Stop Trying, Start Training | Pastor Mike Frisch | Active Church Yucaipa

The memory of 9/11 calls the church to ask God for peace, comfort for those still carrying loss, and eyes that turn toward him in suffering and brokenness. The question of overreaction exposes a frustrating cycle: people say what they did not want to say, react bigger than the moment deserved, apologize, promise to do better, and then find themselves doing it again.

The problem is not simply that people are failing to try hard enough. The problem is that they are trying, but not training. Trying waits for the spontaneous moment and hopes something changes. Training makes a plan before the moment arrives, because nobody trains for a marathon while running the marathon. Different reactions require different rhythms, because personal rhythms always shape relational responses.

Daniel gives a remarkable picture of a trained life. Babylon took him from Israel, pressured him to assimilate, changed the expectations around him, and eventually placed him in a position of influence because of his character and integrity. Daniel did not demand authority. His faithful life earned trust. When jealous leaders manipulated King Darius into outlawing prayer to anyone but the king, Daniel faced a moment that could have produced panic, anger, or compromise.

Daniel’s rhythm did not change when the pressure showed up. Daniel went home, got on his knees, faced Jerusalem, prayed three times a day, and gave thanks to God just as he had done before. His calm, honorable response before and after the lion’s den did not come from nowhere. His response came from a life already shaped by prayer. Training was better than trying.

Daniel’s example gives a simple plan for better reactions. Starting with God means bringing every conversation, relationship, fear, and decision to the God whose wisdom is better than personal understanding, Google, ChatGPT, YouTube, or TikTok. God’s wisdom gives courage to do the good, holy, and righteous thing.

Feelings also need attention, not denial. Anger can be smoke, while fear is the fire underneath. Naming the fear and reframing it around what is true lowers the temperature and makes room for a person to actually listen. A better response can also be practiced before the hard moment arrives: quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry, and ready to ask whether someone needs listening or a response.

The invitation of Jesus is not perfection. The invitation is faithfulness on purpose. Apology still matters when failure happens, but training creates space for people on the other side to receive wisdom, support, and love instead of having to navigate someone else’s overreaction.

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Key Takeaways

• 1. Training is better than trying Trying depends on willpower in the heat of the moment. Training forms a person before the moment comes, building rhythms that make a healthy and holy response more available. The goal is not a perfect reaction but a prepared life. [45:39]
• 2. Start every moment with God Daniel’s prayer was not an emergency move when the decree came down. Prayer was already the thing he did, so fear did not get to dictate his next step. God’s wisdom gives believers both clarity about what is right and courage to actually do it. [60:05]
• 3. Anger may be smoke from fear Anger often points to something deeper that feels threatened, lost, or out of control. Naming that fear keeps it from taking over the conversation and turning another person into the problem. Truth gives emotions a proper place without pretending they are not real. [67:20]
• 4. Practice a better response beforehand A practiced response makes room to listen before speaking and to receive another person before correcting them. The question, “Do you need me to just listen, or are you expecting some sort of a response?” changes the posture of a hard conversation. People need wisdom and support, not an overreaction they have to manage.
  
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Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [36:39] - Remembering 9/11
• [39:06] - When Reactions Become Too Big
• [42:30] - Trying Versus Training
• [44:19] - Preparing Before the Moment
• [46:43] - Daniel’s Faithful Life in Babylon
• [52:17] - The Decree Against Prayer
• [53:38] - Daniel Prays as He Did Before
• [55:40] - Honor After the Lion’s Den
• [59:20] - Start With God
• [65:37] - Notice Feelings and Reframe Fear
• [69:25] - Practice a Better Response
• [73:35] - Faithfulness Over Perfection
• [77:34] - Run With Purposeful Training

Bible Reading

Daniel 6:10
“When Daniel knew that the document had been signed, he went to his house where he had windows in his upper chamber open toward Jerusalem. He got down on his knees three times a day and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as he had done previously.” [53:38]

James 1:19
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;” [01:09:40]

Philippians 4:6-7
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” [01:04:12]

1 Corinthians 9:24-27
“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” [01:17:51]

Observation questions

1. What did Daniel do after he learned that praying to God had become illegal, and what detail shows that this was already his regular pattern?
2. What three actions does Philippians 4:6 call believers to take when anxiety comes, and what does verse 7 say God’s peace will guard?
3. In James 1:19, what is the order of the three commands, and how might that order slow down an overreaction? [01:09:25]
4. What images does Paul use in 1 Corinthians 9 to describe purposeful spiritual discipline, and what does he contrast with aimless running and fighting? [01:18:24]

Interpretation questions

1. Why does Daniel’s choice to pray “as he had done previously” matter for understanding his calm and faithful response under pressure? [53:44]
2. How does Philippians 4:6-7 show that bringing anxiety to God is more than simply trying to feel less worried? [01:04:28]
3. What might James mean by being “slow to anger” without asking believers to ignore or deny real emotions? How can anger sometimes point to a deeper fear? [01:06:41]
4. How does Paul’s picture of athletic training help explain why changed reactions usually require purposeful rhythms before difficult conversations happen? [45:24]

Application questions

1. Think about a recent moment when your reaction was bigger than the moment deserved. What was happening beneath the reaction—fear, disappointment, loss of control, exhaustion, or something else? What truth from God could help reframe that feeling? [01:08:03]
2. Where do you usually start when a stressful conversation, decision, or conflict arrives: your own thoughts, online advice, another person’s opinion, or God? What simple prayer could help you begin that moment with God this week? [01:03:05]
3. Daniel’s prayer rhythm was in place before the crisis came. What regular rhythm could help train your heart for better responses—morning prayer, a pause before coming home, praying before hard conversations, Scripture in the car, or something else? [59:20]
4. Is there a relationship where someone may hesitate to bring you a problem because they expect your reaction to become the main issue? What would it look like to create a safer, calmer space for that person?
5. Before your next difficult conversation, how could you practice being quick to listen and slow to speak? Would it help to prepare a first response such as, “Thank you for trusting me with that,” or, “Do you need me to listen, or are you looking for a response?” [01:11:07]
6. When you do overreact, what would a clear and humble apology sound like without excuses? How can apologizing become part of faithful training rather than a substitute for it? [01:14:20]