Responding to Offense with Grace and Love
Summary
### Summary
Good morning, Hickory Ridge family. Today, we continue our series "No Offense" by exploring how to deal with offensive people. Often, we categorize others as offensive without recognizing that we, too, can be offensive. We are all capable of being controlling, critical, or arrogant. The key is to understand that we are all moving either towards self-centeredness or towards putting God at the center of our lives. This journey is ongoing, and even as saved individuals, we can still fall into the trap of focusing on outward appearances rather than genuine inward transformation.
Jesus taught that offenses are inevitable, but holding onto them is a choice. When we get offended, we often become angry, which can lead to sin if not managed properly. Ephesians 4:26-27 advises us not to let anger control us or give the devil a foothold. Instead, we should be motivated by love to address issues that break God's heart, such as abuse, racism, and human trafficking.
To deal with offenses effectively, we need to cultivate a thick skin and a soft heart, accept that we can't please everyone, and decide in advance not to return evil for evil. Cultivating a thick skin and a soft heart involves practicing patience and overlooking offenses, as Jesus did. Accepting that we can't please everyone means living for God's approval rather than man's. Deciding in advance not to return evil for evil requires us to bless those who insult us, following Jesus' example.
Ultimately, we must not sacrifice our optimal relationship with God for merely good things. Holding onto offenses can lead to bitterness and hinder our spiritual growth. Instead, we should choose to respond with grace, mercy, and prayer, allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us. Let's strive to be offended less and love more, holding onto our faith despite the challenges we face.
### Key Takeaways
1. Recognize Our Own Offensiveness: We often categorize others as offensive without acknowledging our own capacity to offend. We are all capable of being controlling, critical, or arrogant. Understanding this helps us approach others with humility and grace. [02:31]
2. Offenses Are Inevitable, Holding Them Is a Choice: Jesus taught that offenses are unavoidable, but holding onto them is a choice. When we get offended, we often become angry, which can lead to sin if not managed properly. Ephesians 4:26-27 advises us not to let anger control us or give the devil a foothold. [09:46]
3. Cultivate a Thick Skin and a Soft Heart: To deal with offenses effectively, we need to practice patience and overlook offenses, as Jesus did. Proverbs 19:11 says, "Wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense." This practice helps us develop resilience and compassion. [18:08]
4. Accept That You Can't Please Everyone: Living for God's approval rather than man's is crucial. Jesus said, "I can of myself do nothing; I do not seek my own will but the will of the Father who sent me" (John 5:30). This mindset frees us from the insatiable need for accolades and influence. [25:36]
5. Decide in Advance Not to Return Evil for Evil: 1 Peter 3:9 instructs us not to repay evil for evil but to bless those who insult us. This is a challenging but essential practice that requires the Holy Spirit's guidance. Deciding in advance helps us respond with grace and mercy rather than retaliation. [29:41]
### YouTube Chapters
[0:00] - Welcome
[0:30] - Introduction to "No Offense" Series
[01:16] - Common Approaches to Offensiveness
[02:31] - Recognizing Our Own Offensiveness
[03:56] - Moving Towards God-Centeredness
[05:18] - Inward vs. Outward Christianity
[06:48] - Working Out Our Salvation
[08:16] - The Inevitability of Offenses
[09:46] - Holding Offenses is a Choice
[11:20] - Offenses That Break God's Heart
[12:53] - The Enemy's Tactics
[14:33] - Seeking God Wholeheartedly
[15:38] - Example of Thoughtfulness
[18:08] - Cultivating a Thick Skin and a Soft Heart
[25:36] - Accepting You Can't Please Everyone
[29:41] - Deciding in Advance Not to Return Evil for Evil
[39:04] - Prayer for Strength and Wisdom
[40:22] - Worship and Invitation for Prayer
Study Guide
### Bible Reading
1. Ephesians 4:26-27: "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
2. Proverbs 19:11: "A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense."
3. 1 Peter 3:9: "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."
### Observation Questions
1. According to Ephesians 4:26-27, what are the two specific instructions given about anger? How do these instructions help prevent giving the devil a foothold? [09:46]
2. Proverbs 19:11 mentions that wisdom yields patience. How does this verse suggest we should handle offenses? [18:08]
3. In 1 Peter 3:9, what are we instructed to do instead of repaying evil with evil or insult with insult? How does this align with the sermon’s message on dealing with offensive people? [29:41]
4. The sermon mentions that offenses are inevitable but holding onto them is a choice. What does this mean in the context of our daily interactions? [09:46]
### Interpretation Questions
1. How does understanding our own capacity to offend others help us approach offensive people with humility and grace? [02:31]
2. Why is it important to cultivate a thick skin and a soft heart when dealing with offenses, according to the sermon and Proverbs 19:11? [18:08]
3. How does living for God's approval rather than man's help us accept that we can't please everyone, as mentioned in John 5:30? [25:36]
4. What does it mean to decide in advance not to return evil for evil, and how can this decision impact our relationships and spiritual growth? [29:41]
### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a recent situation where you felt offended. How did you handle it, and how might you handle it differently in light of Ephesians 4:26-27? [09:46]
2. Think of a person in your life who often offends you. What steps can you take to cultivate a thick skin and a soft heart towards them, as suggested in Proverbs 19:11? [18:08]
3. Are there areas in your life where you seek approval from others rather than from God? How can you shift your focus to living for God's approval, as Jesus did in John 5:30? [25:36]
4. Have you ever found yourself repaying evil with evil or insult with insult? What practical steps can you take to repay evil with blessing instead, following 1 Peter 3:9? [29:41]
5. The sermon encourages us to be offended less and love more. What specific actions can you take this week to respond with grace, mercy, and prayer when you feel offended? [38:31]
6. How can you ensure that you do not sacrifice your optimal relationship with God for merely good things, as discussed in the sermon? [34:01]
7. Identify one offense you are currently holding onto. What steps can you take to let go of this offense and allow the Holy Spirit to guide your response? [09:46]
Devotional
Day 1: Recognize Our Own Capacity to Offend
We often categorize others as offensive without acknowledging our own capacity to offend. We are all capable of being controlling, critical, or arrogant. Understanding this helps us approach others with humility and grace. Recognizing our own flaws allows us to extend the same grace to others that we hope to receive. This self-awareness is crucial in our journey towards putting God at the center of our lives rather than being self-centered. By acknowledging our own shortcomings, we can better understand and empathize with others, fostering a more loving and forgiving community. [02:31]
Romans 12:3 (ESV): "For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned."
Reflection: Think of a recent situation where you may have been controlling, critical, or arrogant. How can you approach that person with humility and seek reconciliation today?
Day 2: Offenses Are Inevitable, Holding Them Is a Choice
Jesus taught that offenses are unavoidable, but holding onto them is a choice. When we get offended, we often become angry, which can lead to sin if not managed properly. Ephesians 4:26-27 advises us not to let anger control us or give the devil a foothold. Instead, we should be motivated by love to address issues that break God's heart, such as abuse, racism, and human trafficking. By choosing to let go of offenses, we free ourselves from the chains of bitterness and allow God's love to flow through us more freely. [09:46]
Proverbs 19:11 (ESV): "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense."
Reflection: Is there an offense you are holding onto that is causing you anger or bitterness? How can you choose to let it go and seek God's peace today?
Day 3: Cultivate a Thick Skin and a Soft Heart
To deal with offenses effectively, we need to practice patience and overlook offenses, as Jesus did. Proverbs 19:11 says, "Wisdom yields patience; it is to one's glory to overlook an offense." This practice helps us develop resilience and compassion. Cultivating a thick skin means not taking every slight personally, while a soft heart means remaining compassionate and loving towards others. This balance allows us to navigate relationships with grace and wisdom, reflecting Christ's love in our interactions. [18:08]
Colossians 3:12-13 (ESV): "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."
Reflection: Think of a recent offense that hurt you. How can you practice patience and overlook it, showing compassion and love instead?
Day 4: Accept That You Can't Please Everyone
Living for God's approval rather than man's is crucial. Jesus said, "I can of myself do nothing; I do not seek my own will but the will of the Father who sent me" (John 5:30). This mindset frees us from the insatiable need for accolades and influence. When we focus on pleasing God, we find true fulfillment and purpose. Accepting that we can't please everyone allows us to live authentically and boldly in our faith, prioritizing God's will above all else. [25:36]
Galatians 1:10 (ESV): "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."
Reflection: Are there areas in your life where you are seeking approval from others rather than God? How can you shift your focus to seeking God's approval today?
Day 5: Decide in Advance Not to Return Evil for Evil
1 Peter 3:9 instructs us not to repay evil for evil but to bless those who insult us. This is a challenging but essential practice that requires the Holy Spirit's guidance. Deciding in advance helps us respond with grace and mercy rather than retaliation. By choosing to bless those who hurt us, we reflect Christ's love and break the cycle of negativity. This proactive decision empowers us to live out our faith in a transformative way, impacting those around us with God's love. [29:41]
Romans 12:17-18 (ESV): "Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."
Reflection: Think of someone who has wronged you. How can you choose to bless them and show them God's love today, rather than seeking retaliation?
Quotes
### Quotes for Outreach
1. "Opportunities to be offended are unavoidable. They are inevitable. Jesus said, it is impossible. We're not getting out of this life without experiencing them. But holding an offense, now that's a whole different matter. That's a choice. That's a choice that we make. So the, the question is not who's going to do the offending, the unwashed, unclean, unsaved swordfish and pufferfish out there. It's all of us. The better question is this. How long will we allow the offense to remain?" [09:46] (31 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
2. "Be purposeful in your thoughts. Your mind is always eavesdropping on what you invite in and also what you allow to stay. I could have easily said, well, my way, first here, go there, go there, was right. It's no big deal. I mean, her way, whatever, just get over it. I didn't want that to stay. I didn't want to give the devil a foothold. We need to evaluate ourselves. We need to evaluate our thoughts critically before we allow them to stay, before we allow them to have a room, a place, an opportunity inside of us." [17:10] (36 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
3. "Cultivate a thick skin and a soft heart. Proverbs 19.11 says this. Wisdom yields patience. It is to one's glory to overlook an offense. From the book of wisdom, from the book of Proverbs, a person's wisdom yields patience. It is to one's glory to overlook an offense. This verse should be mandatory memory verse material for every Christian. Get this sucker on a magnet on your fridge. Put this on a post-it note on your bathroom mirror. Walk this out. The strongest Christians I know walk this out. Practice the habit of overlooking offenses." [18:57] (39 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
4. "Matthew 5, 44 says this. But I tell you to love your enemies and pray for anyone who mistreats you. Jesus tells us to love our enemies. And that instruction is not just for the benefit of those who have offended us. Those who have done us wrong. It's actually for us as well. Because in walking this out, in running counter to how the culture operates, that says, I'm going to give them a piece of my mind. I'm going to get something off my chest. If we pray for them, we are actually declaring that we are his." [19:41] (35 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
5. "It's hard to stay angry at someone if you are praying for them. Just let that first sentence sink in. It's hard to stay angry unless you feel superior. And it's hard to feel superior if you're actually praying for them. It's a wonderful loop because since in prayer, you approach God as a forgiven sinner. If we approach God filled with self-righteousness, then it's going to sound like this. God, we know you're primo, number one, and I'm pretty good too. So you're one, I'm 1A. Let's go pray for number thousand who's done me wrong as a poor bozo kind of thing. No, we approach God as a forgiven sinner." [23:42] (50 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
### Quotes for Members
1. "All of us can and do open our mouths and at times sound controlling. At times sound critical. At times sound arrogant. All of us can and do open our mouths and at times sound divisive or needy or stubborn. And you may be thinking, no, wait, you must be talking about all the swordfish and puffer fish out there. I mean, they're all unsaved. We're saved. I want to invite everybody to not think of people so statically saved and unsaved. The fact about the matter is we are always moving and not always in the best directions." [02:31] (41 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
2. "God can work and speak any way that he wants to. He's like God. He can speak through a burning bush. He can speak through a donkey. His preferred way to speak and move and heal and act is through people and in relationship. Let me say that again. His preferred way to move and act and speak is through people and in relationship. The enemy's preferred tactic is to get our focus off of God. quite simple, to get our focus off of God. If he can accomplish that, if he can accomplish just getting distracted from that primary foundational relationship, you can still do your hour a week on Sunday, but if he can get you not going to him for the big and the small, not going to him for the Tuesdays of life, then he says, I got you right where I want you." [12:53] (56 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
3. "Accept that you're not going to please everyone. John 5.30, Jesus is speaking and he said this. I can of myself do nothing. This is Jesus. I mean, God, just let that first sentence sink in. I can of myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge and my judgment is righteous because here's the kicker. I do not seek my own will. The will of the father who sent me. Are we living our lives truly for the audience of one? The experiences we have and the people that we meet and the highs and lows that we experience, we take this way. Or are we instead living our lives this way? For the impression of man, for the cultivation of a reputation." [25:36] (56 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
4. "Decide in advance not to return in kind. 1 Peter 3.9 says this. Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. This is what God has called you to do. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, this is what God has called you to do. And he will grant you his blessings, in order to do it. This is an easy verse to read. This is a really hard verse to walk out. And I would dare say it is impossible to walk out without the power and the strength and the guide and the counsel of the Holy Spirit in our life." [29:41] (40 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
5. "Between the offense and the response is the power to choose. Between the offense and the response is the power to choose and the choice is yours. Listen, we're all recovering from something. You live long enough, we're gonna be all in that category. We are all recovering from something or we are all currently dealing with something. And if you're here today and you haven't recovered from something or currently dealing with something, I got some bad news for you. You're about to walk into something. Choose to invite the Holy Spirit in. Choose to invite the Holy Spirit into that offense so that our response is not retaliation, not offense for offense, but rather choose in advance to respond to that offense." [37:51] (55 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
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