Sex Is a Gift: Cultivating Covenant Intimacy

Devotional

Day 1: Sex is God's good design, not the devil's idea.

God created sex as a beautiful and good part of His creation. It was His idea from the very beginning, intended to be a source of joy, connection, and life within the boundaries He established. Like a well-tended fire in a fireplace, it is meant to bring warmth and light, not destruction. This divine origin means it is to be treated with reverence and understanding, not shame or distortion. We can approach this topic with confidence, knowing it comes from a loving Creator. [42:14]

And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day. (Genesis 1:31 ESV)

Reflection: Where have you primarily learned about sex—from God's design or from the world's narrative? What is one step you can take this week to align your understanding more closely with how God describes it in His Word?

Day 2: Sex is meant to bind souls, not just connect bodies.

True intimacy is about far more than physical connection; it is about the whole person. It involves the binding of two souls in a covenant relationship where each person is fully known and fully loved. This kind of connection provides a deep sense of being seen, safe, and celebrated. It is this soul-level union that God designed to be the foundation for physical expression. When we reduce sex to mere physicality, we miss its profound purpose and power. [47:29]

“I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go…” (Song of Solomon 3:4 ESV)

Reflection: In your current or future relationships, how are you cultivating a connection that values the whole person—soul, mind, and body—rather than focusing primarily on the physical?

Day 3: God's design protects us from harm and prolonging pain.

Operating outside of God's design for sex often leads to two painful outcomes: it can harm a good relationship or prolong a bad one. Enjoyment without commitment creates insecurity and distrust, fracturing what was once healthy. Conversely, physical passion can mask a lack of true compatibility, leading people to remain in relationships that are ultimately damaging. God's boundaries are not meant to restrict our joy but to protect our hearts and futures. [56:07]

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV)

Reflection: Can you identify a relationship—past or present—where physical intimacy either damaged a good connection or extended a unhealthy one? What would it look like to trust God's protective design in your relationships moving forward?

Day 4: Sex is a gift to be cultivated, not just consumed.

A vibrant sexual relationship within marriage doesn't happen by accident; it requires intentional cultivation. It is like a fire that must be steadily stoked with logs of pursuit, friendship, and intentional time together. This involves consistently tending to the relationship, creating spaces of peace and connection, and prioritizing each other amidst life's busyness. It is an active, ongoing pursuit that moves beyond consumption to nurturing a deep, lasting bond. [01:10:14]

“Come, my beloved, let us go out into the fields and lodge in the villages; let us go out early to the vineyards and see whether the vines have budded, whether the grape blossoms have opened, and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love.” (Song of Solomon 7:11-12 ESV)

Reflection: If you are married, what is one practical way you can intentionally "stoke the fire" and cultivate intimacy with your spouse this week? If you are single, how can you invest now in building the character and habits that lead to healthy intimacy in the future?

Day 5: The gospel brings forgiveness and freedom from sexual sin.

No matter your past—the sins you've committed or the sin done against you—the cross of Jesus Christ offers complete forgiveness and freedom. His blood washes away all shame and guilt, making you new. The resurrection power that defeated sin and Satan is available to break every stronghold and heal every wound. You are not defined by your past; you are defined by Christ's finished work, which makes you clean, whole, and free. [01:14:19]

And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:11 ESV)

Reflection: Is there an area of sexual sin or shame that you have been hesitant to fully bring to Jesus? What would it look like today to truly receive His forgiveness and walk in the freedom He purchased for you?

Sermon Summary

Song of Songs chapter seven celebrates sexual intimacy as God’s good design: a covenantal, soul‑binding gift meant to flourish inside marriage. The text uses vivid, erotic poetry to honor the body, connect desire to dignity, and depict physical affection as joyful rather than merely procreative. An overarching metaphor presents sex like a fire in a fireplace—capable of warming a home when tended within proper boundaries but destructive when removed from God’s design. Biology and Scripture converge: sexual union produces bonding chemicals and language that describe knowing as soul‑attachment, so physical pleasure always carries moral and relational weight.

The narrative moves from praise and pursuit—compliments that see and value the beloved—to a mutual response that reflects safety, celebration, and friendship. That pattern models pursuit and response rather than manipulation: cultivated affection evokes wholehearted love. Cultural distortions hijack the gift by treating sex as ultimate freedom (a god) or as something shameful and repressed; both extremes wound individuals and communities. Pornography, hookup culture, and infidelity function as counterfeit fires that promise warmth but produce bondage, broken trust, and relational collapse.

Scripture’s remedy centers on gospel restoration and practical cultivation. Confession, baptismal imagery of being washed, and the cross’s defeat of shame open the way for renewal; past sexual brokenness does not cancel future flourishing. Practically, pursuing an “En Gedi” of intimacy requires intentional rhythms—compliments, dates, hospitality, respite, and regular devotion to one another—to stoke warmth rather than rely on lighter‑fluid passion. Community, accountability, and discipleship supply the means to flee sexual immorality, rebuild trust, and practice the delight Scripture envisions. Communion frames forgiveness as the foundation for renewed relational health, inviting believers to bring sexual brokenness to the cross and receive cleansing that makes true intimacy possible again.

Key Takeaways

1. Sex binds souls, not bodies Sexual intimacy always creates a spiritual bond; physical union produces biochemical attachment and a mutual sense of belonging that scripture calls “knowing.” Treating sex as merely physical ignores the soul‑level ties it forges and the responsibilities those ties demand. Covenant reframes desire as commitment, making passion a fruit of relationship rather than its shaky foundation. [47:29]
2. Sex is a God‑given gift Sexuality appears in Scripture as a deliberate, good creation—meant for delight, mutual delight, and procreation within covenant. Elevating sex into something sacred recovers pleasure from shame without cheapening it into idolatries of use or consumption. Holding it as gift reorients hearts toward gratitude, stewardship, and mutual flourishing. [57:56]
3. Cultural counterfeit creates bondage When culture replaces covenant with variety or anonymity, addiction and relational fracture follow; pornography and casual sex promise freedom but produce craving and distrust. The enemy counterfeits love with lust, using novelty to erode intimacy and anchor identity in consumption rather than covenant. Recognizing the counterfeit helps reestablish boundaries, accountability, and the pursuit of lasting covenantal joy. [59:30]
4. Intimacy requires intentional cultivation True sexual flourishing grows from repeated acts of pursuit, tenderness, and shared life—dates, focused time, and the steady “stacking of logs” on a relationship’s fire. Passion needs tending; rituals, hospitality, and scheduled devotion foster an En Gedi of peace and presence in a busy life. Intentional practices translate biblical desire into durable marital reality. [70:14]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[36:56] - Opening prayer and framing
[38:31] - Why Scripture addresses sex
[42:14] - Sex is like a fire
[47:29] - Sex binds souls (Song of Songs 7 reading)
[57:56] - Sex as gift vs. cultural idols
[70:14] - Pursuing an Engedi: cultivate intimacy
[73:18] - Gospel, confession, and communion

Bible Study Guide

Bible reading
Song of Songs 7:1-13 (ESV)
*How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter! Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath-rabbim. Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon, which looks toward Damascus. Your head crowns you like Carmel, and your flowing locks are like purple; a king is held captive in the tresses. How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth. I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me. Come, my beloved, let us go out into the fields and lodge in the villages; let us go out early to the vineyards and see whether the vines have budded, whether the grape blossoms have opened and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. The mandrakes give forth fragrance, and beside our doors are all choice fruits, new as well as old, which I have laid up for you, O my beloved.*

Observation questions

In verses 1-9, what specific parts of the woman’s body does the man praise, and what comparisons does he use?
How does the woman respond to the man’s praise in verses 10-13? What does she invite him to do?
The sermon described sex as a fire in a fireplace—good within boundaries, destructive outside of them. [42:14] What imagery in the Song suggests that sexual intimacy is both good and requires intentional cultivation?

Interpretation questions

Why do you think the man’s praise starts with the woman’s feet and thighs rather than more typically highlighted features? What might this suggest about the nature of true intimacy?
The woman says, “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.” How does this response reflect a sense of being seen, safe, and celebrated? [52:52]
The text describes their intimacy using natural imagery like vineyards, blossoms, and choice fruits. What might this symbolize about the purpose and beauty of sexual intimacy in marriage?

Application questions

Sex creates a soul-level bond, not just a physical one. [47:29] How has this truth been ignored or misunderstood in your own experiences or in our culture? What would change if we took this bond seriously?
Sexual intimacy is meant to be cultivated like tending a fire, not just ignited with lighter fluid. [43:40] In what practical ways can married couples intentionally “stack logs on the fire” of their relationship to nurture intimacy and friendship?
The world often presents sex as either a god to be worshiped or something shameful and gross. [57:56] Where have you seen these extremes play out, and how has it affected your own view of sexuality?
The sermon mentioned that oxytocin and dopamine are released during sex, creating a bonding effect. [54:31] How does this biological reality reinforce the biblical warning against sexual immorality? What would you say to someone who believes “casual sex” is possible?
The idea of “En Gedi” is an oasis of intimacy that must be pursued, not stumbled upon. [01:10:14] What would it look like for you and your spouse (or future spouse) to create intentional space for connection and peace amid life’s busyness?
First Corinthians 6:11 says, “Such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified…” [01:14:19] How can the gospel free someone from sexual shame or past mistakes? What would it look like to truly believe that Christ’s blood covers all sin?
In what ways can the church better reflect that sex is a God-given gift to be celebrated within marriage, rather than treated as taboo or dirty? How can we help the next generation develop a healthy, biblical view of sexuality?

Sermon Clips

``But it also prolongs a bad one. Have you ever seen this? Again, I've seen it a lot. You have couples that and they they don't connect, they don't communicate, they don't have chemistry, but they have a lot of conflict. But then they have sex. And so they have a lot of perceived connection. Go back to the fire analogy. They've put lighter fluid on the fire. Listen, lighter fluid can like flame that bad boy up. It it can be intense. It can be emotional. It can be exciting. But lighter fluid doesn't keep a fire lit. [00:56:07] (34 seconds)

See, passion and sex is meant to be the fruit of connection, not the foundation of connection. And many couples, they built their marriage on the foundation of sex. They built their relationship. Hey, we have to get married. You don't even like each other. You're talking about her like she's a ball and chain. You're 22 years old. What do you mean? You don't have to go through with this but well, yeah, but we've been together so long and we've been together too much and we've gone too far. There's no turning back now. [00:56:41] (31 seconds)

And here's what you see in the the progression of this whole book. The wedding was in chapter three, not chapter seven. This isn't the honeymoon. They've been married for a few years now and it hasn't grown cold. It's not winter. It's still spring. Right? There's still things blossoming and that's not happening by accident. It's happening intentionally. Right? You see it from the woman. She says, let us go twice. This whole section is a man giving compliments, pursuit. He's stacking logs on that fire over and over and over. [01:10:16] (34 seconds)

And listen to me, married couples, some of you've been married for a few years, and you got work, and you got finances, and you got the kids, and you love them, but sometimes you don't like them because life is chaotic and busy. And some of you just need to be honest. Like, hey. Do we even have an Engeti in our lives? Or is it just wandering through the desert? And then one day we're eating at a grand slam at Denny's, and we're like, I don't even like you, much less love you. And the fire has gone out. [01:10:56] (40 seconds)

And it's a lie. And it doesn't come at you directly. It comes at you deceptively. And in the name of Jesus, I just pray over this place, some strongholds like that would be broken in Jesus name. Jesus did rise from the grave. He beat something called sin, Satan, eternal punishment. He can beat your sexual distortion. Amen? There's hope today in Jesus name. Right? We don't have to view sex as a God and yet I know many of us, we viewed sex as a god for so long, now we view it as gross. [01:03:19] (38 seconds)

It can harm a good one. I've seen it all the time. You see dating couples who are like serving God and going on mission trips and studying their bible and full of life in Jesus name. And then you notice something changes. They're not certain, they don't show up to church as often, they don't show up to church together. They pull out of serving, they drop out of the mission trip or the bible study and you find out, oh, sex has entered the equation. And therefore sin and shame has entered the equation. [00:54:58] (30 seconds)

And so if you believe in Jesus Christ, your story with lust, your feeling right now of shame and that you're damaged goods, in the name of Jesus, that day is over. And your story does not have to end there. Shame doesn't have the final word. The cross and the resurrection of Jesus Christ has the final word in your life. And so let's look at it with that perspective. And so some of you are already nervous. Take a breath. Seriously, take a breath. Look at Jesus. Trust in him. Now let's look at sex in the old testament. Alright? [00:44:49] (38 seconds)

And she said, I'm too dark and I'm not beautiful and she's insecure about her looks. So what does the man do? He comes along and he says, hey babe, you're beautiful. You're beautiful inside and out. I want you to know that over and over. Men, you can never compliment your wife enough. You can never compliment your wife enough. Some of y'all should be clapping, amen ing. K? I'm trying to help you guys. Alright? Trying to help you. I'm on your team. K? [00:50:19] (26 seconds)

I talk to married couples all the time. They're like, hey, it's purity culture and for so long they told me, hey, sex is bad. Sex is bad. Don't talk about it. Avoid it. But then you get married and you're like, but have lots of it. You're like, wait, I'm so confused. I I I'm so confused and it's caused confusion and and disconnect, this this idea that that sex is gross. Again, it was hijacked by our culture. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, just stay away from it. And we've never talked about Song of Songs because it's too racy and too spicy for us. [01:03:57] (30 seconds)

And so what we see is their love and their sexual expression of their love is not casual, it is covenantal. It's in the confines of a marriage between a man and a woman. Their souls are connecting to one another, not just their bodies. And to be clear, it is physical but it's way more than that. As you look at the text, start in verse one with me, notice the man starts with not her breasts, he starts with her feet and her thighs, which you can imagine maybe those are insecure parts of her body. [00:48:08] (32 seconds)

I love cars. I love people way more. I love them so much that I hate any distortion. I hate anything that would damage them. God loves sex. God loves you so much. He hates anything that would distort it. He hates anything that would damage you. And so God gives us this gift of sex. We see it in the text. I wanna go through it briefly with you. Chapter seven verse seven, look at that. I know you already looked at it once. We're gonna read it again just to feel uncomfortable one more time. [01:06:26] (33 seconds)

And you need to be wise about that. And some of you need to delete some apps today because that's the enemy coming for you and your relationships and your marriage and your sanity and your productivity. Right? And it's it's it's happening in our culture and the results are devastating. Right? And it's not just the bible preaching this to us. Right? Our culture is preaching this to us. The great theologian, Chris Rock. I was watching a stand up comedy of Chris Rock and all of a sudden it wasn't funny, it was serious. [01:01:34] (32 seconds)

Imagine in a in a hard desert exhaustive land, a place of engedi, a place of peace, a place of friendship, a place of coolness. That's what sex is meant to be in your relationship, in your marriage. And here's what I would tell you. You don't stumble into ingedity ingedity ingedity ingedity ingedity off me, some of your wives might say later today. Alright. I was saving that one from the beginning of the series. Forgive me. I was saving that one from the beginning of the series. Forgive me. It just came out. Wasn't in my notes. Hey. You don't stumble into Engedi. You have to hike there. Literally, in that place, you have to pursue it. Right? That's our final point. Here's where we'll close. Sex isn't consuming, it is cultivating. I can't believe I said that. Let's move on. [01:09:08] (51 seconds)

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Sex Is a Gift: Cultivating Covenant Intimacy

Devotional

Day 1: Sex is God's good design, not the devil's idea.

Day 2: Sex is meant to bind souls, not just connect bodies.

Day 3: God's design protects us from harm and prolonging pain.

Day 4: Sex is a gift to be cultivated, not just consumed.

Day 5: The gospel brings forgiveness and freedom from sexual sin.

Sermon Summary

Key Takeaways

Youtube Chapters

Bible Study Guide

Sermon Clips

Chatbot

Sex Is a Gift: Cultivating Covenant Intimacy

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