Stewarding God-Given Friendships: Covenant, Unity, and Healing

In a world where true friendship is becoming increasingly rare, God calls His people to a higher standard of relationship—one marked by covenant, unity, and sacrificial love. While many carry wounds from past friendships or feel isolated, God’s heart is to set the lonely in families and to heal those hurts within the context of His church. The biblical model of friendship, as seen in the story of Jonathan and David, is not transactional or self-serving, but rooted in covenant—a deep, binding commitment to one another that endures through adversity, misunderstanding, and even offense.

Jonathan and David’s friendship was marked by repeated covenants, not because it was easy, but because their circumstances demanded a continual choice for unity over division. Despite every reason for jealousy or rivalry, Jonathan chose to honor David, even surrendering his own royal garments as a sign of respect and affirmation. This kind of friendship is not afraid of the messiness of life; it confronts offense directly, seeks restoration, and refuses to participate in the cancel culture that is so prevalent in the world. Instead, it follows Jesus’ instructions to address conflict privately, involve others only when necessary, and always leave the door open for reconciliation.

True biblical friendship also calls out the gold in one another. When David was at his lowest, hiding in the wilderness, Jonathan sought him out, encouraged him in God, and reminded him of his calling. In the same way, we are called to see each other as God sees us, to speak life and potential over one another, and to stand together through seasons of adversity. The church should be a place where the world looks on and marvels at how deeply we love, serve, and fight for one another.

For those who feel alone or forgotten, there is hope and belonging in the family of God. Jesus pursues us in our isolation, covers us with His love, and invites us into a community where we can both receive and give the gift of true friendship. As we lay down our offenses and choose covenant relationships, we become a living testimony to the world of the love of Christ.

Key Takeaways

• 1. Covenant Over Convenience: Biblical friendship is rooted in covenant, not convenience. Like Jonathan and David, we are called to make intentional, enduring commitments to one another, choosing unity and restoration even when offense or misunderstanding arises. This kind of relationship is countercultural and requires us to lay down our pride and self-interest for the sake of others. [49:44]
• 2. Confrontation as a Path to Unity: Jesus provides a clear, practical process for handling offense among believers: address issues privately, involve others only if necessary, and seek the wisdom of spiritual authority when needed. This approach protects relationships, prevents gossip, and fosters a culture of honor and restoration rather than division and cancellation. [53:19]
• 3. Calling Out the Gold: True friends see beyond present circumstances and call out the God-given potential in each other. Jonathan’s encouragement to David in the wilderness is a model for us to pursue those who are struggling, remind them of their identity and calling, and celebrate their victories as our own. This is how we build each other up and reflect Christ’s love. [60:26]
• 4. Refusing Cancel Culture: The world’s way is to cut off and cancel those who hurt us, but the kingdom way is to keep the door open for reconciliation. Even when relationships are broken, we are called to forgive, bear with one another, and always hope for restoration, embodying the relentless grace of Jesus. [56:57]
• 5. The Church as Family: God sets the lonely in families, and the church is meant to be a place of belonging, healing, and deep friendship. No one needs to walk alone; by reaching out, being vulnerable, and allowing others to speak life into us, we experience the fullness of God’s design for community. [41:52]
  ** [41:52]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [40:10] - Introduction to God-Given Friendships
• [41:16] - Healing from Past Wounds and Finding Family
• [42:08] - Friendships That Unlock Potential
• [43:13] - The Friendship Recession in Our Culture
• [44:30] - The World’s View vs. Biblical Friendship
• [45:19] - The Power and Necessity of Healthy Friendships
• [46:39] - The Mature Response to Offense
• [47:17] - Jonathan and David: A Model of Covenant Friendship
• [49:44] - The Meaning and Practice of Covenant
• [51:21] - Choosing Unity Over Offense
• [53:19] - Jesus’ Blueprint for Handling Conflict
• [56:57] - Keeping the Door Open for Restoration
• [58:41] - Calling Out the Gold in Each Other
• [65:45] - Real-Life Story: Speaking Life in the Wilderness
• [69:19] - Jesus Pursues Us in Our Isolation
• [71:05] - Invitation to Join the Family of God
• [72:50] - Laying Down Offenses and Becoming a Covenant Church

Bible Reading

1 Samuel 18:1-4 (ESV) — > After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.

2. Matthew 18:15-17 (ESV)
> “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

3. Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV)
> Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Observation Questions

1. In 1 Samuel 18, what actions did Jonathan take to show his commitment to David? What did giving his robe and weapons symbolize? ([49:44])
2. According to Matthew 18, what is the first step Jesus gives for handling conflict or offense between believers? ([53:19])
3. In Colossians 3, what qualities does Paul say we should “put on” as God’s chosen people? ([56:57])
4. The sermon describes Jonathan and David making a covenant three times. What circumstances made repeated covenant necessary in their friendship? ([50:45])

Interpretation Questions

1. Why do you think Jonathan was willing to lay down his own royal rights and honor David, even though David was a “rival” for the throne? What does this reveal about biblical friendship? ([49:44])
2. Jesus’ process for handling offense in Matthew 18 is very different from how the world handles conflict. Why do you think Jesus emphasizes private conversation first, and what does this protect in relationships? ([53:19])
3. The sermon says, “Cancel culture is not kingdom culture.” What does it mean to “keep the door open for restoration” even after someone has hurt us? ([56:57])
4. The story of Jonathan seeking out David in the wilderness is used as a model for “calling out the gold” in others. Why is it important to encourage others in their God-given identity, especially when they are struggling? ([01:00:26])

Application Questions

1. The sermon says, “Biblical friendship is rooted in covenant, not convenience.” Are there friendships in your life that you treat as transactional or only when it’s easy? What would it look like to move toward covenant commitment in those relationships? ([49:44])
2. Think of a time when you were hurt or offended by someone in the church. Did you follow Jesus’ process in Matthew 18, or did you handle it differently? What would you do differently now? ([53:19])
3. The world often tells us to “cut off” people who hurt us. Is there someone you have “canceled” or written off? What would it look like to leave the door open for reconciliation, even if trust needs to be rebuilt? ([56:57])
4. The sermon challenges us to “call out the gold” in others. Who in your life needs encouragement right now? What is one specific way you can speak life and remind them of their God-given potential this week? ([01:00:26])
5. For those who feel lonely or isolated, the sermon says, “God sets the lonely in families.” If you are feeling alone, what is one step you can take to reach out for connection in the church? If you know someone who is isolated, how can you pursue them like Jonathan pursued David? ([41:52])
6. The sermon mentions that “a brother is born for a time of adversity.” When was the last time you stood by a friend during a hard season? Is there someone going through adversity now that you can support? ([57:30])
7. The message encourages us to “lay down our offenses and become a covenant church.” What is one offense or wound you need to bring to Jesus and let go of, so you can move forward in unity? ([01:12:50])