Resolving Conflict: God's Way in Relationships
Summary
### Summary
Welcome, Rock Creek Church! I'm Pastor Brian, and I'm thrilled to have you join us today. Whether you're watching on YouTube or social media, make sure to subscribe and let us know where you're tuning in from. We're continuing our series called "Pleasant Places," which focuses on living within the boundaries God has set for us. Today, we'll delve into relationships, particularly marriage, and how to navigate conflict within these relationships.
We anchor our teachings in God's Word, and today is no different. Our theme scripture is Psalm 16:6, where David speaks about the boundary lines falling in pleasant places, producing a delightful inheritance. David reflects on the boundaries God has given His people, which in his time were literal plots of land. Spiritually, these boundaries represent guidelines for a satisfying life. David, who knew the consequences of crossing these boundaries, teaches us that living within God's boundaries leads to a life of satisfaction and peace.
Healthy boundaries lead to healthy people, and healthy people have healthier relationships. This principle is especially crucial in marriage. Without boundaries, we risk becoming unhealthy, attracting other unhealthy individuals, and creating a vortex of negativity. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how we handle it determines the health of that relationship. Today, we'll explore how to resolve conflict God's way.
Conflict can keep us up at night, especially in marriage. The Bible has much to say about resolving conflict. There are three common approaches to conflict: inflating it, appeasing it, or avoiding it. Inflators make things worse by overreacting, appeasers try to be nice to make the conflict go away, and avoiders sweep issues under the rug. None of these approaches lead to a healthy, thriving relationship.
Ephesians 2:14 tells us that Christ brought peace to us, breaking down the wall of hostility. This peace applies to our relationship with God and with others. Conflict is not a matter of if but when. When it arises, we can choose to resolve it my way, your way, or halfway. However, the best way to resolve conflict is God's way.
God's way involves four principles: going to the right person, admitting your part, praying, and staying committed. First, go to the person you're in conflict with, not to friends or social media. Matthew 18:15 instructs us to address the issue directly with the person involved. Second, admit your part in the conflict. It's never entirely the other person's fault. Admitting your mistakes fosters humility and opens the door for resolution.
Third, pray for the person you're in conflict with. James 5:16 tells us that the earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. Praying for someone makes it hard to stay mad at them. Finally, stay committed to resolving the conflict. Romans 12:18 advises us to live at peace with everyone as far as it depends on us. This means doing everything in our power to resolve the conflict without putting ourselves in harm's way.
As we wrap up, I want to pray for those struggling in their marriages. Maybe you're on the brink of divorce or separated. It's not too late for resolution. Your kids need to see you resolve conflicts, not just have them. The Holy Spirit can restore what's broken. Jesus came to restore our relationship with God, and He can restore your marriage too. Let's pray together for grace, love, and resolution in our relationships.
Thank you for joining us today. Apply these biblical truths to your life, and you'll see amazing spiritual growth and healthier relationships. Don't forget to check out our seven-day marriage challenge and consider partnering with us financially. God bless, and we'll see you next time.
### Key Takeaways
1. Healthy Boundaries Lead to Healthy Relationships: Living within the boundaries God has set for us leads to a satisfying and peaceful life. David's reflection in Psalm 16:6 teaches us that these boundaries are not restrictive but are designed to bring us joy and fulfillment. Healthy boundaries create healthy individuals, and healthy individuals foster healthy relationships. [03:23]
2. Conflict is Inevitable but Manageable: Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, especially marriage. The Bible provides guidance on how to handle conflict in a way that leads to resolution and growth. Avoiding, inflating, or appeasing conflict only leads to more significant issues down the line. Embracing conflict as a part of life and addressing it head-on is crucial for spiritual and relational health. [07:34]
3. Go to the Right Person: When conflict arises, it's essential to address it directly with the person involved. Matthew 18:15 instructs us to go to the person who has wronged us and resolve the issue privately. This approach prevents the spread of negativity and helps maintain the integrity of the relationship. [25:39]
4. Admit Your Part in the Conflict: Humility is key to resolving conflict. Admitting your mistakes and taking responsibility for your part in the conflict opens the door for genuine resolution. Accusations only lead to more conflict, while admission fosters understanding and reconciliation. [28:41]
5. Pray and Stay Committed: Prayer is a powerful tool in resolving conflict. Praying for the person you're in conflict with makes it difficult to stay angry and fosters a spirit of reconciliation. Staying committed to resolving the conflict, as advised in Romans 12:18, ensures that you do everything in your power to live at peace with everyone. [31:43]
### YouTube Chapters
1. [0:00] - Welcome
2. [02:11] - Introduction to Pleasant Places
3. [03:23] - Theme Scripture: Psalm 16:6
4. [04:50] - Healthy Boundaries
5. [06:10] - Unhealthy Relationships
6. [07:34] - Conflict in Marriage
7. [08:59] - Types of Conflict Approaches
8. [10:32] - Avoiding Conflict
9. [12:05] - Spiritual Growth and Conflict
10. [13:35] - Jesus and Conflict
11. [15:11] - Peace Through Christ
12. [16:31] - Resolving Conflict God's Way
13. [17:55] - My Way, Your Way, Halfway
14. [19:27] - Jesus' Approach to Conflict
15. [20:52] - Conflict in Front of Kids
16. [22:21] - Engaging in Conflict Safely
17. [23:56] - Resolution Doesn't Always Mean Restoration
18. [25:39] - Go to the Right Person
19. [27:12] - Admit Your Part
20. [28:41] - Humility in Conflict
21. [30:11] - Pray for Resolution
22. [31:43] - Power of Prayer
23. [33:12] - Stay Committed
24. [34:58] - Love Each Other
25. [36:17] - Prayer for Marriages
26. [37:47] - Next Steps and Closing
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. Psalm 16:6 - "The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance."
2. Ephesians 2:14 - "For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles into one people when, in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us."
3. Matthew 18:15 - "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over."
#### Observation Questions
1. What does Psalm 16:6 suggest about the nature of the boundaries God sets for us? How does David describe these boundaries? [03:23]
2. According to Ephesians 2:14, what did Christ achieve through His sacrifice on the cross? How does this relate to resolving conflict? [15:11]
3. In Matthew 18:15, what is the first step Jesus instructs us to take when someone sins against us? Why is this step important? [25:39]
4. What are the three common approaches to conflict mentioned in the sermon, and why are they ineffective? [08:59]
#### Interpretation Questions
1. How do healthy boundaries contribute to a satisfying and peaceful life according to Psalm 16:6? What might be some examples of these boundaries in our daily lives? [04:50]
2. Ephesians 2:14 speaks about Christ breaking down the wall of hostility. How can this principle be applied to conflicts in our personal relationships, especially in marriage? [15:11]
3. Why is it crucial to go directly to the person involved in a conflict as instructed in Matthew 18:15? What are the potential consequences of not following this principle? [25:39]
4. The sermon mentions that admitting your part in a conflict fosters humility and opens the door for resolution. How does this align with the teachings of Matthew 7:3-5 about addressing the log in your own eye? [28:41]
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your current relationships. Are there any boundaries you need to establish or reinforce to ensure they remain healthy? How can you start implementing these boundaries this week? [04:50]
2. Think about a recent conflict you experienced. Which approach did you take: inflating, appeasing, or avoiding? How did it affect the outcome? What could you do differently next time to handle it God's way? [08:59]
3. When was the last time you went directly to the person you were in conflict with to resolve the issue? How did it go? If you haven't done this, what is holding you back? [25:39]
4. Admitting your part in a conflict can be challenging. Can you recall a time when you did this? How did it impact the resolution process? If you haven't, what steps can you take to practice this humility in future conflicts? [28:41]
5. How often do you pray for the person you are in conflict with? What specific prayers can you start incorporating to foster a spirit of reconciliation? [31:43]
6. Romans 12:18 advises us to live at peace with everyone as far as it depends on us. Are there any relationships in your life where you need to make a greater effort to live at peace? What practical steps can you take this week to move towards reconciliation? [22:21]
7. If you are married, how can you and your spouse work together to resolve conflicts in a way that sets a positive example for your children? What specific actions can you take to ensure they see not just the conflict but also the resolution? [20:52]
Devotional
Day 1: Healthy Boundaries Lead to Healthy Relationships
Healthy boundaries are essential for a satisfying and peaceful life. Psalm 16:6 teaches us that the boundaries God sets are not restrictive but are designed to bring us joy and fulfillment. When we live within these boundaries, we become healthier individuals, and as a result, we foster healthier relationships. David's reflection on the boundary lines falling in pleasant places reminds us that God's guidelines are meant to protect and bless us.
Healthy boundaries create an environment where individuals can thrive. Without them, we risk becoming unhealthy and attracting other unhealthy individuals, leading to a cycle of negativity. By embracing the boundaries God has set, we can experience a life of satisfaction and peace, which in turn positively impacts our relationships. [03:23]
Psalm 16:6 (ESV): "The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."
Reflection: What boundaries has God set in your life that you need to embrace more fully? How can you apply these boundaries to improve your relationships?
Day 2: Conflict is Inevitable but Manageable
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, especially marriage. The Bible provides guidance on how to handle conflict in a way that leads to resolution and growth. Avoiding, inflating, or appeasing conflict only leads to more significant issues down the line. Embracing conflict as a part of life and addressing it head-on is crucial for spiritual and relational health.
Ephesians 2:14 tells us that Christ brought peace to us, breaking down the wall of hostility. This peace applies to our relationship with God and with others. When conflict arises, we can choose to resolve it my way, your way, or halfway. However, the best way to resolve conflict is God's way, which involves going to the right person, admitting your part, praying, and staying committed. [07:34]
Ephesians 2:14 (ESV): "For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility."
Reflection: Think about a recent conflict you experienced. How did you handle it? What steps can you take to address future conflicts in a way that aligns with God's guidance?
Day 3: Go to the Right Person
When conflict arises, it's essential to address it directly with the person involved. Matthew 18:15 instructs us to go to the person who has wronged us and resolve the issue privately. This approach prevents the spread of negativity and helps maintain the integrity of the relationship. Gossiping or venting to others only exacerbates the problem and creates more division.
By going directly to the person, we show respect and a genuine desire to resolve the issue. This method fosters open communication and allows both parties to express their feelings and work towards a resolution. It also aligns with the biblical principle of handling conflicts in a manner that promotes peace and reconciliation. [25:39]
Matthew 18:15 (ESV): "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother."
Reflection: Is there someone you need to address a conflict with directly? How can you approach this person in a way that seeks resolution and maintains the integrity of your relationship?
Day 4: Admit Your Part in the Conflict
Humility is key to resolving conflict. Admitting your mistakes and taking responsibility for your part in the conflict opens the door for genuine resolution. Accusations only lead to more conflict, while admission fosters understanding and reconciliation. It's never entirely the other person's fault, and acknowledging your role in the issue demonstrates maturity and a willingness to grow.
When we admit our part in the conflict, we create an environment where both parties can be honest and vulnerable. This honesty paves the way for healing and restoration. It also aligns with the biblical principle of humility, which is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. [28:41]
James 5:16 (ESV): "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
Reflection: Reflect on a recent conflict. What part did you play in it? How can you humbly admit your mistakes and seek reconciliation?
Day 5: Pray and Stay Committed
Prayer is a powerful tool in resolving conflict. Praying for the person you're in conflict with makes it difficult to stay angry and fosters a spirit of reconciliation. Staying committed to resolving the conflict, as advised in Romans 12:18, ensures that you do everything in your power to live at peace with everyone. This commitment to peace reflects the heart of Christ and His desire for unity among His followers.
When we pray for those we are in conflict with, we invite God's presence into the situation. This act of prayer softens our hearts and helps us see the other person through God's eyes. Staying committed to resolving the conflict demonstrates our dedication to maintaining healthy relationships and living out our faith in practical ways. [31:43]
Romans 12:18 (ESV): "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."
Reflection: Who is someone you are currently in conflict with? Take a moment to pray for them and ask God to help you stay committed to resolving the conflict in a way that honors Him.
Quotes
### Quotes for Outreach
1. "Healthy boundaries lead to healthy people and healthy people have healthy relationships. Now I will say this as a caveat there, it's not a, it's not a promise, but, but it, man, it's really helpful. Okay. Healthy boundaries, God given marked out boundaries for your life, for your relationships, really every area of your life in your marriage lead to a healthy person inside and out and healthy people often have, or at least a better chance of having healthy relationships." [04:50]
2. "You cannot have a healthy spiritual life and a healthy marriage, or I would say this relationship and avoid conflict. You just can't. Now I know some of you are a well-meaning and saying, well, we don't have a lot of conflict in our marriage. I'll just be honest. You probably aren't very self-aware. I said it with a smile. So it lands softer because you can't actually grow spiritually and not have conflict." [12:05]
3. "The reality is, as long as you have people in your life, you're going to have conflict. Ephesians 2:14. Let's read it together. For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles, one to one people. When in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us. Okay. Amazing. Think about this. The gospel at work. Christ brought peace to us." [13:35]
4. "Conflict is not a matter of if it will take place in your marriage or if it will take place in your relationships. If it will, it's when it does. So when conflict arises, when you get heated, when you want to get in your car and squeal the tires or slam the door or post that thing on Facebook or Instagram or TikTok with those courageous thumbs as you text away and smoke comes off your iPhone and you're like, this will be a good time." [16:31]
5. "You can do it my way. So maybe your way is actually appeasing, inflating, or maybe just avoiding. So in a relationship, there's my way. Okay. And then when the other person's involved, which there always is because it takes two to tango, it's the other person's way. So your way. So in a relationship, my marriage, I could do it my way or I could do it your way, which is my wife's way. And that could also be a number one of those three ways, appease it, inflate it, or just do it my way." [17:55]
### Quotes for Members
1. "Healthy boundaries lead to healthy people and healthy people have healthy relationships. Now I will say this as a caveat there, it's not a, it's not a promise, but, but it, man, it's really helpful. Okay. Healthy boundaries, God given marked out boundaries for your life, for your relationships, really every area of your life in your marriage lead to a healthy person inside and out and healthy people often have, or at least a better chance of having healthy relationships." [04:50]
2. "You cannot have a healthy spiritual life and a healthy marriage, or I would say this relationship and avoid conflict. You just can't. Now I know some of you are a well-meaning and saying, well, we don't have a lot of conflict in our marriage. I'll just be honest. You probably aren't very self-aware. I said it with a smile. So it lands softer because you can't actually grow spiritually and not have conflict." [12:05]
3. "The reality is, as long as you have people in your life, you're going to have conflict. Ephesians 2:14. Let's read it together. For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles, one to one people. When in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us. Okay. Amazing. Think about this. The gospel at work. Christ brought peace to us." [13:35]
4. "Conflict is not a matter of if it will take place in your marriage or if it will take place in your relationships. If it will, it's when it does. So when conflict arises, when you get heated, when you want to get in your car and squeal the tires or slam the door or post that thing on Facebook or Instagram or TikTok with those courageous thumbs as you text away and smoke comes off your iPhone and you're like, this will be a good time." [16:31]
5. "You can do it my way. So maybe your way is actually appeasing, inflating, or maybe just avoiding. So in a relationship, there's my way. Okay. And then when the other person's involved, which there always is because it takes two to tango, it's the other person's way. So your way. So in a relationship, my marriage, I could do it my way or I could do it your way, which is my wife's way. And that could also be a number one of those three ways, appease it, inflate it, or just do it my way." [17:55]
6. "You have to go to a, to a person. You have to go to the right person in order to start this process of resolving your conflict. Look at Matthew 18 says, if your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault just between the two of you. So where do you go? Come on, this is the test. Where do you go when conflict arises? To the person that is in the middle of the conflict with you, not to your friend, not to Facebook, not to social media. Come on, not to anyone that will listen, not to the prayer group. Oh Lord, just pray. No, no. Go to the person." [25:39]
7. "You admit your part to play in the conflict. Well, you don't know them. It's all them. It's never all the other person. It's never all the other person. It's never all the other person. It's never all the other person. It's never, it's, it's you, not me. It's, it's, there's a pie and there's a piece to own. And it may be a sliver or it may be a three quarter pie, but, but there's always a moment. What I've discovered as I resolved conflict in, in my marriage with, with my children, with, with friendships, because it's inevitable that if you'll just admit instead of accuse, oh, there it is. If you'll just admit instead of accuse, I found the conflict resolves a lot quicker because whenever you accuse someone, it brings a lot of shame and blame." [27:12]
8. "You want to have a happily ever after marriage. You want to, stop just fighting, but fight for your marriage. You want your kids, not just to hear mom and dad having conflict, but resolve it. Go to the person. Stop talking about your spouse to all your girlfriends. Stop talking about your spouse to all your guy friends. When you're out at the bar, stop talking about your relationship to anyone and everyone other than the person that matters most, the person involved in the conflict, and then admit your piece of the pie to play because it takes two to tango. And then pray for them. That not only would the conflict resolve, but they would grow and they would be blessed. Because you can't stay mad and frustrated and agitated and irritated and in conflict with someone that you're praying for." [31:43]
9. "Engaging in conflict doesn't mean we put ourselves in harm's way. It doesn't mean we put ourselves in harm's way. It doesn't mean we put ourselves in harm's way. It's very important. In your marriage, in any relationship for that matter, engaging in conflict doesn't mean we put ourselves in harm's way. Let me read you a scripture and it'll make more sense. Romans 12, 18 says very clearly, if it is possible, live at peace with everyone. If it's possible. So the onus is on you to go, is it possible? So if you're in an abusive relationship, particularly a dating relationship, engaged relationship, a married relationship, listen, this is not a message around putting yourself in harm's way." [22:21]
10. "So engaging in conflict doesn't mean you put yourself in harm's way. I would say this, the second thought, a little caveat before we get into the truth, engaging in conflict doesn't always end in perfect resolution. Okay, so just because we engage in conflict doesn't mean that the outcome, is the one we hope for, or maybe the best word to define it is restoration. It went back to the way that it was. Because look at Romans 12, 18, tells us again, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. So if it's possible, don't put yourself in harm's way, physically, emotionally, mentally, as far as it depends on you, live at peace. See, only, you are responsible for you. You can't be responsible for the other person." [23:56]
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