Relationships Run Deep: Unity, Identity, and Love

The mission of West Asheville Baptist Church stands in front of everything: people far from God are brought near to God and then changed by God. Ephesians 4 takes that mission and presses it into the life of the church through the value, “relationships run deep,” or said in three plain words, “everyone matters always.”

Paul moves from what God has done in Ephesians 1 through 3 into how the church is supposed to walk in chapter 4. The word “walk” means the way a believer follows Jesus, the next step in the pursuit of Christ. Ephesians 4 calls that walk “worthy,” meaning the believer’s actions should match the believer’s identity. The identity card has Christ on it, and the rest of life is meant to be turned over until it finally matches him.

Unity sits at the center of that walk. Paul piles up the word “one”: one body, one Spirit, one hope, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all. That oneness is not sameness. Unity is concord, an agreement of cooperation despite differences. Peace is not just the absence of problems, because problems will last until heaven. Peace is God present in the middle of the difficulty.

Love gives unity its shape. Love becomes most Christlike when it goes beyond the easy, the familiar, and the agreeable. Difficult people are not the exception to love, because people themselves are difficult. The church cannot treat love like something that happens only on Sunday inside a building. Love has to show up on a normal Tuesday, in the home, with the people closest by, especially when disagreement shows up.

Christ gives gifts out of his victory. His descent and ascent show that Satan is defeated and Christ has won fully. From that victory, Christ gives gifts to the church so saints are equipped, the body is built up, and the lost are reached. Relationships do not grow by sitting next to one another and hoping assimilation happens. Proximity does not necessarily produce relationship. Participation does.

Ephesians 4 says the process produces results: unity, maturity, alignment, and growth. Truth and love both have to stay together, because one without the other is not alignment. Healthy things grow, and the body grows as every part does its share. Everyone matters always means preferences do not matter more than people, opinions do not matter more than the mission, being right does not give permission to be unloving, and disagreement does not release anyone from the responsibility to love.

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Key Takeaways

• 1. Actions must match identity Paul’s word “worthy” puts identity and action on the same scale. The believer is not partly a child of God, but fully and forever settled in Christ, so life cannot pretend to be something less. The Christian walk is the slow turning over of the cards until the believer’s life finally matches the face of Christ. [49:29]
• 2. Unity dies where pride lives Ephesians 4 ties unity to lowliness, gentleness, patience, and bearing with one another in love. Pride cannot preserve peace because pride always needs to win, defend, or be seen as right. Saying yes to Jesus first puts the believer in the only posture where deep relationships can actually grow. [43:40]
• 3. Love reaches difficult people Love is not proved by the easy, the familiar, and the agreeable. Christlike love moves toward difficult people without distinction and without limits, not because difficulty is ignored, but because mission is bigger than preference. The church’s love becomes visible when disagreement does not cancel responsibility. [38:55]
• 4. Participation builds deep relationships Relationships are not formed by sitting near one another and hoping something happens. Service, contribution, and shared obedience create the kind of depth that mere proximity never can. Christ gives gifts to each part of the body so every person has a real role in building up the church and reaching the lost. [57:40]
• 5. Truth and love bring health Ephesians 4 does not allow truth and love to be separated. Truth without love wounds, and love without truth drifts, but together they bring the body into alignment with Christ the head. Healthy alignment produces growth because the body begins to function the way God designed it to function. [63:46]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [30:05] - A Burden for the Church’s Direction
• [31:18] - The Mission: Brought Near and Changed
• [32:37] - Core Value: Relationships Run Deep
• [35:09] - Ephesians 4 and the Outcome of Obedience
• [36:35] - Unity, Love, and Growing Into Christ
• [42:00] - Aligning Actions With Identity
• [44:33] - One Body, One Spirit, One God
• [45:43] - Peace as Concord Amid Differences
• [49:05] - Walking Worthy Like a Matching Game
• [52:22] - Embracing Each Person’s Role
• [55:08] - Christ’s Victory and Gifts to the Church
• [57:40] - Participation, Service, and Deep Relationships
• [58:44] - The Process Produces Unity and Maturity
• [63:46] - Truth and Love Bring Alignment
• [65:47] - Everyone Matters Always in Practice

Bible Reading

Ephesians 4:1-16
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. Therefore it says, 'When he ascended on high he led a host of captives, and he gave gifts to men.' (In saying, 'He ascended,' what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower regions, the earth? He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.) And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” [32:37] [35:09] [36:29] [42:00] [43:40] [44:20] [45:43] [49:29] [52:22] [55:08] [57:40] [58:44] [01:03:46]

Ephesians 2:14-18
“For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father.”

Matthew 18:15-17
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” [01:02:22]

Matthew 16:18
“And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” [01:04:45]

Observation questions

1. In Ephesians 4:1-6, what attitudes does Paul connect to maintaining unity, and how many times does he use the word “one” in that section? [44:20]
2. In Ephesians 4:7-12, what does Christ give to his people, and what are those gifts meant to accomplish in the church? [55:08]
3. According to Ephesians 4:13-16, what results show up when the body is functioning the way God designed it to function? [58:44]
4. In Matthew 18:15-17, what steps are believers told to take when there is sin or conflict between people in the body? [01:02:22]

Interpretation questions

1. Paul says believers should “walk in a manner worthy of the calling.” What does it mean for actions to match identity, and why is that so important for deep relationships in the church? [49:29]
2. Ephesians 4 ties unity to humility, gentleness, patience, and bearing with one another in love. Why does pride make unity so difficult to preserve? [43:40]
3. Ephesians 4:15 says to speak the truth in love. What usually goes wrong when a person emphasizes truth without love, or love without truth? [01:03:46]
4. Christ gives gifts so the whole body can grow. Why is participation more effective than simple proximity when it comes to building real relationships in the church? [57:40]

Application questions

1. “Everyone matters always” sounds simple, but it gets tested when people are difficult. Who has been hard for you to love lately, and what would loving that person in a Christlike way actually look like this week? [38:55]
2. Peace is not the absence of problems but God’s presence in the middle of them. Where in your life or relationships are you waiting for the difficulty to disappear before you pursue peace? [45:43]
3. Deep love shows up not just in public but on a normal Tuesday, especially with the people closest to us. Where do you find it easier to be patient with outsiders than with family, close friends, or fellow believers? [01:00:53]
4. Preferences do not matter more than people, and being right does not give permission to be unloving. In what kinds of disagreements are you most tempted to prove a point instead of protecting unity? [01:05:47]
5. Every believer has a role in building up the body and reaching the lost. What is one way you are currently contributing, and what is one way you may be holding back? [56:16]
6. If proximity does not necessarily produce relationship, what step of participation could help you build deeper relationships in the church right now: serving, joining, inviting, encouraging, reconciling, or something else? [58:14]
7. Truth and love together bring health and growth. Is there a conversation you need to have where you have been avoiding truth, or speaking truth without enough love? What would faithfulness look like in that situation? [01:03:46]