The Power of Words: Building Up Through Love

Words have a profound impact on our lives, especially within our closest relationships. While actions are undeniably important, the words we speak—and even the words we leave unspoken—can shape the course of someone’s life for years to come. The closer the relationship, the heavier our words become. Many of us carry memories of things said to us, about us, or even things we longed to hear but never did. These words, whether positive or negative, have the power to build up or tear down, to encourage or to wound, to inspire or to discourage.

It’s easy to recognize the power of words when we’re on the receiving end, but we often underestimate the weight our own words carry in the lives of others. This is especially true in our most important relationships—family, friends, coworkers. We may think our words are insignificant, but in reality, every word has weight, and we are responsible for how we use them.

For those who follow Jesus, this isn’t just good advice—it’s a requirement. Jesus set the standard for love: “Love one another as I have loved you.” The Apostle Paul echoes this, urging us to walk in the way of love, a love that is bold, intentional, and sacrificial. This love is not defined by us, but by Jesus’ example. Paul applies this specifically to our words, instructing us not to let any unwholesome or rotten words come out of our mouths, but only words that build others up according to their needs.

This doesn’t mean we avoid hard conversations or only say nice things. Rather, it means we use our words as building materials, carefully chosen to benefit and strengthen those we speak to. To do this well, we must know and listen to others, tailoring our words to their needs rather than simply saying what we feel compelled to say. Our faith calls us to an others-first way of living, where our words serve and build up those around us.

One crucial dynamic to remember is that words are not equally weighted. Negative words weigh far more than positive ones. Studies show we need a much higher ratio of positive to negative words, especially in our closest relationships. The negative things said to us often stick with us for years, while positive words can help heal and build resilience. Therefore, we must overload on the positive, encouraging, and constructive words, paving the way for even the hard truths to be received in love.

Key Takeaways

• 1. The Weight of Unspoken Words Words left unsaid can shape a person’s life just as much as words spoken. Many carry the ache of never hearing “I love you” or “I’m proud of you” from those who mattered most. The absence of affirming words can leave a void that lingers for decades, reminding us that silence can be as powerful as speech. [01:54]
• 2. Love Defines Our Words, Not Our Preferences As followers of Jesus, we don’t get to define what love looks or sounds like—Jesus already did. Our words must reflect the bold, sacrificial, others-first love that Christ modeled. This means choosing to speak in ways that build up others, even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable for us. [09:53]
• 3. Honesty Requires Discernment, Not Brutality Being honest doesn’t mean saying everything that’s true; it means ensuring everything we say is true. There’s a difference between truthfulness and using truth as a weapon. Exercising self-control with our words honors both honesty and the dignity of those we speak to. [13:50]
• 4. Building Up Requires Knowing Others’ Needs To truly build others up, we must listen and understand what they need, not just what we want to say. This requires humility and intentionality, making our words about their benefit rather than our own need to be heard. The way of Jesus is an others-first way, and our words should reflect that priority. [17:05]
• 5. Negative Words Weigh More—So Overload on the Positive Negative words have a disproportionate impact, often lingering far longer than positive ones. In our closest relationships, we must strive for a high ratio of positive to negative words—overloading on encouragement, affirmation, and constructive feedback. This creates the trust and safety needed for even hard truths to be received well. [26:55]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [01:54] - The Power of Words Left Unsaid
• [03:47] - How Words Shape Our Identity
• [08:33] - Walking in the Way of Love
• [09:53] - Jesus Defines Love, Not Us
• [10:43] - Applying Love to Our Words
• [13:50] - Honesty and Self-Control in Speech
• [16:04] - Building Others Up with Our Words
• [17:05] - Listening to Understand Needs
• [19:34] - The Challenge of Others-First Communication
• [21:47] - Speaking Hard Truths with Love
• [23:06] - Intent Matters as Much as Content
• [24:38] - Words Are Not Equally Weighted
• [26:55] - The Lasting Impact of Negative Words
• [32:46] - Overloading on the Positive
• [34:51] - Living an Others-First Life
• [36:08] - Two Questions for Reflection

Bible Reading

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV) — > Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 5:1-2 (ESV) — > Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

James 1:19 (ESV) — > Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.

Observation Questions

1. According to Ephesians 4:29, what kind of words are we told to avoid, and what kind of words are we told to use instead? ([13:50])
2. In Ephesians 5:1-2, what does Paul say about how we should imitate God and walk in love? ([08:33])
3. The sermon mentions that words left unspoken can have a lasting impact. What are some examples given of unspoken words that can shape a person’s life? ([01:54])
4. What does James 1:19 say about the order in which we should listen and speak? How does this relate to building others up? ([17:05])

Interpretation Questions

1. The sermon says that “words are not equally weighted” and that negative words weigh more than positive ones. Why do you think negative words have such a lasting impact compared to positive words? ([24:38])
2. Paul instructs us to use words that “build others up according to their needs.” What does it look like to tailor your words to someone else’s needs rather than just saying what you want to say? ([16:04])
3. The sermon draws a distinction between honesty and using truth as a weapon. How can someone be honest without being hurtful or brutal? ([13:50])
4. The absence of affirming words (“I love you,” “I’m proud of you”) can leave a void. Why might silence be just as powerful as speech in shaping someone’s identity? ([01:54])

Application Questions

1. Think about a time when someone’s words—positive or negative—stuck with you for years. How did those words shape your confidence or self-image? ([03:47])
2. Are there people in your life who need to hear affirming words from you that you’ve left unspoken? What is stopping you from saying them, and what could change if you did? ([01:54])
3. The sermon challenges us to “overload on the positive” in our closest relationships. What is one specific way you can increase the ratio of positive to negative words with your spouse, children, or close friends this week? ([32:46])
4. When you have to say something hard or corrective, how can you make sure your intent is truly for the other person’s benefit and not just to get something off your chest? ([23:06])
5. The message says, “Honesty means that everything you say is true. Honesty does not mean that you need to say everything that’s true.” How can you practice self-control in your speech this week, especially in moments of frustration or conflict? ([13:50])
6. The sermon talks about knowing others’ needs before speaking. Who in your life do you need to listen to more carefully before offering advice or correction? What would it look like to “study” them and understand what would truly build them up? ([17:05])
7. Who is someone in your life that is hoping you’ll “get to work” on this area of your words? How can you take a first step toward change this week? ([36:08])