Transformative Power of Giving and Marital Intimacy

But when we read the word of God, there is a mindset change. There is a mindset change. There is a mindset change. So it's, it's heart work that we have to do. Not hard work. It's heart work. And that mindset is shifting to go, okay, my God supplies all of my needs. He takes care of me. So now it's a heart shift to go, okay, how do I do what God's called me to do so that I can shift that mindset to understand that I don't need to be fearful or worrying when it comes to finances, that I acknowledge that God is my provider. So God begins to work on you and he begins to shift some of those things. So that's where I would say smart, you don't have to start huge or big or whatever. It's like those small moments to go, I want, I want to heed to the Holy Spirit. So if the Holy Spirit unctions me to do something, then it's like, I need to do this. And you know, that unction, like there's this moment of going, I know I need to do this. That's where you begin to shift the mindset. [00:39:36]

That begins, that's the heart work where you go, okay, I can hear what God's telling me to do. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. Take that step forward in that direction. And as you do it, you really start, it's like a revelation. It's a revealing, like your eyes, your heart, you see it and you go, I know why and what the scriptures is. It comes alive. I know what they're saying. I know what they're meaning. I understand this. And then out of nowhere, there's the shift to go, God's my provider. Like, I don't need to worry about this. I don't need to, I don't need to be concerned about the cares of this world. And all of those kind of start shifting into balance. So that's one of my encouragement for you this morning is, okay? So make that happen. Begin to heed to what the Holy Spirit is sharing with you. Begin to have that, that like faithfulness of obedience to what God has asked us to do. And when you do that, things begin to shift and change. And I can try to tell you through my own experience or through testimonies of what that looks like, but I'm here to tell you the best thing I can tell you is giving is, excuse me, giving is in an act that transforms your heart and it blesses you. I know it's like such a weird thing to think about because it's a flip. [00:40:34]

And the reality of it all, you go, I'm here. I want to bless God. I want to bless the church. I want to take care of the needs of the church and take care of the needs of others. But out of nowhere, somehow it like 180 moment where it blesses you. It takes care of you. Can't explain it outside of it's supernatural. That would be my encouragement to you. As you give into this church, what's happening is, is that, man, oh gosh, so many beautiful things take place within our church. The miracles and the signs, the wonders that take place. Sometimes it's behind the scenes. Sometimes it's right up here in front. Sometimes it's back in the prayer room to see the transformational power take place in children's lives and our kids departments. And it's so amazing to see all of the effort, the time, the volunteering, all of the different efforts that we all put in for the body of Christ to see it grow in a healthy manner, in a mature manner, to see all of that take place within this church, to be known by your fruits, to see those things take place. It's so amazing. So as you give this morning, know that it's to meet the needs from the small to the tall. It's to help people. It's to grow the kingdom of God in our area. It's to see fit that we don't go without, that the provision is met for the vision of this church was to help people find a better way. It's to help people see that God is the way and that Jesus lays out a path for us for redemption, a forgiveness, and it is so beautiful to be on. So I would encourage you as you give this morning, it's not grudgingly, it's not out of compulsion, but it's cheerful, it's regular, and it's sacrificial. [00:41:52]

The one key ingredient that we can all remember throughout this marriage series is marriage is not just a contract that the government gives us. Because marriage is not a contract in general, it's a covenant. Okay, so as long as you treat it like a contract, there's going to be this give and take. Of exchange. But when you put God into the marriage, it becomes a covenant. And then it's a working together. So it's not a give and take type of thing. And that's where we can go wrong. So this morning I just want to talk about basic needs. I want to talk about intimacy. I want to talk about affection. [00:50:02]

In Philippians 4 .19 it says, And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Let me read it one more time. And my God will meet... Okay, I want everybody to say it in three, two, one. All, all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Now, a little side moment here. We know that we may not have everything we want. Wants are different. So be careful that you understand the definition and the balance of that. We may not have all we want. But God has blessed us with everything we need. When you present those things to him, you are literally saying, God, you know what's best. You take care of me. Okay? That's where it's all at. Now, Lamentations 3 .22 -24. It says, The faithful love of the Lord never ends. His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness. His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, The Lord is my inheritance. Therefore, I will hope in him. Amen. [00:51:11]

Dave you're so kind I'm did you guys see that effort you have a good husband he was quick he was like oh don't worry I got her right right in there that was so good that was not planned by the way I appreciate that but now what just happened was is that David was empty he just put all of his things so now David fills needs so what's gonna happen go ahead right and now she's empty and what's happening is eventually through through the process of what we know is of like water in general and this is what our illustration is is that need in there and that eventually it evaporates and then they're both dry and then they've got nothing and then they've got drips and so there needs to be a real source so I know this is not a great illustration but this is your source from God so God is the one that's filling you up and then you're capable of dumping into your spouse so if this is the source then it's the good source because God is love right he meets all of your needs so the key ingredient for this is to not cut this off right because then you're just you're just giving from a reservoir that has no fulfilling actually nothing at all and then what happens is is that you're putting all of this weight on this one to actually fulfill your needs and then what takes place is is that uh this one gets a little tired right this one gets overwhelmed because uh it's she's doing all the work right she's the one doing this and this is not a give and take in that covenant relation but it has to be from the real source here okay if you don't have this source then what happens is is that [00:54:11]

a good need with a bad source okay you guys can have a seat thank you guys you're amazing well done so chip judge says it this way are you getting a right need met the wrong way so sexually speaking we can use that as a real quick example of you you need sex because you like that affection you want that attention and when the other doesn't have it for you okay then what happens is is you go somewhere else to get that need met but there are deeper issues to that idea of like just give me sex so don't think that's what we're talking about this morning of like just just have sex and make the other person happy that's not the case okay there is a real understanding that you should actually this is the most important thing is that you should let go from that responsibility that this is how your need gets met by them you need to actually tell them that i'm going to set you free i'm going to i'm going to stop this mindset that you're responsible for my happiness because your happiness comes from him that's the source that's where this is coming from so your happiness your joy your peace your strength right your affection all those things come from him So when you actually let go of this responsibility from your spouse, then what happens is now you can find the real source, and then you're not sitting around empty, and you're sitting there holding this empty bucket and hoping that they just fill it up. [00:56:09]

Because then you set expectations that aren't realistic, and you're going to fail, and you're going to actually be upset, and you're going to get really upset at your spouse. And that's not a good place to find yourself. It's a revelation and understanding is that I don't need something from my wife. I don't need something from my husband. I need these things from God. That sets the standard. Then from the outpouring of his love and his understanding and his supply, you're able to give into others. You're able to give into your spouse. That's where it happens, okay? So it's the overflow of what he's feeling. Therefore, there is no room for anything else. That's really important. Keep also in mind that God doesn't need your love, okay? So it's not like you're supposed to take your bucket that he fills and then, like, somehow fill his back up. No, all that God wants is for you to receive his love. That's what's so beautiful about our relationship with God. We overcomplicate it. He doesn't need your love, all right? He just wants you to receive his love. All right? If you're receiving that love, then you are learning how to love others. You're learning how to love your spouse. [00:57:58]

Those needs begin to be met and fulfilled, and it's really a beautiful picture. Now, what are some needs that we have? Now, there is a need that is evident for both genders, male and female. Those needs are love and community. encouragement, and identity, significance, you know, whatever you, however you want to wrap that in. But those are the three basics of what we all are looking for. Now, let's divide it now with male and female. So female, women, they need security, they need affection, they need open communication, and they need leadership. Women are looking for these types of things. Now, that's not sexist in any way, shape, or form, okay? So a lot of people, if you're on that bandwagon, just hold on, okay? Don't be so testy with me right now. I need you just to take a deep breath, because then you're in a sense saying, you think that I'm saying that men need to fulfill that for women. No, no, no. God, all right? God is the fulfiller of those things, okay? So understand again, women, they need security, they need affection, they need support, they need leadership, and they need open communication, they need leadership, okay? Men, typically men, we need honor, we need sex, we need fellowship, and we need domestic support, all right? So all of those things are going to come from God, all right? That's where it comes from. [00:59:14]

As God begins to pour that in, we're able to outflow out of our source, and then that's where this beautiful cycle begins to function in the way that God has ordered it, okay? So when we take things out of order, or we find our particular needs from other sources, then we break that beautiful cycle, and we're actually diluting, or we're poisoning, whatever word you want to use, to our source. Men, I can only pick on the men right now. Women fall in this category as well. Just remember, women fall in this category. I'm not speaking in absolutes. That's impossible when it comes to marriage. There's going to be some overlap of things, okay? But men will find themselves in their identity in their work, okay? Obviously, we pour more into what we do, and that becomes our identity, and then we become consumed, and then we're not actually even present in our family, in our homes. And so then your wife, you begin to sow some things that are deep -rooted. rooted resentment whatever and your wife is wanting you to be present yet you're not present you are thinking about everything else so when she's wanting to have communications with you and talking about things then she's talking to an abyss you know you're just like you're not even paying attention therefore she gets mad and then out of nowhere you're like let's have sex and she's like I was trying to have sex with you by talking because women is communication because those are her feelings those are those are it's not her problems those are her feelings so when she's communicating to you she's actually talking to you from an affectionate side of like I want to connect with you when I'm connected with you I trust you and when I trust you now I'm open to you but if you're sitting there and you're just your identity is focused in on work and everything else you're not present with her and she's not going to be present with you so there is this this beautiful flow of how God operates within a marriage and God wants to be the one that helps you through this so you find your identity in him so then he's going to orchestrate it that when you're at work when you're going to him to say Lord this is what I do for a living God show me how to operate in this Lord you supply my need of my identity Lord you supply my need of my identity So as you're in your workplace, God gives you balance. He gives you instruction through the power of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will give you that instruction where out of nowhere you're like, this is what I need to focus on, or this is what I need to do, or this is where I find my joy and my happiness is from him, not from actually getting something done at work. And then you're not trying to strive for these accolades from work, where this is where it's like, oh yeah, I get more appreciated at work than I do at home, and it's like, again, imbalanced. [01:00:47]

You have to realize that it all comes from him and him alone, and when you do this, he'll fulfill those needs. He will show you these things. So that's important. That's important that you understand that your needs come from him. So how does that work and how does that operate? Easy. In the morning time, you wake up. You begin your day. You're brushing your teeth. You're fixing your hair. You're getting your clothes on, and you just begin to talk to your heavenly Father. Lord, today. I'm preparing for my day. And Lord, I thank you that you're going to be the one, Lord, that you show me these next best steps I need to take. God, I thank you, Lord, that you are bringing joy into my life. Lord, I thank you that you're helping through the power of the Holy Spirit, the manifestation of wisdom in what I do. And as you begin to pray those things out, you begin to pray. begin to study God's word, and you begin to put him in the beginning, God will then start supplying that source. Throughout the day, you're going to be like, man, only God could have showed me how to do this. I don't have this earthly wisdom. I don't have this ability to do this, this, or that. God's going to give you a supernatural peace in the moments of storms within your workplace or in your home or whatever's going on. So you begin to talk to him, and God begins to supply these needs, and then you go, that's it. That's my source. [01:03:56]

And then you don't have to have that endorphin moment where you're trying to get something else to satisfy you or pacify you. You actually need to be satisfied, and it only comes from the well. We know that Jesus said this to the woman at the well. He explains to her, hey, you don't realize this, but the living water's in front of you type of a moment. And when you tap into this, your supply is met. In every area. You're sleeping with all of these men. He's calling her out. He's like that. He's calling out where her source is trying to come from. So he's calling that out, and he's saying, don't do that anymore, because that's not it. These are habits you're formed to pacify you, but you've got to break free from that. And he's saying, it's just come to me. So that's where it's important that we wake up to ask, where are we getting our source, from? Another way of doing this is, let's talk about affection. And I'm talking about affection, words of affirmation. I'm talking about affection in the sense of flirting with your spouse, or being present with them and listening, all those affectionate moments you have with your spouse. If you're having a hard time doing that, either giving it or receiving it, then I would question your source. Meaning, you're not believing what God says about you. You're actually calling God a liar, in essence, because you don't know who you are in Christ Jesus. And you're sitting there, and you're depleted in that affection world. Maybe you just keep drawing more and more from your spouse. The word is, don't be quick to label your spouse this way. Don't do this, actually. If I give you a word, you're going to be like, oh, that's my spouse. Be very careful. Because again, now you start resentment. [01:04:55]

And you go down a path that's not good. So be very careful. But what tends to happen is, if all you do is just keep giving, and you never receive from your spouse, and it's never the good stuff, then what happens is, that person is narcissistic. And then it's all about them. It's important. It's important that you identify it, in essence, to be that there's some behaviors here. I'd be careful to be like labeling your spouse, narcissistic spouse, you know. But I would tell you that you need to recognize some roots here, some seeds that are sown. And it all starts with yourself. Remember last week, we talked about it's a human thing, that you need to recognize your selfishness. You need to examine yourself in the mirror. So ask yourself, am I disappointed from my spouse? Because if you're disappointed from your spouse, then that's where I would say, where's your source then? I know that seems extremely hard, because it's easier said than done type of a moment. Because you're like, Josh, I still need my spouse to love on me. And their source is not coming from our Heavenly Father. Therefore, I'm the one just giving, giving. And I know that's tough. That's tough. And that's why I would encourage prayer. I would encourage the prayer of a softened heart towards your spouse. Lord, soften their heart. Reveal to them. Give them what they need. God, you, I pray that their eyes are opened so that you become their source. You begin to pray this, and you begin to believe it, knowing knowing that God's going to fulfill it. He tells us to have faith. You need to have faith that God's going to do it, okay? [01:06:00]