Transformative Love: Serving and Unity in Relationships

You know what happens? I want to tell you what happens. There's a situation that you're dealing with and the person doesn't change. Sometimes they get worse. You continue to pray. You know what I have found? I remember one time it was almost like the Lord said it audibly to me. Tony, lower your expectations. You know what happens when there's a godly love in your heart and that person doesn't change? You begin to change. Are you with me here today? You become a little bit more loving and understanding. You bite the bullet, right? Love is patient. It waits. It perseveres. But I'm going to move on. [00:34:06]

Friends, arrogance has no place in our lives. By the way, we talked about this at the Bing class this week. The idea of humility. You know what the Bible says? God resists the proud. Man, he but he gives grace to the humble. Love is humble. You know, Jess quoted what I used to say. I used to tell that to couples all the time. You want to be right or do you want to be reconciled? If you want to be right, your marriage will not last long. Can I say that again? If you always have to be right in an argument or a disagreement, your marriage will not last too long. [00:35:09]

We need to be flexible. We need to be humble. And our goal is to reconcile. You know, I want to tell you guys, I often say we're the high priest of our home. We're the pastors. As the pastors, we need to initiate reconciliation with our spouses. I better move on. Right. Come on, Iron Man. Let's step up with me. Right. Thank you. Thank you, man. Come on now. Let's step up. Let's step up. All right. Love is not self-seeking. It's the opposite. Amen. It's not self-seeking. It's helping others. [00:36:10]

You know, friends, my prayer, my goal is to lovingly maximize your potential. You know, Denise said about stretching your uh Ephraim says it all the time, pastor, you're really stretching me. That's my prayer. That's my goal. I often said as the Lord stretches me, I stretch you. Amen. Amen. I'm not trying to suppress you. I'm trying to exalt you. You know what I'm saying? To bring out your gifts, your talents. That's my goal. Amen. Secondly, love keeps no record of wrong. Oh, it's getting good now, man. [00:36:55]

You know, one of the pastors that I church, one of the churches I former pastor He has to meet with me and it's he started mentioning the names of the people in the church and all their faults. It's almost like he had a black book with all that. I don't want to hear that stuff, man. Come on now. Love doesn't keep a record of wrong. You know, some people, they can't remember what they ate yesterday, but go remember what you did 30 years ago. Remember what you did. You remember? Come on now. Get rid of that stuff. Love keeps no record of wrong. [00:37:39]

Okay. All right. We get historical. We bring back past history. Put it under the blood. How about a second chance and a third chance? Are you with me? You want your marriage to be successful. Amen. Don't dig up the past. I'm going to move on. Okay. Come on now. Love always protects. It covers. We don't expose the faults of others. You know, churches I I pastored, there was a woman that would give a testimony and she would try to bring up all the sins of her husband. That's not of God. That's not edifying. [00:38:08]

It protects. First Peter 4:8, love covers a multitude of sins. Love protects the reputation of others. Our goal is to forgive. Our goal is to restore, not to trash somebody. Galatians 6:1, he would, if any man be overtaken in the fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one. Amen. In the spirit of meekness, even there there's a meekness. Uh, love hopes. Love is confident. No situation is hopeless. We keep praying. Love perseveres. It continues despite setbacks and opposition. The Greek word is a military word. [00:38:54]

You sustain the assaults of others. You don't retreat. You don't go awall. Amen. You hang in there. Love never fails. It never quits. Never gives up. It stays committed through thick and thin. I'm I'm thinking about Marial marital couples we grow together we rise together. Uh let us not love in word or in deed but in action in truth. Amen. How do we maintain healthy relationships in a marriage with our love? Let's move on. Secondly, we need to serve one another. Galatians 5:13 by love serve one another. [00:39:59]

Uh by love serve one another. Uh Jesus picked up the towel and he served. Uh can I encourage us? whatever opportunity that you have to serve. You remember the Apostle Paul, I was telling somebody uh the Apostle Paul, it says when the Lord revealed himself and and got his attention spiritually woke him up, the first thing he said, you remember what he said? He said, Lord, what would you have me to do? Serve. He realized, I'm going to serve. Are you with me? What would you have me to do? Serve. Let's serve. [00:40:45]

Utilize every opportunity that we have. You know, I've often said our Lord was a servant leader. He was the greatest servant leader this world has ever seen is our Lord Jesus. He was a servant leader. Amen. Some people want to shine, but they don't want to serve. You want to be great, serve. Serve one another. Amen. You know, when I uh when I counel married couples and share with them some advice, you know what I often tell them? Serve one another. Serve one another. Every opportunity you have, serve your wife, serve your husband, be a blessing to them. [00:41:07]

Discover ways to bless your spouse, to serve your spouse. Amen. Dads, husbands, we are called to be Christlike servants, protecting, providing for our household, loving, and nurturing our wives. Men, don't ever forget your girlfriend or spouse. She is your sister in Christ. You need to love your sister in Christ. You need to nurture her and love her. And everybody said, "Amen." You pray for her. You encourage her. You serve her. You honor her. Amen. By the way, I often tell Gina, "Is there anything I can do for you?" [00:41:59]

I'm being honest. Really? Right. I, you know, almost daily I say to her, "Honey, is there anything I can do for you?" But I got to tell you, a couple years ago, one morning we were praying. We had devotions. We we pray together. So Carmen and I said to her, "Honey, can I do anything for you?" She had a list. So I said, "So it was the first item. I knocked it out. And then there was the second item. I knocked it out. And then the refrigerator, I forget what it was. I knocked that out. And after the fourth one, I said, "I'm not going to say that to her again ever. [00:42:51]

No way." You remember that? What's that? She said when it came to the fifth item, I said, "No, I'm not doing that." You know, you know, men, the Bible says she's the weaker vessel. Let me tell you, I have found most of the times women are stronger emotionally than men, not physically. You know what that means? We treat our spouses with the utmost care and respect. She's the weaker vessel. You know, years ago, my my aunt from Italy bought us a vase, a vase. I mean, that thing was costly. And we handled it very gently, carefully. That's how we treat our wives, man. [00:43:56]

I want to tell you friends, my kids can tell you no one eats better than Tony Pari. Nobody. I told you I had steak and eggs this morning, right? Whatever Whatever I ask, she'll do it. She actually asked me. There are times where I have to tell her, "Don't cook this week or don't cook in the cook." Um, it's all good. By the way, see, if I tell Gina I need a t-shirt, the Amazon driver is there the next morning. But he's not only there in the morning, he's there in the afternoon and at night for her. And then the UPS driver comes along and he come knocks on the door. [00:44:48]

By the way, the Amazon driver invited us to his wedding. You guys can steal that one. Uh let's serve let's serve one another. You know guys, try to compliment your wife every day. Compliment her deeds, her character, her work, her love. validator, foster intimacy, man. Touch, touch, words, deeds. I tell it to married couples. A woman's greatest need is her emotional needs. She needs to be valued and loved and nurtured. I mean, they really love diamonds and fur coats and stuff. They, you know, but you know what I'm talking about, right? [00:45:36]

men sacrificially put their needs above yours. Uh, by the way, I would be remiss if I didn't say, "Ladies, you need to respect your husband. Gina is my number one fan." And ladies, if you have not found this out by now, men do not respond to criticism. They respond to validation, not criticism. You will push them further and further and further away by criticizing your husband. Find ways to nurture him, to love him, to encourage him, to validate him. You'll get more response by doing that than just nitpicking and criticizing. [00:46:29]

And the other thing is being patient with one another, right? I got to tell you a story that I thought about this week when I was preparing this. Um, my former pastor years ago, Pastor Maldo, one one Sunday, he said like off the cuff almost, "Ladies, tomorrow morning, Monday morning, why don't you get up early in the morning and cook your husband a nice breakfast?" And so our friend uh Bob and Bob and Fran uh he got up, he was an electrician. He used to get up early and have devotions and pray. Great, great guy. What a wonderful brother. [00:47:30]

But that Monday, sure enough, he was downstairs in his kitchen. His wife came down and she was going to cook him breakfast. So he tells the story, Bob. He said, "Yeah." So Franny came down with her rover here was all messed up. He said she got the frying pan and slammed it right on top of the oven. And then she went into the refrigerator to get the eggs. She slammed the refrigerator door. She was cracking the eggs. And she said to him, "Do you want any meat?" And he said, "No, no, honey, just the eggs. So after she cooked, he said to her, "You know, honey, maybe next time you go to just sleep in. [00:47:58]

We still love one another, right?" All right. You know what? I'm going to move on. Thirdly, m to maintain uh successful relationships, let's honor one another. Jessica read from 1 Corinthians 13. U Denise read Romans 12:10. Take the lead in honoring one another. The definition of honor is highly respect, esteem. Let's respect one another. Let's honor one another as often as as possible. Encourage one another, guys. We're not perfect, man. Let's honor one another. You know, I often say to married couples, if your spouse ceases to be your best friend, you're going to have problems. [00:48:50]

Nurture your friendship. Honor, honor, honor. In Matthew 19, Jesus gives us a matrimonial mandate for all marriages in our culture in for every generation. It applies to us. Jesus said, "For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother shall cleave to his wife and the two shall be one flesh. No longer two but one. There are three key elements in that matrimonial covenant. Number one is leaving and man must leave father and mother. We never god forbid we never abandon our parents but our priority and our allegiance changes. [00:49:20]

It's no longer to our former family. It's to our new family to our spouse. The emotional umbilical cord needs to be severed. Your loyalty be loyalty belongs to your wife. Our new family takes higher priority than your past family. Not that we aband anybody. We have actually more love for them. Secondly, the mandate is to cleave the idea that something is together. That's why I feel like touching and talking and and and validating is so so important. It solidifies the bond. The third mandate is weaving. Uh you leave, you cleave, you weave. [00:49:58]

The two shall no more one flesh. We transition from me to you to we sometimes I get concerned where there's like two entities in marriage. They got their own bank account. They got their savings account. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That may work, but I don't know. How about the two being one making one decision, the two of you, not separate decisions. After a while, you're going to be separated. No, no, no, no. Unity, oneness. Amen. Come on, someone say amen. Amen. You know, Gina and I, we've been married 50 years. We're really modest in our lifestyle. [00:50:36]

I'm seriously uh Costco clothes that I wear. I'm not telling you to go to Costco to wear your to buy your clothes. That's just me. I can afford to go to the mall. Believe me, Gina has worked all her life. Uh you know, u the I got to be got to be honest and transparent. The one issue we really have is in the kitchen. You know, Gina thinks she's a better cook than I am. Pray for her. Would you please really pray and intercede? Gina, am I right? Jess, am I right? We butttheads in the kitchen. Oh, man. I I love you, babe. [00:51:16]

Come on now. Hey, listen. Several of you asked about the secret of successful marriage. A couple things. Marriage is not a 50/50 agreement. You got to give 100%, man. How about if your spouse can't give you the 50? What do you do? You give 100%. You need to forgive. Hey, there's no perfect people, no perfect marriage. They asked our Lord, how many times should we forgive? The Lord said 70 times 70, right? The other thing I think is important is communication. [00:51:57]

I sometimes I tell spouses, you got kids, when the kids are in bed and you're in your room, in your bedroom, begin to talk and talk about the day, what happened, communicate. Listen, your spouse is not a mind reader. You got all these pent up emotions and you're ready to explode and your your spouse has no idea what's going on. Tell him. Tell her. Express it. Are you with me? Express your feelings. Express your emotions. Pick your battles. You're not going to win every battle. Pick your battles. Sometimes the small stuff, let it go, man. [00:52:37]

I've learned to let it go. I've learned to let a lot of things go. That was supposed to be a joke. Can I say something? And I'm not saying this negatively. There may be things in your spouse that won't change. You may have to change. You're praying and we're imperfect. Are you with me? We're praying. We encourage. We inspire. You know what I'm You know what I'm saying? I'm I'm not saying that negatively. I'm just saying listen, we need to embrace one another and love one another, right? And accept some of those things that may not change. [00:53:09]

Uh the other thing is sometimes is u this may be true more of a woman than a man. Sometimes you think a man is going to complete you. Only the Lord can complete you. You're going to put all your eggs in that basket. You're going to think he's a he's going to be your savior. He's not going to be your savior. Jesus will be your savior. Jesus will give you the confidence. Jesus will be your security. He will be your portion. The Lord. Amen. Amen. Come on now. Amen. [00:53:41]

Um, another thing is be sincere. Be transparent with your spouse. No secrets. You got secrets. Drag them out into the light. When you have your secrets in darkness, you know what happens? They're going to get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and they'll explode. It'll be a monster. Take them out into the light. Express it to your spouse. Um, a young boy was asked what he learned in Sunday school from the story of when Jesus turned the water into wine. You remember that story at the wedding of Canaa in John chapter 2? [00:54:13]

And the boy thought about and he said, and I quote, "If you're having a wedding, make sure Jesus shows up." Married couples, can I give you some advice? Make sure Jesus shows up in your marriage. Amen. Thank you, Lord. Amen. [00:54:34]