions:

1. What does Jesus mean when He refers to Himself as the "true vine" and His followers as the branches? How does this metaphor relate to bearing fruit in relationships? [26:20]

2. According to the sermon, what are the two myths that often mislead people in relationships? How do these myths impact our decisions? [10:47]

3. How does the sermon describe the difference between falling in love and staying in love? What does it require beyond just having a pulse? [14:41]

4. What is the significance of Jesus' command to "love each other as I have loved you"? How does this command redefine our approach to relationships? [32:26]

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Interpretation Questions:

1. How does the "right person myth" challenge the idea of personal growth and preparation in relationships? Why is it important to focus on becoming the right person? [12:29]

2. In what ways does the "promise myth" fail to account for the need for preparation in relationships? How can preparation change the outcome of a commitment? [15:12]

3. How does staying connected to Jesus, as described in John 15, influence the way we love others? What does it mean to bear fruit in this context? [27:56]

4. How does the sermon suggest that following Jesus can transform someone into a person worth finding and staying with? What are the practical implications of this transformation? [20:45]

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Application Questions:

1. Reflect on a past relationship decision that added complexity to your life. What could you have done differently to avoid unnecessary heartache? [01:38]

2. Consider the "right person myth." How can you shift your focus from finding the right person to becoming the right person? What steps can you take this week to work on personal growth? [12:29]

3. Think about a promise or commitment you have made in a relationship. How can you actively prepare to fulfill that promise rather than relying solely on the commitment itself? [15:12]

4. Jesus commands us to love others as He has loved us. Identify one relationship in your life where you can practice this selfless and sacrificial love. What specific actions can you take to demonstrate this love? [32:26]

5. Are there areas in your life where you feel disconnected from Jesus, the true vine? What practical steps can you take to strengthen your connection with Him and bear more fruit in your relationships? [27:56]

6. Reflect on the idea of becoming a person worth finding and staying with. What qualities do you admire in others that you would like to cultivate in yourself? How can you begin to develop these qualities? [23:46]

7. How can you apply the principle of loving others as Jesus loved us in your daily interactions, especially with those who may be difficult to love? What challenges do you anticipate, and how can you overcome them? [33:18]

Devotional

Day 1: Navigating the Complexity of Relationships
Relationships are inherently complex, and this complexity can be exacerbated by poor decisions that add unnecessary layers of difficulty. At any stage of life, whether you're a student, single, married, or re-entering the dating scene, it's crucial to be mindful of the choices you make and their long-term impact on your relationships. Often, individuals make decisions that complicate their lives without realizing the potential consequences. By being aware of this tendency, you can take proactive steps to simplify and strengthen your relationships. [01:38]

"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." (Proverbs 13:20, ESV)

Reflection: Think of a recent decision you've made in a relationship. How did it impact the complexity of that relationship, and what can you learn from it to make wiser choices in the future?


Day 2: Debunking the Right Person Myth
The "right person myth" suggests that finding the right person will solve all relationship issues. This belief can lead to disappointment, as it ignores the importance of personal growth and preparation. True fulfillment in relationships comes not from finding the perfect partner but from becoming the right person yourself. This involves a commitment to personal development and self-awareness, ensuring that you are ready to contribute positively to a relationship. [12:29]

"Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals.' Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning." (1 Corinthians 15:33-34, ESV)

Reflection: Reflect on your own journey of personal growth. What steps can you take today to become the person that the person you're looking for is also looking for?


Day 3: The Necessity of Preparation Over Promises
The "promise myth" suggests that a commitment or vow can replace the need for preparation in relationships. However, promises without preparation often lead to unmet expectations and disappointment. It's essential to understand that preparation is key to fulfilling commitments in relationships. By investing time and effort into preparing yourself for the challenges of a relationship, you can build a strong foundation that supports lasting commitments. [15:12]

"Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house." (Proverbs 24:27, ESV)

Reflection: Consider a promise or commitment you've made in a relationship. How can you better prepare yourself to fulfill that promise and meet the expectations of your partner?


Day 4: Embracing Jesus' Transformative Love
Jesus offers a transformative approach to relationships through His teachings on love. This love is selfless, sacrificial, and puts others first, transforming individuals into better partners, friends, and family members. By staying connected to Jesus, you can bear the fruit of love in your relationships, enhancing them with the qualities of patience, kindness, and humility. Embracing Jesus' love means actively choosing to love others as He has loved us, which involves actions that reflect God's love. [20:45]

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8, ESV)

Reflection: Think of a relationship where you can practice selfless love today. What specific actions can you take to demonstrate Jesus' love in that relationship?


Day 5: Becoming the Right Person
Instead of focusing solely on finding the right person, it's important to shift your perspective towards becoming the person that the person you're looking for is also looking for. This involves personal growth, self-reflection, and a commitment to embodying the qualities you seek in a partner. By focusing on becoming the right person, you can cultivate healthier and more fulfilling relationships that are built on mutual respect and understanding. [23:46]

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience." (Colossians 3:12, ESV)

Reflection: Identify one quality you admire in others that you want to develop in yourself. What practical steps can you take to cultivate this quality in your daily life?

Quotes

Watching people make relationship decisions that undermine their relationships, that just breaks my heart. I mean watching people make decisions about their own relationships, whether it's marriage or dating, or whatever it might be, that I know, and I'm not super dialed in, I mean most people would watch them and think oh no, you're gonna do what? Watching people make what's already complicated more complicated, what making relationships that are already complicated more complicated, that just breaks my heart. [00:01:10]

And the reason it's heartbreaking to me, and you don't have to believe this is you're hurting you, and you're hurting somebody else. And here's what I know about you even though we've never met, you don't wanna hurt yourself. And you don't wanna hurt other people. In fact if I were to confront you you would say no, no, no, no, it's consensual, I'm not hurting anybody. But you know there's such thing as consensual hurt, like we're gonna both agree to hurt each other. [00:03:23]

Because what your doing right now morally and what you're doing right now relationally, these are chapters of your story, and they are permanent parts of your story. And one day believe it or not somebody's gonna wanna hear your story and you're gonna wanna hear somebody else's story, and depending on what you do now, you're gonna be tempted to lie about parts of your story. And you're gonna be a liar for life because you're gonna have a secret or you're gonna have a series of secrets or a season of life you don't wanna talk about. [00:04:06]

I don't want you to be a hypocrite. I, and here's what I mean by that. If someone did unto your sister as you do unto the girls you date, you may want to do something unto them. If someone did unto your niece or your single mom as you do unto the girls you date, you may want to do something unto them. I don't want you to be a hypocrite. I don't want you to expect one thing for the people you love and treat women different than you would want a man to treat the women that you love. [00:07:02]

I don't want you to be treated like a commodity. Let me say it the harsher way. I don't want you to allow yourself to be treated like a commodity. And many times it's your decision, and you know what a commodity is, a commodity is something that's bought and sold and traded, and sometimes eventually just discarded. And maybe depending on your life and culture and the way you've managed your relationships maybe you've started to feel a little bit like a commodity. [00:07:54]

The right person myth is this, that once you meet the right person everything will be all right. And all the married people grumble and go yeah that ain't true, that ain't true. Cause I met him, it's not true. Right, right. The myth is that once you meet the right person everything's just gonna be all right regardless of what you do between now and then. The myth is this, I can play, I can play around, I can do whatever I want, I can treat guys the way I want, girls the way I want, I can just do whatever I want, but when I meet the right person, everything's gonna change, the past disappears. [00:10:58]

This myth maintains that basically when it comes to satisfying, you know, long term relationships, that all we need to do is make a promise that when it comes to relationships, a promise actually replaces the need for preparation, that a promise replaces the need for preparation, that you can commit, promise, or vow your way into a healthy, satisfying, mutually satisfying relationship. That you can vow or promise or commit your way into a successful future, which is ridiculous, and that everything that came before can be overcome with two things, a promise and a party. [00:14:56]

Now, this is where the message of Jesus just comes alive. This is, honestly, this is where following Jesus makes all the difference, right now in this world, in this life, in your current relationship. You've heard me say so many times following Jesus will make your life better, following Jesus will make you better at life. Well following Jesus will make your life better, and following Jesus will make you better at relationships. It'll make you a better boyfriend, a better girlfriend, a better husband, a better wife, a better parent, a better fiancee, a better future husband, a better future wife, that following Jesus will make you better at life. [00:19:47]

Following Jesus will help you become the kind of person that the person you're looking for is looking for. Following Jesus will help you become the kind of person that the person who is hoping for was hoping for. Following Jesus will help you become. Years ago when I first began putting together this material, the first time I present it to many of you about 10 years ago, it's been almost 10 years, it's hard to believe. I had some conversations with some 20 year olds in our organization, and, a young lady shared a story, she said I was at home, my mom was ironing, I was sitting on the bed, and I was going on and on and on and on and on about this guy I had met at this party. [00:21:48]

Are you the person? Are you the person you're looking for is looking for? Are you just looking or are you becoming, and Jesus says follow me you'll become. If you're married, here's your version. Are you still the person, are you still the person they were looking for? Are you still the person they were hoping for? Or have you allowed life and kids and money and stuff and busyness and business to get in the way of what you were becoming, of the person he or she believed she was entering a relationship with. [00:23:47]

I want you to love each other as I, because this is about a relationship with me. I want the love that you have seen demonstrated towards you, I want that same brand, I want that same type, I want that same combination, that same formula of love to flow through you. I want you to love as I have loved you. Now I'm telling you, sitting in the room that night, they had some idea of what he was talking about. But a few days later, Jesus would put on a demonstration of love, take their breath away. [00:32:33]

This is the kind of love where you put the other person first. This is the kind of love where you lay down your life for a friend. This is the kind of love where you defer to the wishes and the thoughts of the other person. This is the kind of love where you forgive regardless of what's been done, and regardless of the offense. This is the kind of love that takes everything I have going for me and makes it available for you. This is the kind of love where I do unto you as my father through Christ has done unto me. [00:33:18]

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Transcript
What was the most surprising thing in this sermon?
Were there any personal stories shared?