The Power of Words in Relationships and Influence

Devotional

Day 1: The Relationship You Have Is Rarely the Same Relationship They Have With You

Recognizing that every relationship is marked by unique perspectives and unequal influence helps us approach our words with greater humility and care. Whether as a parent, sibling, employer, or friend, we often forget that the way we see the relationship is not the way the other person experiences it. This awareness is not a problem to solve but a tension to manage, and it should inform how we communicate, especially when we hold more power or influence. When we remember this, we can choose words that build up rather than unintentionally wound, leveraging our position for the good of others. [30:24]

Philippians 2:3-4 (ESV)
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Reflection: Think of a relationship where you hold more influence or authority—how might you adjust your words this week to better consider the other person’s perspective and needs?

Day 2: Source Determines Weight

The impact of our words is not just about what is said, but who says it; the same phrase can carry vastly different weight depending on the relationship and authority of the speaker. Whether in families, workplaces, or friendships, our words can either build up or crush, simply because of the position we hold in someone’s life. Remembering the unique influence we have in each relationship challenges us to be intentional, using our words to encourage, direct, and protect rather than harm. Every conversation is an opportunity to leverage the weight of our words for good, especially when we realize how much they matter to those on the other side. [39:06]

Proverbs 18:21 (ESV)
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Reflection: Who in your life is especially impacted by your words? How can you use your influence to speak life and encouragement to them today?

Day 3: Remember Who You Are and What You Represent

Everywhere you go, you represent more than just yourself; your words carry the weight of your role, your character, and, for Christians, your faith. In any relationship where you have an advantage—whether positional, relational, or financial—you have a unique opportunity and responsibility to use your words to build up others. This is especially true for followers of Jesus, who are called to be salt and light, bringing preservation, protection, and hope through their speech. Remembering who you are and what you represent can transform ordinary conversations into moments of grace and encouragement. [46:52]

Matthew 5:13-16 (ESV)
“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

Reflection: In what setting this week can you intentionally let your words reflect the light and love of Christ to someone who needs it?

Day 4: Build Others Up According to Their Needs

As followers of Jesus, we are commanded to use our words to build others up, not according to our own needs, but according to theirs, so that our speech benefits those who listen. Every conversation is a construction site, and we have the choice to either build or tear down with what we say. This responsibility is not optional for Christians; it is a direct reflection of the love God has shown us through Christ. When we filter our words through the lens of love and concern for others, we become agents of encouragement and healing in a world that desperately needs both. [54:21]

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Reflection: Who in your life could use a word of encouragement from you today? What specific need can you address with your words?

Day 5: Love Must Drive Our Words

If love is not the driving force behind our words, even the most eloquent or theologically correct speech becomes empty noise. The world is watching how we speak, and careless, un-Christlike words can do more harm than good, pushing people away from faith rather than drawing them in. Jesus reserved his harshest words for those who were reckless with their speech, especially toward the vulnerable. Let us remember that the source, weight, and impact of our words ultimately reflect the love—or lack thereof—in our hearts, and let us strive to speak with grace, humility, and genuine care. [01:01:17]

1 Corinthians 13:1 (ESV)
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

Reflection: Before you speak or respond today, pause and ask yourself: Is love truly motivating what I am about to say? If not, how can you reframe your words so that they build up rather than tear down?

Sermon Summary

One of the most overlooked yet powerful dynamics in our relationships is that the relationship we have with others is rarely the same relationship they have with us. This is especially true in situations where there is an imbalance of power, influence, or authority—such as between parents and children, employers and employees, or older and younger siblings. While everyone in a relationship has equal value, the roles we play mean our words carry different weight depending on who we are to the other person. This reality is not a problem to solve, but a tension to recognize and leverage for good.

Words have tremendous power to shape lives, for better or worse. We all remember words that built us up or tore us down, and these words often stick with us for years. Yet, while we are quick to acknowledge the impact of others’ words on us, we are often slow to recognize or take responsibility for the impact our own words have on others. For those who follow Jesus, this should be especially concerning, because we are called to be “one another” people—encouraging, honoring, forgiving, and building up those around us.

A key principle is that the source of a word determines its weight. The same words can have vastly different impacts depending on who says them. A compliment from a friend is nice, but the same words from a parent or a child can be life-changing. This means each of us has unique opportunities to use our words to encourage, direct, and protect those with whom we have influence. We must remember who we are and what we represent to the person on the other side of us, especially in relationships where we have any kind of advantage.

For Christians, the stakes are even higher. We are not just parents, siblings, or coworkers—we are representatives of Jesus. Our words should be like salt, preserving and protecting, and like light, bringing life and hope. When we fail to use our words with love and care, we lose our influence and become nothing more than noise. But when we get this right, we reflect the love of Christ and can change the world for the better, one conversation at a time.

Key Takeaways

1. The Relationship Dynamic: The relationship you have with someone is rarely the same relationship they have with you. This is especially true when there is an imbalance of power, influence, or dependency. Recognizing this dynamic helps us approach conversations with greater empathy and intentionality, understanding that our words may carry more weight than we realize. [30:24]
2. Source Determines Weight: The impact of our words is not just about what is said, but who says it. A simple affirmation or criticism can be magnified or diminished depending on the source. This means we must be mindful of the unique influence we have in each relationship and use our words to build up rather than tear down. [39:06]
3. Responsibility of Influence: In any relationship where we have an advantage—be it positional, relational, or financial—we have a responsibility to leverage the weight of our words for good. This is not just an opportunity, but a calling to encourage, direct, and protect those who look to us. Remembering who we are and what we represent to others can transform our interactions and leave a lasting positive impact. [46:52]
4. The Christian Mandate: For followers of Jesus, using our words to build others up is not optional. We are called to love others as Christ has loved us, which includes the way we speak. Our words should reflect the character of Jesus, serving as salt and light in the world, preserving, protecting, and illuminating the lives of those around us. [55:15]
5. The Power to Change the World: When we consistently use our words to encourage and build up others, we reflect the heart of Christ and can profoundly influence our communities. Even those who may not share our beliefs can be drawn to the sincerity and care behind our words. Conversely, careless or unloving words can drive people away from faith, underscoring the importance of speaking with love and intention. [57:09]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[30:24] - The Unequal Nature of Relationships
[33:10] - The Weight of Words in Our Lives
[37:55] - Source Determines Weight
[39:06] - Leadership and the Power of Words
[42:15] - Criticism and the Source
[44:21] - Affirmation: The Power of Who Says It
[46:52] - Leveraging Your Words for Good
[49:40] - The Weight of a Child’s Words
[51:29] - Who We Are Should Shape What We Say
[54:21] - The Christian Responsibility in Speech
[55:15] - Salt and Light: Our Words as Witness
[57:09] - Imagine the Impact of Loving Words
[59:33] - When We Fail to Get This Right
[61:17] - Remembering Our Influence and Closing Prayer

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV) — > Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Matthew 5:13-16 (ESV) — > “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.
> “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.
> Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.
> In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

Observation Questions

According to Ephesians 4:29, what is the purpose of the words we speak to others?
In Matthew 5:13-16, what does Jesus say about the role of his followers in the world?
The sermon says, “The relationship you have with others is rarely the same relationship they have with you.” What are some examples given in the sermon that show this dynamic? [30:24]
The sermon mentions that “the source determines weight.” What does this mean, and how was this illustrated with stories about family and work? [39:06]

Interpretation Questions

Why does Paul command believers to only speak words that “build up” and “give grace to those who hear”? What does this reveal about the responsibility Christians have in their conversations? (Ephesians 4:29)
What does it mean for Christians to be “salt” and “light” in the context of their words and relationships? How does this go beyond just being nice? (Matthew 5:13-16; [55:15])
The sermon says that in relationships where we have more influence or authority, our words carry extra weight. Why is it important to recognize this, and what can happen if we ignore it? [46:52]
The pastor said, “If love isn’t driving your words, if concern for other people isn’t the filter through which your words pass, if you’re not there to build them up, then just shut up because you’re doing more harm than good.” What does this say about the connection between love and speech for Christians? [59:33]

Application Questions

Think of a relationship in your life where you have more influence, authority, or experience (parent, boss, older sibling, etc.). How have your words impacted that person, either positively or negatively? What is one thing you could do differently this week? [46:52]
The sermon challenges us to “remember who you are and what you represent to the person on the other side of you.” Is there a specific relationship where you need to be more mindful of the weight your words carry? What would it look like to be more intentional in that relationship? [51:29]
Can you recall a time when someone’s words (positive or negative) had a lasting impact on you? How did the source of those words affect their impact? [44:21]
For those who are parents or have younger siblings, what are some practical ways you can use your words to encourage and build up the younger people in your life? [49:40]
The sermon says that for Christians, using our words to build others up is not optional. Are there any habits or patterns in your speech (at home, work, online) that you need to change to better reflect Jesus? What is one step you can take this week? [54:21]
When was the last time you apologized for something you said? What keeps you from taking responsibility for your words, and how can you grow in humility in this area? [01:02:47]
Imagine if Christians were known as the most encouraging people in your community. What would need to change in your own life for that to be true? How could your words help change someone’s view of Jesus or the church? [57:09]

Sermon Clips

While we are quick to acknowledge the fact that people's words spoken to us, over us, and at us have impacted our lives and our childhood, and again, who we see in the mirror, we're quick to recognize that. What we are not so quick to recognize, what we're often slow to recognize, and here's the point of today's few minutes together, and what we are slow to take responsibility for is how our words land and impact others, which should bother all of us, right? But it should bother a specific group of us more, those of us who consider ourselves Jesus followers. [00:33:21] (38 seconds) #OwnTheImpactOfYourWords

We are supposed to make decisions and choose words and respond in such a way that the person on the other side of us, the one another, actually benefits by being in a relationship with us or being on the other side of us. We're supposed to encourage one another, and honor one another, and forgive one another, and carry one another's burdens. We are supposed to sacrifice for the sake of the benefit of other people, which means our words matter, and we are more responsible than the average person for leveraging our words in such a way that our words build people up. [00:34:36] (30 seconds) #WordsBuildOrBreak

If you're a Jesus follower or claim to be a Christian, this is not optional. This isn't an add -on. This isn't like, oh, this will make me a better person and I want you to hear me. And this isn't a ploy to leverage in somebody's life to get what you want from them. I'm just gonna add more and more positive words, leverage the positive so I get what I want. This is not a strategy for getting what you want. We are obligated as Jesus followers to get this right because we have a responsibility. We have a responsibility because we have been commanded by our Savior to love others the way that God through Christ has loved them, which includes the words that we use. [00:52:31] (39 seconds) #WordsConstructOrDestroy

Every conversation's a construction site. And you're either gonna use your words to build or to tear down. He says, do you choose your words to build others up according to not your needs, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. [00:53:45] (16 seconds) #YouAreSaltAndLight

Remember who you are and who you represent to the person on the other side of you? And who are you? You're more than the employer. You're more than the manager. You're more than the employee. You're more than the neighbor. You're more than just a parent. You're more than just the older brother. You're more than just the older sister. You're a follower of Jesus. And to use Jesus' words, you are, this is so amazing. You are the salt of the entire earth. So our words should do what salt does, preserve and protect, preserve and protect, never harm, never undermine. [00:54:35] (50 seconds) #WordsBringLifeAndLight

Imagine the influence that the church would have in the community and the church would have in the world if we'd just gotten this one thing right. Imagine the influence, and to be clear, for those of you who aren't Christians, hear me out. Not influence so we could take over and have control and have more people on our team, uh -uh. Because our King said this, I did not come to be served. I came to serve, and I came to give my life as a ransom for many. [00:56:58] (30 seconds) #LoveFiltersYourWords

``If love isn't driving your words, if concern for other people isn't the filter through which your words pass, if you're not there to build them up, then just shut up because you're doing more harm than good. [01:00:28] (18 seconds) #LeverageWordsWithLove

Let's remember who you are and remember what you represent to the person on the other side of you. And if you're a Christian, remember who you are and who you represent to the person on the other side of you. Remember to take you into account because the source of a word determines the weight of the word, and the weight determines the impact. And ultimately, the impact determines the outcome. So leverage your words accordingly. This is just one more thing that love requires of us. [01:01:46] (40 seconds)

Ask a question about this sermon

Chatbot

What determines the weight of our words?

How does relationship inequality influence communication impact?

Why are Christian words held to higher responsibility?