The Transformative Power of Listening and Humility

Life is connected, that one thing leads to another, that today's decisions show up in tomorrow's realities. And that's what wisdom is. Wisdom is looking at the dilemma, looking at the problem, trying to solve, looking at the options before me and asking: "What's the best option for me in light of the fact that life is connected and this decision will have an impact that may follow me perhaps the rest of my life or at least into the next season of my life?" [00:07:03]

Refusing to listen to what we don't wanna hear that we need to hear is a gateway decision. Refusing to listen to what we don't wanna hear that we need to hear is a gateway decision. Here's what I mean by a gateway decision. The worst thing you've done in your life, the thing that created the greatest regret of your life was not not listening, but refusing to listen was a gateway to the thing that perhaps you wish you could go back and undo, unlive that season of life, that weekend, that marriage, that whatever it might be, that relationship, that financial decision. [00:11:00]

And the wise man, the wise woman, regardless of their age or stage of life, is the one that is willing to uncross their arms and say, "Okay, I don't wanna hear this but go ahead and tell it to me anyway." If you'll stop, if you'll pause, if you'll listen, you'll be glad you did. I guess one way of saying it is this: When you hear yourself saying, or you catch yourself thinking, or you find yourself humming, "I don't need you to worry for me 'cause I'm all right. I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home. I don't care what you say anymore." [00:15:03]

Humility equals receptivity. Pride always equals resistance: "I, I, I don't need to hear that. I, I, I know that. Yeah, I, I, I've heard that before. Thank you, but, you know, I'm... You've never walked in my shoes. Thank you, but no thank you." And the outcome of Solomon's decision, his prayer and God's answering his prayer, is that his fame spread to all the surrounding nations. If you read his story, I mean, men and women, kings and queens travel to sit at Solomon's feet and to sit and listen to his wisdom and ask him questions. [00:20:41]

Plans fail for lack of input, but they succeed with a multitude of counselors. Here's another one. Again, this is a hard one. "Listen to advice and accept discipline." Do you know what discipline means in this context? It means correction. It means, "Hey, I'm gonna tell you what I'm thinking about doing, and I just want you to let me have it. Don't hold back." "Well, "I think this is a terrible idea." "That's what I need to hear. I mean, I don't like it. It doesn't make me feel good, It makes me feel kind of stupid, but I wanna hear it." Correction, pushback, feedback. [00:29:35]

When you hear yourself saying, "I know. I know," what you're really saying... You need to understand, the person on the other side of you, here's what they're hearing, "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Go away. Go away. I know. I know." That's how you feel when somebody says, "I know. I know." Listen, when you catch yourself thinking, hearing that: "I know. I know," you need to uncross those arms. That may be the moment that you need to hear what you don't wanna hear the most. [00:39:38]

And knowing without doing is worse than not knowing because according to the book of Proverbs, according to Solomon, knowing and not doing makes you a fool, you're living as if life isn't connected. "I know what I ought to, I know what the best thing is, I know the wise thing, but I'm just not going to do it." Solomon would say you're a fool. Again, you're masterminding your own regret. So wrapping up. We've all said it, we've all thought it: "I should have listened. Ah, I should have listened. I should have listened." [00:40:23]

Odds are somebody saw it coming and they either felt so shut down they weren't even gonna try or they tried to tell you and you just wouldn't listen. Or they would have told you they saw it coming if you had or I had invited them into the decision making process earlier. The bottom line is, for me and for you, somebody can see what you can't see. Somebody can see what you can't see. And somebody who cares about you who can see what you can't see, why would we not listen? [00:41:09]

So in the words of James, the brother of Jesus, he says, "We should be quick to listen and slow to speak." And if that becomes the habit of our lives, if that becomes the posture of our lives, we will be glad we did, and the people we love the most and the people who depend on us the most will be glad we did as well. And we will pick it up right there next time in part three of "You'll Be Glad You Did: Timeless Advice for Troubled Times." [00:42:06]

Avoid the genetic fallacy. Which sounds strange. Here's what the genetic fallacy is, some of you know. The genetic fallacy is discounting information based on the source of the information rather than the merit of the information. It's discounting information or advice based on the source rather than the merit. Now, all of us struggle with this. You see somebody and she wants to give you advice, and you're like, "Look at her family. I mean, is she gonna tell me how to raise my kids? I mean, have you seen her kids? They're a mess, right?" [00:35:31]

Don't assume expertise in one area makes you an expert in every area. This is kind of a guy thing, I'll just be honest, okay? Because success is intoxicating. Success is intoxicating. You think you're better than you really are. And when you're extraordinary or you're pretty good or recognized in one area, you think you're just pretty good in every area. That is absolutely not the case. And sometimes people who are super successful professionally, they struggle relationally because there's two different sets of tools, right? [00:37:42]

Don't confuse experience with insight. Don't confuse experience with insight. I mean, you said it, you've heard it, "I wasn't born yesterday." Well, we knew that, so? "This is not my first rodeo." Well, that just means you're good at rodeos. "I've been around the block a time or two." That just means you're dizzy. I don't know what that means. You know what this really means? It just means you're old, not necessarily wise. This is very important, okay? Experience doesn't make you wiser. Evaluated experience makes you wiser. [00:38:35]