The Man of God - Love Songs - A Study in Song of Songs | Tim Birdwell | Week 1

Feb 17, 2026

Devotional

Day 1: God’s Word Speaks to All of Life, Including Relationships

The Bible is not silent on the topics that shape our daily lives. It offers divine wisdom and a redemptive perspective on love, marriage, and sexuality, not to restrict us but to guide us into true freedom and flourishing. Engaging with Scripture on these matters allows us to see our relationships through the lens of God's good design. This honest approach stands in contrast to both cultural immersion and fearful withdrawal, offering a third way of hopeful engagement. It is an invitation to trust that God’s ways are always for our good and His glory.
[00:34]

The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's. Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine.
(Song of Songs 1:1-2, ESV)

Reflection: As you consider the current conversations about relationships in our culture, what is one area where you feel a tension between a popular cultural message and the wisdom of God’s Word? How might you begin to seek God's perspective in that specific area this week?

Day 2: The Call to Engage Culture with Truth and Grace

God calls His people to be active participants in the world, not to retreat from it. This means bringing the hope of the Gospel into the complex realities of modern relationships, dating, and sexuality. The goal is not to condemn or to condone, but to compassionately point toward the healing and wholeness found in Christ. This engagement is done with a firm commitment to biblical truth and a gentle, loving spirit that reflects the heart of Jesus for a hurting world.
[02:14]

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.
(John 1:14, ESV)

Reflection: Where have you recently seen a need for both grace and truth in a conversation about relationships? What is one practical step you can take to embody this Christlike balance in your interactions this week?

Day 3: The Redemptive Hope Found in the Cross

No past mistake or present struggle is beyond the reach of God’s grace. The cross of Jesus Christ provides complete forgiveness for every failure and sin, including those in the realm of relationships and sexuality. This truth dismantles shame and offers a foundation for genuine hope and a new beginning. In Christ, we are not defined by our past but are empowered to move forward into God’s design for our lives.
[07:26]

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.
(Romans 8:1-2, ESV)

Reflection: Is there an area of your past or present related to relationships that still brings you feelings of shame or regret? How might accepting the truth of “no condemnation in Christ” change the way you view yourself and that situation today?

Day 4: The Biblical Call for Men to Lead like Christ

Biblical leadership for men is modeled after Jesus: it is characterized by humble service, self-sacrifice, and intentionality, not domineering power or passive withdrawal. A man who leads like Christ uses his strength to protect, provide, and nurture, creating an environment of safety and love. This kind of leadership is a reflection of the Gospel, where Christ gave Himself up for the church.
[20:01]

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
(Ephesians 5:25, ESV)

Reflection: For men: What is one specific, practical way you can move from passivity or control toward Christlike, servant leadership in a key relationship this week? For everyone: How can you encourage and support the men in your life to step into this kind of godly leadership?

Day 5: Building a Foundation of Character and Integrity

Lasting relationships are built on more than just physical attraction or fleeting emotion; they are founded on the bedrock of godly character. Integrity means who you are in private matches who you are in public, and it is best cultivated and observed within a healthy community. This kind of character produces a fragrance that draws people in and points them toward Christ, creating a legacy of trust and godly influence.
[28:18]

A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold.
(Proverbs 22:1, ESV)

Reflection: Considering the importance of integrity, what is one aspect of your character—perhaps in your speech, finances, or private habits—that you feel God inviting you to align more closely with your public profession of faith? Who is one person in your community you could ask to pray for you in this?

Sermon Summary

A new series opens with a close reading of the Song of Songs that refuses to dodge the hard questions about love, sex, dating, marriage, and conflict. The book appears as bold, erotic poetry that celebrates physical desire while placing that desire under God’s design; sexual expression receives affirmation but not absolutism. The cultural options of immersion or withdrawal both fail, so engagement with Scripture, Spirit, and community becomes the chosen way forward. The Song of Songs gets read as poetry—full of images, fragrance, and musical voices—and its truth pushes readers into practical change, not shame.

The passage centers on the man’s role: leadership that looks nothing like domination or passive withdrawal. True leadership requires initiative, responsibility, and a daily posture of repentance and service modeled on Christ’s self-giving headship. Integrity—reputation, consistent character seen in community—matters more than raw attraction; fragrance and reputation last longer than appearances. Pursuit should be clear and kind: intentional asks, honest intentions, and tender speech that uplifts rather than shames. Leadership also creates security: composure in crisis, steadiness in presence, and a banner of love that makes the beloved feel safe. All of these leadership marks flow from following Jesus, who combines full truth with full grace; men lead best when they cling to Christ, repent quickly, and serve sacrificially.

Illustrations like family rhythms, relational guardrails, and real-world failures underline how small acts of courage and humility shape souls and repair culture. The pastoral appeal moves beyond rules into spiritual formation: men and women of faith must reclaim godly leadership, wisdom, and mutual care so that relationships point to Christ’s healing work. The series invites intergenerational engagement so older failures inform younger hope, and so the church becomes a place where desire is redeemed, character is formed, and romance is shaped by the gospel.

Key Takeaways

1. Men are called to lead Leadership requires initiation and responsibility rooted in covenant love, not cultural myths of domination or passivity. Real leadership begins with daily repentance, visible humility, and the willingness to be the first to serve and the first to confess. When men step up in this way, they interrupt cycles of abuse and passivity and model the gospel for children and communities. [14:20]
2. Lead through humility and service Headship means sacrificial action, not control. The biblical model ties leadership to Christ’s self-giving: laying down rights, owning mistakes, and putting others’ spiritual flourishing first. That posture transforms authority into healing presence rather than coercive power. [20:01]
3. Integrity matters more than attraction Physical desire initiates, but character sustains. Reputation formed in community—consistent speech, steady work, financial faithfulness, and accountability—predicts marital flourishing far better than chemistry or curated images. Seek relationships where community testifies to a person’s soul. [28:33]
4. Be clear and kind in pursuit Intentionality honors the beloved; vagueness breeds confusion and harm. Asking directly, speaking affirming truth, and pursuing with tenderness guard dignity and invite genuine commitment. Courage in clarity protects both parties from long seasons of drift. [38:31]
5. Create safety by steady presence Security grows from composure, consistency, and relational reliability more than dramatic rescue. Small acts—calmness in crisis, faithful presence, protective restraint—communicate “you are safe here” and root love in trust. Without felt safety, no real intimacy can flourish. [42:49]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:34] - Series intro: Song of Songs
[01:27] - Why engage scripture on sex
[03:08] - Engage culture, don’t exit
[04:08] - Brokenness in modern relationships
[09:06] - About the Song: poetry & authorship
[14:20] - The man leads: overview
[20:01] - Lead with humility and service
[28:33] - Integrity over raw attraction
[38:31] - Clarity and kindness in pursuit
[42:49] - Security through steady presence
[48:35] - Follow Jesus: grace and truth
[51:55] - Closing prayer and call to hope

Bible Study Guide

Bible reading: Song of Songs 1:1-2:7 (ESV)

Observation questions

In the opening verses, what does the woman ask for and what does she say is "better than wine"?
How does the man respond to the woman's insecurity about her appearance (1:5-6) in verse 8?
What imagery is used in 2:4 to describe the experience of being with the beloved, and what is the banner over it?
According to the sermon, what are the two demonic extremes of masculinity that our culture offers, and what is the biblical alternative that is "full of grace and full of truth"? [48:35]

Interpretation questions

The man's "name" is described as "oil poured out" (1:3). What does this poetic language suggest about the importance of a person's character and reputation, especially in the context of relationships?
The woman adjures the "daughters of Jerusalem" not to "stir up or awaken love until it pleases" (2:7). What might this warning imply about the timing and nature of romantic pursuit?
The sermon emphasizes that leadership is modeled on Christ's self-giving headship, which means "laying down rights, owning mistakes, and putting others’ spiritual flourishing first." [20:01] How does this definition fundamentally reshape a common understanding of what it means for a man to "lead"?
Why is it significant that security is created not through dramatic rescues but through "composure in crisis, steadiness in presence, and relational reliability"? [42:49] How do these small, daily actions build a foundation for intimacy?

Application questions

Leadership requires a daily posture of repentance and being the first to serve. [14:20] What is one specific, practical way you can initiate an act of service or humility in your home or relationships this week?
Integrity—a reputation and consistent character seen in community—matters more than raw attraction. [28:33] If you are dating or considering it, how are you intentionally placing yourself in community where your character can be known? If you are married, how can you and your spouse better engage with a community that can speak into your lives?
Pursuit should be clear and kind, with intentional asks and honest intentions. [38:31] For those who are single, is there a step of clarity you need to take to move a relationship out of a "situationship" and toward defined commitment? For those who are married, how can you "pursue" your spouse this week with clear, affirming words?
Security grows from composure and faithful presence more than dramatic rescue. [42:49] Recall a recent moment of chaos or stress. How did you respond? What would it have looked like to lead with a calm, steady presence in that situation to make those around you feel safe?
Men are called to become the type of man they would want their daughter to marry. [33:16] Whether you have children or not, what is one area of your character (e.g., speech, work ethic, financial faithfulness) that you need to develop so that your "fragrance" draws people toward Christ?
The biblical model calls for engagement with Scripture, Spirit, and community instead of either immersing in or withdrawing from culture. In your current relationships, are you leaning more toward immersion (adopting the world's patterns) or withdrawal (avoiding the topic entirely)? What is one step you can take toward true, grace-filled engagement?

Sermon Clips

42s

#LeadByServing

“``But we lead by serving. Philippians chapter two, Jesus Christ, the son of God with all authority at the right hand of the father, He comes to the earth, what does he do? He empties himself. He leads like a humble servant all the way to death on a cross. Men are called to lead. Men are called to lead And I think we gotta reframe that because again, many of us, we think about that and we get a tick in our neck and we're so afraid of this whole conversation while our world is struggling, while our women and our children are struggling and while men are being passive and watching it happen.”

35s

#LoveLikeChrist

“See the difference? See some of y'all men, you got that verse, you got it tatted on your forearm. You got it on the dash in your car, you got it on the mirror in your bathroom, you're like, I'm supposed to be the head. And I would just say, hey, you need to attach some more verses to that bro. Ephesians five continues to explain that. Hey, here's what it means to be the head. It means to love your wife as Christ loved the church. How? In that, he gave Men, you should memorize this. He gave himself up for her.”

27s

#ComposedInChaos

“I I need to be composed in chaos. Be like, hey babe, it's not a big deal, we'll pay it, like hand them a track, invite them to Phoenix Bible Church, I don't know. You're a better man than me if you would have done that. But that's what she needs from me, that's men, that's what the girl you're dating, she needs to know she's safe with you. You cannot lead a woman if she does not think she's safe with you.”

37s

#CondemnAbuse

“Some of that you have men who are in power in their home, in their workplace, in our government and they have abused that power and instead of elevating women and children, they have hurt women and children. Instead of walking humbly, they have walked in a domineering fashion and there's damage in their wake and there's a world who is hurting and I would submit to you a chunk of it is because of men who have been abusive, who have silenced women and let me just tell you and pronounce today Phoenix Bible Church's stance on all of that, that's not just despicable, that is demonic.”

41s

#ToughYetTender

“It is anti Christ and if you've been hurt by that, women just on behalf of all men, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. And yet as you look at the New Testament, as you look at the life of Jesus, what you see is a tough, a masculine man who was also tender. He came full of truth but also full of grace and what you see across the bible is that men are called to lead and what we have right now in our culture and even in the church is we've seen masculinity go sideways and so we've swung the pendulum all the way over here to passivity.”

35s

#ScreenAddictionCrisis

“And I read a stat this week that said young men but also just really generically a lot of men will spend up to fifteen to twenty hours on video games and pornography in one week. That's like a part time job that does not pay at least money. The returns on that investment is a damaged soul, is young men specifically who do not know how to talk to a real life face or person, they only know how to navigate a screen.”

24s

#StopObjectifyingWomen

“What that's led to is objectifying women, not celebrating them and cherishing them. What that's led to is mass confusion where you do have phrases that we make up called situationship. In my day it was the DTR, like have you had the DTR, anybody remember the DTR? Defining the relationship in the Christian world?”

33s

#ResponsibilityBeforeRomance

“God has called you higher. If you're a man in the room, God has called you to something better, it's called leadership. From the beginning of time, Genesis chapter two verse 15, God puts man in a garden to cultivate it, to work it, not just to have fun with it, not just to mess around with it, to get his hands dirty, to initiate, to lead out and by the way, Eve is not created at this point. You have responsibility before you have romance and that's the way it should work for your daughter.”

34s

#BiblicalHeadship

“He needs to get a job and everybody said Amen. Amen. I got two daughters, y'all help me out. Okay? Responsibility before romance. You fast forward to the New Testament, this redeemed reality, Ephesians chapter five, we see that a man is meant to be the head of the wife and I know as I say that some of you get a little tick in your neck. I don't like that Tim and here's what I would say, a man is called to be the head of his wife, not the head of every woman.”

33s

#RedeemingStrength

“He would rebuke the Pharisees but he would also let Mary sit at his feet. Would lead the disciples. He would go to a cross. He would resurrect from the dead, beat Satan, sin and the grave. Come back one day with a sword coming out of his mouth, king of kings and lord of lords tattooed on his forearm, on his leg, fire in his eyes. He's he's tough. He's full of truth.”

42s

#SpeakTruthInGrace

“But he would also walk through Samaria where you were supposed to walk around, he would walk through and he would meet the woman at the well and he would speak truth to her, but he would do it in grace and he would offer her living water. And men, maybe some of you are crushing leading right now. You need to still cry out to Jesus because you need him. Some of you are failing at this right now. You need to cry out to that Jesus and you need to lead, but first you need to follow him.”

25s

#EngageCultureWithTruth

“He loves sex, he created it. Under his design it is a good thing and the church said, amen. So immersing in the culture is bad, exiting the culture is also not a good option, what should we do? Let's engage it. Let's engage the culture and let's talk about it with the word of God, with the spirit of God, looking at the son of God, with the people of God.”

17s

#HopeNotShame

“Because of the cross of Jesus Christ, we can talk about love and marriage and sex and dating and relationships and conflict and we can have not shame but hope. Not I'm crushing it but how can I see more of Jesus in my relationships, amen?”

29s

#PreachFullCounsel

“But I'm just telling you, there's some stuff in here you're gonna be like, why aren't we studying this? Well one, it's in the Bible and we wanna preach the full counsel of God's Word. But specifically for Phoenix Bible Church, we have a deep conviction at our church that we want to engage culture, uphold truth, and love people well. We say it that way, we do it that way because we believe Jesus did all three of those things and we wanna imitate Jesus because we follow him as Lord and Savior of this church.”

27s

#AddressHardTopics

“And many times sex and relationships and marriage and dating is one of those topics that we talk about the other 167 of our week and yet the one hour in church on a Sunday morning where we have the power of Christ to heal our relationships and operate in God's design under his design in joy and celebration and yet we're like, that's too uncomfortable, we're not gonna wait in those waters.”

31s

#FreedomLedToBondage

“What she was talking about is, you know, there's been over the last couple decades this agenda, this pursuit to see sex and love and dating like to be free, like you can do what you want, treat yourself, you do you, speak your truth. And in an effort to find freedom, the majority of us have found bondage and loneliness and depression and abuse.”

28s

#DigitalConnectionFail

“And in an effort to get us more connected, you know, we'll just create apps. It's gonna be so easy. Everybody will be connected. Is that what has happened in our society? A resounding no should be your answer. That is not what has happened. And I just as I think about that as a pastor, as a church, specifically as I look at you and know many of you who are married and some of you are thriving, some of you are married and you are struggling.”

29s

#GenZRelationshipConfusion

“Some of you are single and dating and you're trying to figure it out and it's like you're like situationship? Anybody? You're like, I asked my daughter, I was like, what does situationship mean? And she's like, I don't really know. But I think it means you're confused about where you stand with that person of the opposite sex. I mean, God bless our next generation, amen?”

29s

#HopeAfterMistakes

“And some of you are so excited and obsessed over this topic and yet I know as soon as some of you walked in, you just began to experience shame because you've made some mistakes, you've committed some sins in your marriage, in dating, in sex and you're looking for the exit doors right now. And let me just speak to both of you, God has something better. It's not too late for you.”

26s

#SinglesLeanIn

“So we're gonna look at that together and let me just speak to if you're single and I don't mean single and like dating, I mean single, you're widowed, maybe you're past the point of like, Tim, this just doesn't apply to me, I'm not looking for a relationship probably ever at this point in my life and we have those people in our church, let me just invite you to lean in as well. You see as a church, as Phoenix Bible Church that is passionate about discipleship, we have to be passionate about relationships.”

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