The Woman of God - Love Songs - A Study in Song of Songs | Tim & Jaya Birdwell | Week 2

Feb 23, 2026

Devotional

Day 1: Honesty in expressing our God-given desires.

God created us with deep longings for connection, intimacy, and love. It is not only acceptable but healthy to bring these desires into the light before Him. Suppressing what He has designed only leads to pain and distance. Honesty with God and trusted community about our feelings and attractions is the first step toward healthy relationships. He already knows our hearts and invites us into vulnerable conversation. [07:56]

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the young women love you! Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers. (Song of Songs 1:2-4a NIV)

Reflection: What is one desire or longing in your heart that you have been hesitant to bring honestly before God in prayer? How might acknowledging this desire with Him change your perspective or bring a sense of peace?

Day 2: Bringing our insecurities into the light.

We all carry insecurities about our worth, appearance, or abilities. Keeping these hidden gives them power, often causing conflict that is about much more than the surface issue. True intimacy is found in vulnerability, not in pretending to be someone we are not. God calls us to express our fears and insecurities to Him and to safe people, rather than suppressing them until they erupt. [11:32]

I am dark, yet lovely, daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon. Do not stare at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept! (Song of Songs 1:5-6 NIV)

Reflection: Is there a specific insecurity you tend to suppress, which then manifests as frustration or conflict in a key relationship? What would it look like to gently and honestly share that feeling with God or a trusted friend this week?

Day 3: Cultivating wisdom through godly community.

Navigating relationships alone is a modern challenge that often leads to isolation and poor decisions. God’s design for wisdom includes the perspective and accountability of a faith community. Surrounding ourselves with people who are surrendered to God provides a necessary safeguard and source of counsel. This wisdom protects and nurtures healthy connections. [16:09]

We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver. While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance. My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts. (Song of Songs 1:11-13 NIV)

Reflection: Who are the people in your life that provide godly, wise counsel for your relationships? How can you intentionally lean into that community for support and accountability in this season?

Day 4: The power of our words to give life.

Our words carry immense weight; they can either build up or tear down. They set the spiritual and emotional atmosphere of our homes and relationships. Affirmation and admiration are powerful tools that nourish the soul and strengthen bonds. Choosing to speak life is a active practice that fosters security, love, and connection. [27:38]

My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi. How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant. (Song of Songs 1:14-16 NIV)

Reflection: When you consider your most important relationship, what is one specific, life-giving word of affirmation or admiration you can offer to that person today?

Day 5: Finding our ultimate strength in Christ.

Our ability to be honest, wise, and life-giving does not come from our own perfection but from Christ's strength working in us. When we fail, the path to healing is through confession and forgiveness. Marriage and relationships are hard because they are a target for spiritual opposition, but God’s grace is sufficient to rebuild and restore what is broken. [42:04]

He has brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me is love. Sustain me with raisins; refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. (Song of Songs 2:4-6 NIV)

Reflection: In what area of your relationships do you most need to confess your weakness and depend on God's strength rather than your own effort? How can you actively rely on His grace in that area this week?

Sermon Summary

Song of Songs provides a lens for practical, God-centered guidance on dating, marriage, and intimacy. The poetic text models a woman who speaks plainly about desire, admits insecurity, and celebrates delight; her voice anchors the opening scenes and frames mutual affection as honest, embodied, and fragrant. Desire receives affirmation as a created good rather than a shame to hide, and vulnerability functions as the path to true intimacy—keeping feelings in the dark breeds resentment, while confession and mutual openness invite healing. Community enters as a necessary safeguard: accountability, friends, and a visible social context test character, reveal patterns, and protect against isolation or secret sin. Practical wisdom fills the relational life—intentional rhythms like regular date nights, shared bedtime routines, and clear guardrails around one-on-one interactions operate as means of fidelity, not legalistic ends.

Words carry weight: praise, affirmation, and the aroma of admiration animate relationship life and strengthen a spouse’s resolve; conversely, a steady stream of cynicism corrodes trust and joy. The biblical picture reframes submission and helping as strength rather than weakness, calling women to exercise influence boldly while men cultivate a safe space for vulnerability. Confession, forgiveness, and repentance stand at the center of repair; spiritual dependence on Christ and openness before God and each other provide the only durable pathway out of recurring conflict. The invitation to communion at the close highlights reliance on Christ’s grace as the foundation for marital health, urging couples and singles alike to confess needs, renew commitments, and pursue relationship practices that reflect both human longing and divine redemption.

Key Takeaways

1. Honesty about desire and insecurity Honesty about attraction and inner fears frees relationships from performance and hidden resentments. Naming desire does not replace devotion to God; it situates longing within the light of communal discernment and prayer. Vulnerability invites corrective love and prevents the explosive unpacking of suppressed pain. [06:34]
2. Pursue relationships in godly community Community exposes patterns and reveals true character more than private courtship ever can. Bringing a prospective partner into a circle of faithful friends and mentors tests consistency, kindness, and sacrificial love. Accountability protects against the distortions of idealized intimacy formed in isolation. [14:03]
3. Set relational guardrails and rhythms Intentional practices—shared routines, date nights, mutual boundaries—shape long-term fidelity by limiting opportunities for drift. Guardrails operate as spiritual formation tools, not punitive rules; they reorient desire toward covenantal stability. Small, consistent disciplines accumulate into resilient marriage habits. [18:05]
4. Use words to bring life Affirmation and admiration work like fragrance: they register long after the moment passes and define relational climate. Speech that names worth, expresses gratitude, and acknowledges effort strengthens spiritual and emotional stamina. Habitual life-giving words form the soil in which repentance and growth can take root. [23:12]
5. Root relationships in confession and Christ Confession, forgiveness, and dependence upon Christ overturn strongholds that secrecy and pride build. Regularly admitting weakness to God and one another opens the door to healing and mutual transformation. Communion and repentance orient relationships back toward grace, the only true source of lasting restoration. [41:19]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:23] - Series goal: prevent relational pain
[03:46] - Reading Song of Songs as poetry
[06:34] - Woman of God: honesty about desire
[14:03] - Woman of God: wisdom in community
[23:12] - Woman of God: life-giving language
[41:19] - Rooted in Christ: confession and communion

Bible Study Guide

Bible reading: Song of Songs 1:1-2:7 (ESV)

Observation questions

In the opening verses of the poem, what specific desires and requests does the woman express to the man?
What does the woman reveal about her own appearance and her feelings about it in chapter 1, verses 5-6?
How is the concept of "fragrance" used to describe both the man and the woman's presence in the relationship (1:3, 1:12, 1:13)?
According to the sermon, what is the significance of the "choir" and the "daughters of Jerusalem" being present in the scenes described? [14:03]

Interpretation questions

The woman is both honest about her desire and her insecurity. Why do these two traits seem to coexist, and how does the man's response to her insecurity help create a safe environment?
The poetry uses strong, sensory language (fragrance, taste, sight). What does this suggest about how God views the physical and emotional aspects of a romantic relationship?
The woman adjures the other women "not to stir up or awaken love until it pleases" (2:7). What kind of "love" is being referred to here, and why is the timing of its "awakening" so important?
The sermon states that "vulnerability promotes intimacy, not just sex, but actual connection." [13:42] How does the dialogue in this passage model this kind of vulnerable intimacy?

Application questions

Honesty about attraction and inner fears frees relationships from performance and hidden resentments. [06:34] What is one area of desire or one insecurity you have been hesitant to bring into the light, either in prayer to God or in conversation with a trusted friend?
Community exposes patterns and reveals true character more than private courtship ever can. [14:03] For those who are dating, how can you better incorporate your community into your relationship? For those who are married, who are the people that truly know the character of your marriage?
Intentional practices—shared routines, date nights, mutual boundaries—shape long-term fidelity. [18:05] What is one "guardrail" or intentional rhythm you could implement (or improve upon) this month to protect and nurture your most important human relationship?
Affirmation and admiration work like fragrance: they register long after the moment passes. [23:12] When was the last time you used your words to specifically affirm your spouse or a close friend? What would it look like to make this a more consistent practice?
Confession, forgiveness, and dependence upon Christ overturn strongholds that secrecy and pride build. [41:19] Is there a current or recent conflict in your life that has been fueled by pride or secrecy? What would it look like to take a step toward confession and repentance this week?
A woman of God is to be life-giving, setting the tone and temperature of a room. [25:02] Whether you are a man or a woman, how would those closest to you describe the "fragrance" you leave behind after an interaction? Is it one of life or something else?
Being a helper, submitting to your husband is not a position of weakness, it is a position of strength. [32:09] How does reframing the biblical concept of "helping" as a position of strength change your perspective on your role in your family, workplace, or church?

Sermon Clips

35s

#MarriageIsHard

“``And then one of the most important things I want you to know church today is marriage and relationships are hard. Some of you are feeling that right now. You're like, Tim, I've tanked it in this. As a man, as a woman, the whole thing, they're hard. And it's because anything that God wants to build, Satan wants to destroy. And you know what breaks that? That stronghold, you know what brings healing? Is confession. Is forgiveness, is repentance. You wanna get on the offensive?”

28s

#ConfessionHeals

“Admit to God you're weak. I know it seems so countercultural. Amidst a God as a marriage. Hey, we we need you God. As a pastor and his wife, God if you don't heal us, if you don't lead us, we have nothing. And that all of us, this this rule of confession and forgiveness, that's where the power is, that's where the healing is, that's where the joy is.”

27s

#RootedInChrist

“Hey. Our our last point, here's where we'll land the plane, is the woman of God is rooted in Christ. That the woman of God is is honest. Yes. The woman of God is wise and life giving, but none of these things have we arrived perfectly in. We haven't. You haven't. Yeah. There are things we're growing towards by the grace of Christ in Christ. And what we could tell you story upon story of is the place that confession and forgiveness”

27s

#HonestAboutDesires

“And you don't see that in scripture. Listen, some of you women, I need to free you today. God created attraction. God created desire. God created the man and created the woman. God created sex, and it is okay to desire that. Can we just say amen to that? God knows that you are attracted to a person of the opposite sex. It is okay to pray for a man of God.”

21s

#LifeGivingWoman

“I would open up if he would listen. I would open up. And listen, we talked about men. We talked about you last week, but just to come back to you for a second, you need to be creating a safe space for her to be vulnerable. What you see is over and over the man, she says, I'm not I'm dark. Don't look at me. And over and over the man's like, babe, you are so beautiful.”

23s

#MyrrhMeansValue

“You are most beautiful. Right? And he's lifting her up, making a safe space. It says she sits in his shadow. She knows she can share things with him, and she can be secure in that. Part of the reason why she knows that is because over and over and over, he says he affirms her. He says, hey. You're beautiful. You're beautiful. And then let me just tell you, your standard of beauty is your wife.”

24s

#OasisOfSatisfaction

“If somebody asks you, hey. Hey. What how do you like how you like the ladies? Like, tall, short, hey, curly hair, straight hair. You need to say whatever my wife looks like that day. Right? So if she got the straightening iron and it's not humid outside, you're like, I like straight hair. If she let it go wavy, it's a little bit humid. I like wavy hair. Right?”

33s

#FragranceRemembers

“And men, you need to make your standard of beauty is your wife. Create a safe haven for her. Encourage her beyond her looks. Let her share her insecurities with you. That's that vulnerability promotes intimacy, not just sex, but actual connection. A woman of God is honest about her desires, about her insecurities. Women, be honest. Cultivate that. Men, cultivate an atmosphere where that can happen in your relationship.”

26s

#SpeakWithKindness

“Verse 14, a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Ein Gedi. Ein Gedi was and is an oasis in the desert. She's telling him, hey, you are the one who fills my cup. You are the one that brings satisfaction to me. You are the one that I desire and feel safe with. And throughout chapters one and chapters two of Song of Songs, the woman's presence is described in this whole language of fragrance and fruit. We told you last week,”

17s

#SensitiveToSpouse

“fragrance is so strong. That's why this poetry uses that. Fragrance is so strong like your grandmother's house. We said is that can if you walk into a room and say, this reminds me of my grandmother's house, that can be it reminds you of her apple pie or it can remind you of her cigarette smoke.”

25s

#DontMockSensitivity

“And that scent, that fragrance stays with you. That's how strong your words are, your deeds are. And what this text is telling us is the woman of God, she has a fragrance that breathes life into a room that you remember when she leaves. She sets the tone and the temperature of the room by the way she carries herself, by the way she affirms, admires her man.”

39s

#WifeIsFirstMinistry

“So as we as we look at that, ladies, a woman of God is to be life giving. James says it this way, your words can bring life or bring death. Proverbs tell us this way that a woman who's quarrelsome can be like Proverbs 19 says, a dripping faucet and a man would be better off living on the corner of a house. God said it, don't be mad at me. Okay? He also says, Proverbs thirty one twenty six, she opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her”

31s

#WordsImpactMarriage

“And when I first started out in ministry twenty years ago, that would get to me for days. I would lose sleep over it. But I can honestly tell you now, it gets to me for a little bit, but I sleep well. I sleep well. But if my wife is upset with me, if I have a a hint of just displeasure in her voice, nothing else matters. And I do lose a little sleep over that. I start questioning everything. And some of you could be like, well, why don't you grow a backbone, guy?”

31s

#WomenMakeADifference

“And I look, I wanna lean into this. Like, my wife is my first ministry. If it's not going well, this ministry does not matter. Does not matter. And so I don't ever wanna grow cold to that. I wanna be sensitive to how she feels. And and what I would tell you is the flip side of that coin is if my wife sends me affirmation, if she texts me on a Sunday morning like she will do at times before I get up to preach and says, hey babe, I just wanna tell you I love you,”

17s

#WomenElevatedInScripture

“that you are here not by accident but by appointment, that God's gonna give you the words to say and he's gonna change lives today, I'm so proud of you. I believe in you. Let me tell I can run through a brick wall after that.”

34s

#DontNeglectYourVoice

“Women, do you have the power to bring life or bring death with your words? What are you filling a room with? What are you filling your husband with? I heard somebody say it this way that I've never seen someone nagged into the kingdom of God. Listen, ladies, you are not the Holy Spirit. You cannot change your spouse. The Holy Spirit is the only one who can do that.”

30s

#NickSabanMoment

“Listen, you also need to speak the truth in love. You also may need to bring in his community who can call him out. And so I'm not saying you should be a rug and stepped on at all, but I'm saying to the majority, speak life. Don't get caught in a in a stream of cynicism and gossip and, you know, every time he wakes up and every time you go to bed and you're just filling your home with death.”

28s

#HelperIsStrength

“There's a guy named Nick Saban, longtime Alabama football coach, I think the winningest coach of all time at this point. And I got to hear an interview with him where he talked about his wife. And he was telling a story of how they went back to her hometown. And they were at a gas station getting gas. She sees the attendant who works at the gas station. She's chatting him up and he's like, what's going on here? And she's she comes back to the car and she says, hey, that was whatever his name was, Johnny that I dated in high school.”

28s

#HelperIsNotWeakness

“Can you believe we just saw him here? And Nick Saban, this grizzly rough football coach is like, yeah. Okay. So that's great. Great for Johnny. And he says, you know, but aren't you lucky? And she says, no. What do you mean? He's like, well, aren't you lucky? You married me, not the guy working at the gas station. And she says, oh, no. Don't get it twisted. If I would have married him, he would be the head football coach at Alabama.”

24s

#DatingIn2026Challenges

“You know, Ephesians five twenty two says that women are called to submit to their husband. Right? Last week we said men are called to lead. Lead, lead, lead. Wives are called, Genesis, to help. New Testament, submit. And we always get that tick in our neck like you just got right now. What is he talking about? And what I would just say in Ephesians five, submit to your husband not to every man. Okay?”

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