Rethinking Love and Relationships Through Covenant Commitment

Summary

In the passage from Matthew 5:27-30, Jesus challenges us to rethink our understanding of love, sex, and relationships. He emphasizes that the biblical view of sex is not about repression but about integrity and commitment. The biblical ethic is clear: sex is designed to be enjoyed within the bounds of a covenant, specifically marriage. This covenant is not merely a legal contract but a profound, binding relationship that is both intimate and enduring. It is a relationship where both parties adjust to each other, prioritizing the relationship over individual needs.

In a consumer-driven society, relationships often become transactional, where individuals seek to fulfill personal desires. However, a covenant relationship, like marriage, offers a zone of safety where individuals can be their true selves without the fear of rejection. It fosters deeper feelings and provides freedom from being controlled by fleeting emotions. Sex, within this covenant, becomes a sacrament—a visible sign of an invisible reality, a renewal of the commitment made to one another.

Jesus warns against the idolatry of sex, where it becomes a selfish pursuit, an addiction, or a fantasy that promises fulfillment but ultimately leaves us empty. He uses strong language to emphasize the drastic measures needed to avoid falling into this trap. The idolatry of sex can manifest in various forms, such as pornography, premarital sex, or even the belief that one cannot be whole without sexual fulfillment. These attitudes distort the true purpose of sex and relationships.

Ultimately, Jesus points us to a deeper truth: our ultimate fulfillment and identity should be found in Him. Even within marriage, if we look to our spouse to fulfill needs that only God can meet, we risk turning them into an idol. Jesus invites us to find our deepest satisfaction in Him, the true spouse of our souls, which in turn allows us to love others more fully and authentically.

Key Takeaways:

1. Integrity in Relationships: True integrity in relationships means aligning our physical actions with our lifelong commitments. Sex is not merely a physical act but a profound expression of a whole-life union, meant to be experienced within the safety and commitment of marriage. This alignment fosters authenticity and deepens the bond between partners. [10:01]

2. Covenant vs. Consumer Relationships: A covenant relationship prioritizes the relationship over individual needs, creating a safe space for vulnerability and growth. In contrast, consumer relationships are transactional and self-serving, often leading to exploitation and insecurity. Embracing a covenant mindset transforms relationships into nurturing and freeing experiences. [04:14]

3. The Idolatry of Sex: When sex becomes an idol, it is used selfishly, leading to addiction and unrealistic expectations. This idolatry distorts the true purpose of sex, which is to serve and renew the covenant of marriage. Recognizing and addressing this idolatry is crucial for healthy relationships. [21:09]

4. The Danger of Sexual Idolatry: Jesus warns against the destructive nature of sexual idolatry, urging us to take drastic measures to avoid it. This idolatry damages our ability to form genuine connections and fulfill our deepest needs, which can only be met by God. [24:50]

5. Finding Fulfillment in Christ: Our ultimate fulfillment and identity should be found in Christ, not in our relationships or sexual experiences. When Jesus is the primary source of our love and acceptance, we can love others more fully and avoid the pitfalls of idolatry. [32:06]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:14] - Scripture Reading: Matthew 5:27-30
- [00:55] - Jesus' Teaching on Love and Sex
- [01:36] - The Integrity of Sex
- [02:32] - Understanding Covenant
- [03:38] - Consumer vs. Covenant Relationships
- [05:00] - The Zone of Safety in Marriage
- [06:12] - Deeper Feelings in Covenant
- [07:06] - Freedom in Covenant Relationships
- [08:36] - Sex as a Covenant Good
- [10:01] - The Lack of Integrity in Sex Outside Marriage
- [15:33] - The Challenge of Lust
- [19:08] - Idolatry and Greed in Sexual Desire
- [21:09] - Forms of Sexual Idolatry
- [28:11] - Deliverance from Sexual Idolatry
- [32:06] - Fulfillment in Christ

Study Guide

### Bible Study Discussion Guide

#### Bible Reading
- Matthew 5:27-30

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#### Observation Questions
1. What does Jesus say about looking at someone lustfully in Matthew 5:27-30? How does this relate to the concept of adultery? [00:14]
2. According to the sermon, how does Jesus redefine the understanding of sex and relationships compared to cultural norms? [01:36]
3. What is the difference between a consumer relationship and a covenant relationship as described in the sermon? [04:14]
4. How does the sermon describe the role of sex within a covenant relationship? [09:18]

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#### Interpretation Questions
1. How does the concept of a covenant relationship challenge the way society views marriage and commitment? [03:38]
2. In what ways does the sermon suggest that sexual idolatry can manifest in our lives? [21:09]
3. How does the sermon explain the idea of finding ultimate fulfillment in Christ rather than in human relationships? [32:06]
4. What are the potential consequences of treating sex as a consumer good rather than a covenant good, according to the sermon? [11:52]

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#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your own relationships. Are there areas where you might be treating them more like consumer relationships rather than covenant relationships? How can you shift your mindset? [04:14]
2. The sermon discusses the idolatry of sex. Are there ways in which you might be placing too much importance on sexual fulfillment in your life? How can you address this? [21:09]
3. Consider the idea of finding fulfillment in Christ. What practical steps can you take to deepen your relationship with Him and rely on Him for your identity and satisfaction? [32:06]
4. How can you ensure that your physical actions align with your lifelong commitments, especially in the context of marriage or future marriage? [10:01]
5. The sermon mentions the drastic measures Jesus suggests to avoid sexual sin. What are some practical boundaries you can set in your life to protect yourself from falling into sexual idolatry? [24:50]
6. Reflect on the idea of sex as a covenant renewal ceremony. How can you and your spouse (or future spouse) view and practice sex in a way that strengthens your marriage? [11:25]
7. How can you support others in your community who may be struggling with the cultural pressures surrounding sex and relationships? What role can you play in fostering a healthier understanding of these topics? [33:51]

Devotional

Day 1: Integrity in Covenant Relationships
In a world where relationships are often seen as transactional, the biblical view of sex and relationships calls for integrity and commitment. True integrity in relationships means aligning our physical actions with our lifelong commitments. Sex is not merely a physical act but a profound expression of a whole-life union, meant to be experienced within the safety and commitment of marriage. This alignment fosters authenticity and deepens the bond between partners. When we prioritize integrity, we create a space where both parties can be vulnerable and grow together, free from the fear of rejection. [10:01]

Ephesians 4:1-3 (ESV): "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

Reflection: In what ways can you align your actions with your commitments in your relationships today, fostering a deeper sense of integrity and authenticity?

Day 2: Covenant vs. Consumer Relationships
A covenant relationship prioritizes the relationship over individual needs, creating a safe space for vulnerability and growth. In contrast, consumer relationships are transactional and self-serving, often leading to exploitation and insecurity. Embracing a covenant mindset transforms relationships into nurturing and freeing experiences. In a covenant, both parties adjust to each other, prioritizing the relationship over personal desires. This creates a zone of safety where individuals can be their true selves without fear of rejection, fostering deeper feelings and providing freedom from being controlled by fleeting emotions. [04:14]

Malachi 2:14-15 (ESV): "But you say, 'Why does he not?' Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth."

Reflection: How can you shift your mindset from a consumer to a covenant approach in your relationships, prioritizing the relationship over personal desires?

Day 3: The Idolatry of Sex
When sex becomes an idol, it is used selfishly, leading to addiction and unrealistic expectations. This idolatry distorts the true purpose of sex, which is to serve and renew the covenant of marriage. Recognizing and addressing this idolatry is crucial for healthy relationships. Jesus warns against the idolatry of sex, where it becomes a selfish pursuit, an addiction, or a fantasy that promises fulfillment but ultimately leaves us empty. By understanding the true purpose of sex, we can avoid the pitfalls of idolatry and foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships. [21:09]

Colossians 3:5 (ESV): "Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."

Reflection: What steps can you take today to recognize and address any forms of sexual idolatry in your life, ensuring that your relationships are healthy and fulfilling?

Day 4: The Danger of Sexual Idolatry
Jesus warns against the destructive nature of sexual idolatry, urging us to take drastic measures to avoid it. This idolatry damages our ability to form genuine connections and fulfill our deepest needs, which can only be met by God. When we allow sex to become an idol, it distorts our understanding of love and relationships, leading to addiction and unrealistic expectations. By taking drastic measures to avoid sexual idolatry, we can protect our relationships and ensure that they are grounded in love and commitment. [24:50]

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 (ESV): "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God."

Reflection: What drastic measures can you take today to avoid sexual idolatry and protect your relationships, ensuring they are grounded in love and commitment?

Day 5: Finding Fulfillment in Christ
Our ultimate fulfillment and identity should be found in Christ, not in our relationships or sexual experiences. When Jesus is the primary source of our love and acceptance, we can love others more fully and avoid the pitfalls of idolatry. Even within marriage, if we look to our spouse to fulfill needs that only God can meet, we risk turning them into an idol. Jesus invites us to find our deepest satisfaction in Him, the true spouse of our souls, which in turn allows us to love others more fully and authentically. [32:06]

Psalm 73:25-26 (ESV): "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Reflection: How can you seek to find your ultimate fulfillment and identity in Christ today, allowing you to love others more fully and authentically?

Quotes

A covenant is a a covenant creates a relationship it's a relationship far more loving and intimate than a merily legal relationship but it's also far more binding and enduring than a merely emotional relationship a covenant creates a personal relationship which is more intimate and loving because it's legal it's more loving because it's legal. [00:03:11]

A consumer relationship says you adjust to me or I'm out of here a covenant relationship says I will adjust to you because I've made a promise and and the relationship is more important than my needs my needs are less important than the sustenance of the relationship. [00:04:20]

In a consumer relationship you're always marketing you're always selling yourself you've got to perform you got to meet the other person's need or they're out but in a covenant in a marriage in a covenant you finally have a zone of safety you can finally get rid of the facades you can finally let them know let her know about your insecurities. [00:05:09]

When you are committed to a person in spite of your feelings deeper feelings grow if you are committed to a person in spite of your feelings deeper feelings grow grow so for example uh the other Covenant relationship between except besides husband and wife is the relationship between parents and children. [00:05:46]

Sex is a cons not a consumer good it's a covenant good a consumer good is a way you keep someone in a relationship because they have you have a need I need sex every so often sex is a way for me to feel good about myself it makes me feel adored and loved so I go out and I find somebody who will meet that need. [00:08:38]

When you use sex inside a covenant it becomes a vehicle for engaging the whole person in an act of self-giving and self-commitment when I in marriage make myself physically naked and vulnerable it's a sign of what I've done with my whole life because by giving up my Independence and by by making this promise. [00:09:36]

The monstrosity of of sexual intercourse outside marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of Union the sexual from all other kinds of Union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total Union to have physical Union without having whole life Union is a lack of integrity. [00:10:24]

The bodily exposure that aroused and accompanies sex can be profoundly symbolic and powerfully healing if it's the concrete sign of what's happening in the whole relationship so it only makes sense that sexual relations be confined to marriage for Mutual discl Ure and tender acceptance is not the activity of a moment but the fabric of a lifetimes weaving. [00:12:11]

Jesus uses a word and it's an unusual word to be used with in connection to sex it's a word that means idolatry and particularly greed he's using a word that is us always means idolatry and usually refers to Greed and if you want to understand the kind of attitude toward sex that Jesus is talking about let's think about Greed. [00:19:10]

The idolatry of sexuality and love will destroy you the learning to use it selfishly making it a consumer good getting addicted to it looking to it to give you the kind of deep affirmation and closure and consolation that only God can give you and that leads us to the last Point how are we really going to be delivered. [00:27:52]

When Jesus was talking to the woman at the well Samaritan woman in John chapter 4 he says I have got a water that if you drink it you will never thirst again in other words I can satisfy your deepest needs those unfulfilled longings and needs I can satisfy them I have a water that if you drink it you'll never thirst again. [00:30:28]

You will never be well married unless Jesus Christ is the spouse of your soul and his love is the most important thing in your life and you will never be well you'll never be single well you'll never be married well sir she said I see you're a prophet look to his spouse of love and then and only then will you be in a position to avoid the Great danger. [00:33:00]

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Transcript

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