Your Spouse Can’t Complete You | Francis & Lisa Chan

Devotional

Day 1: Morning in the Prayer Shed: Overflowing from the Source

A man begins each day alone in a small shed, declaring the Trinity’s presence. He leaves not as a beggar needing his wife to “make him happy,” but as a fountain spilling over. This daily rhythm transforms neediness into abundance, grounding marriage in something deeper than mutual consumption. When two overflowing cups walk together, they create a home where children roll their eyes at kisses but grow up secure. The secret isn’t trying harder – it’s drinking first. [11:01]

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.” (Psalm 23:1-3, ESV)

Reflection: When have you experienced spiritual “overflow” that made you less dependent on others’ approval? What practical step could help you drink deeper from the Source this week?

Day 2: Atoms and Eternal Souls: The Force Holding You Together

Seven octillion atoms spin in every body – held together not by science’s “residual force,” but by Christ who sustains galaxies and marriages. The same power keeping stars in orbit jealously yearns for your invisible soul. This changes everything: your conflicts, your dreams, your last breath. When marriage feels fragile, remember – you’re not maintaining a contract, but stewarding eternal souls crafted by the Cosmic Artist. [19:15]

“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible… and in him all things hold together.” (Colossians 1:15-17, ESV)

Reflection: How might viewing your spouse as an “eternal soul held by Christ” shift your next difficult conversation? What aspect of their eternal design have you overlooked?

Day 3: Striving Side by Side, Not Face to Face

A hospital in Ethiopia stands where a Porsche might have been. A daughter recalls parents who fought poverty, not each other. Marriages that last decades don’t focus on perfecting their relationship, but on pouring themselves out together. Like two oxen yoked to a greater plow, they find unity in the furrows of service. The gospel-worthy marriage isn’t a display case – it’s a rescue mission. [36:42]

“Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ… that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel.” (Philippians 1:27, ESV)

Reflection: What shared mission could redirect your marriage’s energy outward? When have you experienced deeper unity while serving others together?

Day 4: The Embarrassing Head Covering and Daily Deaths

A grandmother’s scarf sparks questions. A man cringes when his wife obeys Scripture publicly. Every marriage requires these small deaths – to pride, to culture’s expectations, to the need to appear “normal.” The world says freedom is casting off restraints; Christ says freedom is binding yourself to what lasts. Each awkward obedience plants a flag: “This is real, even if it costs.” [29:01]

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord… Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:22,25 ESV)

Reflection: What faithful obedience in your relationship feels socially uncomfortable? How might embracing this “awkwardness” deepen your spiritual integrity?

Day 5: Spirit-Filled Songs in the Kitchen

A wife hums hymns while making breakfast. A husband thanks God aloud for traffic jams. The Spirit-filled life isn’t a mystical experience – it’s speaking Scripture, singing truth, and gratitude as naturally as breathing. When two people practice this, their home becomes a greenhouse of grace. No communication technique matches the power of hearts tuned to the same eternal melody. [40:00]

“Be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always for everything to God the Father.” (Ephesians 5:18-20, ESV)

Reflection: What Scripture or hymn could you intentionally bring into your home this week? When has gratitude defused a potential conflict?

Sermon Summary

The Lord’s shepherding changes what believers bring into marriage. Psalm 23 describes a soul restored by God and a cup that overflows. A spouse cannot carry the weight of being another person’s source of life. When the Lord supplies that life, marriage becomes less about demanding happiness and more about sharing what God has already poured in. A good marriage remains a gift, not a promise that godly people will escape hard things.

Christ stands at the center of that fullness. John describes the Father, Son, and Spirit making their home with those who love and obey Jesus. Colossians declares that Jesus is the image of the invisible God, that everything was made through him and for him, and that everything holds together in him. This same Creator gave his life to bring believers into oneness with himself. Marriage is not eternal, but that relationship is. A happy marriage cannot replace a soul knowing and enjoying God.

A marriage worthy of the gospel therefore needs more than good communication skills. Scripture must shape its purpose, its habits, and its picture of Christ and the church. Setting the mind on things above resists the pull of culture. Obedience may feel awkward, as a personal conviction about head covering illustrates, but embarrassment cannot become the final authority over Scripture.

Generosity gives that obedience another concrete shape. Money spent on hospitals, schools, and homes for vulnerable people brings a joy possessions cannot provide. Husbands and wives can strive side by side for the gospel rather than build life around protecting their own comfort.

The Spirit supplies the life that makes such partnership possible. Ephesians connects being filled with the Spirit to songs, thanksgiving, and submission out of reverence for Christ. Two people receiving life from God can swim together instead of suffocating each other. Yet no human technique can make a soul enjoy Christ. God must remove the veil, open blind eyes to his glory, and fill dry hearts to overflowing.

Key Takeaways

1. An Overflowing Cup Changes Marriage. A spouse becomes overburdened when expected to supply the happiness and fullness that come from God. Psalm 23 offers a different starting point: the Lord restores the soul before that person turns toward the marriage. Time with God becomes a place of receiving life, so affection can flow toward a spouse rather than arrive as another demand. [13:59]
2. The Creator Wants Fellowship With Believers. Colossians places the greatness of Christ beside the closeness of his love: everything was made through him, yet he makes his home with his people. His power does not make him distant, and his nearness does not make him small. The soul finds its center in the astonishing reality that the One holding everything together suffered to bring it into fellowship with himself. [20:08]
3. Marriage Carries A Gospel Calling. A marriage worthy of the gospel aims beyond becoming easier to manage. Communication skills have a place, but they cannot replace the desire to please Christ and picture his relationship with the church. Scripture gives marriage its direction, even when its commands run against the surrounding culture. [25:56]
4. Generosity Offers Joy Possessions Cannot. Giving becomes concrete when money turns into medical care, schooling, and shelter for people in danger. Those lives matter as much as the lives of the family giving the money. A shared life of obedience can therefore produce a deeper happiness than keeping more possessions or protecting a larger inheritance. [34:15]
5. Spiritual Sight Requires God’s Own Work. Clear words cannot, by themselves, make a person see Christ’s glory or enjoy his presence. Second Corinthians describes a blindness that requires more than a better argument. Prayer asks God to remove that veil so a needy soul can discover the fullness no spouse or church leader can supply. [43:18]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:51] - Children Describe Love at Home
[08:28] - Psalm 23 and the Restored Soul
[10:15] - Marriage From an Overflowing Cup
[15:02] - Christ the Creator and Center
[22:40] - Setting the Mind on Things Above
[25:20] - A Marriage Worthy of the Gospel
[28:46] - Head Covering and Costly Obedience
[32:36] - Generosity Beyond Family Comfort
[36:22] - Striving Side by Side for the Gospel
[38:45] - Spirit-Filled Marriage and Shared Life
[41:56] - God Opens Eyes to Christ’s Glory
[46:29] - Prayer for Sight and Overflowing Love

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Psalm 23
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” [08:41]

Colossians 1:15-17
“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” [15:13]

2 Corinthians 4:3-4
“And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” [42:06]

Observation questions

How does the picture of an overflowing cup in Psalm 23 connect with the difference between demanding happiness from a spouse and bringing love into a marriage? [14:08]
In Colossians 1:15–17, what details about Jesus show that his greatness reaches beyond the visible world? [16:09]
What does 2 Corinthians 4:3–4 identify as the barrier that keeps unbelievers from seeing Christ’s glory? How is Christ described in this passage? [42:32]
What everyday attitudes and actions are connected with being filled with the Spirit in Ephesians 5? [39:46]

Interpretation questions

How does trusting the Lord to restore the soul change what a person expects from a spouse? How is this different from becoming distant or refusing to receive a spouse’s care? [10:28]
Colossians 1:15–17 presents Jesus as Creator and sustainer. Why does his greatness make his desire for fellowship with believers so remarkable, and how might that reshape a person’s priorities? [20:10]
Psalm 23 describes both God’s provision and the presence of danger. Why is it important to distinguish a marriage strengthened by God from a marriage guaranteed to be easy?
In light of 2 Corinthians 4:3–4, why are clear explanations alone unable to make someone delight in Christ? What place does this leave for prayer when someone seems spiritually uninterested? [43:27]

Application questions

When you feel disappointed or emotionally empty, what do you tend to expect from your spouse—or another close relationship? How could you bring that need to God without withdrawing from honest conversation with the other person? [14:13]
What does time alone with God honestly feel like for you right now: refreshing, dry, rushed, unfamiliar, or something else? What might help you make room this week to seek him honestly rather than feel pressure to produce a certain experience? [45:21]
What most shapes your expectations of marriage: Scripture, family patterns, entertainment, or people around you? Is there one expectation you would like to examine more carefully in light of God’s purpose for marriage? [23:15]
Is there an area where fear of looking strange makes it harder for you to follow a conviction grounded in Scripture? What would help you examine that conviction carefully and respond faithfully without judging others? [32:19]
Generosity can bring joy that possessions cannot. Is there a specific need your household could help meet through giving, time, or hospitality? How might you begin that conversation together? [34:34]
Which expression of Spirit-filled life—worship, thanksgiving, or submission out of reverence for Christ—would most change the atmosphere of your home right now? What could one small, sincere step look like this week? [41:00]
Is there someone whose lack of interest in Christ has left you frustrated or discouraged? How might remembering that God must open spiritual eyes change both your prayers and the way you speak with that person? [43:40]

Sermon Clips

“So, think about a being who creates an invisible soul. Do you understand the gap between him and us who made everything visible and invisible? And then he says that he jealously yearns for the spirit that he put in us. So, that creator is going, "Where is this this soul, your very soul? I just want it to be one with me. That's why I made you is I want you and I just to be one in spirit."” [00:17:32]

“I mean, it is the one human relationship where he's like, "Hey, I want this to be the picture of Christ and the church." That is a crazy high calling that when people witness the way you interact and the way that you think and operate and run your home is to be a picture of Christ and the church.” [00:27:59]

“"Set your mind on things above, where Christ is seated." Right? And that's hard to do. Like we can be honest with the reality of like, "Shoot, I am actually not thinking highly of God. I'm not even hiding my marriage in this bigger picture of, "Wow, who is God and what are we here for?" We're here for his glory, his kingdom. We're made by him, for him. Our marriage is by him and for him.” [00:22:43]

“As one of my elders said, he goes, "You know, we got to realize we're just the receptionist in the ER. You know, that's all I am. I'm the receptionist. You know, uh my job is not to heal you. You don't even want me to do that. My job is to get you in a room with the great physician.” [00:44:18]

“I didn't understand that concept growing up. You know, you had God on his throne and then you had Jesus. And I I there was a separation in my head. But Colossians says, "No, if you want to know what he's like, look at the life of Jesus. He's the image of the invisible God.” [00:15:27]

“So, like Psalm 23 says, he restores my soul. No matter what I go through in life, I just know just get me alone in that room with God and everything's going to be fine.” [00:12:25]

“and so, I've done so much marriage counseling over the years and at the end of the day, I go, "This isn't even about marriage." It's It's your If you can't find fulfillment in your oneness with God, what is going to satisfy you? You know?” [00:14:35]

“when you both have this life in you from God, then you just kind of swim together and look at things and do things and you're not suffocating each other because you don't have oxygen and your own tank from the Lord.” [00:39:29]

“Like when a person is speaking to others in Psalms, hymns, spiritual songs. When a person has that ongoing melody of worship in their heart, when a person is thanking God for everything, it's pretty easy to get along with a person like that.” [00:41:00]

“You can communicate the best, but is it your goal to say, "I want our marriage to be worthy of the gospel of Christ?" I want to live my life in a manner that is worthy.” [00:26:26]

“And they're like, well, but then you got to save for an emergency. And I'm like, so it's only an emergency if it affects us? You know, what about these people that are suffering so much?” [00:32:51]

“And [clears throat] not only that, I so enjoy that time with the Lord in his word, in prayer every morning. I've been doing this since I was 15 and I just love it more and more and more every year. So, by the time I leave that prayer room, I am my cup overflows.” [00:13:48]

“That's what we want to do. We just want to call people to the truth and remind them of who God is and what he's like and what he's done. And like there is just joy in following him and in trusting him and believing in his sovereignty.” [00:25:05]

“Cuz ultimately as much as I love our marriage, it's it's not eternal. Jesus made that clear. We won't be married in heaven. And yet we'll all be married to him somehow. And it's an amazing relationship.” [00:20:40]

“We've made decisions that people thought were really, really foolish um with our finances, giving everything away. Um but it's like, gosh, but if people are starving, people are dying, that's the only thing that makes sense to us.” [00:32:34]

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