Resolving Conflict with Love and Wisdom

Summary

In today's message, we explored the universal nature of conflict and the Christian call to handle it with love and wisdom. Conflict is an inevitable part of life, present from the earliest chapters of Genesis and throughout human history. Jesus taught that the hallmark of His followers is their love for one another, even amidst disagreements. This love is not demonstrated through outward symbols like bumper stickers or T-shirts but through genuine, loving interactions, especially during conflicts.

We began by examining the importance of being slow to anger, as highlighted in Proverbs. This wisdom allows us to overlook minor offenses and prevent unnecessary conflicts. We also discussed the necessity of self-reflection, acknowledging our part in conflicts, and seeking to amend our wrongs before addressing others' faults. This week, we delved into Jesus' process for resolving conflicts, as outlined in Matthew 18. This process emphasizes the importance of choosing the right path in conflict resolution—whether to win the argument or to win the person.

The story of Air Canada and their customer service decisions served as a metaphor for the paths we choose in conflict. Just as Air Canada's choice to prioritize cost-cutting over customer service led to significant losses, our choice in handling conflicts can lead to either broken relationships or restored ones. Jesus' method involves addressing issues privately first, then with a small group, and finally, if necessary, involving the church. This approach is not about policing but about healing, akin to a physician addressing sickness in the body.

Ultimately, the goal is to win people, not fights. This requires humility, patience, and a commitment to love others as Jesus loves us. It involves being willing to engage in difficult conversations, seeking reconciliation, and prioritizing relationships over being right. As we navigate conflicts, we must decide whether we want to win arguments or win people, keeping in mind that our actions reflect our faith to the world.

Key Takeaways:

1. Conflict is Universal and Inevitable: Conflict is a part of every human experience, but as followers of Jesus, we are called to handle it with love and wisdom. Our love for one another, especially in conflict, is a testament to our faith. [04:43]

2. Choose the Right Path in Conflict: Like Air Canada's decision-making, the path we choose in conflict resolution—whether to win the argument or win the person—determines the outcome. Prioritizing relationships over being right is crucial. [06:01]

3. The Process of Conflict Resolution: Jesus' method in Matthew 18 involves addressing issues privately first, then with a small group, and finally involving the church if necessary. This approach is about healing, not policing. [11:51]

4. Winning People, Not Fights: The heart of conflict resolution is to win people, not arguments. This requires humility, patience, and a commitment to love others as Jesus loves us, prioritizing relationships over being right. [14:26]

5. The Role of the Church in Conflict: Church discipline is not about exclusion but about restoration. It involves addressing sin within the community to maintain unity and help individuals walk closer with Jesus. [26:03]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [04:43] - The Story of Harry Havens
- [06:01] - Conflict is Universal
- [08:08] - Jesus' Call to Love
- [11:51] - Matthew 18: Resolving Conflict
- [13:26] - The Importance of Private Resolution
- [14:26] - Winning People, Not Fights
- [16:36] - Bringing Others into the Process
- [17:52] - Personal Story of Conflict
- [20:54] - Wisdom in Community
- [23:23] - Church Discipline Context
- [26:03] - Modern Application of Church Discipline
- [29:21] - Real-Life Example of Discipline
- [33:18] - The Importance of Spiritual Friends
- [36:31] - Deciding How to Handle Conflict
- [39:22] - Personal Reflection on Winning People
- [41:09] - Loving the Tax Collector
- [42:37] - Conclusion and Prayer

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide

Bible Reading:
- Matthew 18:15-17

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Observation Questions:

1. According to Matthew 18:15-17, what steps does Jesus outline for resolving conflicts between believers? How does this process emphasize the importance of privacy and dignity in conflict resolution? [11:51]

2. In the sermon, the pastor mentioned a story about Air Canada and their customer service decisions. How does this story serve as a metaphor for the paths we choose in conflict resolution? [06:01]

3. What does the pastor suggest is the overarching principle in handling conflicts, as discussed in the sermon? [08:08]

4. How does the pastor describe the role of the church in conflict resolution, particularly in the context of church discipline? [23:23]

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Interpretation Questions:

1. How does the process outlined in Matthew 18:15-17 reflect Jesus' emphasis on winning people rather than winning arguments? What does this suggest about the nature of Christian relationships? [14:26]

2. The sermon discusses the importance of self-reflection before addressing others' faults. Why is this step crucial in the process of conflict resolution, and how does it align with Jesus' teachings? [08:08]

3. In what ways does the pastor suggest that the church's role in conflict resolution is more like a physician than a policeman? How does this perspective change the way we view church discipline? [26:03]

4. The pastor shared a personal story about conflict during the Christmas holiday. How did involving others help resolve the conflict, and what does this teach us about the value of community in conflict resolution? [20:54]

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Application Questions:

1. Reflect on a recent conflict you experienced. Did you prioritize winning the argument or winning the person? How might you approach a similar situation differently in the future? [39:22]

2. The sermon emphasizes the importance of being slow to anger. What practical steps can you take to cultivate patience and prevent unnecessary conflicts in your daily life? [08:08]

3. Consider a relationship in your life where there is unresolved conflict. How can you apply the steps from Matthew 18:15-17 to seek reconciliation and healing in that relationship? [11:51]

4. The pastor mentioned the importance of having spiritual friends who can provide wisdom and support. Who are the spiritual friends in your life, and how can you strengthen those relationships to help you navigate conflicts? [33:18]

5. How can you ensure that your approach to conflict resolution reflects your faith and love for others, as Jesus taught? What specific actions can you take to demonstrate this love in your interactions? [04:43]

6. The sermon discussed the role of the church in addressing sin and maintaining unity. How can you contribute to a culture of accountability and support within your church community? [26:03]

7. Reflect on the pastor's story about choosing to win people over arguments. How can you apply this principle in your interactions, especially with those who have different beliefs or perspectives? [39:22]

Devotional

Day 1: Conflict as a Test of Faith
Conflict is an inevitable part of human experience, present from the earliest chapters of Genesis and throughout history. As followers of Jesus, we are called to handle conflict with love and wisdom. This love is not demonstrated through outward symbols but through genuine, loving interactions, especially during conflicts. The hallmark of Jesus' followers is their love for one another, even amidst disagreements. This love is a testament to our faith and reflects our commitment to living out the teachings of Christ. [04:43]

"Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent." (Proverbs 17:27-28, ESV)

Reflection: Think of a recent conflict you experienced. How did you handle it, and what would it look like to approach it with love and wisdom as a testament to your faith?

Day 2: Choosing Relationship Over Being Right
In conflict resolution, the path we choose—whether to win the argument or win the person—determines the outcome. Like Air Canada's decision-making, prioritizing relationships over being right is crucial. This choice can lead to either broken relationships or restored ones. Jesus' method involves addressing issues privately first, then with a small group, and finally, if necessary, involving the church. This approach is about healing, not policing, and emphasizes the importance of choosing the right path in conflict resolution. [06:01]

"Do not say, 'I will repay evil'; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you." (Proverbs 20:22, ESV)

Reflection: Consider a situation where you prioritized being right over a relationship. How might you approach it differently now, focusing on healing and restoration?

Day 3: The Healing Process of Conflict Resolution
Jesus' method for resolving conflicts, as outlined in Matthew 18, involves addressing issues privately first, then with a small group, and finally involving the church if necessary. This process emphasizes healing rather than policing, akin to a physician addressing sickness in the body. The goal is to win people, not fights, requiring humility, patience, and a commitment to love others as Jesus loves us. This approach prioritizes relationships over being right and reflects our faith to the world. [11:51]

"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted." (Galatians 6:1, ESV)

Reflection: Reflect on a conflict you are currently facing. How can you apply Jesus' method of conflict resolution to seek healing and restoration?

Day 4: Winning People, Not Arguments
The heart of conflict resolution is to win people, not arguments. This requires humility, patience, and a commitment to love others as Jesus loves us. It involves being willing to engage in difficult conversations, seeking reconciliation, and prioritizing relationships over being right. As we navigate conflicts, we must decide whether we want to win arguments or win people, keeping in mind that our actions reflect our faith to the world. [14:26]

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32, ESV)

Reflection: Identify a person with whom you have a strained relationship. What steps can you take today to prioritize winning them over winning the argument?

Day 5: The Church's Role in Restoration
Church discipline is not about exclusion but about restoration. It involves addressing sin within the community to maintain unity and help individuals walk closer with Jesus. This process is about healing and restoring relationships, reflecting the love and grace of Christ. The church plays a vital role in guiding individuals through conflict resolution, emphasizing the importance of community and accountability in the journey of faith. [26:03]

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." (James 5:16, ESV)

Reflection: How can you contribute to a culture of restoration and healing within your church community? What role can you play in supporting others through conflict resolution?

Quotes

"Then last week we said, hey, if we've got to engage in conflict, we've got to start with me. I've got to get the log out of my eye, Jesus said, before I address the speck in someone else's. If there's a problem, almost always, not always, but almost always, I have a piece of it too, right? And so I've got to handle my part of the conflict. I've got to apologize. I've got to take care of my business. I've got to take care of my amends before I engage with someone else. And then we come to week three, the final week. We're going to look at a process that Jesus gives us to walk through conflict. But what I want you to take away, I hope you'll take away the process, but what I want you to take away is an overarching principle that was found in all three weeks." [00:03:02] (45 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"But how we choose to resolve it, the path we walk down makes all the difference in the world. Let me just give you an example like out of the business world about paths. Air Canada, that is their American Airlines, one of the major transportation companies in Canada. They, as a company, want to make money. They want to make money. They want to make profits. Just like us, we want to resolve conflict, right? They want to make money, but how they make money, the path they choose to get there makes all the difference in the world. Air Canada made the decision to reduce costs. And one of the ways they went to reduce costs was they said, hey, we're going to get rid of the vast majority of our customer service department. We don't need customer service if we have AI chatbots." [00:03:59] (44 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"Because to resolve conflict, you're going to go one way or the other. You're either going to win the fight and win the argument, win the conflict, or you're going to win people. And you make the decision, as well as I do, which path we're going to walk down. Now, we're going to be in Matthew chapter 8." [00:06:50] (15 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"What I want you to see through this is what you'll see all the way through this passage. Once we dig into it, it is not about a policeman coming to look for someone who's done something wrong that we can throw in jail. The heart is not that I'm coming to find you and somebody did something wrong and we got to get all the messy people out here. It's the heart of a physician who says, hey, I see some sickness in the body and we need to address it because it's best for all of us, including you, that we address it. And we're going to address it together, believer to believer, follower to Jesus to follower to Jesus, because we all agree that Jesus is Lord. And we all agree that even though we're a messy church, we're not going to for messy people, that Jesus doesn't want to leave us in our mess. And so Jesus gives us a plan." [00:10:25] (46 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"Now remember we're talking about you can win fights or win people. Here's the key. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. You hear the heart of Jesus? It's not like I'm going to go and I'm going to talk to you and I'm going to prove to you that I'm right. No, the heart is that we are walking with Jesus together. The point here in this or somebody has done something wrong. They've sinned and it's created some conflict. And so I'm going to go to you not because I want you to know I've been wronged and I want restitution and I want the men. I'm going because I love you and I want you to walk with Jesus closer." [00:11:54] (37 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"The smaller the number of people dealing with the conflict, the more likely the person's dignity stays intact. Right? So if someone is wrong and all of a sudden me and my four friends roll up on you and go, hey, we can do this. We can do this. We can do this. We got to have a conversation. Like you may not even know you offended somebody. You may not even know you made a mistake. You may not even know that you sinned. You may not have known that you hurt me. And when four people show up knocking on your door, hey, we got to talk. How does that make you feel? Like all of a sudden the defenses come up, right? The purpose of one -to -one, there's some dignity involved because I love you. I'm not trying to come as the policeman and throw you in jail because I love you. I'm just coming to you and I want your dignity intact. I'm not coming. I'm not telling anybody else." [00:12:37] (43 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"That's the idea of that verb, that you go continually. It's not just a checklist because I'm a policeman and before I get them, I got to make sure I've got all my bases covered, right? No, because I love you. I want to engage in a relationship with you because I want you to be right before God and I want to be right before God and I want us to have no conflict. I want us to have a resolution that glorifies God because we are both followers of Jesus. Here's the third kind of takeaway out of this. Jesus says, go. And he says, privately. Privately means privately." [00:14:26] (31 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"Part of that is that if it escalates to something bigger, it's not just he said, she said. There's some other witnesses involved. Now, when we're bringing other people in, it does not change the bottom line. Am I trying to win the fight or win people? I'm bringing another person with me or another two people because I love you. and we cannot get over this and I want us to and I want us to do it well and when I bring two other people with me or another person, it also brings wisdom into the mix. It does give kind of, hey, we've got some objective viewpoints to have some deeper conversations if we have to have it if the conflict continues to escalate." [00:16:12] (42 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"Now I'm gonna give you a peek into my life. One of the things that I will always do for you, as a messy church for messy people, I will tell you unequivocally, my life's a mess. I'm trying to follow Jesus just like you but I never want people to think, oh, Brett's life is perfect. Oh, he's the pastor, he's on the stage because you elevate me off the stage and all of a sudden, I hurt your feelings. It's a long fall from the top of the pedestal. I'm trying to walk with Jesus just like you guys are. I have conflicts just like you do. Amanda and I, my wife, had conflict this Christmas holiday. We're wrestling through kind of our new paradigm, having planted a church. My weekends look different than they did before. Well, her family, has a Christmas experience with her dad's side of the family and they meet in Granbury, Texas. They do it on a Saturday and it's kind of like, it's usually the Saturday right before Christmas. It's locked on the calendar. Everybody knows, people come all in and we go every year. Well, it just so happens that Amanda's mom lives about 30 to 45 minutes from her dad's Christmas." [00:17:52] (66 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"Raise your hand if you feel a little uncomfortable right now, right? Like, you know how many churches just like, I never saw that. Like, I don't even want to talk about it, because it's just that, that level of conflict is so uncomfortable. But let me set the stage so you can understand, because remember, we're choosing to win fights or win people. When Jesus is saying this, there's literally not even a church. The church is coming after Jesus's death and resurrection. And when the church begins, the churches are small. They're more like house churches. Like, we would be planting, I mean, we're 11 months old, and we're significantly bigger than an early church." [00:22:45] (38 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

Chatbot

Transcript

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