Transformative Love: Building Healthy Relationships Through Christ

Love is the foundation of every relationship, and Jesus calls us to love one another as He has loved us. This love is not just a feeling, but a daily choice to be patient, kind, humble, and selfless, as described in 1 Corinthians 13. Speaking these truths over our lives—declaring “I am patient, I am kind”—is not just positive thinking, but a way to let God’s Word take root in our hearts and transform us from the inside out. No matter what season we find ourselves in—single, married, divorced, or waiting—God’s way is always better, and surrendering to Him brings about the best fruit in our lives.

Our stories and our pasts don’t disappear when we come to Christ; instead, God invites us to bring our brokenness, pain, and baggage to Him. Healing and freedom come when we are honest about our struggles, willing to do the hard work of confession, and open to God’s intervention. In relationships, this means accepting what is, addressing issues head-on, and choosing selflessness over selfishness. We all bring something into our relationships—whether it’s trust issues, insecurities, or a performance mindset—but God’s grace is sufficient to heal and restore.

True intimacy in any relationship is built on three pillars: physical, emotional, and spiritual. While physical and emotional intimacy are important, spiritual intimacy is the foundation. When both people are pursuing God, He brings healing and alignment to every other area. It’s not our job to fix those we love, but to pray for them, offer grace, and allow the Holy Spirit to do the deep work in their hearts. Healthy relationships require honesty, intention, and perseverance. We must be honest with ourselves, with each other, and with God; intentional in our actions and words; and committed to persevering through challenges, anchored by our love for God above all else.

For those who struggle with people-pleasing or feel exhausted from trying to earn love, the invitation is to shift from performing for others to simply pleasing the heart of God. When we are filled by Him, we can love others well without running dry. No matter how broken or impure we may feel, God is able to make all things new. Surrendering our past, our pain, and our shame to Jesus opens the door for Him to write a new story of freedom, healing, and purpose in our lives.

Key Takeaways

• 1. Love is a daily, intentional choice rooted in the character of Christ. Declaring the truths of 1 Corinthians 13 over our lives is a way to let God’s love transform us, especially in the areas where we struggle most. This practice is not about self-improvement, but about allowing God’s Word to shape our identity and actions. [01:54]
• 2. Our past experiences and wounds don’t vanish when we come to faith; they must be acknowledged and brought into the light. Healing comes through honest confession, willingness to do the work, and inviting God’s intervention. Without this, we risk repeating the same patterns and carrying old baggage into new seasons. [07:36]
• 3. True intimacy in relationships is built on three interconnected pillars: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Spiritual intimacy is the foundation—when both people are pursuing God, He brings alignment and healing to the other areas. Skipping spiritual intimacy leads to imbalance and frustration, but prioritizing it brings lasting unity and growth. [15:34]
• 4. Healthy relationships require three ongoing commitments: honesty, intention, and perseverance. Honesty means telling the truth with grace, intention means taking deliberate steps to move forward after hard conversations, and perseverance means refusing to give up, even when things are difficult. These practices are essential for thriving, not just surviving, in any relationship. [20:39]
• 5. Shifting from a performance mindset to a posture of surrender is key to lasting freedom and healthy connection. When we stop trying to earn love from people and instead focus on pleasing God, we find rest and are able to love others from a place of fullness. God’s grace is sufficient to heal our fatigue, restore our boundaries, and empower us to love as He loves. [25:33]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [00:39] - The Command to Love Like Jesus
• [01:15] - Anchoring in 1 Corinthians 13
• [01:54] - Speaking Love Over Your Life
• [03:10] - Testimony: God’s Way is Better
• [04:25] - Meeting and Early Relationship
• [06:21] - Insecurity, Comparison, and God’s Grace
• [06:58] - Baggage and Brokenness in Marriage
• [08:13] - Accepting and Addressing Issues
• [09:29] - Performance, People-Pleasing, and Friction
• [10:41] - Intimacy Struggles and Patterns
• [12:33] - Recognizing and Repairing Brokenness
• [13:46] - The Three Stages of Intimacy
• [15:34] - Spiritual Intimacy as Foundation
• [18:44] - Praying for Others and Self-Examination
• [19:27] - Honesty, Intention, and Perseverance
• [24:55] - Shifting from Performance to Surrender
• [28:06] - God’s Power to Restore Purity
• [33:06] - The Call to Salvation and Surrender
• [36:13] - Closing Prayer and Celebration

Bible Reading

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (ESV) — > Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

John 13:34 (ESV) — > A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

James 1:19-20 (ESV) — > Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Observation Questions

1. According to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, what are some specific characteristics of love that Paul lists? Which of these are repeated or emphasized in the sermon?
2. In John 13:34, what is the “new commandment” Jesus gives, and how does He set the standard for how we are to love?
3. The sermon mentions that “our past is our past. I didn’t get married as a virgin. I had many relationships. But, but we love Jesus. You love Jesus. I love Jesus. And very shortly, I mean like 60 days into marriage, shortly we realize, oh no, every decision we ever made prior to meeting each other was not erased when we became a Christian. It funneled into our marriage funneled.” What does this reveal about how our past affects our present relationships? [06:58]
4. The sermon describes three pillars of intimacy: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Which one is described as the foundation, and why? [15:34]

Interpretation Questions

1. Why do you think Paul describes love in such practical, action-oriented terms in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, rather than as a feeling or emotion?
2. The sermon encourages declaring “I am patient, I am kind” over our lives, not as self-help, but as a way to let God’s Word take root. How might this practice help someone struggling to love others well? [01:54]
3. The speakers share that “healing comes through honest confession, willingness to do the work, and inviting God’s intervention.” Why is it important to bring our brokenness and baggage into the light, rather than hiding it? [07:36]
4. The sermon says, “It’s not our job to fix people, especially people that we love. It’s our job to pray for people that we love. Offer grace to people that we love. But more than anything, take them before the Lord and just say, ‘Lord, please, Holy Spirit, work on their heart.’” What does this suggest about our role in the spiritual growth of others? [16:48]

Application Questions

1. The sermon challenges us to declare the truths of 1 Corinthians 13 over our lives. Is there one aspect of love (patience, kindness, not easily angered, etc.) that you struggle with most? What would it look like to intentionally speak that truth over your life this week? [01:54]
2. The speakers talk about bringing their past pain, trust issues, and insecurities into their marriage. Is there any “baggage” from your past that you recognize is affecting your current relationships? What is one step you could take to bring it into the light and invite God’s healing? [07:36]
3. The sermon describes three pillars of intimacy—physical, emotional, and spiritual—with spiritual intimacy as the foundation. How are you currently pursuing spiritual intimacy in your closest relationships (marriage, family, close friends)? What is one way you could take a step forward in this area? [15:34]
4. The speakers emphasize honesty, intention, and perseverance as keys to healthy relationships. Which of these three do you find most challenging, and why? Can you share a recent situation where you struggled with this, and what you might do differently next time? [20:39]
5. For those who struggle with people-pleasing or a performance mindset, the sermon invites us to shift from trying to earn love to simply pleasing the heart of God. In what area of your life do you feel most tempted to “perform” for others? What would it look like to surrender that area to God this week? [25:33]
6. The speakers share that “God is able to make all things new.” Is there an area of brokenness, shame, or impurity in your life where you need to trust God for a fresh start? What is one practical way you can surrender this to Jesus? [28:06]
7. The sermon encourages us to pray for those we love rather than trying to fix them. Is there someone in your life you’ve been trying to “fix”? How could you shift your approach to praying for them and offering grace instead? [16:48]