From Shame to Belonging: Rebuilding Broken Human Connection

Seventy five percent of people in general say they don't feel like they belong to a community. That's three out of four of us in this room. Don't feel like we belong to a community as you are sitting inside of a community. Fifty percent of adults say they don't have anyone who truly knows them or that they can confide in. We are feeling the effects of all of the efforts we make through race, religion, politics, gender, sexuality, belief systems. In in every imaginable way, we have set up barriers and obstacles and hurdles that keep others from connecting with us and in turn keep us from connecting with others. [00:05:30] (44 seconds)  #BarriersToBelonging

So individual shame leads to isolation from god, which leads to isolation from each other. And when we isolate from each other, we begin to blame each other for the situations that we caused for ourselves. He starts blaming I mean, he did it, and he blames god. You put her here. She's wicked. She's evil. God says, why did you do it? The snake told me to do it. We can't take responsibility for our own mistakes and our own misery. And then third and finally is this. If I ever wanna know the feeling of truly belonging, I have to know what price we pay. Really, you should always know the price you're going to pay for what you're going to do. [00:18:47] (58 seconds)  #ShameBreedsIsolation

Alright. Well, let's start with a question. How many of you are racist? What? It depends. No. No. Okay. So I didn't figure too many would jump at the opportunity to ask. But interestingly, when polled, about 10 to 15% of Americans will say that they have implicit or explicit racial biases or prejudices. Now in a landmark polling project, the Associated Press using more generalized statements to elicit responses found that that number actually goes up to 51% of us have biases and prejudices racially. Now you might be thinking, oh, I can still say I'm part of the 49%. [00:00:17] (56 seconds)  #HiddenRacialBiases

Now you might be thinking, oh, I can still say I'm part of the 49%. Hold on. Not so fast. When psychologists use testing of our unconscious and automatic biases, they find that 90 to 95% of us have racial biases or prejudices even if consciously we would disagree with those or claim to not have those. So we are already at a enormous disadvantage because we separate ourselves from others because of race and ethnicity. So you can add to race and ethnicity a separation of religion. So not only a thing we can't control, but something that we choose to place our faith in. [00:01:08] (52 seconds)  #UnconsciousBiasIsReal

to the the the word belonging has the root word longing. It's intentional. That is literally the word longing, and it means the sense that that the need, the itch inside of us, the craving inside of us to be connected to other people. So where does that come from? Genesis one twenty six and twenty seven reads like this. God spoke, Let us make human beings in our own image. So I'm gonna give you a five second, trinity explanation here. That is a plural verb that's a plural noun with singular verbs. God, a singular god in three persons, is saying, let us. [00:09:28] (44 seconds)  #MadeForBelonging

Seventy percent of couples report that poor communication is the primary problem in their marriage. And psychologists say that ninety five percent of the unresolved conflicts and issues that occur in a marriage are because of communication. So even with the person that we are supposed to be most familiar, most trusting, most loving, most connected to, there are barriers and obstacles that keep us from feeling that belonging that we are meant to have. One of the ways we do that even in our own marriages is something called, thubbing. [00:03:25] (40 seconds)  #CommunicationSavesMarriages

That's why he created us godlike. We are not gods, but we are godlike. God created our character. God created our thinking. God created our processing. God created our creativity. God created us in a way in which he could relate to us, and we could relate to him, and we could have relationship. That's the very purpose for creating us to be like him. That's why we can't have significant relationships with things that are outside of human. Right? I I listen. We have a dog, Lola. What's her name? Nala. Nala. We she's only 12 years old. I should know her name by now. [00:11:04] (38 seconds)  #MadeInHisImage

it is one of those where things that you value will cost you something. But I want you to hear this. Things that you will later regret will cost you even more. So it's important that you know what the price tag is. So here's the price tag for Adam and Eve. Even if you believe Adam and Eve were an allegory that they were symbolic of creation and that they are types that's in the in the world of theology, there's room for discussion that this was part of, like, the the Jewish history of of and it represented the the beginning and how we screwed things up. Doesn't matter because there's clearly a lesson here. For man to have opted out stupidly of God's plan, should have known because God told them the price tag. [00:21:42] (65 seconds)  #FreeWillAndConsequences