Love Takes the First Step: Restoring Church Relationships

Devotional

Day 1: The Shepherd’s Pursuit of the One Who Strays

A wandering sheep risks predators, exposure, and isolation—yet the shepherd leaves safety to reclaim what’s lost. Jesus’ parable reveals God’s heart: He values each believer enough to pursue them through relational ruptures. Conflict resolution isn’t about punishment but restoration. Just as the shepherd carries the sheep home, believers are called to gently restore others, prioritizing their eternal worth over momentary discomfort. Compassion fuels the hard work of reconciliation. [32:38]

“What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.”
(Matthew 18:12–14, ESV)

Reflection: Who in your life feels “lost” due to unresolved conflict? How might God be inviting you to pursue them with His persistent compassion this week?

Day 2: When Words Unspoken Breed Bitter Roots

Silence often deepens wounds. A whispered rumor, an avoided conversation, or buried hurt can metastasize into division. Jesus commands direct, private dialogue to uproot misunderstandings before they spread. This isn’t confrontation but clarification—a chance to preserve dignity and truth. Like a gardener tending fragile roots, believers must address offenses early, ensuring relationships grow in the soil of honesty rather than the rot of assumption. [28:08]

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.”
(Matthew 18:15, ESV)

Reflection: What unresolved tension have you avoided addressing? What fear or lie keeps you from initiating a clarifying conversation?

Day 3: The Sacred Weight of Two or Three Witnesses

Truth thrives in the light of trusted community. When private efforts fail, Jesus instructs bringing mature believers to listen, pray, and discern. This isn’t gossip’s audience but wisdom’s safeguard—a process honoring both the offended and the offender. Like witnesses in a courtroom, their presence guards against bias, ensuring love and justice walk hand in hand. Closed circles protect; open rumors destroy. [41:42]

“A single witness shall not suffice against a person for any crime or for any wrong in connection with any offense that he has committed. Only on the evidence of two witnesses or of three witnesses shall a charge be established.”
(Deuteronomy 19:15, ESV)

Reflection: Who in your life embodies the wisdom and grace needed to help navigate complex conflicts? How might their presence bring clarity to a strained relationship?

Day 4: Treating the Unrepentant as Jesus Did Tax Collectors

Excommunication isn’t abandonment. Jesus dined with tax collectors, healed outsiders, and forgave enemies. Treating someone “as a tax collector” means refusing to normalize sin while relentlessly offering grace. Boundaries protect the church, but open doors invite repentance. Discipline’s goal isn’t shame but awakening—a love tough enough to say “this isn’t okay” yet tender enough to whisper “you’re still wanted.” [45:44]

“And as Jesus reclined at table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were reclining with Jesus and his disciples. And when the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, ‘Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?’ But when he heard it, he said, ‘Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.’”
(Matthew 9:10–12, ESV)

Reflection: How can you hold both truth and grace for someone caught in persistent sin? What would it look like to “leave the door open” while upholding holiness?

Day 5: Where Brokenness Meets the Promise of His Presence

Reconciliation feels risky, but Jesus pledges His presence where two or three gather to mend what’s fractured. This isn’t a general promise but a specific vow: He joins those doing the messy work of restoration. Unity isn’t a human achievement but a divine gift—fueled by prayer, humility, and the stubborn belief that no relationship is beyond redemption. [53:31]

“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
(Matthew 18:20, ESV)

Reflection: What broken relationship have you deemed “hopeless”? How might Jesus’ promised presence shift your willingness to engage in healing?

Sermon Summary

Matthew 18 treats the church as a household of faith, where deep and meaningful bonds can also bring conflict, hurt, and sin. Jesus does not give these instructions so that people can win arguments, vent anger, or shame one another. Jesus gives them because the Father is not willing that any of his little ones should be lost. The lost sheep sets the tone for every step: a brother or sister who has wandered into sin is valuable to Christ, and restoration is worth the effort.

Jesus begins with a broad kind of sin, including faults, offenses, and misunderstandings that commonly strain relationships. The first step is simple but difficult: go privately. A private conversation gives room for clarification, protects dignity, and stops rumors before they spread. Matthew 18 makes the goal clear: “If he listens, you have won your brother over.” That brother or sister is not a problem to be removed, but someone to be gained back.

Jesus provides a second step when private conversation does not bring repentance. One or two mature, prayerful witnesses help establish the matter, keep the circle small, and give another opportunity for truth and repentance. The law of Moses required witnesses because God cares about fairness and the dignity of the accused. Rumor, gossip, and public retaliation only deepen the wound and damage the church’s witness.

Jesus provides a final step when a person remains unrepentant. “Tell it to the church” does not mean public humiliation in a Sunday service. The early church met in small households, and church leaders carried responsibility for guarding the flock. Even necessary consequences are not meant to lock someone out forever. Jesus treated tax collectors and publicans with compassion, speaking with them, eating with them, and inviting them into his mission. Reconciliation and unity, not punishment, remain God’s purpose.

Love takes the first step. Paul’s command to speak the truth in love guards confrontation from becoming cruelty, while Romans 13 describes love as an ongoing debt that can never be fully repaid. Jesus promises that God is present when two or three gather to restore a broken relationship. The shepherd goes looking for the one sheep, and Christ calls his people to trust God with the results of obedient love. Refusing to go can allow sin, bitterness, and the church’s damaged testimony to grow. Obedience may feel awkward, but God is with those who seek reconciliation.

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Key Takeaways

1. Love takes the first step [51:40] Love does not wait for conflict to disappear on its own. Love takes the risk of a private, truthful conversation because the other person matters to Christ. Love refuses both angry retaliation and quiet resentment. Love seeks to repair what sin has damaged. [51:40]
2. Private correction protects dignity [36:38] A private conversation leaves room for misunderstanding to be cleared up before judgments harden. A brother or sister deserves the chance to explain, listen, repent, and be forgiven without becoming the subject of rumor. This restraint protects the person and also protects the church from needless division. Truth does not need a crowd in order to be true. [36:38]
3. Restoration matters more than punishment [45:44] Jesus’ words about tax collectors sound severe until his own treatment of tax collectors is remembered. Christ did not shut them out without hope, but moved toward them with mercy and an invitation. Consequences may be necessary when sin continues, yet reconciliation remains the aim. The open door reflects the heart of the shepherd seeking the lost sheep. [45:44]
4. God meets reconciliation with grace [52:22] Jesus promises his presence in the difficult work of restoring a strained relationship. The outcome cannot be controlled, because repentance belongs to the other person and God works in hearts. Obedience, however, belongs to the one who takes the first step. Prayer turns confrontation from a personal battle into an act of dependence on God. [52:22]
5. Bitterness grows when love refuses obedience [55:37] Silence can feel safer than confrontation, but buried hurt can take root and become bitterness. Unaddressed sin can also grow deeper in the life of the person who needs correction. The church loses moral authority when known wrongdoing is ignored while righteousness is still spoken about. Faithful love faces the discomfort of obedience rather than accepting those consequences.

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Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[26:46] - Church as a Household of Faith
[27:51] - Jesus’ Instructions for Sin and Conflict
[29:10] - When Church Conflict Turns Destructive
[31:53] - The Lost Sheep and Compassion
[34:57] - Step One: Go Privately
[38:33] - Winning a Brother or Sister Back
[39:20] - Step Two: Take Witnesses
[42:16] - Step Three: Tell It to the Church
[45:30] - Tax Collectors, Consequences, and Hope
[47:05] - Church Leadership and Compassionate Discipline
[49:19] - Speaking Truth in Love
[52:22] - Christ’s Promise in Reconciliation
[54:23] - Trust God With the Results
[57:09] - Trust and Obey

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Matthew 18:15-20
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
[28:02] [35:04] [38:33] [39:20] [42:24] [52:22] [53:14]

Matthew 18:10-14
“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.”
[32:23] [32:56]

Ephesians 4:15
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,”
[50:01]

Romans 13:8
“Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.”
[50:40]

Observation questions

In Matthew 18:15-17, what are the three steps Jesus gives when a brother or sister does not listen and repent?
What does Jesus say is gained when a person listens to private correction, and what does that word reveal about the value of that person? [38:33]
How does the parable of the lost sheep in Matthew 18:10-14 shape the tone of Jesus’ instructions about confronting sin? [32:56]
What purposes do one or two mature witnesses serve before a matter is brought to church leadership? [39:40]

Interpretation questions

Jesus commands a private conversation before involving others. How does this first step protect both the person who has sinned and the person who has been hurt? [37:04]
Matthew 18 speaks about treating an unrepentant person as a Gentile or tax collector. Since Jesus welcomed tax collectors, what might consequences with compassion and an open door to reconciliation look like in a church? [45:44]
How does “speaking the truth in love” help a believer distinguish between restoring someone and simply venting anger? [50:01]
Jesus promises to be present when believers gather in his name in the work of reconciliation. How does that promise change the way a difficult conversation should be approached? [53:40]

Application questions

Is there a strained relationship, a buried hurt, or a misunderstanding that has remained unaddressed? What would it look like to take a calm and private first step rather than allowing distance or resentment to grow? [54:52]
What usually makes private confrontation difficult for you: fear of being misunderstood, fear of conflict, past family patterns, or something else? How might prayer and preparation help you speak truth with love? [48:39]
Before speaking to someone who has hurt you, what questions could help you check your own heart—such as whether you have the full story, whether you want restoration, and whether you are ready to listen?
When you hear troubling information about another believer, how are you tempted to respond? What would it mean to resist gossip and instead keep the matter small, truthful, and compassionate? [40:11]
Love is an ongoing debt believers never finish paying. How could remembering Christ’s love for you change the tone, words, and goal of a hard conversation this week? [50:40]
The result of a reconciliation attempt cannot be controlled, but obedience belongs to the person who goes in love. Where do you need to trust God with an outcome rather than waiting until you feel certain the conversation will go well? [56:35]
Bitterness can grow when hurt is silently carried. What signs might show that bitterness is beginning to take root in your heart, and what faithful next step could help prevent it? [55:40]

Sermon Clips

44s

#LoveFirstStep

“It's so much better to live this way, where love not rules guide us. That's what Paul's getting at. So for this reason, we can say when it comes to dealing with sin in the church, love takes the first step. Love is a motive for taking that risk to address the sin or even the perceived sin of a brother or sister in the Lord. And in spite of how awkward it is and how we're reluctant to do it, we are called to love and love means taking that first step.”

46s

#OpenDoorReconciliation

“sounds kind of serious, doesn't it? Except except if you consider how Jesus treated publicans and tax collectors. What did he do? He talked to them, he ate with them, he healed them, he invited them to join him in his mission. And so what this tells us that even when a brother or sister is unrepentant, we don't cast them out and lock the church door. We leave the door open for reconciliation. Punishment is not the goal. Reconciliation and unity are the purposes God has for his people.”

46s

#TakeTheStepInFaith

“So if we say no to this, there are consequences. So I ask you, do you want those consequences or are you prepared to take that step and trust God with the results? If you agree to do this to the best of your ability, it won't go perfectly. But at least you will have done your part. And as you go, hold on to that promise that God is with you and he will answer your prayers, but love must take the first step. Will you take that step?”

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St. Paul's Presbyterian Church Woodstock This sermon · AI assistant

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