Resolving Conflict Through Humility and Spiritual Growth
Summary
### Summary
Good morning, EBC! Today, we delved into the topic of conflict, exploring its roots and how it manifests in various aspects of our lives—family, work, and even within the church. We turned to James Chapter 3 and 4 to understand what causes these conflicts and how we can address them. James, a letter written by the half-brother of Jesus, speaks directly to Jewish believers who were under immense stress and persecution. This stress often brought out the worst in them, leading to conflicts that James addresses head-on.
James asks us to introspect and identify the root causes of our conflicts. He emphasizes that while others may be culpable, we have no control over their actions. Instead, we must focus on our own responses and attitudes. James points out that conflicts often arise from our own desires and selfish ambitions. These desires, when unmet, lead to jealousy, manipulation, and even war-like behavior. He calls this spiritual adultery, likening our discontentment and selfishness to cheating on God.
James doesn't just leave us with the diagnosis; he offers a prescription. He calls us to humility, urging us to submit to God and resist the devil. He reminds us that God gives grace generously and that we should draw near to Him. This humility should extend to our relationships, where we prioritize reconciliation and peace over winning arguments or getting our way. James provides practical steps for this: humble yourself before God, resist the devil, and come close to God. He promises that God will lift us up in honor if we do so.
In essence, James calls us to grow spiritually, to be authentic in our faith, and to let our relationship with Jesus transform our hearts, words, and actions. This transformation will not only resolve conflicts but also make us peacemakers, planting seeds of peace and reaping a harvest of righteousness.
### Key Takeaways
1. Conflict's Root Cause: James teaches that the root cause of conflict is often our own desires and selfish ambitions. These desires, when unmet, lead to jealousy and manipulation, causing strife in our relationships. We must introspect and address our own hearts rather than blaming others. [35:12]
2. Spiritual Adultery: James likens our discontentment and selfishness to spiritual adultery, where we seek satisfaction outside of our relationship with God. This discontentment reveals a deeper issue of not finding our ultimate satisfaction in Christ. [46:49]
3. Humility as a Cure: The antidote to conflict is humility. James urges us to humble ourselves before God, resist the devil, and draw near to God. This humility should extend to our relationships, prioritizing reconciliation and peace over winning arguments. [49:56]
4. God's Generous Grace: Despite our failures and conflicts, God gives grace generously. James reminds us that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. This grace empowers us to seek reconciliation and live in peace. [01:29:59]
5. Practical Steps for Peace: James provides practical steps to resolve conflicts: humble yourself before God, resist the devil, and come close to God. He promises that God will lift us up in honor if we do so, transforming our relationships and making us peacemakers. [01:31:24]
### YouTube Chapters
[0:00] - Welcome
[34:30] - Introduction to Conflict
[35:12] - Family, Work, and Church Conflicts
[37:29] - Root Causes of Conflict
[38:38] - Context of James' Letter
[41:07] - Sequence of Heart, Words, and Relationships
[41:54] - Authentic Faith and Spiritual Growth
[43:37] - Description of a Life Filled with Conflict
[46:49] - Spiritual Adultery and Discontentment
[49:56] - Conflict is Inevitable, Misery is Optional
[50:43] - Causes of Quarrels and Fights
[53:02] - James' Personal Experience with Conflict
[56:23] - Real-Life Church Conflicts
[01:00:07] - Polarization and Church Splits
[01:04:36] - Application to Family and Work
[01:06:02] - Growing Church and Potential Conflicts
[01:08:28] - Desires Turning into Demands
[01:10:04] - Manipulation and Scheming
[01:11:21] - Winning at All Costs
[01:14:18] - Pride and Jealousy
[01:17:08] - Discontentment and Control
[01:22:45] - Severity of Conflict
[01:23:21] - Spiritual Adultery Explained
[01:26:51] - Trusting God in Conflict
[01:29:59] - God's Generous Grace
[01:31:24] - Practical Steps for Peace
[01:33:10] - Humility and Reconciliation
[01:34:44] - Prayer and Surrender
Study Guide
### Bible Reading
1. James 3:13-18 (NIV)
> "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such 'wisdom' does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness."
2. James 4:1-10 (NIV)
> "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: 'God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.' Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."
### Observation Questions
1. According to James 3:14-16, what are the characteristics of earthly wisdom, and what are its consequences?
2. In James 4:1-2, what does James identify as the root cause of fights and quarrels among believers? [50:43]
3. What practical steps does James 4:7-8 suggest for overcoming conflict and drawing near to God?
4. How does James describe the relationship between humility and receiving God's grace in James 4:6?
### Interpretation Questions
1. Why does James refer to selfish ambition and envy as "earthly, unspiritual, and demonic" in James 3:15? How does this perspective help us understand the severity of these attitudes? [46:11]
2. What does James mean by calling the believers "adulterous people" in James 4:4? How does this metaphor illustrate their relationship with God? [01:23:21]
3. How can the act of humbling oneself before God, as described in James 4:10, lead to resolving conflicts in our relationships? [01:33:10]
4. In what ways does James 4:7-8 outline a process for spiritual growth and conflict resolution? How can these steps be practically applied in daily life?
### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a recent conflict you experienced. How did your own desires and ambitions contribute to the situation? What could you have done differently to seek peace? [50:43]
2. James calls us to humble ourselves before God and resist the devil. What are some practical ways you can practice humility in your daily interactions, especially in moments of conflict? [01:31:24]
3. Think about a relationship where you have experienced ongoing conflict. How can you apply James' advice to "come near to God" in this situation? What steps will you take this week to seek reconciliation? [01:33:10]
4. James warns against spiritual adultery and seeking satisfaction outside of our relationship with God. Are there areas in your life where you are seeking fulfillment apart from God? How can you refocus your heart on Him? [01:25:06]
5. The sermon emphasized the importance of being peacemakers. Identify a specific conflict in your life where you can plant seeds of peace. What actions will you take to promote reconciliation and harmony? [48:16]
6. How can you cultivate a heart of gratitude and contentment to combat jealousy and selfish ambition in your life? Share a specific practice you will implement this week to focus on God's blessings. [46:49]
7. James 4:6 states that "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble." How can you intentionally practice humility in your relationship with God and others this week? What specific changes will you make? [01:29:59]
Devotional
Day 1: The Root of Conflict
Conflict often stems from our own desires and selfish ambitions. James teaches that these desires, when unmet, lead to jealousy, manipulation, and strife in our relationships. Instead of blaming others, we must introspect and address our own hearts. By recognizing our own culpability, we can begin to resolve conflicts more effectively. James encourages us to look inward and understand that our own unmet desires are often the root cause of the discord we experience.
James' message is clear: we must take responsibility for our own actions and attitudes. When we focus on our own hearts, we can better manage our responses to conflict. This self-awareness allows us to approach conflicts with humility and a willingness to change, rather than simply pointing fingers at others. By addressing our own desires and ambitions, we can create a more peaceful and harmonious environment in our relationships.
James 4:1-2 (ESV): "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask."
Reflection: Think of a recent conflict you experienced. What unmet desire or selfish ambition might have contributed to it? How can you address this within yourself to prevent future conflicts? [35:12]
Day 2: Spiritual Adultery
James likens our discontentment and selfishness to spiritual adultery, where we seek satisfaction outside of our relationship with God. This discontentment reveals a deeper issue of not finding our ultimate satisfaction in Christ. When we look to other things or people to fulfill us, we are essentially cheating on God, who is the only one who can truly satisfy our deepest needs.
This concept of spiritual adultery challenges us to examine where we are seeking fulfillment. Are we looking to material possessions, relationships, or achievements to make us happy? James calls us to return to God and find our satisfaction in Him alone. By doing so, we can avoid the pitfalls of jealousy and manipulation that arise from unmet desires.
Jeremiah 2:13 (ESV): "For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water."
Reflection: In what areas of your life are you seeking satisfaction outside of your relationship with God? How can you turn back to Him and find your fulfillment in Christ alone? [46:49]
Day 3: Humility as a Cure
The antidote to conflict is humility. James urges us to humble ourselves before God, resist the devil, and draw near to God. This humility should extend to our relationships, where we prioritize reconciliation and peace over winning arguments. By humbling ourselves, we can create an environment where conflicts are resolved more peacefully and effectively.
Humility allows us to see others' perspectives and acknowledge our own faults. It helps us to approach conflicts with a spirit of reconciliation rather than a desire to win. James reminds us that God gives grace generously to the humble, empowering us to seek peace and live in harmony with others.
1 Peter 5:5-6 (ESV): "Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you."
Reflection: Think of a current conflict in your life. How can you approach it with humility and a desire for reconciliation rather than a need to win? [49:56]
Day 4: God's Generous Grace
Despite our failures and conflicts, God gives grace generously. James reminds us that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. This grace empowers us to seek reconciliation and live in peace. Knowing that God’s grace is available to us can give us the strength and courage to address conflicts in a godly manner.
God's grace is a powerful force that can transform our hearts and relationships. When we humble ourselves and seek His grace, we are empowered to overcome our selfish desires and live in harmony with others. This grace not only helps us resolve conflicts but also enables us to become peacemakers in our communities.
Titus 2:11-12 (ESV): "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age."
Reflection: How have you experienced God's grace in your life? How can you rely on His grace to help you resolve conflicts and live in peace with others? [01:29:59]
Day 5: Practical Steps for Peace
James provides practical steps to resolve conflicts: humble yourself before God, resist the devil, and come close to God. He promises that God will lift us up in honor if we do so, transforming our relationships and making us peacemakers. These steps are not just theoretical but actionable practices that we can implement in our daily lives.
By humbling ourselves before God, we acknowledge our need for His guidance and strength. Resisting the devil involves being aware of the ways in which he tries to sow discord and choosing to reject those influences. Drawing near to God means spending time in prayer, reading His Word, and seeking His presence. These practices will help us cultivate a spirit of peace and reconciliation in our relationships.
James 4:7-8 (ESV): "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded."
Reflection: What practical steps can you take today to humble yourself before God, resist the devil, and draw near to Him? How can these steps help you become a peacemaker in your relationships? [01:31:24]
Quotes
### Quotes for Outreach
1. "Conflict is inevitable in all of our lives. We're going to experience it. James said in this last week's passage we looked at. We're all going to struggle with our words. We're all going to stumble in many ways. And because of that, there's going to be some conflict. So I want you to know that conflict is inevitable. James isn't bringing condemnation upon these Christ followers. James knows this, that when your life is filled with conflict with other people, that it can be one of the most miserable things that we go through. Correct? And where there's just total brokenness. And so conflict is inevitable. But this is what we need to understand. Misery is optional." (41 seconds)(Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
2. "James is saying that discontentment, it's like you're cheating on God. And he goes on and he says, don't you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? And I say it again. If you want to be a friend of the world, make yourself an enemy of God. James, at this point, is showing and these Hebrew believers would have understood that because there's passages like this in Jeremiah. They would have been familiar with this during the reign of King Josiah. The Lord said to me, the Lord said to me, have you seen what fickle Israel has done? We could say it like this today. Fickle Christ followers, like a wife who commits adultery." (43 seconds)(Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
3. "James points them to the grace of Jesus. Amen. Aren't you glad for that? Because you may be, man, I straight up got called an adulterer today. I got called an idolater, you know, James not well. This is what he says next. Okay. Because if you are feeling Holy Spirit conviction today, I hope you never feel condemnation for me. All right. I'm in this with you. We need Holy Spirit conviction to grow. But here's what he says next. He says, and he, that is our God, gives grace, what church? Generously. Because he's not selfish. Because he loves us." (38 seconds)(Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
4. "Humble yourselves before God. That's where I start. I humble myself before God. Resist the devil. You need to remember this. Whoever that person is you're in conflict with, it's your enemy. Paul said, we wrestle not with flesh and blood. Okay. Resist the enemy. The enemy's trying to destroy from the inside out. Resist him and he will flee from you. This is your invitation. Come close to God and our God will come close to you. Amen." (36 seconds)(Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
5. "Some of you perhaps you've never put your faith in Jesus Christ as your savior. Jesus says come near to me and I will come near to you. Near to me he invites you he welcomes you he gives grace generously he loves you he wants you in his family in the back we have people who would love to pray for you on your way out maybe you need someone to pray for you you've got a conflict that you just need wisdom they they're not there to give you advice they just they're there to pray for you so you maybe you want to know more about what it means to follow jesus you can stop by those next step stations on the way out and we would be honored to help you." (46 seconds)(Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
### Quotes for Members
1. "James talks about our hearts. Then he talks about our words. And now he's talking about our relationships. This relationship issue, many of them began to struggle in their relationships because they were under pressure. And I know that this is something that can resonate for all of us today, because there's not a single person here who doesn't struggle with conflict with others at one point or another. And what James is going to say is he's going to say to these believers. And I really believe this, that he wants us to experience this today to the Holy Spirit, I believe, is moving among us as the teacher today. I'm not the teacher. He is." (39 seconds)(Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
2. "James was so intent in chapter three. What he's going to say is he's going to give us a description of a life. And what I want to do just quickly here is I want to read. I want to read the end of chapter three before we get into chapter four, because it's all in context. I'm not going to break down chapter three, the rest of it for you. I'll do that another day because I want to focus on chapter four. But here's what he's going to do at the beginning. He's going to show us a description of a life. He's going to go through a lot of conflict. And there are some of us that if we were honest, we seem to have more conflict than others. We all have it. But there are some among us that are in this room that were in the last service. They're just like there's conflict around us all the time." (45 seconds)(Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
3. "James isn't bringing condemnation upon these Christ followers. James knows this, that when your life is filled with conflict with other people, that it can be one of the most miserable things that we go through. Correct? And where there's just total brokenness. And so conflict is inevitable. But this is what we need to understand. Misery is optional. Now, I'm not saying that you just pretend like the conflict isn't happening. That's not what we're getting at today. OK, we're not we're not saying that all of this is your fault. That's not what James is saying here. What James really would get at is you can't change the other person, but you can go to work on yourself and begin to discover it and ask God to show you where you might be wrong, where have there been some places where you're struggling?" (41 seconds)(Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
4. "James is saying that discontentment, it's like you're cheating on God. You're not satisfied with your relationship with Christ. Jesus treats the relationship with us as this covenant relationship, as much of a covenant between a husband and a wife. What is the what is the church called? The bride of Christ. And he's saying, you're cheating on God. You're cheating on Jesus. You think that isn't that how typically an adulterous relationship begins? Is there is a there's a discontentment and there's a thought that if I go over here at right and adultery. All right. I think we know what that is. And I engage in this illicit sexual affair, that that's going to bring me a satisfaction in my life that I'm not feeling over here. And this is what he's comparing this to. He's calling this spiritual adultery." (0 seconds)(Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
5. "James points them to the grace of Jesus. Amen. Aren't you glad for that? Because you may be man, I straight up got called an adulterer today. I got called an idolater, you know, James not well. This is what he says next. Okay. Because if you are feeling Holy Spirit conviction today, I hope you never feel condemnation for me. All right. I'm in this with you. We need Holy Spirit conviction to grow. But here's what he says next. He says, and he, that is our God, gives grace, what church? Generously. Because he's not selfish. Because he loves us. You celebrated communion earlier, and you know what you did? You remembered what Christ has done for you. You remembered the depths of how much he has loved you, how his body was broken for you, how his blood was spilled for you." (38 seconds)(Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
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