REFRESHING RELATIONSHIPS | Colossians 3:12-13 | Dr. Bill Sims - Sunday AM, 8/16/2026

Paul writes from prison to believers at Colosse, believers he had never met, yet believers he had heard about. Colossians 1 and 2 lays down doctrine, and Colossians 3 and 4 presses devotion, because the church was being diverted from true theological perspectives and was wavering in commitment to Jesus Christ. Colossians 3:12-13 calls the elect of God, holy and beloved, to “put on” what belongs to a life deeply devoted to Christ.

Paul had already told the church to “put off” anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication, and lying. Now Paul commands a continual clothing of mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, forbearing, and forgiving. Friendship stands right in the middle of that command, because “who in this world does not need a friend?” God brings people into life, and the question becomes whether those people are valued, loved, prayed for, respected, and treated as a trusted friend should treat them.

Jesus Himself calls His people friends, not merely servants. Jesus had friends, and those friends were anything but perfect. Peter was impetuous. John leaned on His chest. The inner circle had flaws, yet Jesus loved them and walked with them. Scripture even calls Abraham a friend of God, so friendship is not accidental in the Bible. Friendship is fundamental to the way God commands His people to treat one another.

Strained relationships begin when carnal characteristics bruise and batter what God has given. Relationships suffer when people mandate perfection, misunderstand problems, and magnify predicaments. Only Jesus is eternally perfect, and pressure cooker moments can bring out emotions that splinter and smash relationships. Love refuses the trap of demanding that another person measure up before friendship can remain.

Sincere relationships find pleasure in forbearing one another. Forbearing means holding back, stopping hostility, making allowance for faults, refusing retaliation, and learning to put up with each other under the sustaining grace of Almighty God. Friendship needs patience, not a microwave mentality, because God is still working on people. Unity comes when perfection is silenced, patience is sought, and progress is stimulated.

Christlike relationships pursue forgiveness and reconciliation. Paul says, “even as Christ forgave you, so also ye.” The prodigal’s father did not sit back and wait with pride. He ran to reconcile. Respect becomes the balm of Gilead in homes, schools, workplaces, churches, and neighborhoods. Christ in a believer changes speech, action, and response, and no day should be wasted when peace can be sought.

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Key Takeaways

• 1. Stop looking for perfection [47:51] Perfect friendship is a trap, because only Jesus is eternally perfect. The demand that another person measure up before love continues quietly turns friendship into judgment. Grace does not deny faults, but grace refuses to make faults the final word over a person God is still shaping. [47:51]
• 2. Forbear before hostility grows [46:40] Forbearing means holding back when the flesh wants to strike back. It means stopping hostility before it becomes a habit and making allowance for faults without pretending sin is harmless. The sustaining grace of Almighty God teaches a believer how to carry another person without crushing them. [46:40]
• 3. Patience is not microwave work [48:25] The microwave mentality wants people fixed fast, clean, and on schedule. God’s work in a soul is often slower, deeper, and more hidden than impatience can tolerate. Patience remembers that the Lord is still working, and that quitting too quickly may abandon the very place where grace is growing. [48:25]
• 4. Reconciliation takes the first step [52:04] Reconciliation does not always wait for the other person to move first. The prodigal father ran, and that running showed a heart more concerned with restoration than pride. Peace often begins when one person lays down the right to be chased and extends the hand of Christian fellowship. [52:04]
• 5. Respect keeps love from theory [52:56] Respect turns love into visible action. It refuses to put people down, write people off, or let hatred speak louder than Christ. A home, school, workplace, or church receives healing when respect becomes the way love carries itself in hard places.
  
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Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [29:17] - Paul Writes From Prison
• [30:45] - Friendship And Colossians Three
• [32:22] - Put On The Seven Blessings
• [36:12] - Jesus Calls His People Friends
• [38:35] - Strained Relationships And Carnal Poisons
• [40:23] - The Trap Of Perfect Friends
• [42:18] - Problems As Opportunities For God
• [45:36] - The Wealth Of A True Friend
• [46:40] - Forbearing Means Holding Back
• [50:26] - Seeking A Christlike Attitude
• [52:04] - Remember To Reconcile
• [58:23] - Invitation To Receive Christ

Bible Reading

Colossians 3:12-13
“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” [32:22]

John 15:15
“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” [36:12]

Colossians 3:8-9
“But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices.” [39:10]

Luke 15:20
“And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” [52:24]

Observation questions

1. In Colossians 3:12-13, what are the qualities believers are told to “put on,” and what two relationship actions are named at the end of the passage? [33:25]
2. In Colossians 3:8-9, what attitudes and speech sins are believers told to put away, and how could those things damage a friendship or family relationship? [42:39]
3. What examples from Jesus’ own friendships show that He loved imperfect people and still called them friends? [36:27]
4. In Luke 15:20, what did the father do when he saw the prodigal son coming home, and what does that picture show about reconciliation? [52:46]

Interpretation questions

1. Paul moves from “put off” in Colossians 3:8-9 to “put on” in Colossians 3:12-13. What does that shift suggest about how Christian growth works in relationships? Is it enough just to stop sinful behavior, or must something better replace it? [32:25]
2. Jesus calls His people friends in John 15:15. What does that reveal about the kind of relationship Christ desires with His people, and how might that shape the way believers treat one another? [36:08]
3. Bearing with one another includes holding back hostility, making allowance for faults, and refusing retaliation. Why is that so necessary in real-life relationships, especially when emotions are high? [46:40]
4. “As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” How does remembering Christ’s forgiveness change the way a believer thinks about long-standing hurts and complaints? [51:04]

Application questions

1. Perfect friendship is a trap because only Jesus is perfect. Is there a relationship where too much has been expected from someone else? What would it look like this week to replace that demand with grace? [47:51]
2. God brings people into life, and those relationships are not meant to be taken lightly. Who are the friends, family members, coworkers, or church members that need to be valued more intentionally through prayer, encouragement, or simple kindness? [31:33]
3. Forbearing means holding back when the flesh wants to strike back. In what kind of situation is there the strongest temptation right now to retaliate, withdraw, or answer sharply? What might “holding back” look like in that specific situation? [46:47]
4. Patience is not microwave work. Where has there been weariness with someone because change seems too slow? How might God be asking for patient love instead of quick frustration? [48:25]
5. Reconciliation sometimes begins when one person makes the first move. Is there someone with whom peace has been delayed because of waiting for them to come first? What would a humble first step look like? [52:04]
6. Respect keeps love from becoming just a nice idea. In a tense relationship, what words or habits need to stop, and what respectful words or actions need to begin? [52:56]
7. No day should be wasted when peace can be sought. Is there a conversation that needs to happen soon at home, at work, at school, or in the church? What is making that hard, and how can the group encourage faithful action? [54:09]