Resolving Conflict: God's Way in Relationships
Devotional
Sermon Summary
Bible Study Guide
Sermon Clips
### Quotes for Outreach
1. "Healthy boundaries lead to healthy people and healthy people have healthy relationships. Now I will say this as a caveat there, it's not a, it's not a promise, but, but it, man, it's really helpful. Okay. Healthy boundaries, God given marked out boundaries for your life, for your relationships, really every area of your life in your marriage lead to a healthy person inside and out and healthy people often have, or at least a better chance of having healthy relationships." [04:50]
2. "You cannot have a healthy spiritual life and a healthy marriage, or I would say this relationship and avoid conflict. You just can't. Now I know some of you are a well-meaning and saying, well, we don't have a lot of conflict in our marriage. I'll just be honest. You probably aren't very self-aware. I said it with a smile. So it lands softer because you can't actually grow spiritually and not have conflict." [12:05]
3. "The reality is, as long as you have people in your life, you're going to have conflict. Ephesians 2:14. Let's read it together. For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles, one to one people. When in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us. Okay. Amazing. Think about this. The gospel at work. Christ brought peace to us." [13:35]
4. "Conflict is not a matter of if it will take place in your marriage or if it will take place in your relationships. If it will, it's when it does. So when conflict arises, when you get heated, when you want to get in your car and squeal the tires or slam the door or post that thing on Facebook or Instagram or TikTok with those courageous thumbs as you text away and smoke comes off your iPhone and you're like, this will be a good time." [16:31]
5. "You can do it my way. So maybe your way is actually appeasing, inflating, or maybe just avoiding. So in a relationship, there's my way. Okay. And then when the other person's involved, which there always is because it takes two to tango, it's the other person's way. So your way. So in a relationship, my marriage, I could do it my way or I could do it your way, which is my wife's way. And that could also be a number one of those three ways, appease it, inflate it, or just do it my way." [17:55]
### Quotes for Members
1. "Healthy boundaries lead to healthy people and healthy people have healthy relationships. Now I will say this as a caveat there, it's not a, it's not a promise, but, but it, man, it's really helpful. Okay. Healthy boundaries, God given marked out boundaries for your life, for your relationships, really every area of your life in your marriage lead to a healthy person inside and out and healthy people often have, or at least a better chance of having healthy relationships." [04:50]
2. "You cannot have a healthy spiritual life and a healthy marriage, or I would say this relationship and avoid conflict. You just can't. Now I know some of you are a well-meaning and saying, well, we don't have a lot of conflict in our marriage. I'll just be honest. You probably aren't very self-aware. I said it with a smile. So it lands softer because you can't actually grow spiritually and not have conflict." [12:05]
3. "The reality is, as long as you have people in your life, you're going to have conflict. Ephesians 2:14. Let's read it together. For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles, one to one people. When in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us. Okay. Amazing. Think about this. The gospel at work. Christ brought peace to us." [13:35]
4. "Conflict is not a matter of if it will take place in your marriage or if it will take place in your relationships. If it will, it's when it does. So when conflict arises, when you get heated, when you want to get in your car and squeal the tires or slam the door or post that thing on Facebook or Instagram or TikTok with those courageous thumbs as you text away and smoke comes off your iPhone and you're like, this will be a good time." [16:31]
5. "You can do it my way. So maybe your way is actually appeasing, inflating, or maybe just avoiding. So in a relationship, there's my way. Okay. And then when the other person's involved, which there always is because it takes two to tango, it's the other person's way. So your way. So in a relationship, my marriage, I could do it my way or I could do it your way, which is my wife's way. And that could also be a number one of those three ways, appease it, inflate it, or just do it my way." [17:55]
6. "You have to go to a, to a person. You have to go to the right person in order to start this process of resolving your conflict. Look at Matthew 18 says, if your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault just between the two of you. So where do you go? Come on, this is the test. Where do you go when conflict arises? To the person that is in the middle of the conflict with you, not to your friend, not to Facebook, not to social media. Come on, not to anyone that will listen, not to the prayer group. Oh Lord, just pray. No, no. Go to the person." [25:39]
7. "You admit your part to play in the conflict. Well, you don't know them. It's all them. It's never all the other person. It's never all the other person. It's never all the other person. It's never all the other person. It's never, it's, it's you, not me. It's, it's, there's a pie and there's a piece to own. And it may be a sliver or it may be a three quarter pie, but, but there's always a moment. What I've discovered as I resolved conflict in, in my marriage with, with my children, with, with friendships, because it's inevitable that if you'll just admit instead of accuse, oh, there it is. If you'll just admit instead of accuse, I found the conflict resolves a lot quicker because whenever you accuse someone, it brings a lot of shame and blame." [27:12]
8. "You want to have a happily ever after marriage. You want to, stop just fighting, but fight for your marriage. You want your kids, not just to hear mom and dad having conflict, but resolve it. Go to the person. Stop talking about your spouse to all your girlfriends. Stop talking about your spouse to all your guy friends. When you're out at the bar, stop talking about your relationship to anyone and everyone other than the person that matters most, the person involved in the conflict, and then admit your piece of the pie to play because it takes two to tango. And then pray for them. That not only would the conflict resolve, but they would grow and they would be blessed. Because you can't stay mad and frustrated and agitated and irritated and in conflict with someone that you're praying for." [31:43]
9. "Engaging in conflict doesn't mean we put ourselves in harm's way. It doesn't mean we put ourselves in harm's way. It doesn't mean we put ourselves in harm's way. It's very important. In your marriage, in any relationship for that matter, engaging in conflict doesn't mean we put ourselves in harm's way. Let me read you a scripture and it'll make more sense. Romans 12, 18 says very clearly, if it is possible, live at peace with everyone. If it's possible. So the onus is on you to go, is it possible? So if you're in an abusive relationship, particularly a dating relationship, engaged relationship, a married relationship, listen, this is not a message around putting yourself in harm's way." [22:21]
10. "So engaging in conflict doesn't mean you put yourself in harm's way. I would say this, the second thought, a little caveat before we get into the truth, engaging in conflict doesn't always end in perfect resolution. Okay, so just because we engage in conflict doesn't mean that the outcome, is the one we hope for, or maybe the best word to define it is restoration. It went back to the way that it was. Because look at Romans 12, 18, tells us again, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. So if it's possible, don't put yourself in harm's way, physically, emotionally, mentally, as far as it depends on you, live at peace. See, only, you are responsible for you. You can't be responsible for the other person." [23:56]
Ask a question about this sermon
1. "Healthy boundaries lead to healthy people and healthy people have healthy relationships. Now I will say this as a caveat there, it's not a, it's not a promise, but, but it, man, it's really helpful. Okay. Healthy boundaries, God given marked out boundaries for your life, for your relationships, really every area of your life in your marriage lead to a healthy person inside and out and healthy people often have, or at least a better chance of having healthy relationships." [04:50]
2. "You cannot have a healthy spiritual life and a healthy marriage, or I would say this relationship and avoid conflict. You just can't. Now I know some of you are a well-meaning and saying, well, we don't have a lot of conflict in our marriage. I'll just be honest. You probably aren't very self-aware. I said it with a smile. So it lands softer because you can't actually grow spiritually and not have conflict." [12:05]
3. "The reality is, as long as you have people in your life, you're going to have conflict. Ephesians 2:14. Let's read it together. For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles, one to one people. When in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us. Okay. Amazing. Think about this. The gospel at work. Christ brought peace to us." [13:35]
4. "Conflict is not a matter of if it will take place in your marriage or if it will take place in your relationships. If it will, it's when it does. So when conflict arises, when you get heated, when you want to get in your car and squeal the tires or slam the door or post that thing on Facebook or Instagram or TikTok with those courageous thumbs as you text away and smoke comes off your iPhone and you're like, this will be a good time." [16:31]
5. "You can do it my way. So maybe your way is actually appeasing, inflating, or maybe just avoiding. So in a relationship, there's my way. Okay. And then when the other person's involved, which there always is because it takes two to tango, it's the other person's way. So your way. So in a relationship, my marriage, I could do it my way or I could do it your way, which is my wife's way. And that could also be a number one of those three ways, appease it, inflate it, or just do it my way." [17:55]
### Quotes for Members
1. "Healthy boundaries lead to healthy people and healthy people have healthy relationships. Now I will say this as a caveat there, it's not a, it's not a promise, but, but it, man, it's really helpful. Okay. Healthy boundaries, God given marked out boundaries for your life, for your relationships, really every area of your life in your marriage lead to a healthy person inside and out and healthy people often have, or at least a better chance of having healthy relationships." [04:50]
2. "You cannot have a healthy spiritual life and a healthy marriage, or I would say this relationship and avoid conflict. You just can't. Now I know some of you are a well-meaning and saying, well, we don't have a lot of conflict in our marriage. I'll just be honest. You probably aren't very self-aware. I said it with a smile. So it lands softer because you can't actually grow spiritually and not have conflict." [12:05]
3. "The reality is, as long as you have people in your life, you're going to have conflict. Ephesians 2:14. Let's read it together. For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles, one to one people. When in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us. Okay. Amazing. Think about this. The gospel at work. Christ brought peace to us." [13:35]
4. "Conflict is not a matter of if it will take place in your marriage or if it will take place in your relationships. If it will, it's when it does. So when conflict arises, when you get heated, when you want to get in your car and squeal the tires or slam the door or post that thing on Facebook or Instagram or TikTok with those courageous thumbs as you text away and smoke comes off your iPhone and you're like, this will be a good time." [16:31]
5. "You can do it my way. So maybe your way is actually appeasing, inflating, or maybe just avoiding. So in a relationship, there's my way. Okay. And then when the other person's involved, which there always is because it takes two to tango, it's the other person's way. So your way. So in a relationship, my marriage, I could do it my way or I could do it your way, which is my wife's way. And that could also be a number one of those three ways, appease it, inflate it, or just do it my way." [17:55]
6. "You have to go to a, to a person. You have to go to the right person in order to start this process of resolving your conflict. Look at Matthew 18 says, if your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault just between the two of you. So where do you go? Come on, this is the test. Where do you go when conflict arises? To the person that is in the middle of the conflict with you, not to your friend, not to Facebook, not to social media. Come on, not to anyone that will listen, not to the prayer group. Oh Lord, just pray. No, no. Go to the person." [25:39]
7. "You admit your part to play in the conflict. Well, you don't know them. It's all them. It's never all the other person. It's never all the other person. It's never all the other person. It's never all the other person. It's never, it's, it's you, not me. It's, it's, there's a pie and there's a piece to own. And it may be a sliver or it may be a three quarter pie, but, but there's always a moment. What I've discovered as I resolved conflict in, in my marriage with, with my children, with, with friendships, because it's inevitable that if you'll just admit instead of accuse, oh, there it is. If you'll just admit instead of accuse, I found the conflict resolves a lot quicker because whenever you accuse someone, it brings a lot of shame and blame." [27:12]
8. "You want to have a happily ever after marriage. You want to, stop just fighting, but fight for your marriage. You want your kids, not just to hear mom and dad having conflict, but resolve it. Go to the person. Stop talking about your spouse to all your girlfriends. Stop talking about your spouse to all your guy friends. When you're out at the bar, stop talking about your relationship to anyone and everyone other than the person that matters most, the person involved in the conflict, and then admit your piece of the pie to play because it takes two to tango. And then pray for them. That not only would the conflict resolve, but they would grow and they would be blessed. Because you can't stay mad and frustrated and agitated and irritated and in conflict with someone that you're praying for." [31:43]
9. "Engaging in conflict doesn't mean we put ourselves in harm's way. It doesn't mean we put ourselves in harm's way. It doesn't mean we put ourselves in harm's way. It's very important. In your marriage, in any relationship for that matter, engaging in conflict doesn't mean we put ourselves in harm's way. Let me read you a scripture and it'll make more sense. Romans 12, 18 says very clearly, if it is possible, live at peace with everyone. If it's possible. So the onus is on you to go, is it possible? So if you're in an abusive relationship, particularly a dating relationship, engaged relationship, a married relationship, listen, this is not a message around putting yourself in harm's way." [22:21]
10. "So engaging in conflict doesn't mean you put yourself in harm's way. I would say this, the second thought, a little caveat before we get into the truth, engaging in conflict doesn't always end in perfect resolution. Okay, so just because we engage in conflict doesn't mean that the outcome, is the one we hope for, or maybe the best word to define it is restoration. It went back to the way that it was. Because look at Romans 12, 18, tells us again, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. So if it's possible, don't put yourself in harm's way, physically, emotionally, mentally, as far as it depends on you, live at peace. See, only, you are responsible for you. You can't be responsible for the other person." [23:56]
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