Transforming Relationships: Myths, Love, and Personal Growth

 

Summary

Summary:

In the third part of the "Love, Dates, and Heartbreaks" series, we delve into the myths and truths surrounding relationships. Many people fall into the trap of believing the "right person myth," thinking that meeting the right person will magically solve all their problems and transform them into better individuals. However, the truth is that personal growth and becoming the right person are crucial for successful relationships. Similarly, the "promise myth" suggests that a promise or commitment can replace the need for preparation, but in reality, preparation is essential for a fulfilling relationship.

Jesus' teachings emphasize the importance of love, not as the world defines it, but as He demonstrated it. He calls us to love others as He loved us, which involves selflessness, patience, kindness, and putting others first. The Apostle Paul expands on this by providing practical applications of love, urging us to be patient, kind, not envious, and not self-seeking. Love is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.

For those in relationships, it's vital to practice these principles at home, as they lay the foundation for future relationships. Love is a decision, and it requires us to prioritize the other person's story and needs over our own. By following Jesus' example, we can transform our relationships and become the person our partner was hoping for.

Key Takeaways:

- The Right Person Myth: Believing that meeting the right person will solve all your problems is a myth. True transformation comes from personal growth and becoming the right person yourself. This requires intentional effort and preparation. [01:12]

- The Promise Myth: A promise or commitment cannot replace the need for preparation in relationships. Just as in other areas of life, preparation is essential for success. Saying "I do" makes you accountable, but not necessarily capable. [02:05]

- Love as Jesus Loved: Jesus calls us to love others as He loved us, which involves selflessness, patience, and kindness. This love is not about seeking our own interests but putting others first. [04:06]

- Practicing Love at Home: Practicing love at home is crucial for developing the habit of love. It's an opportunity to learn to honor and prioritize others, which will benefit future relationships. [06:20]

- Love's Characteristics: Love is patient, kind, not envious, not self-seeking, not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. These qualities are essential for healthy relationships. [26:23]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:08] - Introduction to Love, Dates, and Heartbreaks
- [00:20] - Who This Series is For
- [00:29] - Heartbreak in Relationships
- [00:46] - Relationship Myths
- [01:12] - The Right Person Myth
- [02:05] - The Promise Myth
- [03:23] - Following Jesus in Relationships
- [04:06] - Jesus' Command to Love
- [05:10] - Apostle Paul's Teachings on Love
- [06:20] - Practicing Love at Home
- [09:20] - Characteristics of Love
- [11:32] - Love is Not Self-Seeking
- [15:14] - Love is Not Easily Angered
- [19:30] - Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs
- [24:39] - Love Always Protects and Trusts
- [26:23] - The Fine Print of Love
- [29:03] - Growing Up in Love
- [31:36] - Abandoning Storybook Assumptions
- [32:09] - Preview of Next Week's Topic

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide: Love, Dates, and Heartbreaks - Part 3

Bible Reading:
1. John 13:34-35 - "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
2. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Observation Questions:
1. What are the two myths about relationships discussed in the sermon, and how do they impact our understanding of love? [01:00]
2. According to the sermon, how does Jesus redefine love, and what are the key characteristics of this love? [04:06]
3. How does the Apostle Paul expand on Jesus' command to love, and what practical applications does he provide? [05:10]
4. What does the sermon suggest about the importance of practicing love at home, and how does this prepare us for future relationships? [06:20]

Interpretation Questions:
1. How does the "Right Person Myth" challenge the way individuals approach personal growth in relationships? What does this imply about the importance of self-improvement? [01:12]
2. In what ways does the "Promise Myth" highlight the necessity of preparation in relationships, and how does this relate to other areas of life? [02:05]
3. How does the sermon interpret Jesus' command to love others as He loved us, and what does this mean for our daily interactions with others? [04:06]
4. What does the sermon suggest about the role of patience and kindness in love, and how do these qualities contribute to healthy relationships? [26:23]

Application Questions:
1. Reflect on a time when you believed in the "Right Person Myth." How did this belief affect your relationship, and what steps can you take to focus on personal growth instead? [01:12]
2. Consider a relationship where you relied on a promise rather than preparation. What changes can you make to ensure you are better prepared for future commitments? [02:05]
3. Identify a specific way you can practice selflessness in your current relationships. How can you prioritize the needs and stories of others over your own? [11:45]
4. Think of a situation at home where you can practice love as described in 1 Corinthians 13. What specific actions can you take to be more patient and kind? [06:20]
5. Are there any past wrongs you are holding onto in your relationships? How can you work towards forgiving and letting go of these records of wrongs? [19:30]
6. How can you actively protect your relationships from negative influences? What steps can you take to ensure you are not smuggling harmful habits or secrets into your relationships? [25:02]
7. Reflect on the list of love's characteristics from 1 Corinthians 13. Which one do you find most challenging, and what practical steps can you take to improve in this area? [26:23]

Devotional

Day 1: Personal Growth Over Finding the Right Person
True transformation in relationships begins with personal growth and becoming the right person yourself. Many people fall into the trap of the "right person myth," believing that meeting the right person will solve all their problems. However, this is a misconception. Personal growth requires intentional effort and preparation. It involves self-reflection, understanding one's own strengths and weaknesses, and actively working towards becoming a better version of oneself. By focusing on personal development, individuals can contribute positively to their relationships and create a strong foundation for mutual growth and understanding. [01:12]

"For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love." (2 Peter 1:5-7, ESV)

Reflection: What specific area of personal growth can you focus on this week to become a better partner in your relationships?


Day 2: Preparation is Key in Relationships
The "promise myth" suggests that a promise or commitment can replace the need for preparation in relationships. However, just as in other areas of life, preparation is essential for success. Saying "I do" makes you accountable, but not necessarily capable. Relationships require ongoing effort, learning, and adaptation. Preparation involves understanding the dynamics of relationships, developing communication skills, and being emotionally ready to handle challenges. By preparing oneself, individuals can build a strong foundation for a fulfilling and lasting relationship. [02:05]

"Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house." (Proverbs 24:27, ESV)

Reflection: What steps can you take today to better prepare yourself for a future or current relationship?


Day 3: Love as Jesus Loved
Jesus calls us to love others as He loved us, which involves selflessness, patience, and kindness. This love is not about seeking our own interests but putting others first. It requires a shift from a self-centered perspective to one that prioritizes the well-being and needs of others. By following Jesus' example, individuals can cultivate a love that is transformative and impactful. This love is characterized by patience, kindness, and a willingness to serve others without expecting anything in return. [04:06]

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers." (1 John 3:16, ESV)

Reflection: How can you demonstrate selfless love to someone in your life today, following Jesus' example?


Day 4: Practicing Love at Home
Practicing love at home is crucial for developing the habit of love. It's an opportunity to learn to honor and prioritize others, which will benefit future relationships. The home environment serves as a training ground for practicing patience, kindness, and selflessness. By consistently applying these principles at home, individuals can strengthen their ability to love others genuinely and unconditionally. This practice not only enhances family relationships but also prepares individuals for loving interactions outside the home. [06:20]

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8, ESV)

Reflection: What is one practical way you can show love to a family member today, even if it's challenging?


Day 5: The Characteristics of Love
Love is patient, kind, not envious, not self-seeking, not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. These qualities are essential for healthy relationships. By embodying these characteristics, individuals can create a nurturing and supportive environment for their relationships to thrive. Love requires intentionality and a commitment to prioritize the well-being of others. By focusing on these attributes, individuals can foster deeper connections and build lasting relationships. [26:23]

"Let all that you do be done in love." (1 Corinthians 16:14, ESV)

Reflection: Which characteristic of love do you find most challenging to practice, and how can you work on it this week?

Quotes

We said the right person myth is that once you meet the right person, everything is gonna be all right, including you. You're just gonna magically change and become an incredible person once you meet the right person. All of your problems, all of your habits, all of your insecurity, it's just gonna go away. [00:01:12]

The truth is, we grow up, isn't this true, we grow up fantasizing about meeting the right person. We never spend a moment of time fantasizing about becoming the right person. But who you become often determines who you meet and also determines the success of the relationship. [00:01:30]

A promise replaces the need for preparation, that unlike any other area of life, when it comes to relationships, we don't have to prepare, we can just promise. All you need is a promise and a party, and you're good to go. A vow, a ring, and a party, and that's all it takes, no preparation necessary. [00:02:07]

Saying, "I do," saying, "I do" makes you accountable, it doesn't necessarily make you capable, and I'm gonna let you fill in the blank. When you are accountable but not capable, eventually you'll be miserable. Yes, everybody in the front three rows got that. [00:02:41]

Jesus invites us to follow him. If we were to say, "Jesus, if I'm gonna follow you, where are you gonna take me," he would say, "here's where I'm gonna take you. I just have one thing I want you to do. I want you," he said, "this is my command," and everything beyond this command is commentary and application. [00:03:49]

He says, "I want you to love each other, not the way you've seen love work, not the way you imagine love will work. I want you to love each other as I have loved you," which didn't make any sense when he said this, but after the crucifixion and after the resurrection, his first century followers were like, oh, now we get it, this is a love of another kind. [00:04:06]

You have an opportunity to practice at home these things we're talking about so that you will be good at them later. The reason I'm kind of focusing on you a little bit is because we don't think in these terms. We think in terms of, well, in the future, when I'm in love, when I'm out of the home, when I'm doing whatever I want to, I'm just gonna kind of figure this out. [00:06:20]

But I'm telling you, at home is the place to learn to love. The problem is this, when I, you know, I've worked with students for many, many years and I heard it a thousand times when I would talk to students about this. "But it's just my mom, it's just my mom, it's just my mom." Here's the problem. "It's just my mom" oftentimes becomes, "it's just my wife, it's just my wife, it's just my wife." [00:06:38]

Love puts the interests and the needs of others first. Love puts the interest and the needs of others first. Love puts the interests, "what are you interested in? I would love to spend 30 minutes telling you what I'm interested in, what are you interested in? You talk, your story." Love puts the interests and the needs of others first, which, let's face it, we're all smart enough to know this, would solve 90% of all relationship problems, right. [00:11:55]

Love doesn't react, love responds, and I'll tell you why. Because love, love puts the other person's, this is key, love puts the other person's story ahead of their own story. Because isn't it true, when someone's angry, or when somebody is saying things that are beginning to make you angry, isn't it true that the conflict is around story. [00:16:32]

Love keeps no record of wrongs. In other words, love doesn't have the file drawer, you know, "hold on just a second, October 3rd at 3:30 you did the same thing. We've already talked about this. Put it back in the file but now I have another something else to put in the file," right. Love doesn't do that. [00:19:30]

Love, there's always, it's always a choice, right, love chooses to see the best, love chooses to hope the best, love chooses to believe the best, and then love chooses to overlook the rest. Love catches people and enjoys catching people doing good and doing right. It always hopes, it always believes, it always perseveres. [00:26:23]

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Transcript
What was the most surprising thing in this sermon?
Were there any personal stories shared?